"What's the matter darling? Are you not in the mood now? Tell me what's wrong and I'll fix it." There was such concern in his eyes, such love for me that it was like a sword ripping through my heart. How could I be doing this to him? I knew that answer didn't lie with him. In the seven years we'd been married he'd been entirely devoted to me, had never for one moment given me cause to doubt his love for me.
There was something defective in me, something broken that made me love him with all my heart and yet want another man with every part of me. Something about James triggered a dark obsession inside me, and I knew that no matter how much I might want to, I couldn't break myself free from it.
"I love you. No matter what happens between us, please know that I love you." I knew my words alarmed my husband, and I could have kicked myself for saying so much. "I don't know why I'm like this. I'm just a tired and emotional."
I pressed myself closer to him, kissed him and tried to pretend that this was like any other morning we'd had together before James had come into our lives. He hesitated for a second, and I was so desperate to put James from my mind that I pulled back from him, pulled my nightgown off and pressed my naked body against him.
It didn't take much coaxing from me to convince my husband to set aside his concerns over my behavior, and as he kissed and caressed me I knew that for now that matter was forgotten. In the early hours of that morning it was almost like it had been before. My husband knew me better than anyone else, knew how to touch me to wring the most pleasure from my body. Being with him soothed me, the hard familiarity of his naked body on top of mine offered a comfort to me that I didn't know I needed.
Bill slid inside my body and I sobbed my pleasure at his invasion. My love for him filled me as he thrust in and out of my body, bringing me closer to orgasm. I clung to him, taking from him the comfort that intimacy with him offered. Soon I couldn't think, could only feel the love I had for my husband as he brought me to orgasm. I called out his name as he shuddered on top of me, joining me in our shared pleasure.
He collapsed on top of me, and I held on to him as if he was my only anchor in the chaos that my life had become. I wanted to stay like this forever, to pretend I hadn't let another man intrude on our marriage. I wanted to deny that James was leading me willingly down a dark path that would only end with the destruction of what I had with the man whose body was still inside me.
But there could be no denying it, and time was not going to stand still for us, no matter how much I wanted it to. I was already firmly on the road to ruin and no matter how much I told myself that I wanted to stop, I knew that in a deep part of myself that I wouldn't. The proof of that was inside me, because my heart rate hadn't fully slowed when thoughts of James filtered back into my head. I tried to shove him away, to focus on Bill as he rolled off me and pulled me into his arms.
"Is it too much for you? Having James here?" Bill's voice was quiet, and for a second my body grew cold. Did he know or at least suspect what was going on between James and I?
I looked over at him, and all I could see in his eyes was concern. If he knew what I was doing with James, concern would be the last thing I would see there. Now was my opportunity to tell a good lie and pulled me close to kiss me softly on the lips. "If it gets to be too much, tell me. I love you, darling."
He moved away from me and got out of the bed to get ready for his day. I rolled over, clutching my pillow to me as I stared at the wall. Even knowing that Bill loved me didn't make any difference. I knew that if James walked into our bedroom at this moment, I would roll onto my back, spread my legs for him and let him do whatever he wanted with me.
Bill went to work and I went about my day as I usually did. I assumed that James wouldn’t be coming back again today, and in a way I was glad. If he wasn’t here, I couldn’t get myself into anymore trouble. Of course my hopes of getting through the day without incident were dashed when I heard the kitchen door open as I was tidying up the living room. I bit my lip. Should I got to him or should I ignore him like he’d ignored me for the past two days. I wouldn’t be able to go on with my day unless I talked to him.
I walked into the kitchen, and as stared at him as he hung up his leather jacket. No matter how hard I looked, I couldn’t see one thing about him that should make me want to betray my husband. It wasn’t his eye, his build, the way he smelled or the way he talked. If I analyzed those things individually I couldn’t say with any certainty what it was that made me hunger for him. It was all those things put together, in the unique package that was James that even now made my body long for him, despite enjoying an orgasm with my husband only a few hours ago.
He turned and saw me staring at him, and he crossed his arms over his chest as he rested his hip against the kitchen counter. There was no smirk on his face this time, and I sensed that if I didn’t give him what he wanted that our affair would stop.
He would leave this house and never darken it’s door again. If I was smarter, if I let my head tell me what to do instead of my body, I’d tell him right now that I wasn’t going to fuck him while my husband was home and it would end everything. But my head wasn’t in charge, and all I could think of when I looked at him was where the hell he’d been for two days.
“Where have you been?” I tried to be nonchalant about it, but there was a demand in my voice that should not have been there. I didn’t have any right to ask him where he’d gone. I was well aware that he was not my husband, and that the only thing we had between us was a dirty affair. If he told me to mind my business I wouldn’t have been surprised. I could feel a distance in him and I knew it was because he wanted something from me that I hadn’t wanted to give him.
He’d played me well, because as my eyes devoured him I realized the time away from him had only made me want him more, and I knew that was the reason he’d gone. He wanted to show me that I needed him more than he needed me.
“I went away with a friend. Why? Did you miss me?”
