“No, it’s not that. I just understand. Sometimes after a day like today, I just need to run. Exhausted or not, I just need to clear my head. I’m sure building is the same outlet for JD. She’ll be okay. She just needs to process it.”
“I hope so.”
“Trust me on this one. She could easily have been in law enforcement.”
“She grew up around it.”
“I know,” Alex said. “She’s smart. And, I have to tell you she can hold her own physically.”
“Well, she was the only girl in a brood of boys.”
“I wanted you to know that he is going away forever. I wanted JD to know that too.”
“Thank you.”
“It gives a person a new perspective,” Alex offered. “Being that close to evil.”
“Evil?”
“I know you don’t see it that way.”
“I wouldn’t say that,” Candace disagreed.
“I would. I know you. You and Cass are a lot alike. You see the deed as evil, not the person.”
Candace took a deep breath. Lately, she had been finding it increasingly difficult to find the best in some people. “You might be surprised.”
Alex sighed. She was aware of the nastiness being flung at Candace and her family in the public sphere. She had lived through that with her wife. Cassidy had seldom wavered in her ability to see the good in people. People could hurl wild accusations and spread vicious rumors about Cassidy Toles—Cassidy would take a deep breath and shrug it off. Attacking or hurting someone Cassidy loved crossed the line. Alex had come to know Candace well. Jameson had been affected by this case. Candace’s daughter had been touched by it. At the same time, Candace was enduring an onslaught of hurtful rhetoric hurled towards her children.
“I get it,” Alex said. “I do.”
“I know you do,” Candace said. “It’s not just today—not for Jameson or me.”
“Yeah, I kind of figured. Anything I can do?”
Candace smiled as she listened to Alex. She valued her friendship with the FBI agent and her wife. “Actually, there might be,” she said.
“Whatever it is, just let me know. I owe you both.”
“No, you don’t. If anything, it’s the other way around.”
“Nah. Don’t worry too much about JD, Candace. She’ll feel better after a good night’s sleep and a little time with you.”
“It that your expert opinion?”
“Well, it’s the remedy that works for me—so, yeah. A little distraction sometimes helps too. That shouldn’t be an issue for you two.”
“Why is that?”
“Well, you have as many kids as we do and we don’t have grandkids yet. I’d wager something will happen to take her mind off things in less than twenty-four hours.”
“Probably so.”
“Tell her that Claire is eager to finish their conversation.” Alex laughed. “And, I have no idea what that means so don’t even ask.”
Candace laughed. “I will. I’ll be in touch. You keep me apprised—of what is happening with Mr. Carter.”
“Never a question, Governor.”
Candace made her way back into the bedroom and slid into the bed beside Jameson.
“Everything okay?” Jameson asked.
“Everything is fine. Go back to sleep.”
Jameson turned and strained to make out Candace’s expression in the faint light. “Who was on the phone?”
Candace sighed. “Alex.”
“What happened?”
“Jameson, why don’t we talk about this in the morning?”
“Just tell me.”
“He confessed.”
Jameson closed her eyes and let out a long sigh of relief. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Telling me. I think I’ll sleep better now.”
“I’m sorry about today,” Candace said.
Jameson’s eyes flew open. “Why? I’m not.”
“You’re not?”
“No. Hell, I’m glad I could help even a little.”
“From what Alex said you helped a lot more than a little.”
“I don’t know about that. It felt good.” Jameson chuckled at the evident surprise in Candace’s eyes. “Probably didn’t seem that way when you got home, huh?”
“Not really, no.”
“I can’t explain it—how it felt knowing what he had done—sitting there drinking a beer with him.”
“I can’t even imagine.”
“The thing is, it felt good to be able to help.”
Candace sighed inwardly. “You’re always helping everyone.”
“Maybe. It doesn’t feel that way, though. Watching the things you deal with—Candace, sometimes I want to beat the shit out of people.”
Candace grinned. “You don’t say?”
“You know what I mean.”
“Yes, I do.”
“I was so mad when he lunged toward me.” Jameson heard Candace faintly gasp. “He didn’t hurt me. Claire was on him in less than a second. And, anyway, I think he was surprised at the grip I had on his hand.” She chuckled.
Candace’s heart skipped several beats. She had known that John Carter had gotten close. She hadn’t realized how close.
“I’m fine,” Jameson assured her wife. She kissed Candace’s lips gently. “When everybody finally left? I mean, everybody?”
“Yes?”
“That’s when I got pissed. I had to keep working. He was so close to Shell. If I had the chance again, I think I would have gotten the better of him before he had a chance to know what was coming.”
“I’m glad you didn’t.”
Jameson closed her eyes.
“What is it?” Candace asked. “There’s something else; I can feel it.”
Jameson took a deep breath for courage.
“Jameson, you can tell me anything.”
