by Jules Wake
‘I came into the job, deeply cynical, convinced you were all unreliable, artistic types, undisciplined, casual and I wanted to disapprove, but then I saw another side.’
‘Oh,’ I said, hoping he’d seen something positive. ‘Is that a good side?’ I took a delaying sip of wine. ‘Why did you join the LMOC if you felt that way?’
‘It wasn’t a conscious, career decision.’ He screwed up his mouth. ‘More running away. I had a great job with a bank. I loved it. City culture. Lads. Alpha male. Man eat man. Didn’t bother me. I had fun, earned loads of money, worked hard. High octane job. Everyone was the same. Even the women.’ He laughed without mirth, his mouth turning down in disgust. ‘Sophie. My girlfriend. She fitted right in. Worked on the trading floor. She asked me out. We were together for a couple of years, I thought it was serious or as serious as any City relationship can be. We spent most of our time out. Meals out. Nights in bars. Brunch out. In hindsight, it was all very superficial.’
‘Is that the tie girlfriend?’ I asked.
He nodded and continued. ‘Apparently, my boss made a bet with another colleague. Whether either of them could get her to sleep with them while I was going out with her.’ He took a long swallow and I could see the disgust in the way that his shoulders suddenly sprang up towards his ears. ‘Typical testosterone competitive shitty behaviour that was fairly normal where I worked. Thing is she heard about it … and being equally competitive, she slept with a completely different colleague to piss them off.’
‘Really?’ That sounded beyond shallow.
Marcus nudged my knee with his hand in a half-hearted reprimand at my levity, but I’d made him smile.
‘I thought I loved her. That’s probably what made it worse, when I realised I didn’t care either way. It shocked me. That kind of indifference. That’s when I knew I had to get out of that environment. I resigned immediately. The job came up at LMOC. It seemed a handy stopgap until I found something better and I took it because it was as far removed from the city as possible.’
‘Even though we’re all artistic losers.’
‘Well,’ he smiled gently, ‘not all of you. For you I could make an exception.’
I raised an eyebrow.
Shyly I looked down at my knees, inside my heart bursting. If there was ever a line to get a girl into bed, he’d just delivered it. He could accept me as I was. If I wasn’t already half in love with him, that declaration pushed me over the edge. He touched my face and I dared look at him again. It was there again, that half amused and semi-serious expression. I felt his thumb graze my cheek and my heart went all silly again, beating about with over-excited flutterings. I couldn’t tear my gaze away from his.
Somehow, like magnets, we drew together until the kiss became inevitable. I sank into it and pulled him back with me lying prone on the sofa, revelling in the feel of the heaviness of his body, his lips roving over mine. I heard him groan my name and then the kiss deepened, setting light to all my nerve endings. Talk about a divine kisser. I pulled back slightly to take a breath and giggled.
‘What are you laughing about?’ Marcus whispered in my ear, nibbling his way down my neck.
‘You are an exceptionally good kisser.’
‘I believe you said that before. You’re not so bad yourself.’
He stroked my face, tracing the contour of my cheekbone. ‘You know that day you did mine and Fred’s make-up.’ His finger glided across my forehead and down to follow my eyebrow. ‘Just watching you with him, turned me inside out. Then, Christ, when it was my turn, your hands on my face, your whole attention focused.’ A wicked smile sharpened the planes of his face. ‘Very erotic. I had to think some very serious thoughts and pray very hard that you didn’t look down.’ With that, he ducked his head and his lips traced their way along my jawline, as his hand slipped lower down my body, just skimming the edge of my breast, with a teasing pass, down onto my waist where it rested on my hip.
Our bodies pressed closer and my hands roved down his back, feeling the muscles toned and firm beneath my fingers. I strained against him, as if I couldn’t get enough of him. Rasping breath punctured the air. How I wanted him and so delicious that it was reciprocated. Passion dazed me and I savoured the kisses, feeling my heart open and bloom with desire. I felt drunk with the headiness of being desired and like a shaft of brilliant sunlight it brought a piercing awareness. I wasn’t a teenager diving in for the thrill anymore, unheeding of the consequences, ignoring the whisper of sense. I wanted more this time. Not living from moment to moment.
