No doubt about it. Somewhere along the line he’d turned into a fucking asshole.
Tasha rolled up a chair and sat next to him. Rested her elbow on the table and watched him. Waited a good thirty seconds before saying anything. “It’s not your usual style to attack women.”
Every word sliced through him because he knew what came next. “That’s an overstatement. I didn’t—”
“Stop. This is me you’re talking to. I hand-picked you for this team.” Tasha sat up straighter in her chair. “Showing her that video? That was pretty cold-blooded.”
“She’s supposed to be a PI.”
“That doesn’t make her heartless.”
“That’s what you do with hostiles. Shake them.” Josiah sat forward in his chair with his elbows resting on his knees. But that position didn’t feel comfortable either.
“Is she a hostile?” Tasha’s head tilted to the side. “Do we know that?”
He sat back again. Kept moving because he couldn’t sit still. “I can’t tell yet.”
“After reviewing all we have on her and listening to the audio and reviewing the available video of the school incident, I’m convinced she didn’t know about the existence of Benton.”
Most of the time he thought so, too, but he slid back and forth. With Benton nothing was clear and Sutton just added a wildcard to the mix. “I know that’s what she says.”
“What has you hesitating about believing in her?”
He stretched his legs in front of him and leaned back. “Good fucking question.”
“So answer it.”
Truth was he couldn’t figure out a way to shut off the operative side of his brain. He’d been racing forward in this career, trying to exorcise every demon and pay for every sin. He could never go fast enough or far enough to wipe it all away.
But her fight, that spirit, enticed him. Made him think of sunshine and light when he spent most of his life in shadows. Maybe that’s why he fought so hard, grabbed on to any crumb that suggested she wasn’t as innocent as she seemed to be in this mess. Then he could be right and leave his life unchanged. If he hurt her, pushed her away, proved her wrong, he could write her off and slink back into the darkness.
Josiah couldn’t say any of that out loud. He already had to undergo mental health checks and physical checks for this job. They all did on Tasha’s orders. He’d bet as soon as this operation ended she would insist on time off and some counseling over his uncle.
She cared, and that meant a lot to the team. They all knew she had their backs and would pick up a rocket launcher to save any one of them. But he didn’t want to feel anything. That’s the part she didn’t get. She was in love and in charge. She had Ward and her life made sense. He had a history that included responsibility for his mother’s death. Just one more sin piled on top of a stack of others.
And now he had to add Sutton to the mix. “Why her?”
“I don’t follow.”
He wasn’t even sure what he meant when he said it, but one point did pick at him. “She works in Baltimore. Benton is an international arms dealer. He bargains with lives and toxins and rocket launchers. How does she end up chasing him?”
“We need to ask her.”
Josiah could almost see Tasha thinking through the possibilities. She was in charge for a reason. She not only started the Alliance, she ran it with precision, keeping the suits and intelligence agencies who would try to impose restrictions away from the members. As former MI6, she also got strategy. That’s why Josiah wanted her opinion. If she could soothe his doubts, maybe he’d stop unloading on Sutton.
“It’s possible the man she knows is tied to a much simpler case than the ones we’ve dealt with around Benton. The point is, she could have names and facts that will lead us to the real guy, and she might willingly share those.” Tasha smiled. “There are innocent people out there, you know.”
He knew that was true in theory. In practice, he didn’t come across true innocents all that often. “Benton has everyone from dictators to Chechen rebels on speed dial. Hiring her makes no sense and he is a guy who has a reason for everything he does. He doesn’t make mistakes like letting an important file get into someone else’s hands. And why not take her out since then?”
Tasha exhaled and groaned while doing it. “We need to pull her background apart. I mean, we’ve already checked her out. We did that before you and Mike went in back in Paris, but we’re missing something.”
“Either she is not who she seems to be or there’s something connecting the two of them in some way. She used the word ‘personal’ so I’m thinking what she’s working on is not your usual case. Either way, we need to know.” No matter which scenario they picked, Sutton would be used and discarded. That’s how this game worked. He’d never tired of the game before, but the idea of her being churned up in it made him hate it now. “This is a priority, Tasha.”
She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, this isn’t my first day on the job.”
Josiah changed the subject. “Where’s Ward?”
“Now there’s another problem.” Tasha shot him a big smile. “Running point back at the Warehouse and pissing about it every two seconds.”
Ward had been injured on the job right before the forming of the Alliance and now had trouble with the muscles in his hand. But he rarely let that limitation stop him from being in the thick of battle. Josiah half expected him to fly in and start issuing orders. He’d do just about anything to protect Tasha and tweak Harlan. Those two shared administrative duties for the team and battled almost every day.
Josiah never thought he’d miss the fights but he did right now. “Yeah, I can’t imagine he likes the idea of you out on the firing line without him.”
“That’s the point, Josiah. Everywhere is the firing line. Benton gained intel about us and our pasts from Jake Pearce.”
“We should have killed that guy long before we did.” Josiah thought about all those conversations with Pearce. When Alliance started they’d traded war stories, talked about personal stuff. He’d been one of them, or so they all thought of Pearce. The only good thing about the guy was the fact they killed him in Pakistan. They might have missed with Benton but they got Pearce.
“No kidding. But my point is we might not know Benton but he knows a hell of a lot about us. That’s why he needed Jake. To collect information,” Tasha said.
And with that lifeline broken, Benton would have to get the information from somewhere else, which brought them right back to the questions about Sutton. “And now he’s going to use what he knows.”
“So Ward is shifting safe houses and moving the team around. Trying to protect the people closest to all of us in as quiet a way as possible, without breaking cover.”
“If Benton could get into that school . . .” No one should have gotten in there. Gabe almost went mad with rage over the idea of his son being in danger. Even now he had Danny stashed somewhere safe and stayed there with him.
Tasha leaned forward. “Be careful.”
This was new. The boss didn’t express doubt. She and Ward operated in tandem, pumping them all up and letting them know they took for granted their high expectations would be met. Josiah didn’t like this change. “Always.”
“I’m serious. You need to stick close to Sutton.”
That’s what he’d been doing. Sticking and getting more confused and disoriented by the second. “And?”
“Are you blind?”
Josiah refused to have this conversation for the second time today. Once with Mike was weird enough. “I’ve guarded pretty women before.”
“I was talking about the fact she’s fit and resourceful, and that you needed to be careful you didn’t lose her trail.” Tasha’s eyebrow lifted. “What were you talking about?”
“Nothing.”
“That better be the answer.”
Problem was Josiah didn’t know what to think anymore.
It took one blindingly hot shower, a pair of Ellery’s thick socks
, and a blanket wrapped around a sweatshirt for Sutton to warm up. She sat on the edge of a bed in a room with concrete block walls. No rug, one pillow. She’d lived through worse. That wasn’t the point. This issue that had her stomach flipping came with seeing so much death.
And Josiah. The whole get-close-then-repel thing he did made her dizzy. One second he’d touched her or put a hand around her or did something to rescue her. The next he accused her of awful crimes. Keeping up with the flip-flops had her wanting to hide in this room forever.
She looked at him and saw this larger-than-life guy who could command. Who appeared fearless. The brown hair with subtle red highlights. The intense way he stared at her. The way his gaze wandered over her when he thought she wasn’t looking. He was all wrong for her and yet she couldn’t stop wanting him.
She’d never been the rescuer type. She didn’t have a need to fix or heal guys, but under all Josiah’s strength pain lingered. He’d known loss. It thrummed off him and that bound them in some weird unspoken way.
After one quick knock the door opened. She’d sat there assuming Ellery had locked it, but no. In walked Josiah, freshly showered with damp hair and faded jeans. Some of his cocky assurance seemed to be missing but his presence still demanded attention.
She tried to call up the will to fight but couldn’t get there. Didn’t even have the energy to stand up. “Please tell me we’re not sharing a room.”
He sat down next to her. Close enough for their thighs to touch. “We are.”
“Terrific.” She rubbed her hands together. Brushed her thumb over the opposite palm. The move usually calmed her, but not today.
“Sutton.” He put his hand over hers. “Look at me.”
She let her fingers rest there, tangled in his, and glanced up at him. “What?”
“That was harsh but I needed you to see the kind of man we’re dealing with here.”
She wondered if he meant Benton or him. “You wanted to punish me.”
For a few seconds he caressed her fingers with his. The touches, so light and gentle, stole her breath. She knew she should pull back and wallow in her anger, but seeing him now, struggling to find the right words and unable to hide behind his gun, she felt a closeness. A kinship.
She squeezed his hand, trying to coax him to talk. And because she loved touching him. Those strong hands with long, lean fingers. The calluses on his palms. The firm grip. Every part of him from those shoulders to the pronounced chin to the way his fingers easily circled her wrist without ever pressing too hard, all of it made up the man she found so compelling.
She could look at him, watch him, for hours, but right now she wanted him to talk. “Josiah?”
He exhaled. “Maybe a little.”
“For what exactly?”
He shifted until he almost faced her and cradled one of her hands in both of his. “I’m not really sure.”
Other women might take offense but she appreciated the honesty. She still didn’t fully understand this group or what they did, be the truth hit her. With a sudden clarity she knew she needed him to know her. “I followed him everywhere and this time it led to Paris.”
Josiah frowned. “What?”
“I grew up outside of Baltimore, went to college in DC, and then took a job back in Baltimore. Basically lived my life within a forty-mile radius. But I had to venture out because I made a promise.”
“To?”
She thought about her mom and those long and lonely days after she died. The pain had walloped her. Despair and hatred mixed. She knew the rationales for her death were all wrong. Everyone kept talking about the freak attack and her being killed in the line of duty. Sutton remembered those days another way. All those private meetings at the kitchen table. Her mom’s paranoia on overdrive. Then she walked into an ambush and never walked out.
Seven years ago and she’d been fighting to gather the evidence to get someone to listen ever since. “My mom spent her whole life in one state. She raised me alone, pushed herself. Worked her way up to earn this spot on this impressive team.”
