Chapter Nine
“My God.” It was the first sound Angel had made in five minutes, since she’d gasped when he opened his eyes and stared off into the distance with a dazed, drugged gaze.
It was a soft, bare whisper but it had a hell of an effect on Kel. He simultaneously cut his gaze towards her and shoved away from the man kneeling beside him.
Toronto rose to his feet and walked over to the dryer, grabbing a rag from the basket on top. As he pressed it to his wound, he turned back to them. There was an expectant look on his face.
But Toronto no longer even existed for Angel. All she could see was Kel. If she was brave enough to lower her shields, she knew he would be all she could feel.
“Kel…?”
His lids flickered but he didn’t say anything. He turned away from her. Wide shoulders rose and fell and he brought a hand up.
Edging around, she watched as he wiped the back of his wrist across his mouth. He shot her an unreadable glance and darted away. He bent and grabbed a shirt from the open duffle. He pulled it on as he circled around her and made his way towards the steps.
“Damn it, Kel, what in the hell are you doing?”
He stilled, braced one hand against the wall. He didn’t look at her, but at least he finally said something. “Leaving, Angel. This, me, it’s nothing you need in your life.”
“Leaving…? Life?” She stalked across the cold, hard floor and grabbed his arm. Under her hand, his skin still felt cool, but not cold like earlier. “What life? There’s no life without you. Not for me. There hasn’t been, from the time I met you.”
He slanted a glance at her but just as quick as their gazes met, he looked away again. “You haven’t let there be.”
His hand came up and he folded his fingers around her wrist, gently, but inexorably tugging until she let go. He lifted her hand and pressed it to his face, rubbing his stubbled cheek against her palm. His lids drooped low over his eyes and a soft, shuddering sigh escaped him. He turned his face into her palm and pressed a kiss there. “Goodbye, Angel.”
Oh, hell no. Not now, she told herself, reaching for him again.
But he was already gone, moving on swift silent feet, moving so quickly her brain couldn’t catch up with what her eyes saw.
She tore up the stairs, determined to catch him. He couldn’t get away from her that easily. He was miles from town, on foot and even if he did move fast, he couldn’t…
But he had. She burst through the front door and came to an abrupt halt. Overhead, the sky was becoming ever darker, but it was still just barely light enough to see. Light enough to see that her front yard was empty, as was the long, pitted drive that led out to the road.
“Kel…”
Dazed, she dropped onto her ass in the grass, her arms hanging limp and her eyes focused on the drive as though it would somehow reveal Kel to her.
When a pair of big naked feet appeared in her line of sight, she didn’t react. Even when Toronto knelt by her side, she didn’t do more than blink and continue to stare down the drive. But she couldn’t bite back the words. “This isn’t happening,” she whispered, shaking her head. “It isn’t. It can’t be.”
He sighed. “Come inside. It’s cool out here and you’ve had a bad few days.”
“Few days…no. A bad few years. Bad life.” Feeling so completely lost, she lifted her gaze to his face. The compassion she saw on his features was more than she could handle and the tears began to well in her eyes. “I don’t understand. Not any of it.”
“No. I don’t imagine you do.” He didn’t wait for her to place her hand in his—instead, he lifted her into his arms, rising from the ground like he held a young child instead of a grown woman who stood inch for inch as tall as he.
His body felt ridiculously hot, almost scaldingly so. Burning her. She hated it and as soon as he lowered to the couch, she scurried away. She ended up huddled against the arm of the couch, staring straight ahead.
Distantly, she heard him speak. But it was distant. When he sighed and reached out to stroke a hand down her hair, Angel barely noticed. He tucked a blanket around her shoulders, tried to push the edges into her hands, but she ignored him.
The blanket sagged and he swore gruffly. “Shit.”
He left and she didn’t even notice. In a soft, far-off voice, she murmured, “This isn’t happening.”
She started to rock back and forth, murmuring to herself. Each passing second, she retreated further and further inside her—inside, where it was safe. Where it was quiet. Where nothing could rip her heart out so completely.