“I know.” Jameson smiled. “All of it—everything—this guy coming so close, the situation with Grant, Laura being pregnant, Shell looking to start a family—hell, Marianne was talking to me about her future with Scott—even Cooper, it just makes me think sometimes.”
Candace could guess what was on Jameson’s mind. “About?”
“What it would have been like if they were all ours.”
Candace smiled. “I know. I think about that too sometimes.”
“You do?”
“Of course, I do. I wouldn’t change anything because that would change everything,” Candace said. “That doesn’t mean I don’t wonder what it would have been like to walk that road with you.” Candace was surprised to see tears brimming in Jameson’s eyes. “Does that surprise you?”
“No, not really. Shell seems to think I should have a baby.”
Candace chuckled. “She would.”
“It’s not that.”
“I know.”
“I would have, you know?”
“That would have been a neat trick,” Candace said. “Having a baby with me when you were six.”
Jameson laughed. “I never think about it like that.”
Candace stopped her teasing. “If things were different, Jameson; if I were twenty years younger, this conversation would be completely different.”
“Really?”
“Really. I love Cooper more than anything.”
“Me too.”
“I would love to have been making the plans Shell and Melanie are making with you.”
Jameson smiled. “Thanks.”
“For telling you the truth? Did you really think otherwise?”
“No,” Jameson said. “But hearing you say it means more than I think you know.”
Candace leaned in and captured Jameson’s lips with a tender kiss. She’d never told Jameson about her private musings, about the fact that when Shell announced she and Melanie were going to try and conceive that she felt a momentary surge of jealousy. Candace shared more with Jameson than she ever had anyone in her life. She shared every part of herself. There was one thing she wou
ld never be able to share. It wasn’t a void, but it was a silent longing that she was certain would always make itself known from time to time. Knowing that Jameson felt it too gave her solace.
“There isn’t anything I wouldn’t share with you,” Candace said. “Or anything I wouldn’t give you if you asked.”
“I know.” Jameson placed her head on Candace’s breast and closed her eyes.
Candace kissed Jameson’s head. She could feel the tension leaving Jameson’s body as Jameson succumbed to her exhaustion. You really are a lunatic if you didn’t know that. “I love you.” More than you know.
Chapter Twelve
Two Months Later
“What are you doing?” Jameson asked Candace.
Candace looked up from her computer. “Hey.”
“Hey? You never came to bed last night.”
Candace removed her glasses and sighed. “I’m sorry.”
“What’s going on?”
“The Times is finally getting ready to run a story on Klein’s dealings in Moldova.”
“And, that’s a problem for you?”
“It will be.”
“How?”
Candace sighed heavily.
“Candace?”
Candace massaged her brow.
“Candace?” Jameson repeated.
“Someone has made the claim that the reason John Merrow was killed can be traced to his Russian connections.”
“And?”
“And,” Candace took a deep breath. “They are claiming that I was one of the people on the Intelligence Committee that paved the way for him to lift sanctions through back channels.”
“Excuse me? It’s not true.”
Candace looked up at Jameson and shook her head.
“Candace, is it true?”
“No,” Candace said. “It’s far more complicated than this suggests.”
“But?”
“Jameson, everyone on that committee was aware that John’s defense team was pushing contracts through to Russian contractors.”
“Why?”
“That’s… It’s classified.”
“Jesus, Candace. Everyone knew?”
Candace nodded.
“And no one did anything?”
Candace was growing frustrated. She was tired, and she had no desire to defend herself to anyone. International relations were never handled the way the public believed. An intricate web of diplomatic, defense, business, and intelligence entities existed. Everything was connected, and everyone was connected—far more than the American people would ever realize. Presidents and politicians took calculated risks. Sometimes, alliances with demons were necessary if one hoped to keep the devil from doing his bidding. She looked back at Jameson. “A lot of people work to keep this country safe, Jameson. That sometimes requires dealing with people you and I might consider less than desirable.”
“How bad is this?”
“It depends on the line my former colleagues choose to deliver.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, Senator Keyes is gaining some ground in the polls.”
“It’s only August,” Jameson pointed out.
“Almost September,” Candace reminded Jameson.
“I don’t understand. Primaries don’t even begin until February.”
“That gives Keyes four months to court the establishment.”
Jameson sighed. “What are you going to do?”
“Make sure the establishment remembers it is likely implicated in this.”
“Candace, is any of this…”
“It’s policy, Jameson. It’s not legislation; it’s policy. There’s a lot that goes on out of public view.”
“I know that,” Jameson snapped.
“I didn’t mean,” Candace sighed. “I didn’t mean that you have no idea,” she said. “There are things that none of us can share when we come home. That has nothing to do with a lack of trust.”
“I’m sorry. I know that too.”
“Don’t be sorry. Nothing that was done was illegal or in my opinion unethical. It was all weighed carefully. The decisions we made were bi-partisan. But…”
“But?”
“Not everyone agreed with the decisions, Jameson.”
