This would be no long night of leisurely lovemaking. This was urgent, primal coupling. As much as Hayley wanted to make it last, knowing it was the last time they would do this, she couldn’t wait any longer.
She guided him toward her entrance, felt the hard nudge as he pushed into her, and then he thrust forward to the hilt.
Hayley gasped with the shock of pleasure that radiated through her body. “Yes,” she moaned. “Josh, yes.”
Josh’s breath was hot on the juncture of her neck and shoulder, his arms cradling her body tight as he began to move inside her. Every exquisite slide of his cock generated a heat and friction that drove Hayley out of control. She matched his tempo, arching her hips upward, closing her eyes and riding the storm inside her.
Josh felt every delicious curve of Hayley wrapped around him. Her passionate response as he buried himself in her sweetness amplified his pleasure beyond belief or reason. He was lost in her, lost in sensation as he thrust into her again and again.
This woman is mine, he thought.
Another pleasure beyond reason. He knew Hayley wasn’t his, that this would be the last time they were together, but it sure as hell didn’t feel like the last time. It felt like he was whole, and warm, and home.
Hayley’s breath became erratic, her hands clutching his back, and he could tell from the way her hips bucked harder against him that she was getting close. The knowledge made him almost let go, too, but he held back. Just barely. And slowed down his thrusts so they were deeper, longer.
“Don’t stop. Josh, please don’t stop.”
“I want to watch you come,” he said. He lifted himself above her, continuing to move deliberately, enjoying the view of her flushed, writhing body beneath him. Her face seemed to glow with pleasure in the bright winter daylight, her lips red and half-open. Her eyes fluttered open and met his with hard intensity.
Seeing the radiant lust in Hayley’s gaze sent him reeling forward to the point of no return. Josh felt an orgasm building hard and fast at the base of his cock and he pounded into her then, and just before he exploded he felt her come, too. She cried out as she shuddered, gripping him, drawing him into mind-blowing completion.
They lay there together for breathless minutes, still joined. Josh didn’t want to move.
What are you doing to me, Hayley? he wondered as he held her close. Who else will ever be with me like this, with such gentleness and love? Who else will ever feel so right?
“Why was that so good?” she murmured, sounding almost regretful.
“So good,” he mumbled, kissing her once, softly, behind her ear.
Her hands grazed the back of his neck, playing with his hair.
Suddenly the prospect of gearing up and going out into the frigid day with the sled and the dogs seemed like the last thing Josh wanted to do. He would much rather stay snuggled here in bed with Hayley, and make some hot chocolate, and watch a movie, and then make love again.
But then he remembered. She needed to interview him, and take photos for the campaign he’d promised to help her with. And he’d promised to take Maggie to the airport that night, too.
He sighed.
Hayley stirred beneath him. “I should probably get my clothes back on if we’re going sledding. I want those action shots of you!”
“If you’re sure you wouldn’t rather just stay here? Just like this?”
She giggled. “This is nice. But I have a career to think about!”
“Then we better get going.” Josh kissed her on the lips and rolled away from her, instantly regretting the cold air between them. He grabbed a couple towels from the bathroom and handed one to Hayley.
She held it up. “Nice!”
“They’re new,” he admitted.
“Don’t worry, you’ve already made a good impression on me,” she said with an adorable retro wink.
They got dressed and went out to the kitchen, where Josh put on the promised kettle of water for tea. “Maggie buys this stuff,” he said. “I think we have Earl Grey, cinnamon, green …?”
“Cinnamon tea sounds lovely,” Hayley said. “I’m gonna grab my notebook and recorder. I left them by the door.”
By the time she returned, sat down at the kitchen table, and arranged her things, the tea was ready. Josh could already feel formality returning to the vibe between them, as if the amazing sex they’d just had was in a different time and place entirely. And he sensed it was all Hayley, all in her mindset. Like she was already mentally preparing to move on from him.
And she should, he told himself. You can’t give her what she needs.
