"Pfft, I don't hate her."
"She thinks you do. You're always so snooty when she's around," Dakota insisted. My thinly veiled contempt wasn't as thinly veiled as I had intended, apparently.
The intern didn't stick around much longer to hear me stammer out a weak protest and once she was gone, I didn't linger around in a house full of enemies. This errand run could be a great excuse to clear my head, free of the awkward interactions I kept being forced to have. Keys in hand I got in the car to get far away from everyone for as long as I could.
*****
Chapter Twenty Eight
Finn
Marybeth hadn't really come to grips with who I was, she clearly wasn't the least bit fazed by how important I had become; she treated me just like a regular person. While I could appreciate someone being “real” with me, I didn't really have any interst in being treated like the help. My hands were a little too important to be helping set up for a wedding.
When Marybeth had asked me to drive her over to the hotel, I thought that she had just wanted the experience of riding on the back of a motorcycle. I had no idea that her real plan was to put me to work.
"You know, Marybeth, I usually hang out on stage as someone else takes care of this stuff. I'm not really that skilled at this kind of..."
My voice trailed off as I became aware that she wasn't even listening to what I was saying, just waiting for me to finish. Once I did receive a rather condescending smile, I was instantly reminded me of just who she had given birth to. I began to see a bunch of Allie in her mother and knew I didn't stand a chance in trying to argue sense into her.
"Well good, maybe you can learn a new skill then?" she asked before disappearing, leaving me to untangle miles of dusty cable. My father and soon-to-be stepmother had figured out where to cut corners to save money, even though there was no need to. By putting the kids to work, they'd have free labor that would knock quite a few dollars off the final bill, even if I was the one paying it.
A number of hotel staff did double takes when they saw one of the biggest celebrities in the world sitting on the floor, swearing at cables. I took to flashing desperate smiles, silently begging them to come rescue me from this work but each one kept their distance. I may be a very well known and loved musician but that just made me harder to approach. It was one of the first things I learned about this gig: it's insanely lonely. But I didn't care in terms of other people, there was only one particular person I needed by my side and she was nowhere to be found.
My secret hope was that Allie was also going to be sent here to help out and would have no choice but to work closely with me. Being forced into such close proximity might be exactly what we needed to get over the tension that kept popping up between us. After the wedding I was off on tour again and who knows when we'd have another opportunity to be together.
As I dug through the endless pile of cables, I kept an eye on the door hoping she'd walk through. My heart began to race when I saw a feminine figure in the doorway, the sun behind only allowing me to see a silhouette. My excitement couldn't be contained, overjoyed that she had finally come.
"Hey Finn," the voice that definitely wasn't Allie's called out. It was Dakota who caused my spirits to fall. “Marybeth asked me to come down and help out.”
"Hey," I muttered while trying to hide my disappointment. When she asked what I was doing I explained in detail, trying to make it sound interesting. When she didn't leave my side, I gave her her own batch of cables to untangle. She took to it quickly, eager to impress. Unfortunately for her, she had just proven that I didn't need to be there.
"Hey I'll be right back," I told her, wandering towards the door quickly before she realized that she had been tricked. I couldn't just sit around all day and hope to see Allie, I needed to go find her.
*****
Chapter Twenty Nine
Allie
The tailor handed me Mom's dress in a huff, as though I was the one responsible for the million little fixes my mother had put her through. If this time it fit, her job was done and it would go get cleaned and ready. If it didn't fit, she was aware she'd have to continue dealing with my mom.
It wasn't lost on me that I should be enjoying this jaunt away. The open road in front of me and no one in my ear, just what I needed. To be safe I put on talk radio, unwilling to risk hearing the song that had been haunting me, the voice that wouldn't leave my head.
Just get through the wedding and everything goes back to normal.
The life I had so carefully made for myself, the one where I kept myself carefully protected, I could return to once the wedding was over. Once I got to leave all this, I'd never have to see him again, he couldn't hurt me any more.
Of course I took the scenic route back to the house, milking as much of this alone time as I could. Just as I was imagining the kind of guy I should be seeking out, a car rolled up to the stoplight I was waiting at. Through the window I saw a boy about my age; cute, clean-cut. We made eye contact and both laughed with some embarrassment at being caught looking. My immediate assessment of him was that he was well put together, organized, safe. His car was nice, not flashy but practical. This was probably the kind of guy who had a normal job, made good money, had a plan for his future: the exact type of guy I should be going after. Sure, he probably didn't know how to play guitar or drive a motorcycle. He probably didn't have tattoos and most likely had never been in a fight. But he also probably wasn't the type of guy to say 'I love you' just to get some action.
The light had cycled through green but neither of us had moved. My traffic buddy surprised me by rolling down his window, clearly waiting for me to do the same. When I did, we traded shy smiles, each waiting for the other to say 'hello'. Just as I was about to, just when my lips began to part to speak and say 'Hi', the most obnoxious sound came from this guy's car. The dopey grin on his face told me he had no idea how stupid it made him look to be listening to that song. Without giving him any time to even figure it out, I sped off, right through the red light, leaving him in my dust.
Happiness spread over my whole body when I realized that the house was empty for the first time in a long time. No intern, no floozy songwriter, no him. Growing up in this house, there were plenty of opportunities to be alone only I hadn't been able to appreciate until I was older and had people I needed to hide from.
As soon as I rested Mom's dress on her bed, a devilish idea sparked in my brain; the two of us were roughly the same size and had actually swapped clothes a number of times before. I started to wonder what I would look like in her dress. While I had no prospects or even designs on getting married ever, there was still a desire to see myself wrapped up in that gown, presented as the queen of the night. The desire and curiosity burned in my head, nagging and refusing to quiet down until I finally convinced myself that it would be ok to try on the dress really quickly.
My clothes flew off and the dress pulled over in record time. I was right, not only did it fit very well, it felt even better. The person looking back at me in the mirror looked beautiful and happy. It was enough to almost make me cry right then.
"You here?" Dakota's shrill voice suddenly brought me crashing back to reality. My body snapped to, trying desperately to cover up what I had been up to before she came up here.
"Wow," a deep voice abruptly spoke from behind me. "You look amazing," Finn said once I turned and found him standing in the doorway, watching me.
*****
Chapter Thirty
Finn
When Marybeth found that I had delegated my work to Dakota, I honestly couldn't tell if she was pissed or impressed. Whatever it was, she quickly let it be know that she had more work for me to do.
"Can you run to the house and pick up some things? Quickly?" she asked while briskly walking by me. She was trying my patience, expecting me to follow close behind at the sound of her voice. It was annoying to no end but also an experience I hadn't had in quite some time. Nobody barked orders at me so if I was
going to let anyone do it, might as well be the woman my father loved.
"Allie has been taking forever..." she said quickly, almost escaping my ears entirely. Having watched for Allie all day, I was thrilled to have a clue as to where she was.
"She...coming back soon?" I asked while trying my best to mask the desperation I felt.
"She's supposed to but..."
"Maybe Dakota can run to the house then," I offered, not wanting to miss Allie when she returned.
"You both can go, I don't care."
"I meant Dakota going alone..."
Marybeth finally stopped and turned to me with the same determined and annoyed expression that she had passed down to her daughter.
"Look," the words shot out of her mouth, "your father and I need your help. We're not asking for much. Please don't be such trouble."
It was clear I wasn't going to get through to her to let her let me stay and wait for her daughter. I accepted her order of items to go pick up and soon the intern was nipping at my heels. Because we were to pick up quite a few things, I needed to take my father's beat-up truck instead of my bike. While I hadn't seen any paparazzi around that day, there was no guarantee a couple wouldn't pop up as I was driving this shitbox. They were on the lookout for my bike anyway but what a field day they'd have if they got pictures of me and the young, cute intern.
Dakota kept up with her normal, endless talking, a combination of questions and rapid-fire random thoughts. There were more than a few moments where I almost dropped my guard and started to open up to her for advice. Truth was I wanted to get all my feelings for Allie off my chest, to finally be real with someone. Maybe Dakota could offer the advice I so badly needed. A quick glance and I saw her phone sitting in her lap, resting on her black tights and I remembered she was the press. I had way more to lose than gain by revealing myself to her.
Dakota let me enter the house first and, without even looking for what we came for, I wandered up to Allie's room in hopes of finding the ghost of her lingering. Her scent, spent clothes, anything to make her memory more vivid in my mind. When I got to her door, I stopped in my tracks when I found her there. Allie was standing in front of a mirror, admiring herself while dressed in a huge, white wedding dress. She looked stunning, so much so that for the first time I could remember, I was speechless. Allie knew it too, as I approached her, she just stared at me, feeling the power she had over me growing even stronger. My hands reached to feel her body and that's when I sensed her grow cold.
"Finn! No! Please, why can't you just leave me alone?"
Her arms crossed and her face turned into a pout, looking like she may cry at any moment.
"I can't. You have a hold over me that I can't shake. You have to believe me when I say that I've never felt like this before."
At least I was being honest with her, she just didn't want to hear it. When Allie tried to twist and move away from me, I moved so that she couldn't get by. No matter what side she went to, I was in front of her, clearly frustrating her. Allie put her hands against my chest and, after a weak push, fell into my arms. I felt Allie fighting against herself, conflicted. She would allow herself to soften and nestle against me briefly before snapping to and pushing herself away. Though I wanted to wrap my arms around her and never let her go, she had to make that decision for herself.
"It doesn't have to be this way," I quietly tried to convince her. Allie let out a defiant whimper as she continued to squirm.
"Finn, you have to leave," she continued to protest but I wasn't heading anywhere near the door.
"It doesn't have to be like this," I reminded her. Allie just hung her head and let out a deep sigh. My arms wanted to embrace her body wrapped perfectly in that white wedding dress, to hug her close and let her know that I was sorry, sorry for everything, that I'm not a bad person.
"Yeah, well, it's not my fault," she spat at me. “None of this is.”
I think she thought her words would make me leave but I remained firm, unable to leave the side of the most beautiful woman I had ever known.
*****
Chapter Thirty One
Allie
Each and every time I made a promise to myself to be done with Finn, it was like he knew. He always managed to show up at every moment I swore he would be out of my life good. Standing in my mother's wedding dress, I had nowhere to run. All I could do was twist and turn, hoping he'd just go away. Instead, Finn let me know that he wouldn't let me leave until we fixed what was wrong between us. This is the way he got things, through brute force. He didn't understand that I didn't want to fix things, that unless he could unbreak my heart, if he could break up our parents, then maybe we could be friendly. But Finn didn't believe that any rules applied to him. He wanted me to fall over myself for him and wasn't going to stop until I made a fool of myself doing just that.
“Finn, please,” I begged while trying to cover myself up with my arms.
“You look...beautiful,” he said while his eyes burned holes all over me, taking in how my whole body looked wrapped up in that virginal white dress. Maybe it caused him to remember when he met me, when I was pure until he tarnished that. When Finn returned his gaze to my eyes, I saw a different person, or at least somebody I hadn't seen in a very long time. