“No, we haven’t,” Dom inserted smoothly as he moved across the room, his hand extended in polite greeting. Logan looked at his arm like it was some beast out to drag him into his darkest nightmares. When Logan didn’t respond, Dom cleared his throat slightly which finally seemed to knock the other man from his daze. The grip on his hand was cold and brief. Touching Logan had been completely unnecessary, but Dom had needed to feel that connection again. What he felt instead had his gut sinking – the man was a shell of who he’d been those two short months ago in that hotel room. And it was his fault.
Dom forced himself to turn away and return his attention back to his hosts. He’d only met Gabe and Riley briefly at the hospital after Logan had been shot, but the research he’d done into Logan’s past had given him a little bit of insight into Gabe’s childhood. Dom thought his own childhood was pretty messed up, but Gabe was the clear victor in the sucky childhood contest. Dom at least had had his brothers to get through shit with. Gabe had had no one to lean on as he dealt with a drug-addicted mother. But the way he clung to his girlfriend made it clear that even the darkest stories could have happy endings. He and Sylvie had had that future once, he mused before shaking off the maudlin thoughts. She’d gone through the effort of sending Logan to remind Dom that he’d made her a promise and even if it took him the rest of his life, he’d find a way to keep that promise.
He found himself at the head of the table by the time dinner was served – an unusual place for a guest to be, but when he saw how Gabe and Riley touched and talked softly to one another throughout the meal, it made perfect sense that they didn’t want to sit too far away from each other. Savannah and Shane shared one long side of the table, putting Dom kiddy-corner to a silent Logan. He was close enough to feel the man’s body heat, but his body language was clear – he wanted to be anywhere but where he was. Fidgety and distant to even his sister as she tried to elicit a response, Logan picked at the food in front of him, never actually putting any of it in his mouth.
Dom forced himself to make polite chit-chat with everyone else even though his concern was only for Logan. He knew the man was dealing with a lot when it came to trying to figure out his sexuality after their encounter, but why would that drain him of life like this? Yes, it would be confusing to anyone to find himself with someone of the same sex, but would it beat them down the way it had Logan? He clearly had one of the most supportive groups of friends and family Dom had ever seen – couldn’t he have talked through what was going on inside of him with one of them?
By the time dinner was over and dessert and coffee had been served, Dom had reached a decision. As much as his brain told him to stay out of it, his gut wasn’t going to cooperate and when Logan started saying his goodbyes and searching out his keys, Dom said, “Hey Logan, could you give me a ride home?”
Everyone froze at that and turned to look at Dom, Logan in mute horror, the rest of the group with confused curiosity. “Your sister tells me you’ve been staying at your bar – that’s not far from my apartment and I’m sure Shane and Savannah would like to head home…” he trailed off. He knew he was being high-handed, but at the moment he didn’t really give a crap. Something was going on with Logan – something he and Sylvie had inadvertently started – and he was going to figure out what it was.
“No, it’s okay, we don’t mind,” Shane began as he looked back and forth between Logan and Dom. Dom suspected Shane realized something was going on – the man was too smart for his own good, a trait that had had Dom offering Shane a role in his company after he learned the young man was leaving law school.
“I’m sure Logan doesn’t mind, do you?” Dom asked Logan brightly, giving the man no valid reason for refusing, especially if he didn’t want the others to know something else was happening. He was glad when he saw a momentary flash of defiance in the young man’s eyes.
Several long, pregnant seconds of silence passed, then Logan finally nodded. “No problem,” he managed to grate out. He finished his goodbyes and then left the apartment, not even waiting for Dom. Dom caught up to him by the car, an old SUV that had more rust on it than paint. Before Logan could open the door, Dom grabbed his arm.
“Why don’t you let me drive?”
Logan pulled back a few inches so there would be more space between them, his hand gripping the keys so hard his knuckles started turning white. Dom wished there would have been anger in those shuttered eyes, but there was nothing. He didn’t even get the fight he wanted. Instead, Logan dropped the keys in his hand, then went to the other side of the car, got in and buckled up.
The ride to Dom’s apartment was made in silence. Logan stared straight ahead the whole time and only finally started reacting when Dom bypassed the front of the apartment building and pulled into the parking garage.
“What are you doing?” Logan asked in growing agitation as the garage attendant approached them.
“Thanks Gary, I’ll just park it myself,” Dom said as he rolled down the window.
“Sure thing Mr. Barretti,” the guard responded as he raised the security arm to let the car pass.
He parked in a spot near the elevator, then got out and waited for Logan. The man came around the car and held his hand out expectantly.
Instead of giving him the keys, Dom said, “Come up for a drink.”
Logan shook his head and opened his palm, clearly signaling he wanted the keys. “Give them to me,” he finally said when Dom didn’t budge.
Ignoring him, Dom turned and went to the elevator and pressed the up button. He heard Logan’s approach behind him, but wasn’t surprised when the man didn’t touch him.
“Give me the fucking keys,” Logan snapped. Dom was glad to hear that fight in his tone, but he still didn’t hand them over.
“We need to have a little talk first.”
“No,” Logan said adamantly.
