She smiled fondly at her mobile as she put it in her bag. It was a long time since she’d been this happy. Nick made her laugh and she missed him when he wasn’t with her, to the point where she had begun to wonder whether she might be falling in love with him. She hugged herself in the pleasure of the moment: a gorgeous boyfriend and the dream of her own boutique coming true. Her cup really was running over at present.
‘Right, Tam, enough of all that euphoria. Every second in here is costing about a fiver, so get to work, my girl,’ she told herself.
The next three hours were taken up with ferrying her sewing machine and the plastic boxes of jewels and beads to the shop. Then she drove to her storage unit to fetch a selection of her vintage clothes. She spent far too much time hanging her clothes in various different orders and messing around with ideas for the window, rather than cracking on with the nitty-gritty of moving in, but surely she was allowed just a few hours of indulgence?
Tammy was boogieing to Robbie Williams on the radio, with one of her floatier dresses pulled on over her jumper and jeans, when there was a tap on the door.
‘Hi,’ said Tammy, mid-boogie, as an attractive Indian girl entered the shop.
‘Hi. I’m Joyti Rajeeve from the shoe shop next door. I just thought I’d come and say hello.’
‘I’m Tammy Shaw, and I’m a great fan of your shoes. They’re really starting to attract some attention in the glossies, aren’t they?’
‘Yes, fingers crossed,’ said Joyti. ‘This is a very good place to be and it matters a lot that your neighbours are doing well, because the street gets a reputation and you get each other’s passing trade.’
‘Absolutely,’ agreed Tammy. ‘Well, I hope I don’t let the side down, like the last business in here.’
‘From the look of that dress, I’m sure you won’t. It’s gorgeous!’ Joyti fingered the delicate beading on the chiffon.
‘Yes, I got it for a song in an estate sale – though the owner hadn’t taken care of it at all. I had to re-do all the beading by hand, but hopefully not for much longer. I need staff,’ Tammy added, ‘but my budget is very tight.’
‘Well, interestingly enough, I may know someone who might be prepared to help you and who comes with the highest qualifications.’
‘Really? Well, I probably couldn’t afford her then.’
‘Oh, you probably could. She’s my mum, actually.’
‘Oh, I see.’ Tammy didn’t want to sound condescending, but she needed a professional.
‘And she was, in her day, one of the most famous bespoke sari makers in the business,’ Joyti continued. ‘Her close-work is second to none. She gave it up to retire a year ago, but now, of course, she’s bored rigid at home.’
‘Why doesn’t she pop along to see me then?’ Tammy offered.
‘I’ll ask her. It would work to my advantage to keep her occupied and get her out of my hair,’ Joyti giggled. ‘Anyway, I’ll leave you to it, but if you fancy a drink after work any time, just give me a knock. Oh, and by the way, I have the perfect pair of shoes to go with that dress. Maybe we could do some cross-marketing. See you around,’ said Joyti as she left the shop.
Tammy’s mobile rang at eight o’clock and she answered it, expecting to hear Nick.
‘Hi, Tam, it’s Jane. How’s it going?’
‘Fantastic! I’ve been dancing around the shop with excitement!’
‘Good. Decided on a name for the shop yet?’
‘Nope.’ It was the one thing Tammy was stuck on.
‘Well, you’ll have to decide that before you have your big opening.’
‘Yes, I will, won’t I?’
‘Want me to come over and we’ll go to the Fifth Floor at Harvey Nicks and have a bottle of champagne to celebrate?’
‘Oh Jane, it sounds wonderful, but I’m promised to Nick tonight.’
‘Of course. But tomorrow night, I insist you come with me to the opening of the new Gucci store.’
‘Yuck,’ groaned Tammy. ‘I hate all that stuff.’
‘I know, but you really should be putting yourself about as much as possible in the next few months, letting people know about your new venture.’
‘Yes, okay, you’re absolutely right,’ agreed Tammy. ‘How about we pop in to the party for an hour or so, then go off somewhere for a nice gossip and some supper?’
‘Sounds good to me,’ agreed Jane. ‘I’ll pick you up tomorrow at seven from your new premises. Congratulations again, darling.’