With fierce regret, I forced myself to slow down and pull back. This time I wanted to get it right. Make conscious decisions instead of going with the flow. With perfect synchronicity, Marcus responded, resting his forehead on mine, his breath coming in soft puffs. I glowed in smug triumph, it was good to know I affected him as much as he affected me. We stayed like that for at least a minute, catching ourselves, our heartbeats slowing to normal and it felt peaceful and easy.
‘Tilly, will you come to bed with me?’
He wore the familiar and utterly endearing grave expression. This felt grown up. Decisive. I was making a choice instead of falling into something.
Chapter 33
Warm skin, musky scent. I inhaled. I’d forgotten the joy of being curled up with another body, my head resting on a shoulder and hearing the steady beat of another heart. Marcus’s hand idly stroked my bottom. We were woozy and cosy under his duvet in the aftermath of sex. Serious, steady sex. So different from the jokey, half-hearted fumbles when Felix had made the effort. Now it all made sense.
Marcus made love with an intensity and thoroughness that made a girl feel there was nothing else in the world but her. I felt warmed to the core by his thoughtful attention and now he seemed happy to lie interlinked, nestling in the afterglow, quiet but without retreating.
‘Got any Italian for me now?’ he asked, shifting slightly so that we faced each other. With one bedside lamp lit, it cast enough light for me to see the gentle amusement on his face.
‘Oh! sventata, sventata! La chiave della stanza dove l’ho lasciata?’
‘Let me guess,’ he stroked my back, pulling me closer. ‘Stunning, stunning. The man is an amazing lover, let no one say otherwise.’
I fluttered my eyelashes at him. ‘Wow, that’s pretty close.’ I let him have his smug moment for a beat before adding, ‘Oh dear! How thoughtless of me. Where can I have left the key for my room?’
He hauled me to him for a kiss. If it was supposed to be punishment, I’d take it every time.
Eventually, we pulled apart.
‘Will you stay the night?’
‘I should text Jeanie, let her know I’m safe.’
‘That’s a yes then.’
I nodded and kissed him.
‘Are you up with the lark or do you prefer to sleep in?’
‘You’re kidding right? With my job, I quite often don’t finish work until after eleven and then we go out. A night bird and …’ I wrinkled my nose at him, ‘I’m absolutely dreadful in the mornings.’
‘Oh, dear that makes two of us. I have to set two alarms. One the early morning warning and then the real one, which I absolutely have to get up for.’
‘Heaven help us then. I won’t be getting a cup of tea in bed from you then…’
‘We’ll have to get one of those tea-making things that grannies have. What did they call them?’
‘Goblin Teasmade. My granny had one.’
‘That’s it.’
‘Do they still make them?’ I asked out loud, while pondering the ‘we’ll’. I rather liked the sound of that. It was also a sort of solid stick-in-the-mudness that was a long way from Felix’s reckless spontaneity that had once seemed so attractive. Look where that had got me.
OK, so maybe I was going straight from one man to the next but I’d not spent any time thinking about where things might go with Marcus. Now I was here, the rightness of it all felt right – two jigsaw pieces that were meant to fit togethe
r.
‘We can look on eBay.’
‘Look for what?’
‘A tea making thingy.’
‘Oh,’ I giggled, still thinking of jigsaws and my stomach gurgled.
‘Still hungry?’ asked Marcus with a wicked lift of his eyebrows. ‘My you’ve quite an appetite.’
‘You haven’t fed me yet!’ I said with indignation.
Marcus pulled me closer, hooking a leg through mine so that I was pressed against him, my face up against the warm smooth skin of his neck. His hand gently circling along the hairline on the back of my neck. I buried my nose in the warm skin just between his shoulder and neck and savoured the lingering scent of aftershave and the more potent top-note of male.
I rubbed a hand over the hip bone that was closest, skimming down and back in a rhythmic stroke, just wisping across the top of his thigh with feather tip fingers feeling the coarser hair there.
His hips moved in answer and I could feel him stirring. Lips moved along my hairline and a hand cupped my breast, fingers with an unerring aim going straight for the bull’s-eye.
