by S. M. Shade
“You’ll never have to.”
Everyone is gathered in Julie’s living room, beach bags and coolers in tow. The tropical smell of sunscreen wafts through the air. I adore the scent; it should be available as a perfume.
Joseph’s voice is thick with emotion when he introduces Walker to his grandparents. Joseph had a long talk with him before putting him to bed the night before. I think he’s worried Walker will become attached. He has never had grandparents.
“You’re as handsome as your daddy,” Connie declares, hugging him.
“I know.” He grins.
“Nice to meet you, son.” Joe lays his hand on Walker’s shoulder.
A sunny smile blooms on Walker’s face. “You too. Do you know how to dive? Dad’s gonna teach me today. Last time I kicked myself in the back of the head.”
Joe actually laughs. “You can do it. I’ll show you a little trick. I taught your daddy how to dive and swim. Are you a good swimmer?”
“Yep, I learned when I was three.”
“He’s a fish,” Joseph agrees with a proud smile.
“Will we all fit on this boat?” Connie asks. It’s a fair question. Even without Airen and Lane, there are twelve of us.
“It’s a large two level pontoon boat. It even has a slide.” Joseph smiles when Walker jumps up and down with excitement.
“Let’s go!” He tugs on Joseph’s hand.
We couldn’t have picked a better day to be on the lake. It’s over eighty degrees and there isn’t a cloud to be found. A cool breeze lightly caresses my back while the sun beats down, browning my skin. It feels amazing. I could lie here all day. Lexi and Emma are stretched out beside me soaking in the rays, and Connie is reclining under the beach umbrella with a drink in her hand. It’s been an enjoyable afternoon of girl talk and sunbathing.
Joseph climbs the ladder to the top level and pops his head through the opening. “Everybody decent?”
“Of course,” Lexi scoffs. Eric follows Joseph onto the platform and sits beside Lexi as Joseph kneels beside me with a bottle of sunscreen.
“Let me lotion your back.” Before I can protest, his hands are full of the sweet smelling lotion.
“No thanks, I’m trying to get some sun.”
“You’ve had enough, sweetheart. You’re getting red.” He spreads the lotion across my shoulders and down my back, continuing down my thighs and calves before slapping me lightly on the ass. “Turn over.”
“I can do my front.”
“Yeah, but you won’t, you sun junky.” With a sweet smile on his face, he coats me in lotion, effectively defeating my tanning pursuits for the next few hours.
“Honestly,” I grumble. “Sometimes you’re worse than A…a mother.” Holy shit, I nearly said Airen.
“Just taking care of my girl,” he says, nuzzling my sweaty neck.
Lexi shakes her head in amusement. “Sickening aren’t they?” she remarks to Connie.
“It’s lovely to see Joseph so happy with a pretty girl,” she says with a smile. The underlying significance of that statement is clear, and no one seems to know how to respond.
Lexi breaks the sudden silence. “Eric, are you gonna swim with me?”
“I can’t swim.”
“You have a life vest,” she points out, exasperated, and Eric nods, resigned.
“You coming, Ab?” Lexi asks.
“No way. The water is freezing. You’re crazy.”
“Yes, she is,” Joseph chirps.
“No, it’s too cold, and I’m comfortable. Besides, your mom is a bottomless well of adorable childhood stories,” I tease.
Joseph bounds to his feet and scoops me up, cradling me against his chest. His skin is smooth and hot from the sun, and I can’t resist taking a whiff of his sweaty male scent.
“Put me down.” I giggle.
“Excuse us, ladies.” He nods to his mom, Lexi, and Emma, who all smile at us, before starting to the top of the slide.
“No!” I try my best to slip from his grip when I realize where he’s headed. Despite my greasy skin, he holds tight.
“Oh yes.” Plopping me on his lap, he sits at the top of the slide, biceps flexing as he wraps his arms around me quickly before I can escape. A short drop later I’m immersed in the bone chilling water, his hands gripping my hips while we swim to the surface. I gasp and smack his chest when we emerge to the sound of hoots and laughter.
