“You won’t reconsider at all?” I tried again
“No.”
I clung fast to my courage, to what I had entered this world and survived hardship and peril to do. “I won’t leave without Gerry.”
“Then you leave me no choice. Pray to what gods have your allegiance, Leah Heroman, for this hour is your last.”
Dumbfounded, I stared at Mersania. Silver flashed across the surface of her eyes, sunlight caught in a mirror’s crack.
“Leah, look out!” Gerard shouted.
I tried to sidestep, but the ground beneath my feet had changed into a soupy mixture that made it difficult to lift my feet. I just stopped myself from falling.
Altering properties of natural elements was one unusual condition mirror magic could bring about, I remembered Ben saying before a more important realization hit me: I was sinking! In the space of one thought, the cave mud had gone from my ankles to my knees. I tried slogging away from Mersania, hoping to find a patch of solid ground.
Mersania’s dragon came to the other side of the mud and bared his teeth at me.
“No, Gedion. This battle is not yours,” Mersania said, as grave as though she read an execution sentence. Beginning with her hands at her waist, she raised them to shoulder level with her palms turned up. The small rocks that covered the cave floor began to clatter, then jumped into the air to pelt me, a swarm of small stingers. Though I tried to escape, the mud kept me from moving quickly.
Pain gave way to panic. I thrashed against the liquid stone.
The stoning was only the beginning. When I no longer had the strength to flinch against the rocks, Mersania used her powers to lift me into the air a good eight feet. There, she spun me until I could no longer distinguish the ceiling from the floor. For a finishing move, she let me drop, which slammed the breath out of my body. The only thing that saved me from broken bones was the mud.
As I lay, with my torso and legs submerged, my head, arms, and shoulders crumpled in defeat across the solid cave floor, Mersania approached, her booted feet crunching on the rocks.
“Your existence ends now,” she said. Blue fire flickered above her cupped hands. As I watched the flame, I came aware of something inside me resonating to her powers. In that moment, I knew: everything she had done was mirror magic. Maybe it was better that Ben and I hadn’t gotten to talk, that Elijah Maestos had left Valeriya shortly after I arrived. If this was what being strong in mirror magic meant, I wanted no part of it.
Mersania drew back her arm to fling the blue fire at me, an enraged goddess hurling thunderbolts from on high.
I’m going to die, I thought. I shut my eyes; still the fire’s searing light burned through my eyelids.
I threw my hands over my head, a futile attempt to ward off the attack. And somehow, doing so forced the fire back on Mersania, who put up her own shield by waving her hands. The fire she’d sent against me dissipated.
“How many times do I have to kill you?” she hissed. Rage filled her eyes at my unexpected defense. I sensed she was going to redouble her efforts against me,
Despite this, I dared to hope. Maybe there was something else I could throw at her. There were plenty of pebbles at my feet. How had she gotten them in the air?
Long ago, looking into the depths of magic mirrors, meditating on what appeared to be the sunlit ripples within them had induced the trance, which allowed me to use mirror magic. The patterns of the rocks were like ripples, patterns I wanted in the air. Obedient ranks of rocks rose with my hands. Yes!
I pointed at Mersania; stones whistled toward her. With a shriek of surprise, Mersania brought up her hands to call on the invisible shield from before.
I wondered if moving my other hand would do anything. It did! I was a conductor sending waves of rocks crashing her way. Take that, crazy ex!
I used the time I’d bought to free myself from the mud.
My continued onslaught actually broke through the shield and cut Mersania’s face. I must admit, I felt pretty gratified when I saw the thin line of blood on her cheek.
It was a short-lived victory.
“That’s enough!” Mersania shouted.
Black fog surrounded her, crept across the room toward me. I let the rocks fall and tried to escape. Mersania’s attacks had weakened me, however, and I doubt I could have escaped this new spell so long as I remained in the cave. When it caught up to me, the fog entered my body, swallowed what little strength I had. My body felt so heavy, I sank first to my knees, then to a prostrate position. An invisible fist squeezed the breath from my chest. In a last act of defiance, I wrapped my arms around myself to try and keep whatever good things were leaving me, in. It seemed to help somewhat, resisting this way.
