by Bowes, K T
“Hello,” Hana said, leaning forward so Michael could kiss her on the cheek. His grey eyes smiled back at her and he waved his arm expansively.
“What’s going on?”
“The Health people didn’t like the family hanging around in the kitchen. It’s fair enough; trying to feed a hundred guests food prepared in sterile conditions with Alfred sitting at the table in his socks, covered in cow poo.”
Michael put his head back and laughed. It sounded so like Logan it was uncanny. “It looks good,” he said, looking around. “We popped back for the weekend. I knew it’d be ok.”
“It’s fine,” Hana said and then frowned. “Oh, dear. Logan put my father in your room because it was nearest the lift. We only arrived an hour ago.”
The facade of goodwill melted and Michael looked petulant. “Yes,” he said, not bothering to hide his annoyance. “They’ll have to move. Where’s Logan?”
“With Jack,” Hana replied, resisting the urge to slap the arrogant doctor’s face.
Without bothering to introduce Hana to his companion, Michael strode from the kitchen and Hana heard his heels click along the corridor. The atmosphere felt awkward and Hana’s plan to put the baby in the travel cot and chill out for a while seemed under threat. “Can I get you a drink or something to eat?” she asked politely as the woman looked around her.
“Can I have warm milk, please? It helps with the morning sickness.”
Hana started in surprise. “You’re pregnant?” she asked and the woman nodded. “Congratulations,” Hana said.
The woman seemed familiar but the look of distaste on her face betrayed her sickness. Hana led her through to the dining room table and offered her a seat. One-handed, she grabbed milk from the industrial chiller and heated it in the microwave. Phoenix disturbed in the chiller, wriggling against the cold as Hana replaced the milk but remained asleep.
“Here you go.” Hana took the hot milk to the visitor and looked out of the window while she sipped it. “How far on are you?” she asked, interested.
“Almost three months,” the woman replied, laying the mug on the table. “I was younger the first time around so this was a shock.”
Hana smiled. “There’s no reason it shouldn’t be fine.”
The woman smiled at Hana’s encouragement. “You sound like you know what you’re talking about. Do you have older children then?” she asked.
Hana nodded, but her face clouded at the thought of her antagonistic son. “Yes, I have a son who’s twenty-six and a daughter of twenty-five. Girls are definitely easier, well, I hope so anyway.” She kissed Phoenix on the side of her soft little face and prayed she turned out half as amenable as her gorgeous Isobel.
“I agree,” the woman shared, looking apprehensive. “My son’s been difficult. We haven’t spoken for years.” She looked sad and Hana felt sorry.
“Been there,” she replied wistfully.
There came the clamour of raised voices and the dining room door opened, admitting a harried looking Logan. Seconds later Michael appeared through the kitchen door, looking embarrassed by his error. “I’m not moving Hana’s parents,” Logan said, his teeth gritted and Michael stood with his hands on the back of the woman’s chair. Hana’s jaw dropped with the realisation they were together and she looked at them both with renewed interest.
“It’s my room,” Michael said stubbornly.
Hana gnawed her lip feeling guilty. “It’s ok,” she began but the warning flash of anger in Logan’s eyes silenced her. She looked away and patted her baby’s back, hoping one of them backed down. As the argument progressed, she realised with increasing certainty; it wasn’t going to happen.
Logan drew himself up to his full height and glared at his older brother. “Actually it’s my room, my house and my land. Hana’s family is my family. You’re welcome to visit, but in future a phone call is necessary. If I can pick up the phone and let Leslie know I’m coming back, I don’t think it’s too difficult for you to do the same. Barry’s old room is free and you’re welcome to it.”
“I don’t want Barry’s room! Geez mate, what’s wrong with you? I’ll have Liza’s!” Michael capitulated.
Hana opened her mouth to speak but Logan shot her another warning look and she closed it again. The grey of his eyes looked stormy and dark, an eruption of Du Rose fury very near the surface. “Liza’s room’s in use,” he growled, not mentioning Tama.
“Move someone!” Michael snapped. “I’m family!”
