Logan's Need

by Sloane Kennedy

  The last thing Logan wanted to do was eat so he sank back down into the chair next to Dom and tried not to notice the heat coming off the other man. He wished Dom would take his hand again like he had in the car. He knew the move had been Dom’s attempt to keep Logan from giving away the horror that was running through him as Eli propositioned them, but Logan hadn’t been able to let Dom go once they were on the move again. He’d known the plan was to question Eli, but he hadn’t considered what they needed to do to get the kid to a place where they could do so. And what was an act for them was something Eli dealt with every day. Fifteen fucking years old.

  “You okay,” Dom asked him once again and Logan snapped his head up. He nodded and swallowed hard. Dom watched him for another long moment and Logan thought he saw longing in the other man’s eyes. Wishful thinking, he figured, because Dom’s eyes hardened again and he turned his attention back to Eli.

  “Where’s your mom, Eli?”

  Eli stopped chewing as sadness passed over his features. “She got deported last year.”

  “To where?” Logan asked.

  “Mexico. It was just me and Elena…then it was just me,” he said as he shoved another fry into his mouth.

  “Do you have your mom’s number?”

  Eli shook his head. “The agents took her away so fast that we didn’t get to say goodbye.”

  “What about your father?” This from Dom.

  Eli just shook his head again. Logan took that to mean he didn’t have a father in his life…maybe never had.

  “Elena said she could make enough money so we could find Mama. She said Sy loved her and was gonna take care of us someday and then we’d be able to bring Mama back.”

  “Did Sy know about you?” Dom asked.

  “No. Elena said she’d tell him about me when he asked her to move in with him.” The rest of the burger disappeared and Eli dropped the plate next to him on the bed and reached for a plate with a huge T-bone steak on it.

  They let Eli work on the food for a while, then Dom leaned forward and took the plate from him and set it aside.

  “Eli,” he said, his voice low. “Do you have anyone that can take care of you?”

  The kid looked confused. “I take care of myself.”

  “So no family? Aunts? Uncles? Cousins?”

  Eli shook his head again and then hungrily eyed the steak.

  “Look at me,” Dom commanded softly. Eli did as he was told. “I need you to make a choice right now. We can drop you off where we picked you up and you can go back to the way things were,” he began. “Or you can come home with me and I’ll make sure you never have to do what you’ve been doing to take care of yourself again.”

  “So you’re the only one who will fuck me?” The hope in the kid’s voice made Logan want to vomit and he saw Dom tense up.

  “Jesus,” Logan said before he could catch himself.

  “No one will ever touch you again. Not me, not him,” he said motioning to Logan. “No one. And I’ll do what I can to help you find your mom.”

  Now the kid was suspicious. “What do I have to give you?”

  “Nothing.”

  Eli shifted uncomfortably and then looked at Logan. He tried to reassure the kid with a nod.

  “You’ll find my mom? You won’t put me in jail?”

  “No jail.”

  “They always put me in jail. Then they stick me with some people that don’t want me,” Eli said mutinously.

  “No foster care either. You stay with me for as long as it takes to find your mom,” Dom said.

  “What about Elena?”

  “She may not be coming back, Eli,” Dom answered. “I’ll try to find her, but I may not be able to bring her back to you.”

  “’Cause she’s dead,” Eli said. A statement, not a question. Dom didn’t answer and Logan guessed that Eli wasn’t really expecting one.

  “Okay,” he finally said. “But I get to leave whenever I want,” Eli insisted. “No cops.”

  Logan had to wonder what kind of shit he’d been through with the judicial system to already have such a deep-seated fear of the police and child protective services.

  “Agreed. Finish your food and we’ll go.”

  Dom leaned back in his chair as Eli snatched up his fork and knife and started sawing away at the meat. Logan felt pain sear through his chest and he reached up to rub the scar there. But the pain had nothing to do with the physical damage that had been inflicted. No, it was in that instant that he realized he was in love with Dominic Barretti and it was too late to do anything about it.