“This is a great pity,” Gerard said, his attention riveted on Mersania. “Still, I’m glad I saw her again. Poor young lady.”
Mersania scowled at him.
“No, listen, Mersania. Seeing Leah again has made me realize you’re the one I love after all. This is a terrible mistake I’ve made. I want to go back to our first days. Do you remember how I wooed you? Everything can be the way it was.”
How could he?
I couldn’t believe it! In our moment of defeat, I’d expected Ger to make a last plea for my life, or maybe to die alongside me (I wouldn’t really have wanted that, but he could’ve offered.) He wasn’t so much as looking at me.
He has valid reasons, a familiar part of my mind tried to rationalize. Look at what his magic-using, centuries-old psycho ex can do.
But though that could be, I just didn’t believe it.
This wasn’t the first time Gerry’s interests had changed to reap the greatest advantage for himself.
I still remembered the day he was supposed to meet my parents. It was a big deal because Dad was actually in town. Since the divorce, he'd been spending most of his time in Saudi Arabia overseeing various oil industry projects. I'd thought it was hard to get together while he and Mom were both in Project Management, but a few promotions had made him more difficult to see than an A-list celebrity. I’d gotten us a reservation at Cicada, one of Dad's favorites restaurants. And then the day before, Gerry revealed he had made other plans that day: attending the Portalis Park golf tournament. He hadn’t expected my plans with my parents to work out for some unspecified reason, so he’d double-booked that day. Anything for that promotion, I remembered thinking. I’d been crushed and embarrassed. It took months to finally introduce him to my parents, and I never was able to get the four of us together.
Then there was the way he usually was too busy for stuff I wanted to do, yet I was expected to drop my plans for him.
And the battle of becoming exclusive. There’d been several false starts with that, during which “coincidental” girls come up to “say hello” during our dates and ask when they could see him again.
There were so many things he hadn’t told me! His origins, his family, even his name! To say nothing of his hundred years’ relationship.
My head spun. It was wrong, all wrong! Every moment Gerry and I had spent together, everything we’ve done! Had he been laughing at me the entire time?
And this was how he’d been all along. Only now, almost at the end of my life, could I see it.
“Gerry…or Gerard, whatever you call yourself,” I growled. “I’m sorry.”
Ger and Mersania turned to look at me, an inconsequential insect dying on their floor. All the rage and disappointment I’d held in during our year together flooded out.
“I’m sorry I ever came after you.”
Gerry’s mouth dropped open, and normally expressionless Mersania widened her eyes slightly.
“Everything you ever told me was a lie… I came all this way, through all these difficulties, only to find that the man I thought you were is an illusion! I don’t know who you really are! You used me! You use everyone! You’re disgusting!”
The entire time, I’d been focused on what Gerry had said, then got swept away on the fires of my wra
th. I’d paid Mersania no attention.
“You are wise beyond your short years,” Mersania surprised me by saying. She turned to Gerry. “Is this your answer to the loss of the woman for whom you pleaded with such tears and tenderness?” she demanded. “To go back to the life that was beautiful in its time, centuries ago? Which, for all your poems of love and lavish gifts, you still threw away for new horizons and love conquests in other worlds?”
Her quiet wrath was the first rumbling of an avalanche. Gerry started to speak, but Mersania cut him off.
“You love no one, Gerard, not unless self-interest can be considered such an object. It took one who I perceived as my rival in love to open my eyes. But now they comprehend the terrible truth, and I cannot unsee it. For centuries, I have hoped you would change and put the love you extol and words into action.”
“I’ve changed! I really have!” Gerry rattled his chains to show the passion of his declaration
I’m certain you have. Just as you were going to stop seeking the favor of other women the time before Leah. And the time before that. And the one prior.”
