by Hannah Ford
I’d spent all last week crafting the perfect pitch letter for Callum’s book and putting together a package that included his bio and sample chapters.
I’d emailed the pitch package out to twelve editors, all of them at big publishing houses that I thought would be a great fit. Then I’d shut off my computer to keep me from checking my email obsessively.
Callum and I had gone for a walk. He’d read somewhere that walking was good in the second trimester, and now he insisted on taking one with me every afternoon.
I loved it.
It was our time together, to walk and see the city. Sometimes we’d get ice cream or a snack. Sometimes we’d slip into a baby store to pick out something for our baby. And other times, we’d just walk.
Callum was so relaxed on those walks, so unlike how he was at work, where he had a fiery intensity as he closed deals and merged companies. I loved that side of him, too, loved that he was so passionate about his work, that he was so respected in the city, so revered by his employees.
When we returned to Callum’s office that day last week, I’d checked my email.
Six of the twelve editors had already replied, wanting to set up meetings with me.
I’d been shocked. Everything I’d heard about agenting had told me that it took weeks for editors to get back to you, even months sometimes. Of course, I also knew that if you had a hot property, it was a different story. I just hadn’t realized that I would be the one to have that hot property.
I nodded to Callum now. “Yes. I’ll call you as soon as I’m done.”
“I want to go with you.” Callum’s hands tightened on mine. Ever since the night that Jason had broken into our apartment, Callum had been even more protective of me than usual. The restraining order had been granted, and Jason had been arrested for breaking and entering our apartment. He’d had warrants out for his arrest already, a bunch of misdemeanor charges he’d been dodging for a while. He was in jail now, unable to make bail and out of our lives.
And yet Callum was still worried.
“You know you can’t go with me to a business meeting,” I said.
“You’ll call me as soon as you’re done,” he repeated. It was an order, not a request. “I’m going to an AA meeting, but I’ll have my phone on. Then I’ll be at work.”
“Okay.”
His eyes blazed and he didn’t let go of my hand. I knew he was trying not to let his need to control me and keep me safe take over and ruin this for me.
“How do I look?” I asked, running my hands over the red blouse and black skirt I was wearing.
“Gorgeous,” he said and kissed me on the lips.
I checked my phone. 9:15. My meeting was at 9:30, and I wanted to give myself time to find the office of Miriam Christwell, the editor I was supposed to be meeting.
“I should go,” I said.
Callum nodded. “You’ll call me as soon as you’re done.”
“You already said that.”
“I mean it, Adriana.”
“I promise.”
I kissed him one more time, and then I was out of the car and walking into the offices, not able to believe that this was my life, that I was about to pitch a book to a big New York publisher.
When I stepped off the elevator at Onyx, it was nothing like when I’d stepped off the elevator at Archway. Sure, the offices looked the same – sleek modern furniture, poster-sized framed prints of their bestselling books on the walls, a huge sign with the Onyx logo hung behind the curved reception desk – but the feeling I got was completely different. Whenever I’d gotten off the elevators at Archway, I’d always had a feeling of anxiety as I’d scuttled to my desk.
Kiersten had taken an almost instant dislike to me, and so my time there had always been filled with me worrying about what was going to happen next, where I should go, what the day had in store for me.
But today, when I stepped out of the elevator at Onyx, the vibe was completely different.
A young woman with brunette curls rushed over to me immediately. “Ms. O’Connor?”
“Yes,” I said, surprised.
“Hello, I’m Cari Doyle, Miriam’s assistant. They’re waiting for you in the conference room.”
“Oh,” I said. “I’m sorry, am I late?”
“Oh no, not at all!” she assured me as we walked down a long hallway. “They just wanted to make sure they were ready for you. Everyone is so excited about Mr. Wilder’s book, they’ve been preparing all week. They loved the proposal.”
I felt my cheeks color. The proposal. It was the part I’d worked on. It made me feel good that I was here at least in part because of my hard work and not just because I was connected to Callum.
“Would you like something to drink?” Cari asked.
“No, thank – “ I started to say. It was my default when I was in situations like this, to not ask for anything, to make myself as inconspicuous as possible. But then I thought about how that hadn’t worked for me at all when it came to my career. I squared my shoulders. “Actually, I’d love a cappuccino.”
Cari nodded. “I’ll come right back with it.” She opened the door to the conference room.
Almost every seat was filled, everyone smartly dressed and sitting at a long table.
A woman with a short platinum bob jumped up from the head of the table and came over to me. “Ms. O’Connor,” she said, taking my hand in a firm handshake. “I’m Miriam Christwell. It’s so nice to meet you, thank you for coming here today.”
“Thank you for having me.” She led me to the seat she’d just been at, and I sat down at the head of the table.
“This is Bob Myers, our head of sales and marketing,” she said, pointing to a man in a blue suit with salt and pepper hair. “And our sales rep Desiree Michaels.” She kept going around the table, introducing me to everyone, all of them from different departments.
“Why don’t you start by telling me what it is that you’re looking for when it comes to this book,” Miriam said when the introductions were over.