  Chapter 10

  “He what?” Dom said into the phone, sure he’d heard wrong.

  “He fired me,” Cade drawled.

  “Tell me you’re still with him,” Dom said as a flash of panic went through him.

  “Seriously, Dom?” Cade asked, sounding mildly offended. “He’s at his parents’ house.”

  “Damn it,” Dom cursed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He was too tired for this shit. He sighed and said, “If I bring the kid, will you keep an eye on him?”

  Cade was silent before he said, “I don’t like kids.”

  “Jesus Cade, can you give me a fucking break here?” Dom shouted.

  “Fine, sure.”

  Dom hung up and resisted the urge to throw his phone across the room. He’d already run himself ragged between trying to keep up with Eli’s mini panic attacks and keeping his promise to find the kid’s mom. To make matters worse, his concern for Logan had been nagging him for days, even though he’d promised himself to walk away with a clean break.

  Logan had been surprisingly quiet when they got back to his apartment three nights ago. Eli had fallen asleep in the back seat and Logan had been unnaturally still since they left the hotel. It had taken everything in Dom not to pull the other man into his arms and tell him everything would be okay.

  “Eli?”

  “What?” came the shouted response from the guest room Dom had set him up in.

  “We’re going for a ride,” he yelled back.

  “Where?” The kid still didn’t make an appearance.

  “Get your ass out here,” he ordered. The kid was turning out to be a typical teenager – moody and mouthy. And Dom liked him a lot. He was surprisingly smart despite his limited formal education and the way he talked about his mom had Dom remembering the special bond he’d had with his own mother. But it was the way the teenager doted on Baby that had Dom seeing what a good heart he had. Eli had dropped to his knees the second he set eyes on the dog and started talking to the animal like he was a person. He’d showered the Rottweiler with praise and attention and had talked to him like he really was a baby. It had reminded him of Sylvie, but instead of the sharp pain and automatic sting of tears that usually accompanied one of his many memories of her, he felt warm inside.

  As was the case now, boy and dog were inseparable as proven by the big dog trotting behind Eli as he came running out of his room.

  “What?” he said again. Dom was amazed by how comfortable the kid seemed to be since he had no problem talking to Dom with that exaggerated exasperation that only kids seemed to know how to do. Baby sat down next to Eli and his big head settled under the kid’s fingers.

  “I need to run an errand and you’re coming with me.”

  “I’ll just stay here,” Eli said.

  “No. Get your shoes.”

  “Fine,” Eli snapped as he went sullenly back to the room. It wasn’t that Dom didn’t trust Eli, it was the panic attacks that worried him. The first one had happened in the middle of the first night and it was only Baby’s incessant barking that had told him something was wrong. Eli was frantically trying to figure out how to get out the front door and hadn’t realized that the deadbolt required a key to open it. At first Dom thought Eli was having a nightmare or sleepwalking, but the kid was wide awake and screaming that he needed to leave.

  He pounded and scratched at the door until Dom was able to grab him and hold
him still so he wouldn’t hurt himself. Then he’d collapsed onto the floor in tears. Dom had tried to comfort him, but his touch seemed to make things worse and it had ended up being Baby who had solved the problem. The dog had climbed right into Eli’s lap and licked his face until the tears stopped and Eli had fallen asleep. Dom had been able to carry him back to bed, but when he brought it up the next morning, the kid played dumb and said he had no idea what Dom was talking about.

  The second meltdown had come when Dom took him shopping to get some new clothes to tide him over until they could get back to the apartment he had shared with his sister to get his stuff. His plan had been to take him to a couple of the shops near the marketplace, but when he’d seen the busy streets full of tourists, Eli started shouting at Dom that he wasn’t going to let him pimp him out. He accused Dom of lying to him and tried to get out of the car while it was still moving. Without Baby there to act as a buffer, it had been a struggle to get Eli calmed down enough to get them both home in once piece. Eli had settled once they reached the apartment, but he again refused to talk about it. Other than those two times, he’d acted relatively normal considering the circumstances.

