by V. Vaughn
“I do. So? Will you go?”
“I—Jeez, I shouldn’t ask this. I have no right to—"
“I’ll drive you.”
“You will? Hillary, are you sure? Because I know how you feel about me.”
“I’m sure. I’m on the short shift today. After I go home and change, I can pick you up around noon.”
“I’ll be ready,” he says with excitement in his voice. And then he gets serious. “Hillary, thank you. I really appreciate it.”
“You’re welcome.”
Helping him feels good, and I turn around with a smile on my face only to find Mandy standing there with her hands on her hips. “What on earth do you think you’re doing?”
“How much did you hear?”
“I heard you’re meeting Alec at noon. Why?”
I hate that my cheeks flush pink. “I’m driving him to a doctor I know for a second opinion.”
“Girl,” she drawls out, “you need to watch yourself. I picked your sobbing body up off the floor one too many times after he broke your heart. What are you thinking?”
“Don’t worry. I have no intention of letting Alec get under my skin and hurt me again. I’m making a connection for him with someone who could save his career. Does that sound like something I’d do if I wanted him to stick around?”
“Are you sure that’s all you’re doing?”
Am I? Of course, I’m wary about helping Alec, about even being around him, but he’s in so much emotional pain over losing his dream that if I can help him get it back, I want to. I’ll always care about the man regardless of what he’s done to me. I say, “You’d do the same thing for someone you once loved.”
She squints at me. “Don’t be so sure of that.”
“I’ll be fine. I swear I’ve built up a brick wall around my heart.” But even as I say the words, I know they’re not true. The bricks may be sitting there waiting for me to stack them, but I can’t seem to bring myself to reach for the spade to spread the mortar.
Chapter 9
HILLARY
Drawers scrape and slam as I open and close them trying to decide what to wear. Which is ridiculous. This is not a date. I need to pick up Alec in a half hour to get to the appointment on time. Nervous electricity zings through me, and I wonder if I’ve made a mistake taking him to Doug. I remind myself this is just one friend helping another. But my bunny is not listening to me.
My bunny is sure this is a date. She hasn’t stopped bouncing around since Alec agreed to go.
This is a great first step, my bunny says. I glower in response.
To rebuilding your relationship.
I shake my head, denying it even as I put on a new bra and spritz perfume into my cleavage. I’m not doing it for him. But a girl has to keep up with her usual routine, right? And it can’t hurt to show him what he’s been missing.
I pull on a simple white T-shirt and slide on a short, flowy skirt before I brush my hair up into a high ponytail. I stand back up and inspect my hairdo in my dressing mirror. Alex always liked a ponytail. I sigh. I’m not fooling myself or my bunny. I do care if Alec finds me attractive.
I sag onto the edge of my bed. Finding your mate and being together shouldn’t be this hard. Why can’t I have what my friend Lexi and her husband Tristan have? Their relationship is perfect. He’s so wonderful to her and treats her like a queen.
Although, Tristan wasn’t as attentive to Lexi’s needs before the car accident she had that sent her to the hospital, a human hospital at that, with amnesia. I remember how Lexi used to worry that Tristan was never going to commit to her.
My bunny tries to cheer me up. You see? People can change. Look at Tristan. Once he knew how much he truly needed and loved Lexi, he completely changed.
I know. I sigh again. It is possible Alec has changed. I hate when my bunny makes more sense than I do.
And I’m just going to say, I guarantee you Tristan’s tiger always knew he couldn’t live without Lexi, and he was stupid to even try.
I laugh at my bunny. You’re pushing it, girl.
She bounces up and down giggling.
I get up and take a final look at myself in the mirror and remind myself I’m a friend who is taking a former boyfriend to the doctor. I’m going to make the connection. This is not a date.
Whatever. My bunny tells me. But this is so a date.
I drive a pale-green Volkswagen bug, and when I pull up in front of Alec’s house, it occurs to me he’s going to be a tight fit in the passenger seat. I’m sure he knows I’m here, and I get out to go over and adjust his seat before he comes outside.
It clunks into place at the setting furthest back, and I stand up to face him. “Hey.”
He looks me up and down and then blurts out, “You look gorgeous.”
Heat fills me, and I fight to keep my cheeks from flushing. “Thanks. Ready to go?”
He lets out a long breath. “Let’s do this.”
I know he’s nervous, and once he’s squeezed into his seat, I get behind the wheel to drive. I reach for the radio to help distract Alec. “Anything you want to listen to?”
“No, doesn’t matter.”
I flip on the pop station I like and turn it down low enough to hear in case he wants to talk. Which apparently he does, because he asks, “Do you live alone? Because you mentioned you had someone waiting for you last night.”
I don’t look at him as I answer, avoiding my lie. “Yes, I live alone.”
“So, you’re just dating right now. Nothing serious.”
I feel stupid about lying to him last night and figure this is a good time to talk about Doug too. “There wasn’t anyone waiting for me, Alec. I said that to have a reason to leave. But I do have to tell you more about Dr. Doug Parker.”
“I knew it.” A low rumble comes from his chest.