In disbelief, I looked from Mersania, who was more beautiful than Lady Ariana, if that could be believed, to Gerry. Why had he done it? I didn’t get it.
“You were once my love. You no longer are,” Mersania proclaimed. “You only came crawling back to ask for more years to your wastrel life. Then you distanced yourself; you have dallied with others. Today it ends.”
The terrible internal pressure left me, but I stayed on the floor, hoping they wouldn’t notice.
“Anger makes you foolish!” Gerard said, his voice a metal-tipped whip. “Have you forgotten the long life you are cursed with? Even your beloved dragons cannot live as long as you. Will you thrust away one of your few friends over a misunderstanding?”
As Gerry spewed his poison, I crawled toward the cave mouth.
“No matter how far I run, I can't escape the truth,” Mersania said softly, as though she were thinking out loud. “I understand clearly for the first time in years: you are no friend, Gerard. And remember, without me, your life would be of mortal length.”
They were consumed with each other. I could have tap-danced out, and they wouldn’t have seen.
“A gift I treasure each day I live,” Gerard insisted.
“Then treasure it well. It shall not be given again.”
With those words, I escaped into the night, to new danger.
I had no idea how to get to the forest and no food or water to get me there. To explore this cave with the mysterious still dragon standing sentry outside it, I had left my pack behind. There was no way I would find it again without a lot of luck
Wind whistled cold through the rocks. But anywhere was better than Mersania’s cave. The wounds inflicted there were still fresh. I needed to retreat, give them time to heal. I wondered if I would live long enough for them to do so.
It didn’t take long for me to tire of bashing my knees and elbows, scraping my hands in the dark. I nestled between two rocks, a passable shelter from the wind. I tried to sleep, but my brain insisted on replaying what had happened.
“You were only a diversion for him,” I heard Mersania say again. “Gerard and I have been together for over a century.”
I’d always attributed my doubts and insecurity about Gerry to my anxiety. But this went beyond my wildest worried imaginings.
Why me? What had I done to deserve this? Maybe if I’d been more outgoing or had a better idea of what I wanted out of life, Ger would have behaved like a normal boyfriend, or at least, he wouldn’t have lied to me.
Luckily the battle with Mersania and my long, taxing journey had taken a lot out of me, so it didn’t take sleep long to find me. I had scarcely closed my eyes when it felt as though the world had dropped away beneath me.
I slept longer and harder on those cold rocks with no fire than I had many nights in my own bed in Orange County. No matter how much better I felt after such a rest, I woke hungry. This was getting dangerous, I realized. If I was going to survive, I had to get out of Edonai!
Mom often said that fasting inspires wisdom. It does.
At least, I felt as though my thoughts were wise as I stumbled among the rocks searching for the forest and the more forgiving lower lands. My dreams evolved over the blurred-together days. They began with worldly matters: visions of In-N-Out Burger where I could taste the ground beef and ranch dressing on my French fries to more…what Mom would call “enlightened matters,” truths about life and existence. One idea I recall was that the transcendence brought on by long hunger was a good distraction from the nearing shadow of death.
Eventually, I lay down among the rocks, recognizing deep in my body that my time had come. I lay down to sleep, that strange sleep where dreams and reality are closer than they would be with a full belly. Perhaps food in the stomach served as a wall between the reality’s illusions and truths.
Thinking of Gerry and the lies that surrounded him had become my ritual when the darkness closed in.
But that night, the feelings of grief and inadequacy gave way to a new direction.
Gerry/Gerard had lied to Mersania, too, someone rich and stunningly gorgeous. Despite her magic and accomplishments, even helping him live longer, she hadn’t been enough for him.
The problem was Gerard, not me.
Tolliver, on the other hand, had loved me just as I was. And in the end, I’d felt more strongly about him than I ever had about Gerard. I wished I had longer to get to know him, to see what might’ve become of our relationship.
Still, it was nice to feel peace at last about Gerry, although I doubted I’d be around much longer to enjoy it.