‘Thanks. Bye, Janey.’
At nine o’clock, now ready to go home, Tammy tried Nick’s mobile. It was still on voicemail. She decided to head home for a bath and wait for him to call her there. Maybe there’d been so much to talk about with his mother, he hadn’t noticed the time ticking on. Still, it was very unlike him not to call.
Having had her bath, Tammy paced her sitting room, unable to settle. At ten, she tried Nick’s mobile again, and, still getting the voicemail, tried Jane and Paul’s house. Their answering machine was on too.
Tammy slumped onto the sofa. She was starving, so she warmed herself a slice of pizza and opened the bottle of champagne.
‘Cheers to me,’ she toasted herself half-heartedly, then took a healthy slug, but all the pleasure seemed to have drained from the day and now she felt both cross and frustrated. If Nick had phoned to say he couldn’t make it, she could at least have gone out with Jane and celebrated. She didn’t understand. Nick knew how much this day had meant to her.
‘Bloody men, they’re all the same,’ she growled, on her third glass of champagne.
At midnight, chucking the empty champagne bottle into the bin, Tammy walked unsteadily to the bedroom, lay down on the bed and fell into an alcohol-induced sleep.
The next morning, hung over and irritable, she went to the boutique and began to organise her clothes. She had purchased some expensive black velvet hangers, and she hung the evening gowns on them, arranging them by era and style. Then she wrestled a structured deep red 1950s dress onto a mannequin, the skirt falling voluminously to the ground, and busied herself with sorting through the vintage accessories she’d collected, placing the costume earrings onto little velvet pads, and the bracelets onto a porcelain jewellery tree.
And still, there was no word from Nick.
‘Wow,’ said Jane when she arrived that evening. ‘Someone’s been busy.’
‘I have, yes, but there’s still so much to do. What do you think of the window? I’ve ordered lots of fake flowers and bushes to dress it. It’s going to have a Midsummer Night’s Dream kind of theme.’
‘I think it’s a wonderful idea. And you look fantastic in that dress,’ Jane said admiringly. ‘A walking advert for your wares, darling.’
‘Thanks. The only thing I have to decide, as you mentioned yesterday, is the name.’
‘That’s one for tonight over supper. Come on, we don’t want to be late and miss all those smoked salmon canapés.’ Jane tucked her arm through Tammy’s and they headed for the party.
Tammy made pleasant conversation with the A-listers invited to the opening of the new boutique. Even though she’d been off the celebrity circuit for a couple of years now, it was still the same faces; ironically, many looking younger than when she’d last seen them. The paparazzi recorded the affair for their newspaper diaries and the glossy magazines, and even though she found it facile, Tammy knew she had to recognise that this would be part of her life again if she wished to make it in the fashion business.
‘At least I’ll be the one pulling the strings,’ she muttered to herself as she watched the celebrity designer surrounded by It girls and minor royalty.
Jane came and found her after an hour, and they took a cab to a cosy Italian restaurant just off the King’s Road.
‘Is it champagne tonight?’ asked Jane as they sat down at their table.
‘Well, I had an entire bottle to myself last night. Nick didn’t turn up,’ Tammy answered abruptly.
‘Really?’ Jane frowne
d. ‘I am surprised. He wasn’t home with us either, so I presumed he was with you.’
‘Nope.’ Tammy shook her head. ‘He’s gone AWOL. I haven’t heard from him today either.’
‘That really is unlike Nick. He’s usually Mr Reliable. God, I do hope he’s okay, that nothing’s happened to him.’
‘Well,’ Tammy shrugged, ‘I can hardly call the police and put out a missing person alert for a thirty-four-year-old who’s been away for one night, can I?’
‘No, but if you don’t hear from him, and he doesn’t turn up at our place either, perhaps you should at least call his mother.’
‘I don’t have her number. Now, how about that champagne?’
‘Actually, I won’t, but please have one yourself. I’m good with water.’
‘Really? Are you on a detox?’
