by S. M. Shade
Gratefully, Eric takes the bottle with both hands. After sipping most of the bitter mud, and munching on jerky dipped in peanut butter, his color begins to return.
“We have a few hours before dark. We can stay right here for the night if you aren’t up to the trip back. We’ll be all right with the fire.”
He shakes his head hard enough to snap his neck. “No. I need to get out of here.”
“All right. Let’s go.” When we return to the boat, the wind has died down, but the sky is still spitting snowflakes.
“Airen, look!” Eric points to a fifth floor balcony as we row toward the shore. A pitifully thin chimpanzee perches on the railing, watching us.
“Fuck me running, I can die now. I’ve officially seen it all.”
“I should’ve brought the camera.” Eric laughs.
After Eric’s little dip in the river, we’re too worn out to even consider searching for Carson’s father. We return to the house where we stayed the night before to rest, warming our frozen bodies by the heater, too exhausted to move.
I wake before Eric the next morning and put water on the tiny propane stove to boil. Coffee and oatmeal, the breakfast of champions. “Holy shit,” I breathe, pulling open the curtains to see a city blanketed in white. At least eight inches of snow has fallen overnight. I realize it’s going to complicate our day, but I’m in awe of the way it’s altered our surroundings, concealing the trash and dirt, and I take a few moments to admire the beauty of the pure ivory powder.
“Good thing we have four wheel drive,” Eric says. “Your water is boiling over.”
An hour later we’re bundled up and on our way across town.
Chapter Six
Joseph
The weeks following Airen and Eric’s departure are incredibly hard, especially for Abby. Still, she pulls herself together admirably and everyone slips back into their normal routines.
Carson and Troy spend the early mornings hunting, and manage to kill two large turkeys for our upcoming Thanksgiving dinner. We decide to hold it at Julie’s place since she has the largest dining table, and there are eleven mouths to feed now. When the holiday approaches with no sign of Airen or Eric, a gloom settles over the house. I’m worried and I know Abby must be hanging on by a thread, though she masks it well.
Emma and Lexi are on their way home from Abby’s when we meet in the yard. “How is she?” I ask.
“In her own little world. We came to help her prepare noodles for tomorrow, and she barely spoke two words to us. She cut her finger with a paring knife and didn’t even notice until I wrapped a towel around her hand. I’m worried about her, Joseph,” Lexi exclaims, glancing back toward Abby’s window.
“I’ll stay with her and make sure she’s okay.” Lexi nods and gives me a quick hug before heading home.
Abby is curled up on the couch when I let myself in. “Where are the boys?”
“At Julie’s for the night,” she mumbles.
“Good.” I grin. “Let’s have a drink.”
“Not tonight, Joseph.” She looks terrible. Her face is pale and drawn, the lack of sleep obvious from the dark circles under her sad eyes. The sight of her shatters my heart and I want to scoop her up and hold her forever. Keep her safe and protect her from the pain and fear that’s tearing us apart. Taking a deep breath, I swallow the lump in my throat. Bursting into tears isn’t going to help her cope.
“Oh? Too busy for me tonight, are you?” Ignoring her dirty look, I retrieve two wine glasses from the cabinet. “Do your plans include checking the driveway every few minutes and chewing your fingers to the bone?” She glares at me and ceases the nail chewing, but doesn’t reply. “Give me the evil eye all you want, girl, but you’re stuck with me for the night.”
“You’re scared too,” she accuses when my eyes dart to the window for a brief moment before settling on hers again.
“Of course I am, honey.”
“Do you think he’s okay?” Her voice is small, and she cuddles into my chest, clinging to me as I embrace her. I kiss her forehead, letting my hand travel slowly up and down her spine, drawing the same comfort from her warm arms around me.
“Yes, I’m sure he’s fine. We’ve had a lot of snow, and it’s bound to be worse the farther north they travel.” Wind whistles and gusts around the house while we curl up together, watching the fire and waiting on the man we love.
* * * *
“Well, aren’t they cozy.” Emma’s dry comment rouses me from a dreamless sleep.