“You asshole! I’m going to freeze to death.” He pulls my shivering body against his and plants a hot kiss on my neck before whispering in my ear.
“That’s for telling Airen about Pookums.” As soon as the name leaves his mouth he curses and dunks his head underwater. My hands dive into his hair to pull him back up.
“Pookums? Oh my god. You named your cat Pookums? That’s adorable!” I laugh.
Cold water sloshes between us, splashing my cheek when I’m pulled against his chest. “Don’t you dare…”
I put my finger over his lips with a grin. “It’s our little secret.” I wrap my legs around his waist, pulling us just below the surface, and mold my mouth to his. The sensation of his hot tongue exploring my mouth while cold water presses around us is incredibly sensual. Darkness and silence add an air of seclusion and isolation, like we’re the only people in the world, and it feels deeply intimate. We surface when our lungs begin to scream for oxygen.
“Wow,” I murmur, my head still floating among the stars.
“I love you, ladybug. Let’s get you warm.”
Joseph joins Walker and Joe who are fishing off the rear of the boat, and I climb back up to the platform to lie in the sun in an attempt to urge the blood to return to my limbs. Everyone else is on the lower deck when Connie sits beside me and smiles.
“He’s so happy with you, Abby. Head over heels. You’re the best thing that could have happened to him.”
“You have that backwards. I wouldn’t know what to do without him.”
She squeezes my hand. “I’m so glad he has someone who loves him.”
“He’s very easy to love.”
“He always was a very sweet boy. My husband doesn’t know this, but I hired a private investigator to find him a few years before the plague. I couldn’t take another day of not knowing whether he was okay.”
I have to bite my lip to prevent from asking her what she expected to happen when she tossed a child out into the world alone. “So, you know about Tim?”
She nods. “And the other twin.”
“It’s heartbreaking.”
“But look how things worked out for him. He turned away from that godless lifestyle and he’s so happy.”
Fuck. Did she just imply the deaths of his son and husband were a blessing? “Joseph was devastated by the loss of the only family he had.”
“He has you now,” she replies, ignoring the underlying meaning of my comment.
“Yes, he does.”
“Does it bother you? Knowing what he’s done? Who he was before?” I have to end this conversation before I end up shoving this judgmental bitch into the lake. I’ve seen Joseph’s face the past two days and I know under the bluster and warnings, he has a small bit of hope that they have changed. He was right to be afraid they’d hurt him all over again.
“I love Joseph just the way he is. I wouldn’t change any part of him. If I could go back and restore his family to him, undo all the pain he’s suffered, I wouldn’t even hesitate. Please, excuse me, I need a drink.” I can’t listen to her talk about him like this.
When I descend the ladder, everyone is in the water except for Joseph, Joe, and Walker, who are fishing from the rear deck. I smile at them, but Joseph sees right through it. With a concerned look, he sets his fishing pole down, and follows me.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Everything’s fine. Looks like everyone is having fun.” I kiss his cheek, and he grasps my arms when I try to step back.
“Nice try, what did she say?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.�
�� There’s no way in hell I’m telling him how she referred to the loss of Mason and Tim.
“Bullshit. Tell me.” I’m pulled down to sit beside him, our legs dangling over the edge of the boat. His emerald eyes darken as he gazes at me intently. Oh, I don’t want to hurt him.
“She’s happy you turned away from a godless lifestyle,” I whisper, trying to get away with telling him as little as possible.
He nods, and scoots closer until his warm thigh presses against mine. “I told you, sweetheart. Don’t worry about it. I’m telling them tonight. They can take me or leave me.”
“I want to be there when you tell them.”
“You and Airen both,” he agrees.
My voice wavers when I respond, resting my head on his shoulder. “I love you.”
“Then none of this other shit matters.”
The next few hours inch by. Connie’s comments effectively dampened my mood, and I’m fearful of what will happen this evening when Joseph reveals our relationship. Before we head home, he invites his parents to come for a drink after dinner. All smiles, they accept, and I find myself holding onto a sliver of hope they’ll at least be a part of his life, even if they don’t respect the way he loves.