Hana gulped and widened her eyes at the stupidity of Michael’s assertion, considering his demotion from brother to half-brother. The irony wasn’t wasted on Logan. “Take Barry’s room.” Logan enunciated every word. “Or leave!”
Logan ignored the woman and Hana figured he was too busy with the argument to notice. But she intercepted an odd look cross her husband’s face as Logan glanced across at the woman who sipped her milk looking uncomfortable.
Hana sensed a hidden issue and felt sorry for the guest caught in the middle. She smiled reassuringly as she caught the woman’s eye and hoped the storm would pass; a futile hope as it turned out.
Michael glared at Logan. “When did you become such a...”
Logan interrupted him, holding up his hand. “Such a what, Michael? Such a businessman? That might be when I sunk my own money into saving this house and farm and you refused to buy in when I begged you. So don’t whine about not having your room kept free all year round half-brother!”
Hana was finally glad she’d learned to keep her big mouth shut, saving her from a serious blunder. She stared at Logan and cocked her head, unaware he’d begged his brother for financial help to save his family from bankruptcy. Glancing sideways at Michael’s companion, Hana recognised the heated blush of morning sickness and sympathised as the woman became paler by the second. She went into the kitchen and dragged the plastic dustbin through the archway into the dining room as the poor woman reeled and clapped a hand over her mouth.
Logan stared at Hana in bewilderment as she pulled it behind her one-handed, the black bin bag folded neatly over the top and her sleeping daughter lolling on her hip. His face was a mix of curiosity and confusion as Hana pulled the bin up next to the woman at the table just as she retched. “In here,” Hana said softly and she turned sharply, spotted the remains of the dining room’s scrambled egg breakfast at the bottom of the bin and threw up, adding a full cup of warm milk plus other splattered offerings.
The men stopped arguing and Logan wrinkled his face in distaste. Neither helped the women, scandalous as one of them was an emergency doctor. They both stared as Hana struggled to hold her baby in one hand and rub the woman’s back with the other. “Logan!” Hana snapped as Phoenix lolled backwards and the woman pushed her face into the bin and vomited again.
Logan swore and started as though slapped. “She’s pregnant?” he said in disgust as he hefted his daughter over his shoulder. “Bloody marvellous!”
Hana’s mouth opened in surprise at her husband’s cruelty and she shook her head in dismay, running into the kitchen to grab a glass and clattering at the sink.
“Drink this water,” she told the poor woman. “Sip it slowly to take the taste away. It’s miserable; I know.”
The olive skinned woman cried over the dustbin, her stomach doing cartwheels beneath her ribs. Michael watched with a look of misery on his face but it was Logan who occupied his attention, Logan and the tiny girl in his arms.
“Come on,” Hana said, realising the best place for her was bed. “You need to lie down.”
The woman rose with deliberate movements, head bowed as she struggled to keep it together. Hana led her from the dining room and into the corridor, barking back at Michael with authority, “Get rid of that bin bag in the skip and disinfect the dustbin. Quickly, before Leslie notices!”
He nodded and tore his gaze from Logan as Hana let the door close behind her, still holding the woman’s arm. She led her up the back, spiral staircase to the first floor, hoping s
he could remember which room once belonged to the late Du Rose Hana found the room but paused outside in dismay. “I don’t know the keypad code,” she said, her voice laced with disgust. “I’m an idiot!”
The woman leaned heavily against her and Hana felt her trembling through their joined fingers. “I’m sorry,” Hana breathed, babbling in her confusion. “All the private rooms have keypads but the guest suites have cards...”
“I feel faint,” the woman murmured and Hana panicked. She led her back along the corridor to the room she shared with Logan, opening the door and settling her in the comfy armchair by the ranch slider. Remembering the relief of fresh air after a bout of sickness, Hana pushed open the sliding doors which took up most of one wall, allowing the cool winter air to flood the room and put colour back into the woman’s cheeks.
She looked up at Hana with gratitude, her face pale and her deep brown eyes dull and listless. “They said you were lovely,” she mouthed, her voice a weak huff of air and words.
“Who did?” Hana asked, but the woman drew her legs underneath her and closed her eyes, concentrating on regaining control of her body.