The wolf emerged from the trees along the roadside. Kel didn’t see Toronto yet, but he could scent him. He ignored the big creature as it drew even with him and kept on walking. Had to keep walking, couldn’t slow down, couldn’t think. If he did, he’d never find the strength to keep walking away.
A ripple of energy rolled through the air and the shifter once more wore his human form. Stark naked, he fell into step next to Kel. In a friendly voice, Toronto said, “You know, it’s been ten years since I met you. Ten years since the two of us ended up at Rafe’s. All those years, I never once thought you were stupid. Reckless, yeah. Foolish, yeah. Careless. Absolutely. But stupid? Nope. At least not until tonight.”
Kel flickered Toronto a look but didn’t respond. Keep walking, don’t think. Keep walking. Don’t think. He chanted it to himself in silence with every step. So far, it had taken him about three miles from Angel. The sun had just barely retreated behind the horizon when he left her house so he easily had a good eight hours or so before sunrise. He could cover plenty of distance—and if he didn’t find a secure place by sunrise, what the fuck did it matter?
Dematerializing wouldn’t work, he knew because he’d already tried. So he’d have to walk. And that’s exactly what he’d do.
“Got nothing to say?”
In a harsh voice, Kel asked, “What is there to say? I can’t be around her, Tor. I can’t.”
“You just were,” Toronto pointed out.
“Yeah. For five minutes. Less.”
Kel narrowed his eyes and came to a halt, turning to face the shifter. “You think this is all because she’s altered.”
“Not all. But some? Yeah. Your control isn’t an issue, Kel. Not with her.” He cocked his head, giving Kel a curious stare. “What did you feel when you saw her? What did your instincts say?”
Kel scowled and started walking again. But ignoring Toronto’s question didn’t keep his mind from forming the answers. Whole. Complete.
His instincts? They had screeched at him to grab onto her, hold her close. Never let go.
Some deeper urge had been there, something that recognized the subtle difference between Angel and other humans. It was sweet, exotic…tempting. His fangs had throbbed in their sheaths and his mouth had watered when he thought about brushing her hair aside, pressing his lips to her throat.
But the stronger urge had been to kiss her. To touch her. Not feed.
“You don’t have to tell me, you know,” Toronto said, walking along beside Kel once more. “I know when a vamp’s got the bloodlust. You didn’t.”
“I’d just fed,” Kel reminded him.
Toronto shrugged, unconcerned. “Not that much, and your body could have used more. The hunger wasn’t sated and you know it. After the beating you took, it’s amazing you could stop when you did. But you did stop—easily, seems to me. And you didn’t feel it move on you once with Angel.”
“The hell I didn’t.” Kel clenched his jaw and reminded himself, Walk… Walk. Don’t think. Walk away. But that mantra was harder now.
“So you’re just gonna leave?”
“She deserves better than what I can give her, Toronto. She deserves a life. She deserves…everything.”
A memory of her voice, soft and tortured, rose up to haunt him. Those memories would do it for a long, long time, too. What life? There’s no life without you. Not for me. There hasn’t been, from the time I met you.
And not for him, either. But there had to be something he could do, some way of convincing Angel she could find something better. He just had to rip this need out of him, his obsessive dreams—they’d forged something between them that had survived the past twelve years, and now, more strongly than ever, Kel realized that while Angel was no longer consciously aware of his thoughts unless he allowed it, he hadn’t cut her off. Not completely. Not entirely. Some part of her was still open to him and that was what he had to block, what he had to cut off.
It was time to finish it. All there was to it.
Toronto’s voice droned on in his ear and he shot the shifter a dark look. “What in the hell do you want?”
The shifter came to a stop and Kel turned to face him.
The small smile on Toronto’s face was one Kel had seen before. It was the same look he had when he went on the hunt—both kinds of hunting. That lambent, sleepy look in Toronto’s eyes set an alarm to shrieking in Kel’s gut.