  He knew the kid would need some professional help at some point, but he’d have to earn his trust first if he ever hoped to get Eli in front of a doctor. Dom hadn’t really considered what would happen long term if he couldn’t find Eli’s mother. He’d struggled with the idea of how to deal with that as he lay awake at night, wondering if he could really take on the responsibility of being a surrogate father to a fifteen year old boy. That was when he missed Logan the most – not just having his warm, hard body pressed against his side, but having someone that would help him face his fears. Logan made him feel safe and strong and needed. Logan would have known what the right thing to do was – he would have known how to comfort Eli in those dark moments.

  “Can Baby come?” he heard Eli ask.

  “Yeah,” he automatically said. If the kid needed a hundred and ten pound security blanket to feel comfortable then so be it. Cade would just have to babysit the both of them while he dealt with his pain in the ass former lover who he missed more than he ever would have thought possible.

  ***

  “You said you needed me to just watch the kid,” Cade said as he stared at Baby and his drool covered jaw in disgust. His cool eyes shifted to Eli who stiffened and crossed his arms defensively.

  “Eli,” Dom said.

  “What?” he responded, his eyes still on Cade.

  “I’ll be right in that house if you need me,” Dom said as he pointed to the small Cape Cod style house where Logan’s car was parked in the driveway. “Stay with Cade.”

  Eli nodded, then leaned back against Cade’s car, his position mimicking Cade’s. Dom didn’t see any fear in the boy’s eyes, so he looked back at Cade. “Watch him,” he ordered firmly. He saw Cade start searching his pockets for his beloved cigarettes. “And don’t smoke that shit around him.”

  He heard Cade curse behind him as he crossed the street and went to the house. He knocked on the side door, but there was no answer. He tried the door, found it unlocked and let himself in and looked around. The house was outdated, but clean. A feminine touch everywhere – probably Logan’s mom since the décor looked like it was from the eighties. He looked around the lower level of the house, then went upstairs to where he assumed the bedrooms were. He found Logan in the first bedroom, his tall frame sitting on what was clearly a girl’s bed. Savannah’s room. He was holding a framed picture in his hand.

  Logan jerked around when he heard Dom behind him, then relaxed.

  “Dom,” he said, clearly surprised to see him. “What are you doing here?”

  “What did you think would happen?” Dom said, angry that Logan looked so vulnerable. “Did you actually think Cade would walk away because you told him to? He works for me!” Dom shouted.

  Logan stood warily. “What are you talking about? I didn’t-”

  Before he could stop himself, Dom closed the distance between them and slammed Logan hard against the wall. Before Logan could speak, Dom was crushing his mouth down on the other man’s. He poured all his anger, frustration and loss into that kiss. He wanted to punish Logan, wanted him to hurt the way he was hurting, wanted him to want the same things he wanted.

  If he thought Logan would fight him, he was wrong. Dead wrong. But the man didn’t go soft and submissive beneath his mouth either. No, Logan did what he always did – he turned everything on its ass and surprised Dom by spinning them around so it was Dom’s back pressed against the wall. Powerful hands grabbed him by the neck and he felt Logan’s leg push between his own. He brought his hands up to grab Logan’s arms so he could regain control, but then one of Logan’s hands was somehow down his pants and closing around his throbbing cock. He needed to stop this because it would end the way it always did and he’d lose yet another piece of himself to this man. But when he opened his mouth to speak, Logan’s tongue was there to answer him.

  “Don’t,” Dom managed to rasp a few long seconds later as he tore his mouth from Logan’s. He felt Logan’s hand still on his cock and he fought the urge to grind into the rough, hot palm that held him. “I can’t do this again,” Dom said as he pulled free of Logan. The other man released him and stepped back, his eyes wide with confusion. “I know, I started it. I’m sorry.”

  Logan shook his head, then rubbed the hand that had been down Dom’s pants on his jeans as if trying to rid himself of the reminder of what had nearly happened. “I didn’t fire Cade,” was all he said as he retrieved the picture that had ended up on the floor during their tussle.