‘Yes, sort of. I . . . Well, the thing is, I . . .’ Jane shook her head. ‘Oh shit, I wasn’t going to say anything. I mean, I haven’t even told Paul yet, but, well . . .’
‘Oh my God! You’re pregnant, aren’t you?’
Jane’s eyes shone and she nodded. ‘Yes, yes I am. I can hardly believe it. I’m still in complete shock.’
‘Oh Janey!’ Tammy’s eyes filled with tears and she reached across the table to take her hand. ‘That is just the most wonderful piece of news. I am so, so happy for both of you.’
‘Thank you.’ Jane’s eyes were wet too and she reached in her handbag for a tissue and blew her nose. ‘But it’s very early days yet. I’m only six weeks and there’s every chance things could go wrong.’
‘Well, you’re going to have to take every precaution to make sure they don’t. Lots of rest, healthy diet, no booze . . . the works. So, how on earth did it happen?’
‘In the same way as it always does,’ Jane chuckled. ‘You know all about us trying for years, spending a bloody fortune on IVF, not to mention nearly losing my mind and my marriage with the pressure of it all.’ She chewed on a bread stick. ‘You remember me saying that Paul and I had agreed to forget the whole idea, just accept we would be childless and that would be an end to it. The ironic thing is, I really feel we’ve finally achieved that.’
‘Maybe it’s because you’ve relaxed so completely that your body has decided to get on with it by itself,’ said Tammy.
‘Yes, that’s what the doctor said.’
‘When will you tell Paul?’
‘I don’t know. I want to tell him, obviously, but you know what he’s like; he’s a big kid himself. He’ll be so over-excited, and go out and start finding antique cradles and suitable original prints for the nursery. I just couldn’t bear it if something went wrong for us. He’d be devastated.’
‘God, Janey, if it was me, I doubt I could keep it to myself, but I understand why you are.’
‘Maybe I’ll tell him in a couple of weeks’ time. Every day I hold on to the baby is one day less to worry about, and once I get to twelve weeks, I can relax a little.’
Tammy raised her champagne glass. ‘To you, Janey, for totally making my day. Cheers.’
‘And to you, and your soon to be famous, but currently nameless, business,’ added Jane.
They clinked glasses.
‘Anyway, forget about my shop, when is this little one due to be born?’
‘May.’ Jane paused and looked at Tammy. ‘“Born” . . . or rather, “Reborn”? How about that as a cool name for your boutique?’
‘“Reborn” . . . “Reborn”.’ Tammy rolled it round her tongue and imagined it above the window of the shop. ‘Oh my God, it’s perfect! I love it! You are clever, Janey.’
‘Thank you.’
‘Now I can get a signwriter in and start on the invitations for the opening party.’
‘Which will be when?’ Jane asked as their pasta arrived.
‘As soon as possible, because every day I’m not open is another day without dosh. November maybe. A lot of the clothes still need work to restore them, but my new neighbour says her mum might be able to help me. God, I have so much work to do.’
‘Well, at least your name is going to drag the great and the good to the opening, even if it’s only for the booze and a nose. I could try and pull a few strings and see if I could get you and the clothes a feature in a good mag.’
‘Janey, that would be fantastic!’
‘I’ll do my best.’ Jane watched her friend as she pushed her pasta around her plate. ‘Not hungry?’
Tammy shrugged. ‘No, not very.’
‘You’re worried about Nick, aren’t you?’
‘Yes, it’s just that everything has been going so well between us, I’ve begun to believe that it might just work out. I really feel something for him, and’ – Tammy took a gulp of her champagne – ‘once again, I’ve been let down. Last night was so important to me, and Nick knew it was.’
‘Look, Tam, I’ve known Nick for a long time and he is not, and never will be, a bastard. Whatever has happened to him in the past twenty-four hours has got nothing to do with the way he feels about you, I’m sure of it. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He absolutely adores you, Tammy, really.’
‘I don’t know,’ she sighed. ‘I was just getting to the point where I’d begun to feel reasonably secure and now, well, it doesn’t take much for me to be frightened off.’
‘I understand, but you just need to trust.’
‘Do you know if he had lots of women before he left for Australia or since?’