“Was it a woman?” Shards of jealousy stabbed through me, and I was such a hypocrite for feeling this way. The only person in this house who had any right to jealousy was Bill and he was oblivious to the affair going on under his nose.
I turned away from James because I didn’t want him to see the need for him on my face. Why had I ever rented the room to him? Why had I agree with Bill to rent it in the first place? My marriage would be safe right now, my sanity intact and I wouldn’t be spending my days walking around with an ache ins me that I wanted him to fill.
“Are you jealous, Mrs. Valentine?”
“For Christ’s sake, stop calling me that. I know I’m married, you don’t have to keep using that name as a knife to stab me with the reality of my situation. I know that I’ve betrayed my husband, and that I’m going to betray him again when I crawl into your bed tonight. Please for the love of God, stop calling me Mrs. Valentine.” The silence behind me was deafening. I had planned to tell him that I would share his bed tonight, but not that way. I wanted to be cool, calm and collected. I didn’t want him to know just how much he could manipulate me but it was too late for that now. “Please, say something.”
He took me by the arm and turned me to face him. Thank God that smirk was still absent from his face, otherwise I think I would have slugged him in that moment. “Are you serious? You’re not playing games with me, are you Marie?”
That was rich. As if I was capable to playing a game with him. He was like a chess master and I was a novice in comparison. I’d been a virgin when I’d gotten married and Bill was the most straightforward man I knew. Nothing in my life had ever prepared me for a man like James.
“You’re the one who plays games.” I yanked my arm from his and turned around. I walked out of the kitchen, and went back to the living room to finish what I was doing. I needed a reprieve from him. Despite my anger at him, in spite of my awareness that he was playing me like a fiddle, the way he said my name made my insides tremble. I needed some time to myself to at least find some ba
lance inside me. Otherwise he was going to take away what little power I had in this relationship.
I was straightening the magazines on the coffee table when I heard his footsteps on the carpet. My gut clenched and I sighed. I was tired, and felt like a wrung out dishrag. I wasn’t ready to go another round with him so I straightened up and turned to him.
“I’m getting tired of this push and pull from you. I surrender. I’ll do whatever you want, whenever you want. I want to get you of my system, I want to get back to my normal life. The life I had before you came into it.”
He was silent for a moment, and then he walked up to me and cupped my face. I closed my eye as I trembled. This was what I was talking about. This was the push and pull. He played games with me, he ordered me around to suit him but all he needed to do was touch me tenderly and I was ready to beg him to do whatever he wanted with me.
“I wasn’t with another woman.” His voice was quiet, and I opened my eyes to look up at him. “I want you, Marie. Only you. I don’t know how long whatever this is will last. It may run its course tonight, it may go on longer. But as long as I’m fucking you, I’m not fucking anyone else.”
He lowered his head to mine and kissed my lips with a soft tenderness that made me hurt more than I already was. When he acted like this, I couldn’t pretend that I was doing this against my will. In that moment as I kissed him back while standing in the home my husband was paying for, I couldn’t lie to myself any more. For whatever reason, I wanted James because I hungered for him and what we’d done together so far hadn’t satisfied me yet. I wouldn’t be satisfied for a long while, and my only hope now was that once my affair with him had run its course that I wouldn’t do something like this again.
He pulled back and stroked a hand over my hair. “So you’ll do it, you’ll come to my bed tonight?”
I swallowed hard. Now was my chance to change my mind and salvage my marriage. He was giving me an out and all I needed to do was grab hold of it. But I wasn’t going to do it. My eyes were wide open now, and I was going to leave my husband’s bed tonight and crawl into his. I was doing it of my own free will.
“I’ll come to you once Bill goes to sleep. Now I have work I need to do.”
8
Dinner that night was an agonizing affair. I picked at my food and despite knowing that I needed to act like this was a normal Thursday night, my nerves made my stomach churn. I was certain that Bill could see through me, that he knew just by looking at me what I was planning to do. The ordeal that was dinner was only made worse by James' presence at the table, and I could smell his aftershave directly competing with my husband's.
I got through it some how and was busy in the kitchen cleaning up while Bill smoked his pipe and listened to the radio in the living room. The routine seemed so normal that I felt almost like this wasn't really happening. I wasn't going to take the final step that would put the last nail in my marriage's coffin. This had to be a dream, it couldn't be real. I was going to wake up and discover that this whole thing was a bad dream and that I'd never met a man named James.
Of course it wasn't a dream, and that silly notion proved false when James walked into the kitchen. I got a feeling of deja vu, and I remembered the day I'd met him when he'd come to dinner to get my husband's approval. Even then I knew that letting him rent the room would lead to disaster but even I didn't know just how deep I would get into this with him.
I didn't have the experience to comprehend just how obsessed with him and how he made my body feel that I would become. If I knew then what was going to happen tonight would I have chosen to remain silent when my husband decided to rent the room to him? To think I'd naively thought I could control this by using Bill to satisfy the desire James awakened in me, when in reality only James would do.