That annoying inner voice then amended: You mean you won’t give her what she needs. Because you’re stubborn and set in your ways.
“Let’s get this interview over with,” he said.
She lifted her eyebrows. “All right. Let’s do this.” She flipped to a page in her notebook where she had her questions written, started the recorder on her phone, and poised her pen to write. “Ready?”
“Always.”
“So first, thank you for helping me. I know this is all bullshit to you, but you’ve got the look and the Alaska vibe I’m going for with these profiles. These questions might make you roll your eyes because you’re not looking for anyone, but I can help you come up with answers if you want.”
“I’m pretty sure I can wing it,” he said.
“Okay. First question. What are you looking for in a woman, Josh?”
She said it teasingly, in a tone that communicated she knew the question was cliché, and that his answer could be, too. However, it was easier to tell the truth.
“If I was looking, I’d I want a woman who’s happy,” he said. “Satisfied with her life. Someone who does interesting things independent of me, because I’m at work for long hours and the last thing I want is some needy chick who can’t handle things without me.”
Hayley laughed. “I’m guessing you know a couple like that?”
“Nate and Stacy Halstead,” he said. “Nate’s the engineer on my crew. Obviously this stays between us, but I swear I don’t think Stacy can tie her shoes without calling him to ask how.”
“Yikes!” She bent her head to write. “Must be able to tie her shoes independently,” she said aloud as she wrote. “Must be Happy with a capital H.”
“I’m not saying she can’t have bad days; we all have bad days—”
She looked up, eyes twinkling. “Like you did Saturday. Dang, you were cranky when I bumped into you at the grocery store.”
“You could tell?” he said. “Sorry. It was a rough shift.” Not to mention seeing you that morning like a breath of fresh air, then seeing you leave on a date with another guy.
“No worries,” she said. “Like you said, everyone’s entitled to a bad day now and then. Let’s keep going. What else do you want in your future woman?”
He got up and went to the window, looking out at the snow, thinking of how to say he had no interest in a future woman. That he was only interested in the one very much in the present, with him, right there.
He turned back to her and gave her an obvious once-over. “She should have awesome hair, auburn preferred. Just past her sexy shoulders is fine. And hazel eyes.”
Hayley blushed.
“And she’s got to have a smile as big as the moon.”
“That’s pretty specific.”
“I’m a specific kind of guy.”
“For my marketing purposes, it would be better if you were a little less specific. I mean, we do want brunettes to move to town, too.”
“You can make something up.”
“Okay,” she said. “Next question. What would be a perfect first date for you?”
He paused as if wanting to say something, then shook his head. “I suppose for your purposes, let’s say going on a dogsled ride,” he said. “If she can’t handle racing through the woods behind a team of dogs in freezing weather, she’s not the woman for me.”
“So you like to test your women
on first dates?”
“And you don’t test your men?”
“Not in the sense that I make them do physically challenging things in nature.”
“What did you do on your date with Mr. Theater Manager?”
“I don’t want to tell you.”
“Why not?” He came over and sat down in the chair next to her. “Did it really suck?”
“No,” she said softly. “He made an effort, you know? A real, honest effort. And he was creative, too. He took me to the theater and showed my favorite classic movie on the big screen. We were the only people in the whole theater, and it was great, because we could be as loud as we wanted. We ate popcorn and Junior Mints, and it was an all-around nice time.”
Josh didn’t know how to respond. He wanted to discount the date somehow. Make fun of it, or knock it down a peg. Petty jealousy, he knew. It actually sounded like the guy had put some thought into it, which was the sort of guy Hayley deserved. The sort of guy who would make the perfect boyfriend, the perfect success story, for Hayley’s Devotion.com profile.
Still, he regretted asking.
“Next question,” he said.
She glanced at her list and smiled. “What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever done for a woman?”
