“I apologize for seeming to pry concerning such a delicate matter. But I have seen that man before.”
At first the meaning of her words didn’t quite sink in. When they did, I couldn’t manage so much as a huh so I just continued to stare at her in what probably looked like a spaced out daze.
Queen Arencaster took my silence as permission to elaborate. “He was in Ceredwyn, right before the war broke out. He is Gerard Elhanas, incredibly rich and a notorious wastrel. His father’s house is in Ceredwyn.”
The gears in my head jumped from zero to full speed. I wasn’t sure if it was an insight or jumping to conclusions. The last time we’d talked about Ger, the queen had mentioned his ‘connections’ in this world. Could she have been right? What if Ger had a twin in this world, as I did? It was a long shot, but…
“Your Majesty,” I said.
Queen Arencaster looked surprised, and why not? For all I knew, I had just cut her off in mid-sentence.
“I’m most grateful for what you have told me about Gerard Elhanas.” I stumbled over the strange new name. “This new knowledge, along with the dream I’ve had has made it clear to me: I must return to Ceredwyn immediately and see if Gerard and Gerry know each other. If I let this lead die, I could never forgive myself. If possible, I’d like the guards you assigned me to accompany me,” I said to the queen.
Queen Arencaster looked puzzled. “I assigned you one guard: Tolliver. I needed someone with reasonable skill with the sword, but not someone so seasoned it would look suspicious.”
“The other guard’s name is Faxon,” I said. It was weird that Queen Arencaster didn’t know the foppish, frequently arrogant man.
“Yes. I have not forgotten him. After your tale of how he and Reldion le Valen got you back to Autumnstead following the ambush, I looked into this Faxon to thank him. He wasn’t on any of the official personnel lists. Every time I sent messengers to ask around the barracks and taverns, he was not there. Later, I commanded the pages to leave word that I wished to thank him personally. What man would continue to hide when the queen herself wants to praise him? Why is this Faxon so elusive?”
I had begun to wonder, too. It gave me a sinking feeling to think Faxon was other than what he seemed. He could be a trial sometimes, but I’d always thought of him as basically a good person. “He defended me the night I was attacked,” I said. “Maybe you saw him then.” I described him in great detail, but the queen only shook her head. No recognition shone in her eyes.
It had all been so confusing once the castle guards showed up. Maybe Faxon had been lost in the crowd.
A knock at the door startled me, making me forget the point I was going to bring up.
“Your Majesty, Captain Wick requests an audience with you the moment you are free,” the young soldier said.
“Very well.” Queen Arencaster rose. “I shall be along shortly.” She waited until the soldier had left before saying, “I am sorry I cannot commit any of my soldiers to your cause. But do not give up. I have someone in mind who can go with you, who will, perhaps, be more effective than any of my men, both protecting and guiding you. I will send you word in three days at the latest,” Queen Arencaster said. “Upon my honor.”
Then she was gone, whisked back into the frantic activities of war.
Three days… It seemed like an eternity to me, despite how long I’d inhabited the Other World. Considering the war and the general pace of things in the Other World, especially the countryside, I couldn’t complain too much.
With Gerry taken care of for the time being, my thoughts turned to Faxon.
I assigned you one guard: Tolliver.
I looked into this Faxon to thank him. He wasn’t on any of the official personnel lists.
What could it mean? While I didn’t have a chain of logical thought to connect to these new facts, I knew there was something significant about them. I could feel it in my gut. If Tolliver had been there, I might have confided in him, but he was taking a much-needed rest at the barracks. As Faxon put it, a sleep-deprived guard wouldn’t be much use.
And so, I sat in silence and thought.
The flash of insight came when I got up to look out the guest room windows. In the darkness, Latule’s fires twinkled orange and yellow, deadly fireflies. Voices traveled far in the still, crisp air but remained indistinct. I couldn’t determine if I heard raucous shouts of soldiers drinking or the sounds of battle.
The snow had started falling again, piling its feathery flakes atop the roof layer, which looked like frosting from the ground. Watching the snow descend had a meditative effect, much like watching a fire flicker or ocean waves wash in.
