Divided

by Kaesey Stobaugh

  She’s still shaking a bit when we reach the wood line leading into the city. Mixed emotions enter as I remember the last time I was here and how I was played and left for dead. But in a way, I’m glad Michele took off without me, it gave me the chance to meet Willa. I can’t help but wonder what happened to him and the other guys anyway.

  Lost in thoughts of the scenery around me, I turn to Willa who is struggling to catch her breath.

  “Thanks for listening last night.” I say with a smile. She looks up at me and I watch her smile grow across her flawless face as she remembers the topic last night. Suddenly, I’m lost in her eyes, just like that. She looks so perfect. Her hair is in her face from the run and she is still catching her breath when her eyes meet mine and she says,

  “Thanks for trusting me enough to tell me.”

  I stall my actions for a moment, continuing on about last night before I can’t seem to grasp hold of the strings in my head.

  In a second, I lose all control of my actions and I lean forward, taking her hands and pressing my lips against hers. In the next second, my mind comes back and I pull away.

  What have I done? How could I steal a kiss like that? Where did that thought even come from? I can’t remember one time when I even thought about kissing anybody. But, of course, it would be Willa, the one person I knew I wanted from the beginning. But it doesn’t matter now that I’ve ruined everything.

  She looks at me in shock. Her lips slowly turn into a charmed grin but that doesn’t comfort me.

  I know I have to say something, even though I don’t want to, “Willa, I’m sorry. I don’t know where that came from. I just-”

  She interrupts me with her eyes as she slowly moves her hands up to my shirt. Tightening her fingers, she gets a grip and pulls herself close to me. She gently presses her lips to mine. At first I don’t know what to do. How do you kiss somebody that you want more than anything?

  I’m relieved when and it all starts to come a little more naturally. Wrapping my left arm around her waist tightly, I move my free hand up to her face. I let myself get lost in her. I memorize her face with my fingers. Disappearing into her, I never want to leave her. I never want to watch her walk away again. This is the path I’ve chosen. I know that now and with her lips on mine, there’s not a glimmer of doubt. She’s what I want. And I know after this, I’ll never be the same. I’m attached now; I’m too involved to change my mind. I’m doomed.

  She lets off to catch her breath and a perfect smile escapes her lips. She lets her head rest on my shoulder. I try to stand still but my hands are shaking. I run my fingers through her hair to relax myself. I’m not hiding anything anymore. She knows all my secrets now; she should know the most important one.

  I lean my lips down to her ear to whisper my heart, “Willamina Whistler, I think I might be in love with you.” I feel her shiver and inhale with what sounds like happiness or relief, maybe both.

  “I was thinking the same thing.” She says.

  I can’t hold back the chuckle, “That’s it then. We’re officially in big trouble.”

  I hold her a while longer, both of us saving our time together. But I force myself to let go. She hesitates, trying to keep herself safe inside my arms. I don’t want to let her go, I don’t want to leave her, but I know she’s running out of time now. I look at her and smile though she seems afraid to leave now. Staring at her blushed face, I don’t think I can wait two more nights to see her again. She agrees to meet me again tonight and with one more beautiful smile, I make her take off towards the city, leaving me behind. I watch her run until she’s out of sight.

  “Be safe, princess.” I whisper for only me to hear.

  The hike back to The Wall is peaceful but lonely. My head is everywhere but on the trail I’m supposed to be following. Slowly, I allow all my thoughts to linger to Willa. When our lips met, I finally felt like I had the claim on her I was longing for. Even though I know I don’t own her in any way, that she could change her mind about me at any moment and I’d have to live with that, I feel connected to her now. No matter what choices she makes, it’s my job to protect her, even if that means talking her out of the runaway plot. I’m not going to lose her out of stupidity or, what I’m more worried about…my own selfishness. But I’m beyond keeping my distance now. Maybe this is wrong but I don’t care. As long as Willa is safe and out of danger at all times, there’s nothing that can keep me away from her now. We’re a team.

