by Kristen Pike
“Here we are!” Jace said, handing over the honey tarts. When his hand brushed hers she didn’t recoil this time, and it seemed to Jace, she let her hand linger longer than normal and, did she just smile slightly, or was that in his head? Rowan placed her payment on the counter and turned away, talking to Madison. Jace yearned to run after her and take her in his arms, people would just melt away from them till nothing else existed- but- his ma was always saying he had an over active imagination. “Lost in his head that boy is.” His ma would say to his pa, smiling at her dreamer of a son.
Jace watched Rowan attentively in the Market, his eyes only ever leaving her when he had a customer. She always came twice a week, once to buy things for her household, once to meet with Madison. Almost always her brother, who watched her like a hawk, accompanied her. Sometimes though, she came alone. Jace liked those times best; she was more likely to linger and talk to him.
As they grew older, Jace began to hear the horrible rumors about her family, the father, always gone, leaving the children with the mother, who beat them senseless every night. He had heard people say that on quiet nights if you walked by their mansion you could hear Rowan and Elias’s screams of terror as they tried to run from their mother. Jace had taken to sneaking out of his house late at night, making the six-hour trip there and back to sit outside Rowans home after seeing her first bruises. He never heard a sound come from the house, though, no matter how hard he listened.
Sometimes he would see Rowan at Market wearing dark clothes, a deviation from her normally bright wardrobe and sometimes she would limp, pulling her long sleeves down over her arms despite the sweltering heat. Other times she would keep her head down and those who did not study her as he did would not see the bruises that lined her jaw, or her swollen lip, or her red ringed eyes from crying. It broke Jace into tiny shards of helplessness and rage to see her like that.
Jace had watched her father on the rare occasion he accompanied his children to Market. The way he smiled and doted on his children Jace refused to believe a bad thing about the man, but her brother, always watching Rowan so intently, and Jace could see, just behind his eyes, under the surface, something malicious was lurking, Jace became convinced it was Elias who hurt Rowan.
Rowan laughed again, drawing Jace once more from his thoughts of the past, with good timing, cause picky Mr. Ford was headed his way.
“Got any bread?” Mr. Ford asked gruffly, his long beard swishing on his chest.
“Of course.” Jace replied, losing sight of Rowan in the crowd and turning his full attention to his customer.
“Is it dry, your father tends to dry it out?” He asked, wrinkling his nose as though he smelt something rotten.
“No sir.” Jace answered, doing his best to smile politely.
“Well I’ll be the judge of that.” Mr. Ford said, wrinkling his nose again.
EIGHT MONTHS AGO- DECEMBER
“Say hello to my future daughter for me!” Jace’s mother said chipperly as Jace stepped out of the house. His pa snorted from the sofa at the ongoing joke. When will they cease with that? Jace asked himself, shaking his head and wrapping his coat tighter around himself. Jace had been hesitant to tell his parents that he had not seen Rowan for almost two months, and every time they mentioned it, it was like a knife straight to his already bleeding heart. He had even gone a few times to her home, growing bold and knocking on the door, though no one answered each time. “I love you sweetheart, have a good day.” His mother yelled at him from inside the house, as she did every day when he left.
“Love you to ma,” Jace said hurriedly, impatient to set out. He had slept late that morning and if he did not hurry, he would be getting to Market late too. Jace made sure Luna, the pale mare their family owned, was strapped tightly to the cart filled with that day’s breads and pastries, still fresh and steaming.
“And Jace.” His mother called, stepping from the house. “Hurry home tonight, there’s something your father and I would like to discuss with you.” Jace’s pa came to stand beside his ma in the doorway and the husband and wife exchanged a knowing smile.
“Of course.” Jace answered, swinging himself up into Luna’s saddle, feeling guilty for the lie he had just promised.