I remembered the snowy afternoon with Faxon when I’d suggested that Princess Fiona might be the dragon rider. Faxon had reacted so defensively, as though he were protecting the missing princess’s honor. How did the pieces fit together? I knew one way to find out, but it made my heart beat faster and my voice shake when I opened the door and asked my guard, “Do you know a soldier by the name of Faxon?”
“Yes, Princess.”
“Please send a page with a message. If he is free tonight, I must speak to him.”
The guard raised his eyebrow but otherwise didn’t protest. Meanwhile, I paced. Something I couldn’t quite articulate was building up inside me. I had the feeling it would blast out of me like a volcanic explosion when Faxon actually got here.
It took several hours for Faxon to arrive. I had started to yawn and more than considered giving up and going to bed. When the knock came at the door, however, all my nerves jumped back to alertness. Faxon and the other guard exchanged news from below (there had been a battle, which Faxon had watched from the wall), then parted ways.
“You wished to speak with me.” Faxon sounded confused. “What is it?”
“I will be leaving Autumnstead soon. Gerry, the man I came here to save, has told me in a dream that he is still alive. I lost him once; I won’t lose him again.”
“You can’t!” Faxon said sharply, then more gently. “You are the princess. Autumnstead needs you.”
“I am no princess. I only pretend to be.”
“But if the people learned of our deception, now, of all times, it would destroy their morale!”
Faxon wasn’t playing around. I had to raise my defenses before his wave of guilt overwhelmed me. “Look, Faxon, it’s not that I don’t care. But all those times Fiona ran away before, including the time she disappeared for almost an entire year, they seemed to do alright without her,” I said, more thinking out loud than from any real conviction.
“How would you know what the people feel?” Faxon said with the same spiny defensiveness he'd exhibited when I'd questioned anything related to Princess Fiona. He glared at me, ready to attack any answer I gave.
This was the time, I realized, the moment I must ask Faxon the questions I'd brought him here to answer. I plunged forward before nerves could silence me. “Faxon… There’s no easy way to ask this. But I learned something about you today, too.” I told him the queen’s words that had repeated in my mind since late that afternoon.
“I don’t understand.” So Faxon said, but I knew from his darting eyes and nervous voice that he did. “What meaning does that hold for me?”
“That you are also not who you seem to be. Please, Faxon… Tell me who you are.” I squinted, staring at him as though the secret were hidden beneath his clothes and flesh.
“I am only Faxon.” He shrugged heavily, let his arms drop to his sides.
But I still didn’t believe him. As I continued to gaze at Faxon, his almost waist-length wheat blonde hair, mist-gray eyes, his arms and shoulders, slender for a man, his long coat with its thick cuffs, a sound filled my ears like glass dropped on a tile floor. And then it was not Faxon standing before me, but a woman who bore more than a passing resemblance to…
“Oh my God!” I whispered. She had my square-shaped face, my lips, my nose. If I’d neglected to condition and brush my hair for weeks, it
would have looked just like hers.
Alarm filled the woman’s china blue eyes. She stormed the room, frantically searching for something. She still wore Faxon’s clothes, I realized, the coat, knee-high boots, and breeches, a slender sword. She stood just a little taller than me, her face slightly gaunter, her hands calloused from wielding a sword. Standing side-by-side, we might have been sisters.
The woman lifted the looking glass, a simple rectangle in a wooden frame, from the mantle. “No.” In her murmur, I heard defeat. She turned to me, her eyes shining, her chin quavering. She raised her hands as though she would push or strike me, then stopped and let them fall to her sides.
Queen Arencaster had described my resemblance to Fiona as uncanny.
And so it was. “Faxon…you are Fiona?” I kept my voice as soft as the snows outside. No one could overhear this. Not yet.
“Yes. Let us sit down,” Fiona said as though this were her room. Well, I had to excuse her a little now that I knew she was the princess.