  I almost run smackdab into The Wall when it appears in front of me. I make my way up the ladder and hide it away behind the nearby tree. I’m moving a little faster through my side than I did Willa’s. I tuck Willa into a special place in my mind while I try to get the rest of my day over with. After a taste of heaven this morning, I can’t imagine anything happening today that could put me in a bad mood. I’m almost skipping through the dead forest.

  After about an hour, I finally make it to town. I hope Willa made it home alright. I try to picture her in her room, reading a book she’s really interested in, just waiting for tonight. I make up my mind to go straight to work and finish the fence today. It’s about time I get it done and start looking for a new job. That is…unless Willa and I decide to run –which I’m having second thoughts about now– then there’s no point in starting something new. The more I think about running, the more I hate the idea. I can’t think about the kind of danger that it would put Willa in and how could I leave my family behind? I guess I could always come back. Just hide out until I’m sure the Taking is over…But still, the thought of abandoning them makes me sick. I’ll talk it through with Willa tonight, maybe she’s come up with something else. A different solution. A better one.

  The day drags by, seconds feel like minutes, minutes feel like hours and hours feel like days. The fence process goes nowhere and I bet Mr. Thompson’s patience with me is running thin. I can’t stay focused on my work; my mind keeps wandering back to the woods and the angel that will be waiting for me in a matter of hours. I have a few feet left on this fence that I can’t seem to get done. It’s frustrating but I have a good reason for being sidetracked.

  “Boy?” I hear a confused voice call out to me from the front porch, “Is that you out there?”

  “Yes, sir.” I call back, “Just trying to finish up the fence!” I see him approach me with a face full of concern and worry. He stares at me, and then gazes at the fence. “Something wrong, sir?”

  “Oh, nothing I guess. But they told me you were…taken.”

  “Who told you that?”

  “Just some people around town. They’ve been saying the Ambers kid was taken last night. What are you doing here?” I stare at him hard. I can feel my eyebrows narrow and my eyes squint.

  Suddenly, it hits me. I didn’t come home last night. Maybe my mother was waiting up for me and jumped to conclusions. Worry starts to set in. If anybody learns where I’ve been going at night, Willa could be in trouble. I try to play dumb, but now I just want to get home and check in on everybody.

  “I’m sorry, sir. Are you sure you don’t have me confused with somebody else?”

  “Well, I think I’d know if people were talking about you. You spend most your time here. Where were you last night if not at home?” The question burns through me as I start grabbing and gathering up my things to head to the house. I look away from him because I know the truth is spilling out of my face.

  “I’m sorry. I’d better get home and let my family know that this has been a misunderstanding.”

  “Oh yeah, that’s probably a good idea. Work on the fence when it’s taken care of.” He looks at the fence and laughs sarcastically “Ha, it ain’t going anywhere.”

  “Yes, sir. I’ll try to be back later.” I don’t wait for his response before I take off running for the house.

  Going straight to work without running by the house was obviously a bad idea on my part, but I’m also thinking being careless and staying the night in the woods was a worse one. I’m going to have to
be more careful, at least while all this is going on. I try to think of a story on the way there but my feet work faster than my brain. I run up the dirt road and stop. Dusting myself off, I try to catch my breath and act natural. If I act like this was a mistake –which it was– maybe my mother will save me the questioning, though I can’t imagine her caring too much.

  I walk through the door, holding my breath, and shut it behind me like normal, when I hear a scream of praise.

  “Nathan’s home!” I turn around to see Cinda slide off a chair and wrap her arms around my waist. I laugh when I realize it’s been awhile since I’ve seen her. Not since her bumble bee friend.

  It’s then that I look up and realize this must have been worse than I’d thought. Everyone is crowded around the table, sitting perfectly still with wide eyes and dropped jaws. However, the only person that really catches my attention is my father, sitting in the head chair, pointed straight at me. His legs are gently propped up and his hands are folded together like he’s been praying. If my father found it reason enough to depart from his chambers and sit at the table with the rest of the family, I know it’s bad. I slowly rise from greeting Cinda –who is now wrapped around my legs– and try to think of some kind of excuse to break the silence that’s killing me. I just need to get all these shocked in horror eyes off me before they burn through my heart.