  “He said,” Dom began, then muttered, “Son of a bitch,” as he sought out his phone and went to the window that overlooked the street. The fucker’s car was gone, along with the kid and the dog. He pulled out his cell phone to dial, but stopped when he saw the message on the main screen. Took the kid for ice cream. Talk to him – he’s pretty messed up about something.

  Dom swore to himself before tucking the phone back into his jacket. He turned to see Logan still studying the picture in his hands. Dom knew he needed to walk away. He couldn’t keep his sanity if he continued to put himself through the ups and downs of being with this man. The hurt they caused one another was as brutal as the pleasure their bodies gave each other.

  “Your folks?” Dom heard himself asking as he motioned to the picture.

  Logan looked up at him as if surprised to still see him there. He nodded, then dropped the picture on the bed. Dom picked it up and studied it.

  “How old were you here?” he asked, intrigued by how young and happy Logan looked.

  “Seventeen. I’d just gotten my driver’s license.” A deprecating smile passed over his lips. “Took me two tries.”

  Dom chuckled. “What happened?”

  “The guy doing the testing thought I should be able to parallel park on 2nd Avenue….during rush hour.” Logan laughed, but it sounded empty. “It was the first time I’d ever failed at anything.” Logan went to the closet and pulled out a couple of empty cardboard boxes and put them on the bed. “I hated that feeling,” he said. “Letting everyone down.” He began emptying the closet and putting the contents into the boxes. “How’s Eli?” he asked.

  “Settling. He has moments where he panics. Baby helps settle him down a lot which is good because I sure as hell don’t know what to say to him.”

  “Maybe he doesn’t need words. I’m sure he’s heard a lot of those from a lot of people.”

  Dom nodded. “I want him to go talk to someone – a professional.”

  Logan glanced up at him briefly. “Gabe and Savannah see the same therapist. They both seem to like him…I’m sure one of them can give you his number.” He went back to his packing.

  “Shane says you’re thinking about selling the house,” Dom said.

  “Yeah. Savannah’s moved in with Shane and they’re looking for a new place. I’ll stay at the apartment until the bar sells.”r />
  “Too many memories?” Dom asked.

  Logan stopped what he was doing, but didn’t turn around. He seemed lost in thought as he stared into the dark closet. He finally shook his head. “No, just one really bad one.” Dom knew Logan was referring to Savannah’s assault.

  Logan resumed his packing. “I’m worried about you,” Dom finally admitted. No response. “Cade sends me reports every day. He says you haven’t left your place since the night we found Eli.” Still nothing. “What about work?”

  “I quit.”

  “Why?” Dom asked.

  “Why not?” came the clipped response.

  “Logan-”

  “What do you want from me, Dom? Why are you here?” Logan finally asked, more sad than angry.

  “I need to know you’re okay.”

  “But why, Dom? You don’t owe me anything,” he insisted. “Not after the things I said…”

  They stared at each other for a long time because Dom didn’t have an answer – at least not one that he had the strength to admit. If he said what he wanted to say, he’d be opening himself up to more pain, more loss.

  Logan came up to him and took the picture. He stepped back around the bed and carefully packed it. “You know, when I woke up in that hospital bed after the fire, I hated you for just a minute. I didn’t even know who you were then, but I cursed you for not leaving me in that place.”

  “Why?” Dom heard himself manage to ask.

  “Because I was a fucking coward and didn’t want to face the truth,” he said easily. Too easily.

  “What truth?” Dom asked carefully, still stinging from the thought that Logan had hated him for even a second.

  “That I’d failed. Failed Savannah, my parents, my friends. I didn’t want to remember all the times I’d sat across from Savannah at breakfast or dinner and ignored the hollow look in her eyes, dismissed it as the normal sadness that comes when you lose your parents. I didn’t want to have to think about the nights she sat in her room at school and used a razor blade to try to bleed away some of the pain that was consuming her.” Logan swiped at a stray tear. “I didn’t want to admit that I’d failed her in every possible way.”