“I’ll get you a peppermint tea,” Hana said. “That used to help me.” She sorted through the sachets by the kettle and steeped the bag in hot water, setting the mug carefully next to the woman’s chair. Then she closed the doors, feeling the room chill too much to be bearable. “Does that feel better?” she asked her guest.
A knock on the door was followed by numbers being punched into the keypad and Hana readied herself for Logan’s angry entrance. “Ma, you’ll never guess what...” Tama piled in beaming but the smile froze at the sight of the woman. He pointed towards Hana’s guest with accusation in his eyes. “What’s she doing here?” He baulked at Hana as though she’d stabbed him and his voice sounded pitiful. “Ma, why are you being nice to her?”
Hana took Tama’s arm and ushered him from the bedroom, pulling the door closed behind her. “What have I done?” she asked, her voice laced with concern.
“That’s her!” Tama hissed, balling his fists by his side. “That’s my mother.”
Hana clapped her hand over her mouth as devastation bit at her core, the betrayal reflected in Tama’s eyes. “Oh no!” she moaned. She lurched at the young man, fixing her arms around his waist. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”
“That’s fine then.” Relieved, he returned her embrace.
“Nobody tells me anything,” Hana grumbled. “What can I do? She’s been throwing up in the kitchen. Do you think I should ask her to leave the room or settle her somewhere else?” Hana balanced the nagging guilt against her loyalty to Tama. “I didn’t realise, sweetheart. Logan and Michael were squaring off downstairs and...”
“Michael’s here?” Tama’s face hardened and he backed away from Hana.
She saw it then like a neon signal on the wall opposite, flashing and glowing and condemning her for missing the signs. Hana sighed. “I’m so stupid! Logan’s rudeness makes sense if he was trying to get rid of Michael and his new girlfriend rather than upset you.” She closed her eyes and resisted banging her head against the wall. “I despair of myself and my interfering nature. Now I’ve made a bad situation worse.”
Tama stroked her hair and kissed her forehead. “It’s ok. I get it.”
“Logan offered them Barry’s room,” Hana said feebly and Tama smirked.
“That’s good; Michael won’t stay there. Nobody ever stays there,” he said with relief in his voice.
Hana floundered. Logan hadn’t come to help, maybe wanting her to stew in her own juice and she gnawed on her bottom lip, wondering how to extricate herself from the dreadful, self-made disaster. “I don’t know what to do,” she whispered.
Tama shrugged and walked away. Either he didn’t know or just didn’t care. It was still the same result – Hana was alone with her error. She let herself back into the bedroom, feeling unsure of herself. The woman stood on the balcony, leaning over the edge with her elbows on the balustrade. Even from behind, she looked sorry for herself. She spoke as Hana stood next to her, her voice laden with regret. “I told you. He hates me.”
A tear dripped off the end of her nose, landing somewhere in the gravel below. Hana resisted filling the airwaves with empty platitudes. It resonated deep inside her own heart, drawing echoes of her relationship with Bodie. “It feels like crap, doesn’t it?” she sympathised.
“Aroha,” the woman said, offering Hana her hand. “My name’s Aroha. You must be Logan’s wife. I heard you were different from the rest of them. Thanks for being so kind. I feel better now. I should get out of your way.”
Hana smiled, shaking hands and leaning against the balustrade. “I don’t know what else I can do now,” she said. “It’s only right that I stick by Tama. I made him a promise and try hard not to break them. If you go back to the kitchen, Michael will have sorted something out with Logan by now.”
“He didn’t think you’d be here,” Aroha said. “Otherwise, we wouldn’t have come. Michael rarely gets a weekend off work and thought we’d be able to talk here.” She sighed heavily and ran her hand over her abdomen. “Your baby’s beautiful. You must think badly of me, leaving Tama. It always sounds awful in the telling, but at the time I didn’t know what to do for the best.”
Hana shook her head. “It’s not my place to judge, love. I’ve done things I’m not that proud of, for what seemed the best reasons at the time. I understand sometimes we don’t think we have a choice.”