  “What?” Is the only word that comes out. Smooth.

  “Nathan! Where have you been?” My mother moans. I drag my eyes from my father to meet my mother’s gaze. Is she crying? She is crying! And it looks like she has been for a while.

  I look around at the others, my father sitting at the head, my mother sitting at his right, Gabe at his left, Gabby by my mother and looks like Cinda was by Gabe. I notice Gabby is crying too as she stares at me, confused. I feel my heart shatter and sink at the sight of Gabby’s puffy red eyes and swollen lips.

  “Gabby, baby, what’s wrong?” She doesn’t answer me; she only hides her face and cries more.

  My father’s stare finally leaves me and he glares at Gabby. “Stop that crying, girl!” He hisses. His tone sends lightning up my spine as she nods, not looking up.

  “Nathan, you didn’t answer me. I waited for you last night, you never came home! Where were you?” My mother demands. I try to ignore the question. I can’t tell her the truth. So, I ask my own question as if I hadn’t heard hers.

  “What’s going on?”

  “We thought you were dead!” Gabby cries, pulling her head up.

  “No, we didn’t!” Gabe chimes in, “We thought he was taken away!” The word makes me flinch and I start thinking of any kind of believable excuse that’s close to the truth without making Willa’s existence even cross their minds. Seeing everyone like this makes my head go blank. I’ve got nothing and I can tell my mother is still waiting for an explanation.

  My father sits up straight and tense, he looks at the three children with evil eyes, “If I hear one more word out of any of you, you’ll all be getting a thrashing, understand?” Gabe and Gabby look down at their hands in their laps and Cinda retreats back to her chair where she mimics the older two.

  My father’s threat makes my head spin with fury. I feel my hands tighten into fists and my head grows hot. As if I’d let him lay a hand on any of them for being scared for me.

  My mother’s eyes are still focused on me. She says softer, trying to get me to talk, “Where were you last night?”

  “Okay, I’m sorry. I…fell asleep in the woods last night. I was hunting.” The half-truth-half-fib comes out sounding believable. I did fall asleep in the woods, but hunting was a lie. I hold my breath as her eyes grow wide.

  “The woods? Nathan! Do you have any idea what would have happened if they found you out there?” Her voice is angry. So, now she decides to be a good parent? The one time I wish she didn’t care? Her tone makes me mad. Do I know what would happen? Of course, I do! Where does she think her meat comes from? I take the risk of getting caught every day. Why does she have to start caring now?

  “What does it matter? They’re coming to take me anyway.”

  “It matters because if they take you that way, we’ll become a target. Is that what you want to happen to this family?” My father speaks for my mother.

  Now I’m really worked up. I glare at him and my temper begins to slip, “Are you serious? Are you seriously giving me the ‘protect the family’ lecture? Who do you think takes care of this family? Because it most certainly isn’t her!” I jab a finger at my mother who is now sitting quietly, looking at her hands, “And when I said ‘What does it matter’ I meant ‘Why do you care’! Who do you think takes care of the kids? Who gets the food? Who works for clothes? Who keeps this house from falling apart? Who keeps your kids from starving? Who actually shows some love and cares about your kids? Don’t you dare sit here and tell me I’m not looking out for them because I am! My whole life is devoted to these kids! I work all day and night; I picked up your slack! Everything you eat, what keeps you warm while you sit in bed all day without any cares or worries, where do you think that comes from? Me. I’m scared to death to be taken because I’m afraid of leaving these kids with their own parents! So, don’t sit here and tell me I don’t care what happens to this family!”

  I’m now hovering over the table, glaring at him with enraged eyes. This is why I avoid my father; this is why I don’t talk to him. It always ends in a fight. I always lose my temper and I hate yelling with the girls around. They look almost scared, surprised. They’ve never seen me like this. My father holds my glare. He’s not as easy to read as my mother is. I wish I knew what he’s thinking but part of me is saying I’m good with not knowing.