‘Mmm.’
My stomach interrupted again.
Marcus’s hand slipped down and patted my belly. ‘You’re not going to be one of those high maintenance chicks always demanding food, are you?’ he whispered, nipping my earlobe. I wriggled decadently against him. Skin on skin. It was such a delicious feeling.
‘Tilly, if you don’t stop that right now, I won’t …ooh’
We had to order Indian take-away because the pasta dish was burnt to ruination.
‘Football good, was it?’ Jeanie had a teasing grin on her face as I walked into the make-up studio the following day wearing a white shirt that belonged to Marcus and the same skinny jeans as yesterday.
‘Very, Arsenal won two nil.’ We’d watched Match of the Day curled up in bed together with a cup of tea, which he had to get out of bed and go and make because I still qualified as a guest. Although I made it up to him and had to leave him there as he didn’t work on Sundays. The office functions, HR, PR, Accounts and IT, usually worked nine to five hours.
‘Excellent. Marcus enjoy the game?’
I chose to ignore her obvious innuendo. ‘Not so much as he’s a Liverpool supporter.’
I glanced over at the empty cubicle. ‘Vince not in again?’
‘Food poisoning apparently. Still throwing up.’
We had a rule that no one could return to work after a stomach bug for at least forty-eight hours after the last episode of sickness or diarrhoea. ‘Handy.’
‘Not for us it isn’t. Can you give Carol a call and see if she might be able to come in and do an extra couple of hours for us?’
Even with Carol who could come in, we were still rushed off our feet. Although she could help with the chorus, Vince’s absence meant that we had two extra principals to get made up in the usual amount of time. Thankfully I could round up Pietro early who had a mortal fear of being late so always arrived at the theatre in plenty of time.
I found him in the canteen slurping black weak tea, talking to Guillaume and Philippe.
‘Pietro.’
‘Tilly,’ he answered, mocking my aren’t-I-glad-to-see-you voice.
I ignored Philippe, who was desperately trying to catch my eye.
‘OK, I need a favour. Is there any chance you can come up to the make-up room early so that I can get you done? We’re a man down.’
‘What do you think gentlemen?’ Pietro pushed back his shoulders, immediately the regal king addressing his subjects. ‘Shall I help the damsel in distress?’
I put my hands on my hips and tilted my head.
Guillaume nodded with unusual alacrity. I eyed him, a vague notion popping into my head. He caught my steady stare and blushed, his gaze sliding away. Hmm, interesting.
Philippe chuckled. ‘Given that she could deepen your wrinkles, give you an extra chin or two and no doubt paint in a bald spot and receding hairline, I think it would be perspicacious to bow to the lady’s wishes.’
‘Perspicacious indeed, Philippe.’ I shot him a disdainful look.
‘As it’s you, dear Tilly, I shall come directly.’ Pietro rose to his feet and nodded, ‘Gentlemen. I bid you adieu.’
‘Tilly! Wait.’ Philippe jumped to his feet. ‘Can I have a word?’
I shrugged. ‘I’m …’
Ignoring my obvious reluctance, he pulled me to one side. ‘I’m so sorry. Jeanie told me. I didn’t know what to do. You know Vince, nothing lasts with him. I saw them together once.’
‘Tilly, I need you.’ Pietro insinuated himself between us. I could have kissed him. I was mad at Philippe and I’d forgive him eventually but I still felt a fool that so many people had known.
‘Thanks, Pietro. I owe you.’ We stepped into the lift together.
‘No, Tilly. I owe you. You were very discreet after I told you about. Well you know.’
My heart banged uncomfortably in my rib cage.
I wanted to die of shame.
I couldn’t bring myself to say a word and smiled stiffly. At least I didn’t have to worry any more about Felix getting me into trouble selling any more stories.
Chapter 34
‘Bloody HR. They want to see me now, Tilly. I’m supposed to be seeing Anna Bridgeman, the new understudy for Juliet in twenty minutes. At three-thirty. Can you meet her instead and take some photos and measurements? It would be great if we could use the same wigs for her but I think her hairline is a lot lower than Brigitte’s.’ Jeanie thrust a notebook at me. ‘And have you seen the weather, it’s bloody starting snowing.’