Jace spurred Luna forward and she neighed as she lurched into a walk, the carts wheels creaking behind them. Jace’s breath puffed out in clouds in front of him, and he ducked his head, Luna’s feet crunching in the snow. Jace had decided late last night as he- not unusually these day- couldn’t sleep, anxiety over where Rowan could have gone, and if she was okay twisting around inside his gut like a venomous snake, that he was going to go back to her house after Market closed. He was going to pound on her door until someone answered and if they didn’t he was going to bust the door down and search every inch of the property until he found her, consequences be damned. I hope that someone answers though, Jace thought gloomily.
He had no doubt he could bust the door down if it came to it, he was very strong, lugging around massive sacks of flour and sugar tended to tone ones muscles, but he was scared, though loathe to admit it, even to himself, of what he would find once the door came crashing in. She’s probably fine, Jace chanted to himself for what must have been the millionth time, but he could not ignore the way his stomach twisted in knots and the feeling of dread that seemed to have permanently settled over him.
Jace spurred Luna faster, Market was not much further off, but he was growing impatient, nerves flitting in stomach. Jace drew in a deep breath, the cutting winter air entering his throat, stinging it, and he coughed once to try to clear it.
Jace spied the Market up ahead, the sight, which normally would have made him feel relaxed; it was his home away from home, today only made him feel empty. It was made up of a couple dozen wooden booths, half of which would stand empty until summer swung back around. The booths lined one street, and Jace could hear the beginning sounds of Gavaint behind the Market getting ready for the day. People coming from their homes in the main village to brush out the previous day’s laundry, opening their shops and preparing for customers, Jace could even hear a group of children shrieking at each other as they tossed the fresh snow that had fallen overnight at one another. Jace was the last booth tender to arrive for the day, getting there just before the sun rose. A hush was fallen over the Market, snow making the sounds of the world dull and far away in the way only snow can.
Jace tied Luna’s reins to a post outside his booth and she whinnied. Jace dumped some oats into a trough and Luna ducked her nose into it, eating the dry grain noisily. Jace set up his tarts on the counter, organizing the display neatly as his father had taught him to do, then began stoking logs in the large brick oven him and his father had built a number of years back to reheat the pastries. Jace made sure to keep them away from the flame so they didn’t overcook and dry out, placing them at just the edge of the heated brick so they remained warm, but soft.
The sky grew brighter as the sun rose higher and Jace’s stomach knotted and tensed as he watched it grow in the sky, turning the fresh fallen snow, now trampled under the feet of that day’s customers, to mush. Just a few more hours. Then I’ll know. He thought tensely to himself, his stomach flipping on itself.
“Mr. Tarrow, I wanted a strawberry tart.” Jenny Morten was saying snarkily to him, holding out her hand impatiently to Jace, who looked confused at the banana bread she was holding. He shook his head trying to clear away the fog that had moved into his brain.
“I apologize Miss Morten.” Jace said, his voice thick. That was the sixth customer he had given the wrong order to.
“Well that’s quiet alright.” Jenny said snootily, holding out her hand for the correct order. Jace handed it to her and she grabbed her coin purse to pay.
“That’s alright, this one is on me.” Jace smiled at her and she nodded her head as if she had expected him to pay all along, and hurried off.
A crowd was gathering at the other side of Market and Jace looked curiously at a co
uple of younger boys as they hurried toward the gathering crowd, their cheeks flushed in excitement. “I hear she murdered her ma, and is fleeing the King’s Guard.”
“Well have you heard about her brother? I heard ma tell pa he burned down that village just next to us, guess I’m glad it was them and not Gavaint.” The second boy responded to the first, drawing Jace’s full attention. Jace had heard the rumors of Elias burning down a village just a day’s ride from Gavaint, but those were just rumors… Jace followed the boys, his brows creased over his eyes.
Jace grabbed his furs and wrapped them around himself as he stepped from his booth. He did not need the furs much when he was in the booth, the oven kept him fairly warm, but once he stepped away from it, the chill was back, biting at his exposed flesh.
“Being that secluded isn’t good for anybody. Girls gone and lost her mind.” An older woman was saying, and Jace pushed past her, the feeling of trepidation growing inside his chest.