He leaned back in his chair. He thought back to his time with Shannon, but came up blank. He’d done plenty of nice things for her, like helping her paint her kitchen and bringing her chicken soup when she was sick, but maybe he hadn’t done so well with romantic gestures. He thought back to the woman before Shannon, Alicia, whom he’d dated for three months.
“I can tell you what one of my previous girlfriends thought was a romantic gesture,” he said. “She had a job interview in Fairbanks. It was her first real job out of college, and she was nervous as hell. She wanted to dress conservatively and wear a suit to make the best impression, and she’d finally found something she liked and even had the jacket tailored to shorten the sleeves. Anyway, she drove to Fairbanks the night before her interview and called me crying from her hotel room because she’d locked her keys in the car and her outfit was in the trunk and her interview was at eight the next morning—”
“Oh, no,” Hayley said, putting a hand over her heart. “And let me guess. Did you take her a spare set of keys? Or, no—you probably know guys on the fire department there. Did you hit someone up for a favor and ask them to get her car door open for her?”
“I could have,” Josh said, for he did have a couple friends there. “But, no, I went by her mom’s house, got the spare set of keys, and drove the seventy miles to her hotel. I got there about midnight, and then I had to get back for work by seven the next morning.”
“Wow!” Hayley said approvingly. “And you don’t think that’s romantic? Did she get the job?”
“She did, and moved there a few weeks later.”
“Which, let me guess, didn’t break your heart.”
“No, it did not.”
Hayley shook her head. “Oh, Josh.”
“What?” He felt defensive again. Why was everyone in his life making him feel defensive lately? “Being alone is a valid choice.”
“I know it is.” She gave him a long look and then reached to run her fingers through his hair, watching it fall back into place. Then she rested her palm against his cheek, and closed her eyes as if to memorize how his skin felt. “Josh?”
“Hayley.”
“I don’t want to change you. I just think you want to change, only maybe you don’t know it yet.”
She slipped her fingers beneath his flannel shirt and pressed into his collarbone, against the length of it and then along his sternum, and he closed his eyes and remembered she’d done the same thing in his bedroom less than an hour ago, touched every inch of the frame surrounding his heart, as if making sure it was sturdy enough to protect him.
But he was a man who’d been to war, and it had instilled a sort of wildness in him, and a cynicism, and a need to do difficult things. To suffer for the sake of suffering sometimes, and to be utterly alone in his loneliness. The days of Jack London and Ernest Shackleton were over, but there was still the Iditarod. The Iditarod was his cross to bear.
In Afghanistan, he’d told the wounded and dying men of Third Battalion, Seventh Marine Division stories of the Alaskan wilderness. Of climbing Denali and his certainty of heaven from experiencing the northern lights. He’d described dogsledding so thoroughly—how primal it felt to direct Alaskan huskies, bred for speed and distance, how you felt like nothing was insurmountable when you had the strength of a team of dogs in front of you. How you felt triumphant. Like an ancient conqueror on a noble quest.
He told the guys of his plans to race the Iditarod after the deployment. And now, for every race, he tucked into his breast pocket the same list of names he brought with him to the Armistice Day ceremony. Alone in the wilderness, he felt their spirits surrounding him, urging him on. It wasn’t only him out there; the guys were racing, too, and you didn’t abandon the guys just because a soft, sexy woman with hot pink lipstick wanted you.
It didn’t matter how much you wanted her back.
21
Just as Hayley was about to call it quits on the interview, someone called hello from the utility room. She was glad for the interruption; she hadn’t come over intending to reveal her feelings for Josh or criticize his lifestyle choices and certainly not to have sex with him, and she was upset at herself for doing all three.
“Hey, Dad, we’re in here,” Josh called.
A man in his early sixties stepped into the kitchen. Tall, but a few inches shorter than Josh, he had lively eyes and a robustness that signaled good health. His hair was grey, but it was thick, kept short and well-groomed, and he had no receding hairline.
“Hi,” the man said, extending a hand. “Bruce Barnes. Good to meet you.”