“It’s very important to us that we don’t position this as just a business book,” I said, surprised at how smooth and polished my voice sounded. “Yes, this is a how-to book about business and how to succeed. But it’s also the story of Callum’s life, a story we’re hoping is relatable to the masses, not just those who aspire to go into business.”
Cori slipped into the room and set a cappuccino down in front of me. I took a sip and when I looked up, to my surprise, everyone around the table was nodding.
“We couldn’t agree more,” Miriam said.
“We were thinking a speaking tour,” Bob, the head of marketing, said. “Not just the normal bookstore signing tour, which of course we’ll still do, but something a little more outside of the box.”
“I’ll have to talk to Mr. Wilder about that,” I said, “to see what he’s comfortable with.”
“Of course.” Bob nodded.
“But right off the bat, I like that direction,” I said, making notes on my pad. I wasn’t sure how Callum would feel about doing a speaking tour, but I knew these were just details. The important thing was that Onyx had the same vision for the book that we did – that this wouldn’t just be a business book, but something more.
I listened for the next hour as they went through their marketing plans and social media outreach, bookstore placement and buy-ins. They were friendly, but professional at the same time. I liked that – it was so different than the way things had been at Archway, where I’d felt as if there were rumors and drama swirling constantly.
Onyx wanted this to be a completely different book from Callum’s first book, the one that had been cancelled. They wanted to position this not as a comeback – Callum didn’t need a comeback, his business was doing better than ever – but as Callum’s real story.
I liked that Miriam and her team responded the raw parts of the book, that they didn’t want to sugarcoat anything. The meeting went over the time allotted but no one made menti
on of having to end it or tried to rush it.
Two hours later, I felt like Onyx was definitely the place for Callum’s book.
“Now,” Miriam said, leaning back in her chair. “Let’s talk money.”
I’d been prepared for this, and so I had a number in my mind of what I wanted for an advance, of what I thought the book was worth.
“Onyx would like to pre-empt this book.”
I nodded, trying to keep my cool, even though my heart was pounding in my chest. A pre-empt was an offer from a publisher that allowed them to buy the book before any other houses had a chance to make an offer. It was always a risk to accept a pre-empt – you never knew if the book might go to auction where you could get a higher advance.
Miriam glanced at Bob, who nodded.
“Onyx is prepared to offer three million dollars for Callum’s book.”
I took a sip of my cappuccino and tried not to choke on it. Three million dollars! I knew that to Callum that was nothing. But it was a lot of money to me, and to think that I would be involved in a multi-million dollar deal was crazy.
On the other hand, I also knew that it was not a lot of money to Onyx. They were a multi-billion dollar corporation.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “But we cannot go lower than seven.”
“Seven million is a lot of money,” Miriam said.
“Yes, well, it’s a great book.”
She looked at me, and I could tell she was seizing me up, seeing how far she could push me. “Five million,” she said.
Deep down, I did think that she had the best interests of Callum’s book in mind. But the bottom line was she was a businesswoman, and she would try to get the best deal for her company.
Just like you’ll try to get the best deal for your client, I told myself, and steadied my nerves.
“I think Onyx would be a wonderful place for Callum’s book,” I said honestly. “And while money is just one factor in our decision, if you really cannot go higher than five million, then we hope you’ll consider participating in the auction.”
“I want to make this work,” Miriam said.
“I do, too.”
“Six million.”
I took another sip of my cappuccino and tried to gather my thoughts. If she could give me six million, she could give me seven, I was almost sure of it.
“Seven,” I said. “I’m sorry, I can’t go lower.” It was true. If my instincts were correct, judging by the response to my threat to go to auction, she could do it.
“World rights,” she said.
I nodded. It was fair.
“Fine,” she said. “I’ll have to get my publisher to sign off on it, but…” She looked around the table and I saw everyone nodding and smiling. Miriam’s face also broke into a smile as she held her hand out to me. “You have a deal.”
Two hours later, I emerged from the Onyx Publishing offices, elated and on a huge high. After our meeting, Miriam had insisted on giving me a tour of the office. Then she’d pulled out a bottle of champagne and the whole office had toasted to our new partnership. (I had a ginger ale mixed with cranberry juice that they’d rustled up for me when they realized I was pregnant.)
My heart was pounding as I left the building and stepped out onto the street.
I’d been so controlled in there, trying to show my professionalism, and yet… I’d done it. I’d secured Callum a deal. A good deal.
I was walking down the street toward 5th Avenue, not even sure exactly where I was going, rummaging in my bag for my phone so I could call Callum and tell him the good news, when someone bumped into me.
Hard.
It wasn’t the kind of jostling that happened all the time on city streets. It was the kind that someone did purposefully.
“Excuse you,” the person said rudely.
I looked up.
Kiersten.
It was Kiersten. My old boss from Archway was standing there on the street in front of me, having purposely knocked into me.
“Adriana,” she said sweetly, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Wow, I didn’t see you there.”
My first instinct was to apologize for getting in her way. All that time working at Archway had trained me to be afraid of her. But that was when she was my boss. She wasn’t my boss anymore. She didn’t have any power over me. And even if she had a right to be annoyed with me for Callum ruining the dinner that night, she didn’t have a right to knock into me on the street like that.