“Hush!” Lexi admonishes. “Abby? Sorry for barging in, but the door was open.”
“S’okay.” Abby sits up, trying to focus her eyes. “He’s still not here.”
“I know. We just wanted to check on you. Everyone is at Julie’s when you’re ready to join us.”
My arm remains tucked around Abby’s middle as I groan and drag myself upright. It was a long night, and we fell asleep on the sofa, waiting for Airen. Lexi regards me with amusement. “Troy says there’s no hurry, bed head. Walker’s fine.”
“Thanks.” I grin, scrubbing my cheeks with my hands.
Emma looks from me to Abby with obvious distaste. It doesn’t escape Lexi’s notice and she practically drags her sour ass to the door. “Radio if you need me. We’ll let you wake up,” Lexi declares as they leave.
“Good thing Airen didn’t walk in on that,” Emma snipes, either unaware or unconcerned that we can still hear her.
“Shut up.” Lexi sighs.
“What was that about?” I wonder, still half asleep.
“She’s just mad you weren’t wrapped around her.”
“She does sort of follow me around.”
“What does Troy think of that?”
“He thinks it‘s hilarious. You should hear his impression of her.” I snort.
Abby’s soft brown eyes gaze up at me. “Is this going to bother him?” She gestures to my arm resting across her shoulders. “You know Emma’s going to run and spill her jealous little guts.”
“No, Troy knows we’re close, but if I spent a night with Airen I’d have to change my name and flee the country.”
“He’s jealous of Airen?”
“Apparently. We should get ready to go.” I change the subject. I know Troy has every reason to be jealous, and so does Abby. A lock of hair falls across her face as she flops back onto the couch with an overly dramatic sigh. I can sympathize since all I really want to do is curl back up with her and sleep, but we don’t have that luxury. Taking her hands in mine, I pull her to her feet. “Just get through today, honey. The kids need us to behave as if everything is fine.”
“I’ll never be able to eat.”
“Sure you will.” I grin and reach into my bag for a joint and a lighter. “Wake and bake.”
Firing it up, she takes a long draw and murmurs, “Just get through today.”
It’s the longest Thanksgiving Day in history. Though Abby does an admirable job of keeping up appearances and smiling, everyone is subdued and the day just can’t end fast enough.
“I’m heading home,” Abby announces, after the pumpkin pies have been cut and served.
“Stay with us tonight,” Troy offers. He’s so sweet. I love that he worries over her.
He looks a little surprised when she hugs him. “No, thank you. I’ll be fine.” She bundles Lane into his coat and turns to Carson. “Stay as long as you like, honey.”
Carson nods and reluctantly takes a seat at the card table where Troy and Lexi are setting up a Monopoly board.
“Abby…” I stop her at the door. I don’t like the idea of leaving her alone.
“Thank you for staying with me, but we have no idea when he’ll be back. You need to spend time with Walker and Troy. I promise I’ll call if I need you.”
“I’m going to kick his arrogant ass when he gets here,” I warn.
“Get in line.”
“You know I’m here if you need to talk.”
“You always are.” She kisses my cheek and
goes back to her house to wait.
* * * *
The back door slams behind me and I kick my snow covered boots off in the hallway. “Abby!” I know where she is. She glances at me and nods when I stalk into the living room. “Get dressed,” I demand, pulling her to her feet.
“I am dressed. What are you doing?” She scoops Lane into her lap and returns to her seat on the sofa.
“Getting you out of this house and away from that window.” It’s been nearly two weeks since Thanksgiving. Airen and Eric have been gone for over a month.
“I’m not going anywhere,” she snaps.
“Yes, you are. You’ve been glued to this sofa for two weeks. You can’t do this anymore,” I declare sternly. I head to her room and rummage through her dresser, returning with long underwear, a sweatshirt, and jeans. “Layer up. It’s cold outside. Hurry, the kids are waiting for us.”
She glares at me and tosses the clothing aside. I knew this was going to be a struggle. I love Abby to death, but she can be incredibly hardheaded.
“I’m not leaving,” she insists, as I tuck Lane into his snowsuit.