“As you know, I ran from the castle that imprisoned me, my mother the jailer. But I could never stay away. Do you know what kept bringing me back?” Fiona looked so vulnerable, I wanted to reach out to her. However, I didn’t want to interrupt, to chance missing the secret she’d kept so long.
“Despite my lack of freedom, I am bound to this realm, by honor and by blood. I always wondered about Autumnstead. Was the harvest good? Were the people content? And of course, the threat of Latule… I had to make sure they weren’t able to gain control. They would not rule justly, not as my family would, not as the people deserved.” I could have been talking to Queen Arencaster in that moment, with Fiona’s fierce, uncompromising sense of honor, the proud way she raised her chin.
“I thought of a solution before the very last time I ran away,” Fiona said. “The princess would run away, never to return. With mirror magic, I would fashion a new identity: Faxon.”
So that’s how she had done it. Fiona had incorrectly assumed I knew she had used mirror magic, and so was able to break the spell. (Personally, I had no idea how I’d done it.)
“I would have the best of both worlds,” Fiona continued, taking a deep, shaking breath. “I could reside in my realm, give my life to protect Autumnstead if need be, and watch over the people. Yet I would have the freedom of choice. When and whether to marry. The option of training with the guard and fighting alongside soldiers. And many others.”
“But you wanted the Arencasters to remain rulers of Autumnstead. You must have known Latule would try for the throne after you were gone for a year.”
“I hoped that my father would return,” Fiona said softly. “It was foolish!” Her eyes glinted like sun on ice, sharpness directed against herself. “I debated coming back. The Wagoners and Autumnstead scouts warned me that Latule was moving. But despite my feeling of obligation, I just couldn’t bring myself to submit to a lifetime of limitations. Being a woman in Autumnstead is bad enough, to say nothing of being a royal woman.”
“I can see how that would be frustrating,” I said. And I sort of did. Even at home, things weren’t perfect for women. There still weren’t many of us in the “good” jobs like technology, and we had yet to have a woman President. (My roommates in California talked about it a lot.)
“‘Frustrating’ doesn’t begin to describe it!” Fiona started to shout, then quickly lowered her voice. “The sword is my life! And the laws of the land are written so that I can’t live it!”
“Couldn’t you change the laws? As queen?”
“To be queen, I would have to marry. And then my husband would be king of Autumnstead. Oh, the councilors would rejoice,” Fiona said bitterly. “Such changes to the law would never get past them, no matter how eloquent, no matter how needed!”
“I’m sorry it’s like that, Fiona.” I really was. But at the same time, another emotion was emerging. I had pretended to be Fiona all this time while Ger was the dragon rider’s prisoner. Currently, I was certain he was alive. But there was a time I’d thought he was dead because of me. Because I’d allowed other people’s agendas to sidetrack me.
And now it turned out that Princess Fiona had been in the kingdom the entire time, had known firsthand about me and Gerry. And that entire time, she’d never stepped up. She hadn’t even said anything.
Out of my growing anger, I found courage. “Now more than ever, I can’t stay. I will leave the moment Queen Arencaster finds someone to accompany me.”
“You can’t! What will happen to Autumnstead without a princess?” Fiona jumped from her chair.
“The kingdom was fine all the times you’ve left it before. If you’re so worried about Autumnstead, come back! Not as Faxon, but as yourself!” I drove my stare into Fiona’s eyes, Lily style.
“I can’t go back…” Fiona shook her head. “And it’s not like I abandoned Autumnstead. I’m doing my part for this country by fighting. Whether I’m on the front line or in the throne room, what difference does it make?
“You can’t have it both ways,” I said, hating that I couldn’t help without compromising what I needed to do. I had to stay strong, I reminded myself. “I won’t waste this second chance for Ger.”
Fiona interrupted my thoughts unexpectedly. “How do you know this Gerry person is alive? After what we saw in the woods, and the way you reacted —”
Eagerly, I told Fiona about the dream and showed her the pin and the button Gerry had given me. I’d hoped that seeing where I was coming from would make her want to support my mission.
Instead, Fiona frowned, and pursed her lips so they nearly disappeared. “And just where are you going to find him? Didn’t he give you a location?”