He came up to me, put his arms around my waist as if he was the man of the house and have every right to put his hands on me. I leaned back against him for a moment, savoring the feel of his young, hard body behind me. His bare forearms were warm, his scent growing familiar and his breath gently stirred my hair. A spell was being woven over me, and then I remembered that he was not the man of the house, and my husband would certainly think he had no right to put his hands on me.
"Don't forget he's in the other room." I put my hands on his forearms and shoved them away. No matter what I was doing with him, I didn't want to be caught. James was being much to blatant about what was going on between us, almost as if he wanted my husband to know.
"I just wanted to make sure you haven't changed your mind. That you're still going to go through with it and come to my bed." He pressed his pelvis against my ass and he was fully arouse. There was an answering wetness between my legs, and if my husband wasn't in the next room, I would have raised my skirt, braced myself against the counter and let him take me right now. Even if there'd been any doubts in my own mind about going through with this, there wouldn't be any now.
"I haven't changed my mind, but if you don't at least pretend that nothing is going on between us while he's awake, he will catch us and it will be all over. I want you, and a part of me needs what you give me, but I'm not going to lose my marriage over you because you can't be discreet. Either act like you're a respectful young man who doesn't have a sexual thought in his head when he's in the house and awake or we can forget this whole thing."
The message got through to him and he stepped away. "Just don't forget that once he's asleep, you're mine."
He trailed a finger down my arm and it raised goosebumps on my skin as a shiver raced down my spine. I wished it was bedtime already as the flesh between my legs got wetter and the carnal hunger I had inside me for him grew stronger with every second I stood with his so close to me in my kitchen.
"I won't forget. How could I?" My answer seemed to satisfy him and he left the kitchen without touching me again.
I breathed a sigh as I concentrated on what I was doing what I needed to do to tidy up. I had to behave as normally as possible, and I'd already been acting strange with my lack of appetite during dinner. I couldn't slip again, because if I did Bill wouldn't remain oblivious for long. It was going to kill me to sit with him in the living room, to look at him and pretend to enjoy his company knowing what I was going to do once he was asleep for the night.
A glance at the clock told me I had hours to get through, and I searched the kitchen for something to do to put off the time I would have to spend in the living room with my husband. But I had already done everything that needed to be done, and if I didn't join Bill for the radio program we listened to at eight o'clock every Thursday evening, he would wonder what was wrong with me. I didn't know if I could keep from confessing all if he probed too deeply with his questions. Already the guilt of what I planned to do was eating away at me, but unfortunately it wasn't enough to stop me.
I hung the towel in my hand on the handle of the stove, and shut off the light. It was time to face my husband, to pretend I wasn't going to betray him while he slept.
I went to the living room, took some knitting out of my basket and concentrating on acting like I was a faithful wife. Thankfully James had forgone the entertainment of the radio, and it was only Bill and me in the living room. I calculated in my head how long I would have to stay down here with him, and I figured once the radio program was over I could tell him I was taking a bath and going to bed. So I only had an hour to get through before my acting skills would get a reprieve.
When the program was finally over, I set aside my knitting with a sigh of relief. I would have to tear out all the work I’d done and I hoped Bill would not want to discuss the program with me because I didn’t know a thing about what had happened in this weeks episode. My thoughts had been of James and only James. My head was filled with thoughts about what I wanted him to do to me and what I wanted to do to him once my husband was asleep for the night. My body ached all over, and I felt an emptiness between my legs that was begging for James’ cock.
“I’m going to take my b
ath and then I think I’ll turn in.” I stood and made myself walk over to Bill. I felt like a robot, going through the motions of being the perfect wife when underneath I was a fraud. I forced myself to bend at the waist and kiss my husband on the cheek. I was straightening when he caught my wrist. My heart pounded in my chest and my body turned to ice. Oh God, I hadn’t been convincing at all and I was caught. This was the moment that my marriage would explode around me because I knew that if he asked me directly I couldn’t lie.
His grip turned to a caress and I looked into his eyes. There was no suspicion there, only love and desire for me. Relief went though me and my heart rate returned to normal. I was safe for now. I ignored the fact that a lot of my relief was because there was nothing to stop me from going to James’ bed.
“Do you want me to wake you if you’re asleep?” That was Bill’s way of asking me if I wanted to have sex with him when he came to bed. I knew what my answer would be, what it had to be.
“I’m tired darling. I’m going to bathe and sleep tonight.” I leaned down to kiss him again, to soften the blow of my rejection. He patted my wrist and let me go. There was no resentment in him, he didn’t manipulate me into giving him what he wanted, and as I straightened and turned away I wished that I could have remained true to him.
My steps were heavy as I walked up the stairs. Each step away from my husband put me closer to committing the ultimate betrayal of him, but I figured that the betrayal of him had already happened. It happened when I let James into our home. Tonight would be the culmination of everything that had come before it, all the lies I’d told Bill, the fantasies I’d had while having sex with him and all the things I’d begged James to do to me while my husband wasn’t home. All roads led to this night, and I only hoped that by the end of it my marriage would come out unscathed.
The Seduction of Mrs. Valentine: Complete Series Page 6