Candace took a deep breath. Seven years earlier, the American embassy in Moscow had been attacked leaving twenty-two people dead including Ambassador Russ Matthews. She expected that those seeking to derail her would attempt to connect the dots somehow to the committee and ultimately to her. It was a complete farce. That didn’t change the fact that a simple accusation could cause her campaign massive damage. Candace was now preparing for the inevitable political and media war she saw on the horizon. She looked at Jameson. “We have a complicated history with Russia.”
“So, your committee was divided?”
“Not divided. There are always corners that have a different idea and an entirely different agenda. Sometimes what they say in front of a camera is at odds with what they do behind closed doors.”
“You mean like Klein?”
“Lawson Klein is like a pesky mosquito,” Candace said. “He leaves a mark every now and again hoping to spread the plague.”
Jameson understood Candace’s meaning. There were forces larger and more powerful than the likes of Lawson Klein. Klein pedaled their agenda and any innuendo that might further that agenda. He was a minion, not the master. “So, what now?”
“Well, at least they are coming at me this time,” Candace said.
“Can I do anything?”
“Put on some coffee.”
“You need to get some rest.”
“Well, what I need and what I will get are not always the same thing. Dana will be here in an hour.”
“Coffee it is.”
“Jameson?”
“Yeah?”
“I will make this up to you and Cooper.”
Jameson smiled. She and Candace had planned to take Cooper to the train museum that afternoon. She’d learned to roll with changes in Candace’s schedule. “There’s nothing to make up. I’ll get some coffee going.”
Candace watched Jameson leave her office. She let her face fall into her hands. Is this even worth it?
***
Pearl turned to the sound of footsteps. “Well, look what the cat dragged in.”
“Very funny,” Jameson said. “Where is Jinx anyway?”
“He’s upstairs with Spencer, I think. That cat doesn’t leave his side unless Candy is here.”
Jameson sighed.
“Oh boy, what happened?” Pearl asked.
“Nothing out of the ordinary if the ordinary is your wife running to be president.”
“That good, huh?”
Jameson shrugged.
“Don’t worry too much,” Pearl said. “It always seems worse than it turns out to be.”
“I wish I had your confidence.”
“What will be will be.”
“You’re not worried?”
“What is it that you are worried about?” Pearl inquired.
“I hate watching her have to pivot constantly.”
Pearl grinned.
“What?”
“Seems to me you’ve done your share of pivoting as you call it the last year.”
“What are you talking about?” Jameson asked.
“Let’s see; you signed over your business to Jonah and Mel. You adopted a little boy. You’ve been traveling with Candy whenever you can. You helped catch that depraved lunatic. Should I go on?”
“It’s not the same. That’s just going with the flow.”
“Right.”
“Oh, just say what you want to say,” Jameson rolled her eyes.
“Okay, I will. You’re right. Candy has to change on a dime. She has to adjust to whatever gets thrown in her path. I don’t see how you think that’s any different from what you do.”
“I don’t have the same pressure.”
“Is that so?”
“Pearl
, Candace has the weight of an entire state and millions of people’s hopes on her. That doesn’t even begin to cover the demands the kids put on her.”
“And what about you?”
“Me? I try not to put any demands on her.”
“You don’t say.”
“Pearl…”
“Maybe you should.”
“Should what?”
“Not demands. Maybe you need to pivot to your needs a little more instead of always putting hers first.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that you get to have a life too, and not always on Candy’s time.”
“I don’t think I…”
“No, you don’t think that you are sacrificing yourself. You are.”
“She needs me to…”
“She needs you to be Jameson.”
“I…”
“I know you,” Pearl said. “You are worse than her. You put everyone else before you. What about that idea you had?”
“What idea?”
“That you were going to help build houses for people? Help in some places that need someone with your experience?”
“I would love to.”
“So? What are you waiting for? Someone to pick you up and drop you off?”
Jameson chuckled. Pearl was nothing if not candid. “I want to help her.”
Pearl let out a heavy sigh. “Then be yourself, Jameson. Go do something for you.”
“Pearl, it isn’t that simple. There’s Cooper and…”
“And an army to help with all of it. I’ll bet your mother would love to spend a weekend with Cooper.”
Jameson sighed.
“And, that’s good for him. It’s good for you too.”
Jameson scratched her brow. “I don’t want her to have to handle…”
“Horse shit.”
Jameson’s head snapped to attention.
“It is. It’s horse shit. You’re afraid that you are going to let Candy or Cooper down somehow. Has she?”
“Has she what?”
“Let you down?”
“Candace? Never.”
Pearl grinned.
“Oh, no… It’s not the same, and you know it.”
“Seems the same to me. She didn’t fall in love with you because you followed her around like a puppy dog. She’s got plenty of people willing to do that.”
“Is that what you think I’m doing?”
“I think that you love Candy. I think that you love your family, and I think that you have some hair-brained notion that you need to be available for every one of them 24/7. That’s what I think.”
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