‘Really?’ I raced to the window. Sure enough there were a few white flakes twisting and turning in the sky. ‘It won’t settle,’ I said sighing.
‘Good,’ said Jeanie, ‘that’s the last thing I need today.’
‘Is everything OK?’ I wondered if Vince’s recent absences might have raised a few questions. He’d reappeared this morning looking very hale and hearty for someone who’d been laid up with food poisoning all weekend.
‘No idea. I’ve just been summoned,’ she emphasised the word with an irreverent shake of her head. ‘Probably more new policies. Honestly, as if I give a toss about our equality policy or health and safety. I just want to get on and do my job.’
Her mouth turned down. ‘Bloody inconsistent. I have better things to do with my time. And keep an eye on Vince. I don’t want him sloping off anywhere.’ She turned around and gave him a pointed look.
I wondered if it might have anything to do with the assistant head of department job. It was only five days until my probation meeting with Alison. Five days to Christmas Eve. And I still didn’t have a clue what I was doing for Christmas. And although I didn’t have to go to Judith’s, the prospect of being on my own suddenly felt a little daunting.
In the event, Jeanie returned well before Anna turned up. She walked through the door, wild-haired, her face flushed. Stiff-legged and carefully placed, her motion reminded me of an unwilling puppet being forced into action.
‘Tilly, you need to go up to HR.’
‘What? Now?’
‘Yes.’ Her monotone voice held no emotion but I could see her jaw tensing.
I shot a glance over at Vince, who looked up with avaricious curiosity. Jeanie gave her head a slight shake.
Fear trickled down my spine.
‘Am I in trouble?’
‘You need to go up there now.’ Before she could turn her head away, I caught sight of unshed tears pooling in her lower lashes.
I took the stairs two at a time, ignoring the painful beat of my heart which protested at my rapid strides.
The HR department was nestled under the eaves and much overlooked in the building. The HR Director, Marsha Munro, met me, looking distinctly uncomfortable. In her spacious office, along with Alison Kreufeld, two men sat at a round table, the Chief Executive, Julian Spencer and … Marcus.
That made my step falter. What was he doing here? Surel
y if they were making me redundant it wouldn’t involve him. Maybe he was here to talk about the training he’d been giving me. He’d said they were looking at rolling it out company wide. But he didn’t meet my eyes, instead he seemed totally impassive. A far cry from the teasing laughing man I’d kissed goodbye yesterday morning.
‘Miss Hunter,’ Marsha began with great formality. ‘Take a seat.’
I sat opposite the four of them, my eyes darting to the window behind them.
Outside the snowflakes were bigger now, coming thick and fast, turning the sky to an oppressive grey. Today there was nothing magical about them, they felt like harbingers of doom. I shivered, wishing my imagination could take a break for once.
Chapter 35
I let myself into the flat.
Felix was there, a pile of clothes in his hands. Relief flashed on his face almost as if he thought I’d come to rescue him from the washing.
‘Tilly! Come and see what I’ve bought today.’ He dropped the pile of clothes and pulled me towards the lounge. I didn’t have the energy to resist.
‘Look.’ He waved his hand in a courtly gesture.
On the other side of the room, leaning against the wall was the saddest, scrawniest Christmas tree I’d ever seen.
‘I just knew you’d want me to rescue him and give him a good home.’ Felix beamed at me as if none of the last few days had happened. It was so typical of him, I let out a small half-huffed out laugh. He never let anything keep him down for long.
He grabbed the tree and held it upright. ‘Not the prettiest but … I thought we could decorate it together, like old times. We can still be friends, can’t we? And you love Christmas. And I don’t want to spoil it for you. And you could still come with me to Mum’s.’
I stared at the spindly branches, some barely covered with needles and the trunk which leaned too far to the left and the grubby wall behind it. It looked lost and lonely. An outcast just like me.
‘I’ve lost my job,’ I blurted out.
‘What?’ He straightened up, dropping the tree back against the wall.