When the elevator car came to a stop in front of them and the doors opened, Logan made a move to snatch the keys from the jacket pocket where Dom had stuffed them. Dom grabbed his arm and shoved him up against the wall, his bigger body subduing Logan’s instantly. “Upstairs, now.”
Dom’s intent had been pure when he started this whole thing tonight, but now feeling the man tremble against him and the tell-tale evidence of Logan’s arousal had him staring at the slightly damp lips just inches from his own. It would be so easy just to lean in a little…
Logan shifted and Dom felt his body harden at the further contact. Desire flashed in Logan’s eyes, but it was gone just as quickly and that look of shame was back. It pissed Dom off and he grabbed Logan by the arm and dragged him into the elevator. The man sought out one corner of the small space and watched in silence as Dom pressed in his security code. Dom used the time to get his raging body back under control and when the elevator reached the penthouse, he stepped out of the car and waited expectantly for Logan to follow. Which he did – docilely. And that pissed Dom off further – submissive in the sack was one thing, but Logan wasn’t being submissive – he was broken.
Dom bit back a curse, then opened the door leading to his apartment. He motioned for Logan to enter, then shrugged off his jacket and hung it in the closet by the door. Logan took a few steps into the place, then stopped when he saw the Rottweiler trotting up to greet them. If the animal sensed Logan’s hesitation, it didn’t show it because it happily greeted the still silent man and began sniffing his hands. Dom led him into the living room, fixed them both a drink and then shoved one of the heavy crystal glasses into Logan’s hand.
“Sit,” Dom said as he motioned to the couch.
“Go to hell,” Logan said quietly as he moved past Dom and went to stand by the huge windows that afforded him a view of the sound as well as the lit up city below. Dom downed his own drink, then went to stand next to him.
“What’s going on with you?”
Logan was quiet for so long that Dom didn’t think he would answer. He noticed that the liquid in the glass that Logan was clinging to l
ike a lifeline was sloshing around with the man’s shaking, so he gently extricated the drink and set it down on a nearby table.
“I can’t stop thinking about it,” Logan whispered.
“The night you came to check on me?” Dom asked.
Logan nodded, then swallowed hard. Dom could only see Logan’s profile because he was still staring out the window, but he was stunned when he saw the man’s eyes glisten with unshed tears. “It was just something that happened, Logan. I told you to-”
“Let it go, I know,” Logan finished. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I should have been strong enough to stop it. I knew you were hurting.”
“Logan, I asked you to-”
Logan shook his head violently and then the tears did fall. “No, you didn’t. I took advantage. Even when I knew I hurt you, I kept going. I didn’t give you a choice.”
“Jesus…”
“I’m like him,” Logan whispered harshly. Dom froze when he realized who Logan was talking about. “I did to you what he did to my sister.”
Rage went through Dom at that and he grabbed Logan by the shoulders and spun him to face him. “No, uh-uh. You don’t get to do that! You don’t get to take what we did and turn it into something ugly!” He shook Logan hard and he knew the man would have bruises on his arms in the morning. “You did not fucking rape me!” he shouted. He felt the dog brush between them as it whined in anxiety, but he ignored it.
Logan shook his head and tried to pull away. He grabbed Logan’s face, forcing the other man’s eyes to meet his. “If you’re going to remember that night, you do it fucking right!” He gentled his hold slightly. “Who kissed who first?”
“You did,” Logan said quietly, the tears, soaking Dom’s fingers.
“Who touched whose dick first?”
“You.”
“And what happened when you got inside me?”
“I hurt you,” Logan groaned on a sob.
“Why did it hurt?” When Logan didn’t answer Dom did it for him. “It hurt because I wasn’t ready. Because I forced my body onto yours.” Logan tried to shake his head again. “I took advantage of you – of your inexperience.” Dom dropped his hands so they were gently clasping each side of Logan’s neck. “What happened when you realized I wasn’t ready for you?”
“I stopped.”
“Why?”
“Because I didn’t want to hurt you.”
Dom’s thumb stroked Logan’s slowing pulse. “Even though that was what I wanted, right? You knew then what I was trying to do.”
Logan nodded.
“Why didn’t you stop then? Pull out and leave me there like that?”
Logan sniffed, but Dom was glad to see his tears had stopped. “I wanted to make it better.”
Dom nodded. “You wanted to comfort me like you had planned when you kissed me back, right?”
Logan’s eyes slid shut and he nodded weakly.
“Open your eyes,” Dom ordered. When Logan did, Dom said, “You did, Logan – you comforted me. You took away the hurt. You made me feel so good and I needed that badly…so badly,” he whispered. He held Logan’s gaze and then said, “I’ve been with men before, but I never let any of them take me. I never trusted any of them enough.”
A sharp breath escaped Logan as what Dom was saying sank in. “Even as messed up as I was that night, I trusted you Logan. I trusted you to take care of me and that’s exactly what you did. Please don’t make that first for me into something ugly.”
Logan’s hand came up to close around one of Dom’s wrists and then he nodded. Dom was surprised when Logan leaned in and pressed his forehead against Dom’s. “I didn’t use a condom. I’m sorry. I’m clean. I get tested regularly,” he stuttered.