“Easy, boy,” I say to Alec as well as his bear. “Doug and I dated very briefly. I never developed feelings for him but—” I glance over at Alec. “I think he might still have them for me.”
Okay, I know Doug does, but dealing with shifter egos is a delicate matter.
“That’s why you’re going with me?”
I shake my head and decide he doesn’t need to know Doug insisted on it, because the truth is, I’d have gone with Alec anyway. “I’m here because you need a friend. You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.”
“You’ve always had a big heart. Thanks.”
We don’t even get through a song before Alec returns to the subject of my relationship history. “So, this Dr. Doug was recent?”
I should have known he’d need reassurance. “A few months ago. Two dates and we didn’t sleep together.”
“Good. Before him who was it?”
I let out a small gasp at his audacity. “You have no right to go there. How’s Emery? Last I heard you two were going to tie the knot.”
He chuckles with what I think is satisfaction. “You’ve kept up with me.”
“Have not. It’s just—” I straighten my shoulders in defiance. “People at the diner talk. And it’s hard not to hear things about you.”
“Uh-huh.” Alec grins. “Emery was a relationship built on mutual needs.”
I snort. “I’ll bet.”
“Not that kind. She needed a guy who could keep her face plastered all over the media.”
“Her ass too,” I say when I remember how often the woman’s been caught nude by the paparazzi.
“Yours is better.”
I glance over at him as pride fills me. I do know he’s always liked that attribute of mine. “Damn straight it is.”
He laughs and then says, “Hillary, I’ve never fallen in love with anyone but you. Emery never meant anything to me. Dating her kept me from having to deal with the groupies. In all honesty, the times we got together were for public appearances.”
I believe he’s telling me what he thinks I want to hear, but I appreciate it.
“Besides,” he says. “I’ve was so busy with fo
otball practice and games I didn’t have much time for a relationship. Life on the road sucks, honestly.”
We reach Doug’s office, and I park the car. The weight of Alec’s medical condition sits like a low, dark cloud over us, and I want to say something to help him feel better.
I want to tell him that it’s all okay and everything will work out. But I don’t know that. Maybe his career is completely over and thinking Doug can help is just a pipe dream. But what’s really keeping me quiet is that a piece of me wishes Alec would stay in Heartland.
Chapter 10
ALEC
The waiting room feels stuffy and hot. Sweat runs down my back as I sit in the uncomfortable chair and wait for my name to be called. Why does it always take so damn long? We’ve been here for fifteen minutes already. Why schedule appointments if they can’t be kept?
Hillary is sitting beside me, and I inhale a little deeper than I need to occasionally to get a whiff of her lemon scented perfume and her personal musk. It’s soothing and sexy. Just the right combination to help keep my bear calm.
She glances at me every now and then but doesn’t say a word. I hate that. I’m not good with silence. Especially not her silence. I’m more nervous about what it means than what the doctor has to say.
I’d give my earnings from my entire career to know what she’s thinking right now. Does she wish she wasn’t here with me? Is she anxious the way I am? Does her bunny feel the proximity of my bear? Does she feel anything at all?
It’s hard to sit still. My legs bounce up and down, and I fiddle with the tiny piece of fabric coming off the arm of the chair. It’s tempting to just finish the job and rip the entire piece off, but I refrain. I don’t want to get dinged for being a vandal.
Finally, Hillary leans in and whispers, “If you don’t stop bouncing your feet, you’re going to drive my bunny nuts.”
I sigh. “I’m sorry, I’m just so damn nervous.”
“I know.” She sets her hand on my knee. It’s familiar and more comforting than she likely senses. “No matter what happens, Alec, you’re going to be fine.”
Besides her touch being comforting, it’s arousing. My body remembers everything her hands can do. Did do. And I want it again. I wish we could just leave, that I could take her home to my bed and spend the rest of the afternoon replaying what we used to have. My cock thickens as I recall the sound of her moans and the way she—
I get up to move, and when I get across the room, I turn to look at Hillary. The woman I’m so in love with yet can’t have. I turn to the water cooler and grab a paper cup. Water glugs when I fill it, and I swallow down the contents in one gulp.
I look up at the clock on the wall, and I can hear the tick of the second hand as it moves over one notch at a time. Like a ticking timebomb about to blow. Panic surges through me. I don’t want to be here. This is stupid. He’s probably one more guy who’s going to tell me there’s no hope. I don’t want to hear this doctor say it too.
“Maybe this is a mistake,” I say, running my hands through my hair. I’m sure it’s standing straight up like I just took my helmet off after a brutal game.
“It’s not. It’ll be okay.”
I shake my head. I can’t handle this anymore. “Let’s go.”
The door to the doctor’s office opens and a nurse comes out, holding a clipboard. “Alec Thompson.” She looks my way and smiles. “You can come in now.”
I hate the nurse’s smile. Why should she be happy, when I feel like I’m marching to my doom?
Hillary grabs my hand and pulls me toward the door. “Come on.”
I follow along like a child who has no choice, and I’m really glad she’s with me. I squeeze her hand as we walk into the office and release it to sit down in one of the two leather chairs placed in front of a big, wooden desk. I want to grab Hillary’s hand again to keep our fingers intertwined forever. Heck I want to just keep walking out of here. Away from everything and everyone to go off into the sunset with the woman I love. My mate.
I don’t get the chance, because the doctor walks through the door, and Hillary hops up to give him a hug. I recognize her fake happiness when she squeals. “Doug! It’s so great to see you again.”
Even though I think she’s not as genuinely pleased to see him as she’s acting, it still makes my bear growl when she hugs him. He glances over her shoulder at me and grins like he’s just won some prize. It’s all I can do not to lunge out and slice my claws through his jugular.
Doug releases Hillary and reaches a hand out to me. I’m glad to see he’s under six feet tall and has the slight body of a man who doesn’t have a physical occupation. I might even squeeze his fingers harder than I should too, but not enough to damage his surgeon’s hands. I might need them. Something that would be wise to remember no matter how jealous my bear and I are feeling.
“It’s a pleasure to meet the great Alec Thompson.”
Hillary’s not the only one who can pour on charm when needed. I pull out my persona I use with even the most ruthless reporters. “Right back atcha, Dr. Doug. I’ve heard good things about you, too.” I did Google the guy last night and found he’s very good at what he does.
His face falls when he places himself behind the desk, and we all sit. “I reviewed your records last night. The lack of progression in healing for multiple weeks is concerning.” He shakes his head. “Dr. Mayfield is a talented man, and I’m rather impressed with some of the things he’s tried with you over the years. The animal suppression technique—” He blows out a breath in admiration. “Groundbreakingly brilliant and I can’t wait to use it myself.”
Hillary leans forward in her chair with impatience. “You’ve got some tricks up your sleeve too. Right, Doug?”
He gives her the kind of smile I suppose he thinks is sexy. “I do, babe.”
I dig my nails into the arms of the chair to control the rage that fills me. Hillary lets out a small groan, her nice girl act gone now. “I’m talking about Alec’s knee.”
“Yes. Of course.” Doug looks at me. “I agree with Dr. Mayfield. Your knee is never going to heal completely. The best you can do…”
More words come out of his mouth, but I stop hearing them. I blink and swallow down the bile that has risen in my throat. My career is over. Period.
There are no more second opinions. There are no second chances. It’s done. Forever.
Not only can’t I have Hillary, but I no longer have football.
“Alec,” Hillary’s voice breaks through my trance as she grabs my hand. “It’s time to go.”
I nod and let her help me to my feet but then pull my hand away. I look at Doug and know I should at least thank him. I open my mouth to try, but I can’t find the words. I walk out of the office instead.
“Hillary, babe,” Doug says as I move.
“Later,” barks out Hillary as she follows me. “Alec.”
I ignore her as the walls begin to close in on me. Suddenly I need to get out, and I speed up. My knee throbs as I jog down the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator.
“Alec!” Hillary’s voice echoes in the stairwell as she calls after me, but I don’t stop, I don’t slow down.
I’m limping when I finally burst through the emergency exit door out to the rear parking lot, and I hunch over, breathing heavy as if I’ve just sprinted the football field.
I gulp in air, trying to slow my heart, but it’s not working. I think I’m hyperventilating when my head starts to spin and my vision blurs. I slump down to the ground before I faint.
“Alec,” Hillary crouches down in front of me and grabs my hands. “Cup them over your mouth and breath in your exhaled air.”
I do as she suggests. I make eye contact with her and try to breath slowly until it works. As I gaze into her eyes, I realize I don’t deserve this woman before me. But I’ve never wanted her more than I do right now.
Hillary lets out a sigh of relief when my breathing returns to normal. “There you go.” Her brow knits as she pl
aces a hand on my cheek. “Talk to me. I’m good listener. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“It’s not what you’d expect.”
I wish I could take her hand and put it on my heart to show her that my pain right now isn’t about football. The truth is I knew in my heart that my career was over before I came home. No. The reason I’m freaking out right now is because football was going to be the one thing to keep me sane after realizing the love of my life doesn’t want to be mine, and now I don’t even have that.
Chapter 11
HILLARY
I know Alec isn’t listening to what Doug is saying. Not that he has too, because I’ll remember it all for him, but I’m a little surprised he doesn’t even thank Doug before stomps out.
“Hillary, babe.”
I stared at Doug in amazement. It pisses me off the way he thinks I can let a man who just learned his career—his dream—is over walk out and not follow him to make sure he’s okay. “Later,” I say as I rush after Alec.
I call to Alec a few times, but he’s hell-bent on getting out of the building with the same determination he had when he strode across the football field in high school.
When I finally catch up to him, I realize things are worse than I thought.
He’s gasping for air, and when he slumps to the ground as if he can’t get enough oxygen, I think he’s having a panic attack. His breaths rasp in but barely out. He’s hyperventilating. “Alec,” I squat down in front of him, and his hands are like ice when I grab them to lift them up. “Cup them over your mouth and breath in your exhaled air.”
Alec does as I say and stares at me. I see so much pain in his eyes it’s heartbreaking. This man I don’t want to care about is going through hell right now, and I can’t do anything to help.
“There you go.” I say, and I lovingly place a hand on his cheek. “Talk to me. I’m good listener. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“It’s not what you’d expect.”