Jace at last elbowed his way to the front of the large crowd, his heart seizing as he caught sight of her. His heart hammered in his ears and Jace breathed a sigh of relief that he hadn’t realized he had been holding for nearly two months. The familiar sight of Rowan made him ache inside, and he wanted to go to her and take her in his arms, to just hold her and tell her he was so relieved she was okay, but with the crowd gathering around her the way it was, he figured it would be wildly inappropriate.
“Hello.” Rowan spoke timidly to the group around her, grabbing at her wrist and worrying her sleeve nervously. The crowd hushed, leaning closer to her in anticipation, their breaths rising and falling as they stared at that girl whose brother was rampaging through Lamarina. Jace scoffed at them, never mind that they haven’t known her all her life. Jace couldn’t help but feel contempt for his fellow town’s people as they waited eagerly to hear what Rowan had to say, as if she were some spectacle there for their amusement on the bitter cold day. “I’m looking for men to accompany me. I am going in search of my brother. I don’t know where that will lead me, but it could be a long journey, and probably rough. I won’t be able to pay you, and I don’t know how long it will take, and I’m sure it won’t be very pleasant, actually it won’t be very pleasant at all...” Rowan frowned, sighing deeply, her eyes looking dejectedly out at the crowd that had gathered.
“I’ll go with you.” Jace said in a rush, vaulting himself out of the crowd and coming to stand beside her. Rowan looked at him surprised, her eyes filling with a question, and the way she looked at him made him feel like they weren’t standing in front of a large group of people. Gods, I love her.
“Are you sure? I’m leaving right away, you won’t even be able to go home…” Her eyes were dark, searching.
“I’m sure. I’ll follow you to the ends of the world, Rowan” Jace breathed, his voice barely more than a whisper, puffing out in a white cloud like a caress. Rowan was about to reply when a woman shrieked in the crowd, drawing both their attention.
“I’ll join with you!” A man bellowed from the crowd, pushing his way forward, shoving people out of his way and they yelped angrily in protest as they righted themselves. Jace frowned as a man named Pickard erupted from the crowd. Jace didn’t know a lot about Pickard, but he knew that the 40 something year old, if he had to venture a guess, had travelled across all of Lamarina, and even ventured to Sharina, a land far across the Jamine Ocean. Or so he had said. To anybody that would listen. Over and over again. “I’m always searching for a new adventure!” Pickard said excitedly, his words slightly slurred.
Jace also knew that Pickard loved his ale, and even now, Pickard was swaying lightly on his feet, his mouth turned up in a goofy looking grin. Jace could only imagine how many spirits he had already had that morning.
“Thank you.” Rowan said to him lightly, though she frowned. Probably concerned he’s going to pass out drunk before we even leave Gavaint. Jace supposed.
Rowan hesitated, waiting to see if any others volunteered, and when no more did, she ducked her head and made her way out of the crowd, toward a bag lying on the ground Jace had not seen earlier.
The crowd dispersed, their heads together in whispers, darting glances back at Rowan and the two men that now stood beside her.
“I have some money, to buy supplies for the journey, but please be fast, I’ve already lost so much time.” Rowan told them, handing them each a coin purse. Pickard smiled, feeling the weight of it in his hands. Jace shook his head, not wanting to take her money. “Please, it’s the least I can do.” Rowan insisted and Jace relented, taking it from her, and she smiled at him pleased, his heart skipping at the look.
Jace hurried to make his purchases, stopping at Harmon’s booth that sold clothes and bought a few pants and shirts.
“Jace. Hey, Jace!” A voice shouted behind him and he turned, seeing his childhood friend who lived not too far from his ma and pa.
“Rin?” Jace asked as Rin bounded up beside him.
“Are you really going off with her?” Rin said directly. He never was one for subtlety.
“Yes.” Jace replied impatiently, eager to get back to Rowan. Jace spared a look over his shoulder at her and noticed she was talking to Valance, a family friend of Madison’s. Rowan was handing him another coin purse, a look of guilt crossing her pale face.
“This will kill your ma, Jace.” Rin said quietly, drawing Jace’s attention back to him. Rin looked at him with concern, eying him up and down as if to check that Jace wasn’t going against his will.
Jace frowned. “She will understand.” Gods, I hope she understands. “Will you tell her I’ve gone? You can ride Luna back, so she can get home. Pa will need her.” Jace said, his eyes darting toward his booth guiltily. Rin nodded his head and Jace knew he wanted to say more, but was holding his tongue. Rin turned; ready to walk off. “And tell them I love them, and I’ll come back?” Jace called, not caring about the people that shot him funny looks at his outburst.
“Sure.” Rin said turning quickly to look once more at Jace, as if committing him to memory, then he slipped into the crowd and Jace lost sight of him.
Jace finished his purchases quickly, rushing back to Rowan who was standing at the edge of Market that bordered the forest, looking over the crowds as if she had lost something precious. Pickard was already standing with her, a dark tan bag slung over his shoulder, and another man Jace didn’t know the name of–but would soon learn was Barton- but had seen at Market a few times, was standing with her.
The group of four looked at each other a moment, stamping their feet in the late afternoon cold.
“Shall we?” Rowan said, breaking the silence that had creeped upon them. Jace nodded his head. I’ll follow you to the ends of the world, Rowan.
SIX MONTHS AGO- FEBURARY
“What do you think about, when you look so far away like that?” Jace said to her, rousing himself away from thoughts of the past, surprising even himself that he had spoken aloud.
Rowan turned slowly, thoughtfully, a sad look crossing her face that she quickly wiped away. She eyed him a moment before gathering herself and moving to sit by him, making his heart stammer and he hoped she couldn’t hear it. “If you could make any one do anything you ever wanted, would you?” She asked him gently, her voice like the summer breeze as it skimmed across a shimmering blue pond.
Jace thought a moment. If I could make you love me, too, I would do it in a heartbeat. But then, he thought, she would not really love me, and would probably hate me for making herself think she did. “No, because whatever you wanted them to do wouldn’t be real. It would all be a lie, and I wouldn’t want that kind of control over anyone.” Jace paused. She was looking at him intently, and it was hard to focus on breathing when those blue eyes stared at him like that. “I think it would be a terrible thing to have.” He added, thinking of her brother and if she thought the same.
A fraction of a minute later she nodded almost imperceptibly. For a while, he thought she would not say anything else, and h
e was content just to sit by her, their arms almost touching. If he just moved his so slightly-
“I think about the past. About my life, what could have been different.” She said lightly, he thought more to herself then to him. She sounded immeasurably sad, and he wanted to do anything, and everything, to make her sound happy.
Jace hesitated a second, before allowing his arm to move that fragment of an inch to touch hers. She jerked away immediately, her head whipping to stare at him in confusion. He started to say he was sorry, but as he opened his mouth to do so, he saw a look flicker across her face. Resolution maybe, before she settled down, placing her arm gently against his with a deep exhale of breath.
“Is this ok?” Rowan asked delicately as if her touch would hurt him, indecisiveness creeping into her voice. Jace could only nod as he looked into her eyes, his skin sizzling where her arm touched his, falling perhaps more in love with her than humanly possible.
They sat there a while, breathing in the cold, Jace’s chest rising and falling, his senses hyper aware with Rowan so close.
“It’s Elias’s birthday today, you know.” Rowan spoke softly, staring at the ground in front of her.
“I didn’t.” Jace replied softly, unsure of how to respond.
“He’s 20 now.” Rowan told him, her voice soft and slow. “What do you think he’s doing?” Rowan asked suddenly, swiveling her head to look at him. She looked vulnerable, and broken, Jace blinked slowly, trying to clear the guilty feelings that had crept upon him though he wasn’t the cause of her distress.