At this point, consciousness and sleep blended until they were one.
Chapter Twenty-one
Resolutions
I awoke in the guest bedroom in Autumnstead. A single guard stood vigil at the bedside. He blinked and squinted as if he disbelieved the sight of me stirring, then darted to the door. I heard him speak in a low voice, I guessed to a page. Queen Arencaster came soon after, so quickly, I wondered if she’d been right outside all along.
“You have returned,” Queen Arencaster said. “But alone.”
“Yes,” I said, still not believing that this room and the people in it were real. “I was…unsuccessful in rescuing Gerry.”
“Regrettable,” Queen Arencaster said. “But I am grateful you have returned safely.” For all her idiosyncrasies, I felt grateful she could sense when I didn’t want to talk about something and didn’t pry.
“So you have heard no word from Reldion,” I said, not really hoping for good news.
“None,” said the queen. “How did you become separated?”
“Wilders ambushed us,” I said, picking at the design in the quilt. “Reldion helped me escape.”
“I see. Reldion is a resilient man. He may yet come barking at the gates of Autumnstead like a stray dog begging for scraps.”
Personally I didn’t think it was very likely. On the other hand… “The last thing I remember is laying down in the rock fields of Edonai to die.” I closed my eyes as I spoke the words, seeing again the stark landscape around me, a vast, inescapable prison. “How did I come to be here?”
“You were found. Arencaster’s troops came early to engage Latule at the Field of Eleanor between here and Ivenbury. In the light of waking sun, Fiona and her company came upon you laying in the grass. Hunger and exposure had weakened you, so my daughter had you brought to the castle. With her own hand, she penned orders that you were to be cared for, as a good friend of the family.”
Fiona had helped me and referred to me as a good friend of the family, after our last conversation! I could barely believe it!
But wait, what was this? Queen Arencaster had said Fiona and her company. “So you found Princess Fiona.”
“Yes,” Queen Arencaster said. Though her bearing remained as regal and stoic as ever, she could not disguise the gleam of pride in her eyes.
I waited a minute, hoping she would elaborate. What had inspired her change? Had simple reunification done it? The war with Latule surely factored in as well.
But the queen remained silent. It may have been pride. After all the time I’d spent with Faxon, maybe Queen Arencaster guessed that I had known and didn’t feel a need to explain.
“I’m glad that Arencaster still holds Autumnstead,” I said at last, giving up on our contest of wills. The lady’s mouth was shut tighter than a walnut.
“The winds of war are slowly changing to favor Autumnstead,” Queen Arencaster said. “The investigation has concluded. Now that the one it incriminated has fled the realm, Latule’s advantage is slipping away. Yesterday’s battle that began with finding you ended in victory for Autumnstead.”
“That’s wonderful!”
“Yes,” Queen Arencaster said simply. “Though Latule continues to hold the forest, they have been driven away from Autumnstead Village’s wall.”
“One more thing, if you please, your Majesty.”
“Yes, Leah?”
“How did I get to the battlefield in the first place? Were there any clues?”
“For many feet in each direction, the grass was trampled. Knowing what I do of your quest, believing what I do from what I witnessed long ago, I think a dragon brought you.”
Mersania. It had to be. But why? I wondered if our shared pain had something to do with it, how the person we’d love had turned out to be an illusion.
“There are letters from Valeriya for you on the mantle,” Queen Arencaster said. “If you need anything, please do not hesitate to ask. Princess Fiona has returned, but you will always have a place in our kingdom.”
“Thank you, Majesty.” My eyes misted over, and I gave the queen a trembling, watery smile.
Pretending not to see, Queen Arencaster swept out of the room.
I laughed to myself and wiped away my tears.
I had two letters from Valeriya: one from Ben and one from Callie.
I read Callie’s first. In my absence, Ben had become her mentor, and then some. He was helping her with elemental magic as well as “noble skills” such as reading, writing, and common languages. Once in a while, Paxta joined them to provide her insights as a prominent resident of the main Other World continent.
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