When I open my front door, I’m greeted by wall to wall sheets and blankets stretched across my living room, turning the space into one big fort. “What the hell?”
A hand darts out and grabs my ankle. “I’ve got her, matey,” Airen growls. Lane’s head pops out and he growls, imitating his crazy father. I burst out laughing at the sight of my boys. Airen wears a paper hat and a black vest with no shirt. He’s drawn a moustache above his lip identical to the one my baby boy is sporting. Lane has a bandanna tied around his head and they each hold a cardboard sword.
“Argh, lass. Surrender, or walk the plank,” Airen says with a goofy grin.
“Joseph beat you to it.” I laugh. “He threw me down the slide.”
“I didn’t throw you! I took you for a ride,” he declares, shaking his head at Airen in amusement.
“Okay, scallywags, clean up for dinner. Joseph’s parents are coming for a drink afterwards.” I nod when Airen glances at me.
“Alright, matey.” Lane giggles as he’s scooped into his arms. “Let’s get your bath. There be barnacles to scrub off your bottom.”
“Airen!”
Carson cracks up. “Well, they both smell like pirates.”
* * * *
Airen’s face hardens when I tell him what Connie said to me about Joseph’s family. I had to tell someone. “Fucking bitch,” he grumbles, his eyes flashing with anger.
“Airen!” I have to admit, I agree, but I don’t want him to insult Joseph’s mom where he may hear. “You can’t lose your temper tonight. I don’t know exactly how they’ll react, but we need to stay calm and be there for Joseph.”
“Fine, but if they start berating him, I’m getting him out of there.”
“As fast as you can.”
Joseph steps into the bedroom. “They’re here, waiting in the living room.” Airen takes one look at Joseph’s anxious expression and embraces him. They hold one another without a word, letting the connection of their warm bodies convey their deep rooted love and devotion. Joseph’s forehead smoothes, the tension seeping from his body as he draws comfort and strength from Airen’s silent reassurance.
“Ready?” Airen asks gruffly when they release each other. Joseph nods, and I put my arm around him as we walk to the living room.
We greet his parents, and Airen pours everyone a drink. Joseph swallows his double shot of bourbon and immediately refills the tumbler. “We need to talk,” he begins, getting to his feet. A knock at the door interrupts him, and Julie peeks her head inside.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to intrude. I brought some aloe for Abby. She looked pretty crispy on the walk home.”
Joseph gestures for her to join us. “It’s fine. Come in and have a drink with us, Jules.” I glance at Airen, and he shrugs, also surprised by his invitation. Maybe he has a few words for her as well. Once Julie is settled on the couch alongside his parents, Joseph tries again. This time it’s his mother that interrupts.
“Before you begin, I just want to tell you I’m so sorry for all the time we’ve missed together. I love you, and I really want to get to know my grandson.”
Joseph swallows hard. “I’d like that too, Mom, but why now? You couldn’t accept me before, so what’s changed?” I know what he wants to hear, what we all want to hear from her. I was wrong. Forgive me. I love you as you are.
She smiles at him fondly. “You’ve changed, sugar. You’re obviously in love with Abby. You aren’t…gay anymore.”
Joseph’s face falls and his body stiffens. “I was never gay. I’m bisexual, and that hasn’t changed.”
His father hasn’t said a word. He sits and stares, stone faced while Connie approaches Joseph. “It makes no difference how you feel. You aren’t acting on it, dear, and that’s what matters to God.” My heart is breaking along with Joseph’s. Airen’s knuckles are white from his grip on his glass, and I silently remove it from his grasp before he can shatter it and cut himself.
Joseph laughs bitterly before stalking to Airen and pulling him to his feet. He grabs his face and slams their lips together, thrusting his tongue into his mouth repeatedly. Turning to glare at his parents, he declares, “This is the man I love.” His arms wrap around me, and the kiss he gives me is softer, full of reverence and passion. I almost forget the whole room is watching with their jaws hanging to their knees. “This is the woman I love, and they love me. As I am. No asterisk or fine print.”
The silence is broken when Joe storms to the door. “I told you he hasn’t changed,” he snarls, glaring at Connie.