‘I don’t think so, although I do remember Paul telling me of someone he was very keen on just before he left for Perth. I think he said she worked for him at the shop he had in Southwold. He can’t have been that keen, anyway, if he went to the other side of the world soon after.’
‘Unless he went because it didn’t work out,’ Tammy shrugged. ‘Anyway, we’ll just have to see what he has to say for himself when he eventually turns up, if he turns up.’
Tammy arrived home around eleven, feeling calmer after her chat with Jane. It was pointless worrying until she knew the whole story, but the anxiety she felt was the very thing that unsettled her. It meant that Nick had got under her skin.
Knowing she wouldn’t be able to sleep, Tammy took out some paper and began to fiddle with designs for the lettering of the name of her new shop.
Her mobile rang at midnight.
‘Hello?’
‘Tam, it’s me, Nick. Did I wake you?’
‘Where the hell have you been, you shit?!’ was what she wanted to say. Instead, she said, ‘It’s okay. I’ve been doing some work.’
‘Look, I’m so, so sorry about last night and not calling you. Something came up and . . . well, I just couldn’t get away. Is it too late to come round now and crawl on bended knee for your forgiveness?’
She knew she shouldn’t let him, but she was so relieved he was okay and desperate to see him. ‘If you want,’ she said as casually as she could, ‘but I’m very tired.’
‘I’ll see you in fifteen minutes.’
Tammy ran to the bedroom to brush her hair and clean her teeth, promising herself she would act with dignity and decorum and not show just how upset she really was.
Nick pulled his hire car into a petrol station, switched off the engine and sat in the darkness. He felt completely drained, mentally and emotionally.
Having experienced the total euphoria of arriving back in the UK, meeting Tammy and starting to set up his business, he’d been fooled into believing that the gods were smiling on him and the past was well and truly behind him. In the last twenty-four hours he’d been dragged back into it, kicking and screaming. He looked at his hands and saw they were still shaking with adrenaline.
All the way from Southwold, he’d ruminated on what he should tell Tammy. How could he expect her to understand? The ramifications of what he’d learnt were something even he was struggling to come to terms with, to believe. And though he and Tammy had become close, the relationship was still very new, and therefore fragile.
Nick ran a hand thro
ugh his hair. He didn’t want to lie, but if he told her, tried to explain, there was every chance the situation would frighten her off and he’d lose her. Besides, nothing was yet one hundred per cent certain. Perhaps the most sensible thing was not to say anything for now, wait for confirmation and take it from there.
Tears came to his eyes, whether from exhaustion or frustration, Nick didn’t know. All he did know was that nothing in his emotional life seemed to come without a price, and he could only hope he wouldn’t end up paying the highest cost of all.
Tammy heard the buzzer and went to open the front door.
‘Here.’ Nick piled three bunches of wilting flowers, obviously bought from a petrol station, into Tammy’s arms. ‘Can I come in?’
‘Of course.’ Tammy stepped aside to let him pass. She shut the door and followed him into the sitting room. She stood there silently, waiting for him to speak.
‘I’m so sorry, Tam.’ Nick shrugged despondently. ‘What happened was . . . unavoidable.’
‘What on earth have you been doing? You look like you’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards.’
‘I feel like it,’ he agreed. ‘Would you mind if I took a quick shower? I’m sure I smell foul.’
‘Help yourself,’ Tammy said coolly and went back to her sewing whilst he used the bathroom.
He emerged in a towel ten minutes later, looking much more like his old self, walked over to her and laid his hands gently on her shoulders.
‘Darling . . .’ he murmured as he kissed her neck, ‘tell me how cross you really are?’
‘I feel let down, yes, but more than that, I’ve been worried to death. I saw Jane for supper tonight and she said you haven’t been at theirs, either.’
‘No.’
A silence settled on the room.
‘Anyway,’ said Tammy, breaking it. ‘I’m not your keeper and I have no right to know your movements every step of every day.’
‘Of course you have a right to know where I am, Tam. We’re having a relationship, for God’s sake! What I did last night was unforgivable, but there was something I just had to sort out.’
The Butterfly Room Page 18