“Put those clothes on or I’ll dress you myself, Abby,” I warn, hardening my voice. Her chin trembles and the hateful look I’m met with would make a mafia boss think twice before messing with her. Sighing, I sit beside her. “Abby, the other kids need you too. I know it’s hard, but you have to keep going. Everyone is getting together to take the kids sledding, and I promised Walker I’d come get you. So, please, spare me the trouble of dressing you and carrying you there over my shoulder.”
“It’s too cold for Lane.”
“We’re taking him to Julie. She’s no fan of the cold weather.”
Lip clamped between her teeth, her desperate eyes gaze into mine. “Airen could come back while we’re gone,” she whispers. I’m prepared for this. I reach into my back pocket for the stiff piece of paper that states exactly where we’re going to be, and quickly tape it to the front door.
“Joseph,” she whines, completely out of excuses.
“Five minutes, Abby,” I snap. I have to leave the room. It kills me to talk to her like this when I know how bad she’s hurting, but I can’t let her wallow forever. When I return, fully prepared to dress her stubborn ass, she’s pulling on her gloves and hat, glaring at me while I try to suppress my grin.
“One hour,” she snaps.
“Let’s go, honey.” I slip my arm around her while Lane rests on my hip, squirming, doing his best to pull out my hair. “Let go, you bully.”
He giggles when I tickle his neck, and Abby smiles in spite of herself. “Get him, Laney. He’s being mean to Mommy.”
Troy has built a huge bonfire at the top of the hill that borders Julie’s property. The kids are gathered around it, giddy with excitement as Emma and Lexi show up dragging four plastic sleds. After depositing Lane with Julie, we climb the hill to meet them.
“Abby!” Lexi runs to hug her. “I’m so glad you came!”
“I was manhandled and abducted.” Abby grins at her friend.
“Good job, Joseph!” Lexi chirps.
“Abby! I almost didn’t recognize you without your couch.” Troy grins and hugs her as well.
“Thanks for all the casseroles, Troy.”
“You’re more than welcome, sweetie. Come get warm before the kids throw you on a sled.” Troy drapes his arm over her shoulder and escorts her to the fire. The kids are all over her, and I watch as they all lie down to make snow angels.
This is what she needs. She needs to see how much everyone loves and misses her. That she isn’t alone. I haven’t admitted it to anyone, least of all Abby, but I’m terrified we may never see Airen or Eric again. I haven’t given up hope, but I can’t fathom what would keep them away for so long. And I made a promise. A smile finds its way to my face as Walker tackles Abby and she giggles, pulling his hat down to cover his face. “She’ll be okay, buddy,” I murmur to myself. Oh please, let my fears be unfounded. Please let him come back to us.
“Ride with me, Dad!” Walker calls, pulling me from my dark thoughts. After forcing a smile, I run to scoop him up.
“Let’s race Jayla and Carson.” We pile on the sleds and push off. After countless trips up and down the hill, my leg muscles are screaming their torment, and I’m pleasantly exhausted. It’s been a wonderful afternoon. As the sun starts to set, dragging its brilliant streaks of orange and pink across the horizon, a familiar melancholy settles over me once again.
Abby and Jayla retreat to the house to make a pot of hot chocolate while the rest of us circle the bonfire.
“This was fun,” Troy chirps. His cheeks are pink and he grins from ear to ear when he pulls me down to sit beside him on a log.
“It’s been a good day.” I beam at him, and he kisses me softly, cuddling me against his side.
“Abby seems better,” Lexi observes. “I was worried about her. I tried to talk to her, but…” She shrugs.
“Don’t take it personally,” I advise. “Abby’s a professional at hiding her feelings.”
“She talks to you.”
“I corner her. I don’t really give her an option.”
“She’s lucky to have you. She trusts you, Joseph, any fool can see that.”
“He’s just that kind of guy,” Troy says with a shy smile.
“You two are so sweet together. You make me sick.” Lexi laughs. I notice Emma has been unusually quiet, listening with a slight frown on her face.