“Well, no,” I said in a small voice. “Maybe he doesn’t know where he is.”
“That’s convenient,” Fiona muttered.
“I’m not going to wander aimlessly, though,” I said. “We’ll start at Ceredwyn.”
“The capital?” Fiona raised her golden eyebrows. “But you said the dream happened in a cave.”
“The queen said Gerry looks just like Gerard Elhanas.” I took out the driver’s license to show Fiona. “That’s where he lives, so that’s where I’m beginning the search, to see if Gerard knows anything.”
“Gerard Elhanas…” Fiona mused. “It’s possible if Gerry is anything like him.”
“What’s possible?” I said, a little sharply to remind Fiona that I couldn’t hear her thoughts.
“How do you know Gerry isn’t just leading you around for some purpose that benefits him?”
That statement hit like slap in the face, maybe from all the times my coworkers at Portalis Park called me Gerry’s “fair lady project.” I often had wondered if Gerry would love me if I hadn’t let him boss me around so much.
I answered Fiona without thinking and unintentionally delivered a verbal slap of my own. “This from the person who deceived me, your mom, and the whole country?! I guess you’d know about using people, Fiona! And the queen’s the same way! I stayed at that damn tower for months, and she never offered to send a search party out for Gerry! I think this war is the only reason she didn’t let me rot there!” I retorted.
“I’ve had enough of this!” Fiona got to her feet. “You shall not leave Autumnstead!” Her tone and gaze could have frozen an entire countryside.
“I will keep your secret, Fiona. But I will not stay. You are a princess of this realm, but you are not my princess. I am not of this world.” My heart raced. I’d never stood up to someone like this before. “Whether you step out of the shadows or not, I’m going to look for Gerry,” I said.
Fiona nodded solemnly. “Very well. But know if you do so, our friendship ends here.”
Goosebumps raced across my arms, but despite how final Fiona’s words were, they were not the cause. Before my eyes, Fiona restored her form to that of Faxon. Moving on cat’s feet, the disguised princess shut the guest room door soundlessly.
When I was certain she was gone, I curled up on
the bed and wept for how wrong the conversation had gone. It wasn’t just frustration at more obstacles to finding Gerry. The fact was, I liked Faxon, despite his quirks and big secret.
And as for Fiona, I hadn’t forgotten my school years of being misunderstood, how lonely it was to lack a voice or opinion that anyone saw as valuable. If not for my mom (and several therapists), I might have run away.
There was some hypocrisy at work here, too. During the councils of war, Queen Arencaster contributed as much to the battle strategies as her captains and counselors. From the way her eyes shone as she moved the wooden pawns around the map of the castle and surrounding lands, I knew the only place she would be happier would be the battlefield itself.
Fiona was just like her.
And yet, I got why the queen tried to box Fiona in. What traditional man, noble or prince, would want a warrior woman for his wife? No matter how much he loved her, respectable society would eat them alive. As the only child. Fiona was obligated to marry if her house were to retain the throne.
It almost made me sympathetic to Fiona’s decision. But just because I understood didn’t make it okay. I wished Fiona had trusted me, that we could have reached some compromise.
It might be too late now. Fiona had said our friendship would end if I left. I wondered if she really meant it. It would be another thing to ask Tolliver when he got back. He was in for an earful to say the least.
Naturally, with all this drama happening, Tolliver didn’t come back when I expected. (Yes, I admit it; I had been counting the minutes.) Fiona’s secret and my own reactions to it grew heavier by the hour. I began to wonder if Tolliver had known. He had spoken well of Fiona before; he and Faxon were good friends, as well as comrades in arms. Suppose Fiona had talked to him, and now he thought badly of me?
I waited for an entire breathless day, but Tolliver didn’t return. The next morning, I finally broke down and asked about him, learning that a soldier, similar in rank and experience had broken his arm in a skirmish with Latule outside the wall. Tolliver had been sent to fight in his place. The guards standing in for him at the castle had been ordered to devote a few hours of their day of rest to my protection.
Rescuing the Prince Page 21