So I summoned up my inner bitch.
“Oh, I didn’t see you there, either!” I said. “Sorry if I bumped into you.”
She narrowed her eyes, clearly annoyed that I wasn’t going to acknowledge the fact that she’d been the one to bump into me, that I wasn’t going to admit to being the one who’d been invisible.
“Yes, well, I’m sure you have a lot on your mind.” She gave me a faux sad look. “What with Callum’s book being cancelled and all.” She reached out and rubbed my arm, and I resisted the urge to recoil. “I heard you’re trying to pitch it around town.” Her bracelets clinked, and I wondered how I ever could have looked up to her, how I ever could have thought she was cool or aspired to have her job.
She was a horrible businesswoman, sleeping with her authors, being totally disorganized, and being mean just to be mean. That wasn’t how you got ahead, I realized. You needed to be tough, but fair. Kiersten was neither of those things. She was a snake.
“Yes, well, when he let me read it, I couldn’t believe it had been bought in the state it was in! I was shocked, actually, at the editing that had been done. The book was in such disarray, I started making notes in the margin and then, well, we just decided it needed a complete do-over!” I laughed and shook my head.
Her nostrils flared, and her eyes widened in surprise. She hadn’t expected this from me. Hell, I hadn’t expected it from myself. But it felt damn good.
“Yes, well, no one likes someone’s cast-offs,” she sighed. “So please don’t get discouraged if it doesn’t sell.”
“That’s the thing,” I said, trying to act like I was surprised. “People are so excited about this book. In fact, I’m just coming from a meeting with Onyx.”
I saw indecision flicker across her face. Onyx was one of Archway’s biggest competitors. Could I be lying? But no, she knew that it would be fairly easy to check out my story. Not to mention that I was dressed for a business meeting on the block where Onyx’s offices were located.
For once, I’d left her speechless.
“I can’t say anything right now, of course,” I said, lowering my voice as if she were my co-conspirator. “But I’d expect an announcement in Publisher’s Marketplace in the next few days.”
She was furious now, I could tell.
“It won’t do well,” she said.
“With the amount of money they’re putting behind it, I’ll bet it will. In fact, I’d be surprised if they didn’t fast track it. They’re talking about putting it out in the next few months. Isn’t that the time that Dean’s book is coming out? Wow, I guess they’ll be competing after all!”
Her eyes were wide with anger.
I loved it.
“Anyway, I have to run,” I said. “I need to let all the other publishers know that I’ve accepted a pre-empt. Have a good day!” I said. “Oh, and Kiersten? Be careful with Dean. You don’t want people to think you’re only publishing his book because you’re sleeping with him.”
I left her standing there on Fifth Avenue, her mouth hanging open as I rushed across the street, jumping onto the curb and waiting until I was out of sight before doing a twirl in celebration.
Word about the deal I’d just made was apparently spreading fast, and when I opened my phone, there were email alerts from other editors, saying they were sorry they’d missed out on Callum’s book and asking what other projects I had.
I scrolled through them quickly, then went to my phone icon so I could call Callum.
Four voicemails.
Fourteen text
messages.
All from Callum.
I pressed the phone to my ear to listen to the voicemails, wondering if he’d heard, wondering if maybe someone from Onyx had already contacted him to say they were excited to be working together, if he was calling to congratulate me.
We’d go to lunch to celebrate, I decided, and I’d tell him all about it.
But when I listened to the voicemails, my blood went cold.
“Adriana.” Callum’s voice was stern. “It’s been two hours and I have not heard from you. Call me immediately.”
The next voicemail was just as curt. “Adriana. You know the rules. There will be consequences to these actions.”
“Jesus, Adriana. You are driving me insane. You need to call me as soon as you get this.”
My heart was pounding.
He sounded like he had that night, the night that he’d gone out and relapsed.
I called him, but there was no answer. His cell went right to voicemail.
Hands shaking, I ducked under an overhang near a Duane Reade and dialed Callum’s office.
“Yes, hi, this is Adriana, is Callum in?” I asked, trying to keep my voice light.
“No,” his assistant informed me. “I’m sorry, he said he was leaving early today. Should I tell him you called?
“Sure. Thank you.”
I hung up and hailed a cab.
Please don’t let him be drinking, please don’t let him be drinking I chanted silently in my head over and over as the cab headed for Callum’s building. Please, God, don’t let him be drinking.
When I got to his apartment, the doorman nodded at me as I rushed by. I almost asked him if Callum was home, but I didn’t. If he was home, I would find out soon enough, and if he wasn’t, I wanted a couple more minutes of hope.
I got to the top of the stairs and tried the doorknob, pulse racing. It was locked and my heart sank.
I unlocked the door and stepped inside.
But of course the apartment was empty. He wasn’t there.
“Callum?” I called anyway, still somehow clinging to hope as I rushed through the apartment. “Callum?”
I moved from room to room, just in case, checking for him like a mad woman, even though I knew there was no way he was going to be there.