“You’re speaking in the past tense.”
Just thinking about her mom and the sacrifice made Sutton’s heart ache. The pain in her chest had faded over the years but not gone away. She doubted it ever would. “She worked in hostage recovery. About seven years ago a job went wrong.”
“She was killed in the line of duty?”
Sutton swallowed back the lump of sadness. “That’s what the police report says.”
“I’m sorry.” His hand went to her neck then slipped into her hair.
The gentle massage had her leaning into him. The temptation to sit there and let him ease away the sadness pulled at her. At first she tried to get someone with power to believe her and reopen her mom’s case. No one wanted to listen to a grieving twenty-year-old. So she’d waited, gained power of her own. Built her skills. Learned how to investigate and track leads. Gathered evidence. Tucked the churning need for revenge away as she learned.
“What do you think happened?” Josiah’s voice, complete with the soothing accent and deep tone broke through the quiet room.
She had to fight off the flinch as she sat up. “What?”
“The report says one thing. You clearly believe another.”
She didn’t share easily, and this topic remained on the off-limits list. The few times she’d tried to tell a friend or boyfriend over the years, the response hinged on some form of the it’s-time-to-move-on speech, and she shut back down again. She stewed and planned.
But being so close, smelling the scent of the outdoors on his clothes, hearing the gentle coaxing in his voice, had her opening up for the first time in a long time. “After she died I wanted to avenge her. She dedicated her life to me and to her job and to keeping food on the table and providing all she could to me on her own. I made this vow that I would find the people who killed her.”
“Did you know who they were? Do you now?”
So many questions. The way he asked, all concerned, felt right. The way all of this played out, with people hovering nearby and his team seeking information, made her wary.
“I know who the authorities said did it.” Street violence gone wrong. Not an abnormal occurrence in that area of Baltimore, but too convenient for Sutton’s comfort.
He frowned at her, which seemed to be a habit for him by now. “You’re talking in riddles.”
“You’re not the only one with secrets to protect.” Truth was she still didn’t really know where Josiah fit into all of this. The school and that horrible tape, it all pointed to Bane being the mastermind Benton, the horrible guy Josiah claimed him to be.
Sutton could accept that on one level. Welcomed it even, because Bane being Benton meant others were tracking him down. That someone else saw him for the vile creature he was—dangerous and deceitful. But she’d gotten this close to the man she’d hunted for so long, and spilling every last piece of the puzzle without any sort of assurance, while her emotions were in freefall and clouded by her attraction to Josiah, struck her as stupid.
When the adrenaline rush wore off and he got the information he needed and dumped her off somewhere, she’d kick herself for being naïve. She couldn’t let that happen. Holding back meant they needed her with them. If that closeness in turn kept her close to her prey, so be it. Josiah had the resources and the weapons and the strength. She planned to use that to her advantage.
“And this all relates to Bane somehow?” he asked.
A careful question instead of an interrogation. She admired his skills. “I am after him because he used to be someone else and disappeared. He took on other aliases. There are a trail of scams and bodies that can be linked to him. According to you, his crimes go well past what I just mentioned.”
His fingers slipped through her hair in a soft caress. “I don’t know about that. Murder sounds pretty big.”
“There’s an understatement.” An air of comfort wrapped around her. That might not be his style but h
e brought it out now. “Are you always so eloquent?”
“Are you asking what lines I regularly use on women?” He smiled as he joked.
Amusement lit up his face, making him even more appealing. The harsh lines of tension around his eyes eased and some of the stiffness in his shoulders fell away. “Do you date a lot of women on the job?”
“That kind of thing gets in the way of the shooting.”
She didn’t know if that was real or a joke or if he needed to tell her something before it was too late. “That sort of thing would be a problem if you were married.”
“Very true.” He shook his head. “A single life makes more sense.”
The words kicked off an unwanted ball of excitement and had it bouncing around inside her. She tried to tamp down on the feeling, focus on him being a loner and reclusive and all the things she hated about that side of Bane. But truth was Josiah didn’t share any traits with the man she hunted.
One thought led to another. She suddenly wanted to be very clear. The words tumbled out. “So you’re . . .”
“Single?” His fingers tightened against the back of her neck then let go. “Very much so. This job is extra tough on married guys.”
“I still don’t understand what your job is.” She regretted the words as soon as they were out. She wasn’t looking for a fight. The exact opposite, actually. Sitting there with him, soaking in his presence, provided the comfort she’d been craving from him, even as she walked the careful line between telling all and telling enough to keep him intrigued.
“The Alliance is an undercover black-ops team.” He hesitated for a second then continued. “We’re made up of retired and former members of intelligence communities, like MI6 and the CIA.”
No wonder she felt as if she’d been whipped around and dropped into an action movie. When he talked about it before, even briefly, she assumed he was waving her off with a touch of embellishment to make his position seem bigger than it was. The typical if-I-told-you-I’d-have-to-kill-you nonsense some guys used to puff up their importance.
On him, the comment worked. “You’re serious?”
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