“Dad, when is Uncle Airen coming back?” Walker asks. A hush falls over the group. It’s as if someone has sucked all of the oxygen out of the air.
I’m surrounded by sympathetic faces while I struggle to answer the question I’ve been dreading. “I don’t know, monkey. Soon, I hope.”
“I want him to play the guitar for me. He knows all the funniest songs.” After a few seconds of uncomfortable silence, Emma speaks up.
“Why don’t you teach me your favorite song and I’ll sing it with you,” she offers. He acquiesces, dragging his chair over to sit beside her.
I don’t hear what they say. My mind has drifted back to the last time I heard Airen sing. I can see his face lit by the glow of the bonfire while he softly sang to me, revealing his feelings and regret. The world wavers as my eyes burn and a lump rises in my throat. “Excuse me,” I whisper in a hoarse voice before fleeing.
“Joseph!” Troy calls after me, but I keep moving. I have to escape for a moment. I’ve tried so hard to keep it together. To be strong for Abby and the kids. But, goddamn it, I miss him. I miss him, and I’m losing hope I’ll ever see him again. “Stop!” Troy grabs my arm and I quickly wipe my eyes. Strong arms wrap around me, pulling me into his warmth.
“It’s okay, Angel. I know you care about him. I know you’re scared.” His voice is low and soothing. Oh, this is so wrong. I’m such an asshole for allowing Troy to comfort me while I grieve for the man I really love. “He’s been your friend for years. Of course you miss him. You don’t have to hide your pain from me, Joseph.”
His soft words shatter the thin shell I’ve managed to build around my emotions. “He’s dead, Troy. You know he’s dead,” I sob with abandon. Speaking the words aloud makes it real.
“Shh.” He leads me to the woodpile and tugs me down to sit beside him, tucking his arm around me while I bury my face in his neck. “I don’t know any such thing and neither do you. We just don’t know, Angel, and I know that’s the worst kind of torment. Don’t give up hope, yet.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, ashamed of my reaction as I regain control of myself.
“Don’t be sorry. You’ve been so good to me, and you’re always there when I need you. Now let me do the same for you.”
I nod and take a deep breath.
“Go wash your face, babe. You don’t want Abby to see you like this after you finally managed to pry her away from the window.”
“You’re too good to me.” Our cold lips meet, while my hand threads through his soft,
wavy hair.
“Ditto.”
Abby and Jayla return with mugs of steaming hot chocolate, and no one mentions my absence. “Julie wants everyone to come in for dinner in about an hour,” Abby announces, sending us all our separate ways to clean up and change into dry clothes.
“Are you going to make me come after you again, Abby?” I call, as she and Carson head home.
“I’ll be back. Untwist your panties,” she yells, laughing.
Walker and I are the first to return to Julie’s since Troy decided to shower, insisting we not wait on him. Walker darts to the kitchen with Julie and Jayla.
“Joseph?” Emma calls. “Can you give me a hand? My zipper is stuck.”
“Sure.” She grins when I step into the room she and Lexi share, and motions to the zipper on her hoodie. She could have just pulled it over her head. Pfft…women. When I free it, she grins and shoves the bedroom door closed. Deep blue eyes, twinkling with mischief, stare into mine.
“Relax, I just want a moment with you,” she says, noting my shocked expression. A coy smile curls her lips as she runs her hands down my arms.
“Emma…” I hesitate. Is she actually coming on to me?
“Your eyes are gorgeous, Joseph,” she breathes, tilting her head.
“Thank you, but we should join the others.” When I reach for the door, she slides her arms around me and quickly presses her lips to mine. They’re soft and warm and so unexpected. I’m caught off guard. When her tongue traces my lip, I recover my senses and firmly push her away.
“You have an amazing mouth. I’ve wanted to do that since we met,” she murmurs.
“Stop. Emma, you’re great and I’m flattered, but I’m in a relationship with Troy. I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”
Undaunted, she smiles and reaches for me again. “He doesn’t have to find out. I know you have something going with Abby, and he doesn’t care. I don’t mind sharing you with Troy.”