“Dad, this is Hayley March,” Josh said.
Hayley stood and shook his hand. “Good to meet you, too.” She remembered that Claire was friends with the former police chief, and also that Claire and Bruce had seen Josh’s truck parked outside her house the other night, so Hayley was under no illusions he didn’t know about her tryst with his son. She was glad he didn’t seem to have judged her negatively for it. “I can see where Josh gets his good looks.”
“All from his mother,” Bruce said cheerfully. “She was a damn good-looking woman.”
He said it without sorrow, and Hayley liked the easy way he had about him. A watchful way, too, which she expected was from the decades he’d spent as a cop, but then Josh had the same trait—he must have picked it up from his dad. From just a few minutes with Bruce she could tell they had similar mannerisms.
“I got the dogs harnessed up for you,” Bruce told Josh. “They’re anxious to get going.”
Hayley looked to Josh questioningly. “We’re going for a sled ride?”
“You wanted to, right?”
“Ooh, you’re testing me!”
Grinning, Josh shook his head. “You wanted to get some good action shots for your profile,” he reminded her.
“I’ll heat up a Thermos of cocoa while you get ready,” Bruce said.
“Will I be warm enough?” Hayley asked Josh.
“I have a snowsuit and goggles you can wear. They’re Maggie’s.”
While Bruce heated up the cocoa, Josh and Hayley bundled up. In addition to snow pants and coat, Hayley borrowed a scarf, hat, sunglasses, and Maggie’s boots, which were the tiniest bit too big. Feeling as roly-poly as a snowman, she grabbed her camera and followed Josh outside, and they made the long walk across the yard to the dogs.
“Welcome to the Sourdough Kennel,” Josh said, gesturing to it as they approached.
“Why the Sourdough Kennel?”
“Back in the Gold Rush days, prospectors used to carry a lump of fermented starter dough for making bread in a pouch around their necks. It was kept close to the body to keep it warm. If you had a pouch, it showed you were experienced in the art of
survival.”
“The art of survival,” Hayley mused. “I’ve never heard that expression before.”
“I think it can be an art,” Josh said simply.
She elbowed him. “Are the dogs how you survive?”
“Maybe.”
She smiled. She was beginning to understand Josh a little better. For all her criticism of his willful loneliness, she couldn’t fault his dedication to racing, especially if it was good for his mental well-being.
Eight dogs were harnessed, and another twelve were tied to individual doghouses. All started barking as the humans approached, and Hayley was taken aback by the noise. She was familiar with the sound of hundreds of dogs barking, as the Iditarod came through Golden Falls every second year, but she’d never considered what it would be like to live with the noise.
“Are they always this loud?” she asked.
“Pretty much, if there’s any activity going on at all. But especially if there’s food or a sled ride happening.”
He went to the harnessed dogs and greeted each one in turn. Each jumped to him, putting its paws on his forearms. Hayley got a few good shots as Josh checked to make sure their little dog booties were properly fastened and the harness was latched in both front and back to the gangline. Moving down the line, he spend an extra few moments with the two dogs in front, talking quietly to them, and Hayley enjoyed watching him. He seemed very at home with his dogs. One of the pack.
“This is Kodiak and this is Truman,” he said, pointing to the two in front. “They’re my lead dogs. Then we’ve got Hester and Frank, my swing dogs. Scout and Moose are my team dogs, and Bo and Buster are my wheel dogs.”
“They’re gorgeous,” Hayley said. Most of the dogs had blue eyes, but a few had a combination of blue and brown. “Are they huskies?”
“Alaskan huskies, yep. Born to run. Born to pull a sled.”
“And you race with how many for the Iditarod?”
“I start with sixteen. You often drop some at checkpoints as you go, from exhaustion or various things, but you’ve got to cross the finish line with at least six. First time I raced, I only started with twelve and couldn’t keep a full team. Had to drop out.”
Bring Your Heart (Golden Falls Fire Book 2) Page 17