“Her, man. I don’t trespass, but if you’re sure…”
Growling, Kel took a step forward and demanded, “Sure about what?”
Toronto shrugged. “That you don’t want her. If you’re sure, tell me.” A wolfish grin lit his face and he added, “Right now she’s back there alone and confused. I can help with that. Maybe I can even get her to thinking about somebody but you.”
He shrugged.“Dunno if I’ll have much luck but I don’t see what it can hurt, not if you aren’t going to be around. One thing is certain and that’s the lady definitely doesn’t need to be alone right now.”
Kel was too stupefied to answer. At least at first. But he stood there sputtering and steaming for too long, because Toronto turned away and called out a cheerful, “See ya back in Memphis in a few days, man…maybe.”
Then he shifted, a smooth, seamless change and took off running back the way he’d come.
Her, man. I don’t trespass…
Trespass.
Shit.
Kel’s hands closed into fists and his pulse pounded in his temple, a hard, rhythmic tattoo. Her, man.
What life? There’s no life without you. Not for me. There hasn’t been, from the time I met you.
Life—Kel didn’t feel he had any inside him.
Toronto, the bastard, all but radiated life. His was a warm power, one that warmed even the vampires around him. That warmth would be a sweet, sweet relief to a woman that had just gone through what Angel had.
Her, man.
“Over my dead body,” he growled. He took off running, his feet pounding over the pavement with blurring speed. It occurred to him a minute later, he could have tried to dematerialize. But his temper wasn’t at all steady and he couldn’t think—couldn’t focus, couldn’t think, couldn’t…
But in that moment, his mind started to function. Function in an all-too-fucked-up manner. As in Toronto doing some focusing of his own. On Angel.
Through the bond that he tried so hard not to acknowledge, he could feel her. Vulnerable. Battered. Empty. Lost.
By the time he reached the run-down little house where she lived, he was seeing red and that bloodlust Toronto had mentioned was up in full force.
But it wasn’t Angel’s neck he wanted, wasn’t her blood. It was Toronto’s. He wanted that bastard’s blood…
The first thing that caught his eye was the window. Free from glass, the curtain fluttering in the breeze. He dove through it, landing on the balls of his feet inside the house. Toronto was already there—damn it, fucking wolves. Vamps were fast, but they were nothing compared to a shifter. Toronto, once more wearing his jeans in addition to a T-shirt, was settled on the couch next to Angel and she was so damn close, she was practically on his lap.
The blank look on her face didn’t register.
Her empty gaze didn’t register.
All that made sense to him was that he could see another man’s arm wrapped around her shoulders, that Toronto was stroking her knee.
“Get up,” Kel growled.
Angel’s lids fluttered but there no response other than that. But Toronto reacted, looking at Kel with a patently false expression of mock innocence. Kel took one slow step in their direction, snarling.
Toronto’s innocent smile faded, replaced by an expression that Kel couldn’t quite place. Later, he’d look back and think about how easily the shifter had manipulated him. But now all he could think about was getting the bastard away from Angel.
He eased Angel away, but it was like moving a mannequin. Angel didn’t blink and she hadn’t so much as looked in Kel’s direction. The complete lack of expression on her face started to tug at his internal alarm, but he couldn’t focus on it—on anything, not as long as Toronto stood so close.
“What’s the problem, Kel?”
Reaching out, he grabbed a fistful of Toronto’s shirt and jerked him close. “Don’t. Touch. Her.”
Arching his brows, the shifter asked softly, “Why not? You won’t. She needs it from somebody.” His grin took on a decidedly sly cast and he added, “Better me than some jackass out for a quick, easy fuck, right?”
Control splintering, Kel grabbed Toronto and whirled around, sending the shifter flying into the wall. He crashed into it with a force that cracked drywall. Toronto shoved to his feet, giving Kel an indignant glare. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“Don’t. Touch. Her.”