  “But what about Leila?” I hear Cinda’s tiny voice squeak.

  Not looking away from my father, I answer her question with a bit of confusion, “Leila is fine, baby. Don’t worry about her.”

  “But she’s not…” Gabby begins. I glance at her and then at my mother who’s crying again.

  I follow the eyes of everyone in the room and it hits me that Leila isn’t in her cradle. In fact, her cradle isn’t even at the end of Gabe’s bed where it belongs. This isn’t really about me, I realize. I look to my mother and wait for an explanation; she refuses to meet my eyes.

  “What’s going on? This isn’t about me at all, is it?” My father is the only one who will look me in the eye now.

  He sighs deeply and speaks with a rough cold voice, “Alright, Nathan, I’m no good at long sappy speeches so I’m just going to come out and say it…” I pay no attention to him, I can’t even look at the man who looked me in the eye and told me I wasn’t taking care of my family.

  “Mom?” I press, knowing calling her my mother will get her attention. I always call her by her first name, if I address her at all. Sure enough, she looks up and meets my eyes. “Where’s the baby?”

  “Nathan…” My father cuts in before my mother can answer. I unwilling turn my head to him. I just want to know where my sister is and what they’re hiding. I raise an eyebrow at him to show him I’m listening. “While you were camping out in the woods last night, Leila got sick again, worse than before. She passed within two hours of being ill.” My heart skitters in my chest.

  He’s lying, I know he is. She was better. She was okay. I stare at him hard, trying to keep a straight face but I can feel the anger and panic building up.

  “No… no she was better! The medicine… it worked! Wil-” I bite my tongue when I almost say her name, “She was well. She couldn’t have gotten sick again!”

  “Well, maybe that expensive treatment you gave her didn’t help as well as you thought.” He glares at me. “Where did you get those meds anyway?” I can’t breathe. I feel myself start panting and gasping for air. My lungs have closed up. My heart is failing me too. My legs start shaking and I feel unbalanced. Gravity takes over; I feel it pushing against me to make me fall. My hands are tight fists and my head is so hot, I think it might explode.

&
nbsp; It all makes sense now. Why my family is gathered around the table praying together. They’re mourning, which is something you’re required to do when someone you are close to dies. It shows respect and honor towards the lost soul. People don’t do that when a family member is taken, only when they die. Leila is dead.

  I look away from all of them, trying to hide my face before I lose it. My father is the only one who doesn’t seem horrified by this. His calm, blank face inflames me. I take three steps backwards, towards the door. Still gasping for air, everything starts to spin. I barely hear my father when he says in a muffled voice,

  “We already buried her early this morning. We were anxious to get it over with.” My head swings up to stare at him in horror. This selfish, petty man isn’t even upset about the death of his daughter. A baby at that, not even a year old. I have no doubt in my mind that this man might be my father, but he will never be my dad, or the other kids’.

  As I stare at his heartless face, pressing my lips together, forming a straight line, I let out a sarcastic chuckle. Through my teeth, I spit out some nasty words that make my mother’s eyes widen as she gasps. And now that he knows how I feel about him, I storm back out the door, slamming it behind me.

  I take off running with no destination. I feel the first tear roll down my cheek, and that’s it. There’s no stopping them now. I have to stop when dust and sand attacks my eyes and gets down my throat and into my lungs, making it even harder to breathe. Rubbing my eyes and gasping for air, the tears become uncontrollable. My head is spinning; I just have to get out of here, out of town and away from people. My first thought is the woods, the only place I can truly be alone. Still rubbing my eyes, I take off in the direction of the forest. I keep walking, not sure where I’m going. I’m taking my usual path leading to the river.

  The painful walk to the river is when my thoughts start to come through. How could this happen? It doesn’t make sense. She was well. She’d been well for days. How could she die now? Why now? Why at all?