“It’s okay,” Dom reassured him and he sighed in relief when he felt Logan’s body give in and relax. He forced himself to loosen his hold, then tried not to be disappointed when Logan stepped back to put more space between them. At least that haunted look was gone. It was something.
***
Logan needed to put some space between himself and the man whose body he wanted to cling to. Dom’s gentle touch, combined with his quiet strength was turning him inside out and his admission that Logan had been the first to be with him in that way had him reeling with emotion. It was too much to process, but now that Dom had relieved him of the burden that what they’d done hadn’t been the horrible act Logan had painted it as, Logan was struggling to come to terms with his wayward emotions. He could no longer deny his attraction to this man, but he needed time to try and understand it. He felt the dog rub up against his hand and he reached out to stroke its large head.
“What’s his name?” he asked Dom.
“Bay.”
Logan looked up. “What, like Elliot Bay?” he asked, referring to the body of water that made up the part of Puget Sound by the city. Dom hesitated and then shook his head sheepishly.
“It’s short for Baby.”
Logan laughed out loud and he had to admit that it felt really good. It was the last name he would have guessed for the hulking dog. “Baby,” he said softly and the dog leaned against him hard. “Why the hell would you name a dog like this Baby?” he chuckled as he looked back down at the dog.
“Sylvie named him that,” Dom said, his voice catching on his wife’s name.
Logan stiffened at the mention of Sylvie, then raised his eyes. Dom appeared to be struggling, but then relaxed and let out a little snort. “I shortened it to Bay, but the damn dog only responds to Baby most of the time.”
As if knowing his master was referring to him, the dog went over to the big man and settled against his leg, his soulful brown eyes watching Dom quietly. “My brother trains guard dogs. He gave us Bay…Baby as an anniversary present a couple years ago,” Dom began as he dropped his hand on the dog’s head. “He came with some fancy German name and a pedigree my brother wouldn’t stop raving about. Since he was trained for protection, we were supposed to follow all these rules so he’d be an assertive, confident dog. By the first night, Sylvie was calling him Baby, feeding him from the table and inviting him to sleep on our bed. The name stuck and so did all the other bad habits. Vin was pretty mad, but Sylvie had him wrapped around her finger too so that didn’t last long,” Dom finished with a chuckle.
“Vin is your brother?” Logan asked.
“Yeah, my older brother. I have two younger ones too.”
Logan wondered where they were, but figured it was a personal line he probably shouldn’t cross.
“You know you don’t have to figure it all out in one night, right?” Dom asked.
“Figure what out?” Logan asked, on guard again at Dom’s gentle tone.
“The way you’re feeling about being with me…about being with another man.” Logan took an automatic step back even though Dom hadn’t made a move towards him. “I know what you’re going through…the confusion. Take it slow – talk it out with your friends.” Dom shifted, his hand fidgeting on the dog’s head now. “Or you can talk to me. I can’t deny that I’m attracted to you, but I can control it. I can listen.”
Logan doubted that Dom’s control would be the issue – even now, Logan wanted to stride over the man and silence him with a kiss. He wanted to feel those strong arms wrap around him as Dom took control, owned him, showed him the pleasure one hard pressed body against another could bring. But he didn’t do any of those things; he just nodded and then looked helplessly around, unsure of what to do next. So he did what he always did – he ran.
Chapter 5
“It’s too bad you couldn’t get the bar open in time for today.”
Logan looked up from the tile he was grouting. Shane was admiring his handy work on the faucet he’d managed to fix. They were nearly done with the bathroom – it wouldn’t be pretty, but it would be functional. Might also save him a few bucks since the water would no longer drip incessantly from the leaky faucet.
The apartment over the bar
wasn’t much, but it met his immediate need to escape the childhood home he and Savannah had spent nearly their entire lives in. She’d been assaulted in the very house that was meant to protect her – the house he’d struggled to keep for them by selling his body night after night. It hadn’t been enough and his own naïve faith in another person had cost his sister her innocence. Staying in that place for even another day was out of the question.
“What are you talking about?” Logan asked.
“It’s Black Friday – shoppers galore. Men needing a break from shopping all day with their wives and girlfriends,” Shane said as he motioned with his hand.
Logan didn’t say anything, just went back to working on the tile.
“So where are you at with things?”
Logan grunted non-committedly, hoping his friend would get the hint and drop the subject.
“Because it looks like things haven’t changed much since the last time I was here.”
“Been busy,” Logan answered.
“Right, the new job.” Shane fiddled with the knobs on the faucet. “Fixing potholes,” he murmured as he tested the water. “Putting the orange barrels out,” he continued.
“What, damn it?” Logan snapped as he turned to glare at his friend. “What’s your problem? It’s a fucking job and the pay’s good.”
Shane ignored the outburst, seemingly undeterred by Logan’s surly attitude. “Seven years. You busted your ass for seven fucking years to get that place up and running and now you’re going to let it go? How much more does that asshole get to take?” Shane muttered as he tossed his tools into the tool bag at his feet. Logan flinched at the reminder of Sam Reynolds and the devastation he had caused in all of their lives.
“This coming from the guy who drops out of law school in his senior year,” Logan replied.
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