The look of mock indignation faded from Toronto’s face, replaced by a sympathetic smile. “Is that just in regards to me, Kel? You can’t completely block yourself off from her—I know that’s what you’re thinking, but it ain’t going to happen. She’s always inside you and with her gift, with yours, the connection you two have, she’s always going to be inside you.” He glanced at Angel and added, “And you’ll always be inside her. Even if she does try to move on, get a life the way you seem to think she should, she won’t get over you. But she’ll get lonely. What happens when she reaches out, goes to bed with some guy? You going to show up and warn him off and then just disappear? You want her to have a life, but I can’t even sit here and try to comfort her a little without you looking like you’re ready to rip my throat out.”
“What in the fuck do you want from me?” Kel snarled.
“To give yourself a chance. Give her a chance.”
“A chance at what? Spending her life with a guy who’s not much more than a parasite? I can’t live without taking from others. I can’t be with her the way she deserves.”
“Screw that. That’s nothing but bullshit,” Toronto snapped. “But fine, I’ll humor you for a minute. Say you’re right, say she can find somebody else… Can you even let that happen? Let any other man be with her? Could she even let herself do it? All she wants is you.”
“That’s all she allowed herself to want,” Kel muttered. Realizing this had been Toronto’s goal from the get-go, Kel turned away, disgusted with himself.
“You’re wrong.” Toronto’s voice was clear and the look on his face was pretty much the immovable expression he took on when he set his mind to something.
But he couldn’t convince Kel to feel any different. Kel knew what he wanted for Angel. And it was something more than what he could give her.
“Look at her, Kel.” Toronto looked over Kel’s shoulder at Angel and there was pity in his eyes. He took a step closer to Kel, lowered his voice. “Look at her, man. Look. Does she look even remotely alive to you? She’s been dead inside for twelve years, thinking you’d been killed. How much worse is it going to be now that she knows you’re alive…and knowing that fact doesn’t matter to you? That you won’t come back to her?”
A huge, aching hole had completely overtaken Kel’s chest and he hadn’t thought he could hurt more. “She deserves more, Tor.”
“Bullshit. What she deserves is a decent guy who loves her.” Toronto reached out, wolf-quick, and hooked a finger under the gold chain around Kel’s neck.
Snarling, Kel reached up and knocked Toronto’s hand away, closin
g his fist protectively around the ring.
Toronto just shook his head. “You think you don’t fit that bill, I get that. But fuck what you think she deserves from life. What about she wants? What she needs?”
Hard hands came up and shoved Kel around, forcing him to stare at Angel. That blank, empty expression on her face managed to penetrate something in his head, in his heart this time and Toronto, damn the bastard, somehow sensed Kel’s momentary weakness.
“Does she look alive to you right now? Yeah, she’ll snap out of this on the outside, but what about in her heart? She won’t get over you, not any more than you got over her. She’s dead inside and if you walk away from her, you’ve pretty much destroyed any chance she has at whatever happy life you’ve dreamed up for her. That happy isn’t going to happen without you.”
Toronto let go of Kel and moved away. He circled around the couch and brushed his fingers down Angel’s cheek. She didn’t blink. Shit—that dazed, shocky look on her face seriously worried Kel, and he suspected it bothered Toronto quite a bit as well.
Toronto sent Kel one last, telling look and then he left in silence.
Kel edged closer while his common sense demanded he leave. He could call the cops, leave an anonymous tip about a break-in—and Angel’s house certainly looked like something had happened. A break-in at the very, very least. The police would come, they’d get Angel to the hospital and if shock was settling in they’d treat her for it. Kel could even hang around until the cops got close, just to make sure she was okay.
But he couldn’t do it.
Even if she needed medical treatment for the shock, he couldn’t walk away. He steeled himself. Now that his rage at Toronto had passed, something else was rising inside him, a hard, driving need that went deeper than hunger, deeper than sex, deeper than lust and love—a craving.
For her.
It had to do with Angel, not a damn thing to do with the slightly altered scent of her blood. Just slightly—it hit him with nowhere near the impact he’d been expecting, but that puzzle wasn’t one he could focus on.
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