“You’re wrong, Dad. I’ve changed a great deal from the scared, ashamed kid you threw away. I know who I am and what’s important to me. I found happiness, first with my husband and sons, and now with Airen and Abigail. I discovered I’m worthy and deserving of their love. I have changed. Unconditional love changes a person.”
Joe curses and slams the door behind him. The room is as silent as a morgue while Connie and Joseph regard one another.
“You’re all three…together?”
“Yes.”
“You know this is wrong. It’s wrong to be with a man. The bible says so.”
“It also says you should stone disobedient children and kill anyone who works on a Sunday. If you can choose not to adhere to those edicts, I would think you could overlook a quote from Leviticus for your only son. If you loved me.” Tears pour down my face at the words he’s spoken with such confidence, without a hint of the pain I know he’s feeling, and I notice Julie is crying as well.
“You just expect me to tolerate…” Connie begins, her words trailing off as she shakes her head.
“No!” I snap, jumping to my feet. I tried, but I can’t stay out of this anymore. “I hate that word! You tolerate some negative aspect of life you can’t change. You tolerate a sore throat, or an annoying bug bite. We expect you to love him, because that’s what a mother does!”
Joseph tucks me against his chest, and murmurs, “Stop, baby. It’s okay.”
Connie retreats a few steps, her voice hardening as she replies, “I can’t. I can’t support your sin. Unrepentant sinners go to hell. I love you, but I can’t love this part of you. What kind of man…” she trails off, shaking her head and moving toward the door.
Julie bounds to her feet. “What kind of man?” she exclaims. “You want to know what kind of man your son is?” Joseph stares in shock as Julie glares at Connie. “He’s the kind of man who shows love and compassion to everyone who crosses his path, deserving or otherwise. A man who once risked his life running into a burning house to save me and a child who doesn’t belong to him, but who he accepts as his own. A man who never holds a grudge and always forgives those who hurt him. Joseph’s the kind of man anyone should be proud to know and call their son. That’s who he is,
and if you can’t see that then he’s better off without you. You’re telling him ‘I love you, but I hate who you are’ and that isn’t love. He’s better off without that kind of mother.”
Of all of us, Julie was the last person I expected to go off and tear Connie a new one, but it was fantastic to watch. Without a word, her eyes trained on the hardwood floor, Connie opens the door to leave.
“Goodbye, Mom. Take care of yourself,” Joseph murmurs.
After a moment’s hesitation, she replies, “You too.” She closes the door gently behind her, the click echoing through the room with a tragic finality. Julie is shaking with anger and outrage when Joseph nearly tackles her, squeezing her tight.
“I’m so sorry, Joseph. I was no better. I shouldn’t have judged your relationship,” she sobs.
“You aren’t like them. I knew you’d come around.”
Julie chuckles through her tears. “They don’t deserve you.”
“They don’t have me.”
When she releases him, Airen cups his jaws firmly with both hands and gazes into his eyes. “I’m so goddamn proud of you.”
Joseph gives him a watery smile. “I need to wash my face. I’m a mess.” He heads toward our bedroom, turning to press his palm to my chest when I start to follow him. “Just give me a minute alone. I need a quiet moment to clear my head, baby. I’ll be okay.”
I nod reluctantly, and the slump of his shoulders as he walks away makes me want to choke his parents until they see what they’ve done to this beautiful man.
“I shouldn’t have encouraged him to give them a chance.” Airen sighs and scrubs his face with his hands.
“He would have done it, anyway.” Julie’s smile is sad. “It’s who he is.” We talk softly for a few minutes before Julie rises to leave. “Would you check on him before I go?”
Airen nods and heads toward the bedroom. I hear him curse and about thirty seconds later he appears, handing me a flashlight. “He’s gone, took off out the side door. Julie, watch Lane, would you?”
“Of course, go. Find him.”
“Where would he go?” I ask, dismayed.
“I have an idea where he is.” Airen leads me through the west field and into the woods. Grabbing his hand, I sidle up closer to him. I hate the woods at night. There isn’t a clear cut path, but Airen moves with determination; he knows where he’s going.