A vision crept into Hana’s mind. She had expressed milk and sterilised bottles, walking out of the unit and leaving her eight week old baby with Tama. She attempted to bargain with a man who didn’t understand reason and almost not returned. “Yes,” she sighed. “I certainly understand bad choices first hand.”
Aroha studied the redhead, recognising the inner pain of conviction and knowing Hana understood. She felt a kinship which made her heart ache as it would remain unfulfilled. Tama would see to that. “Tama called you, ‘Ma’ which means he’s attached to you.”
Hana nodded slowly, not wanting to compound Aroha’s agony.
“I’m pleased,” the other woman said. “I’m glad he has someone. I’ve spent eighteen years regretting my decision to run from Kane, leaving Tama asleep in his cot. I was seventeen when I left. Kane would have killed me if I hadn’t. Michael was twenty-four and just finishing medical school. He should have known better, but he swept me off my feet. It was a childish mistake trying to pass Tama off as Kane’s. He beat me until I confessed and when I went back for my baby, Reuben refused to let me take him. He said it was my punishment, the same as his.” Aroha gulped and shook her head. “I should have guessed Kane would turn his wrath and spite on my beautiful little boy, twisting and tainting his lovely nature into something destructive and ugly.” She looked at Hana with hope in her dark eyes. “Maybe you can make a difference to him and I’m glad. I wish it could be me but it can’t.” Aroha gave her blessing even though it was like a knife cutting deep into her heart. She turned, smiling at Hana before letting herself out of the room.
Hana sank into the armchair, weighed down by Aroha’s regret and misery. She’d heard the woman’s story from Logan, but his dismissive recount hadn’t covered the awfulness of the situation. The Du Rose men were hard and unyielding. Few women survived for long in their world. Hana shut her eyes and prayed for Aroha and Tama. She trusted that God could see the bigger picture as she sighed and lay back in the chair, folding her legs beneath her. The energy to go back downstairs eluded her and Hana suspected she was in disgrace with Logan. She figured her baby would holler for her eventually, forcing him to find her. The cool breeze from the open ranch slider kissed her skin until it cooled and Hana hunkered down into the chair. “Just one minute more,” she promised herself.
Wet baby kisses slobbered over her cheek, dragging Hana from sleep. “Ugh!” She rubbed at her skin, feeling the baby’s dribble mingling with her own. She grimaced and rose from the ch
air, shoving her husband out of the way as she staggered towards the bathroom.
“I held her over your face to wake you up, but I didn’t expect her to lick you!” Logan apologised from the doorway. “I don’t think the kissing lessons are going as successfully as the waving lessons.”
Hana grunted and splashed cold water on her face. “Just leave me alone for a minute. I need to wake up.” She heard the snippiness in her voice and regretted it, clinging to the edge of the sink as the floor undulated beneath her.
“Are you ok?” Logan asked, his voice chastened and Hana nodded and curbed her irritation.
“Yeah. Afternoon sleeping makes me ratty. I only sat down for a minute.” Hana sighed and patted her face dry, alarmed by the grey faced woman in the mirror. She returned to the armchair, rubbing her eyes and stifling a yawn as she stared in disgust at her grizzling daughter. “What did you feed her?” Hana peered at the yellow crust around Phoenix’s rosebud lips and shook her head. “I don’t want that all over my bra.”
“It’s only rusk,” Logan argued as the baby cranked up her protest over the delay. “Sorry, I forgot to wipe her mouth. Shall I do it now?”
“Yes!” Hana sighed, sitting the baby up and grimacing as she thrashed around.
Logan fumbled with a baby wipe, putting it around the wriggling mouth and alarmed at how much came off. “Sorry,” he muttered. “I’ve changed her nappy.”
Hana knew he sought absolution for his behaviour towards Tama’s sick mother and a mean part of her wanted to deny him. Knowing she was in the wrong for undermining him made her self-righteousness pointless.
Logan sighed as he attacked the baby’s mouth with another wipe, his eyebrows raised and his face close to Hana’s. “You’re the only person on the planet who makes me afraid,” he murmured. “I hate it when we fall out.”
Hana snorted. “I don’t scare you, idiot! I’m no match for your might.”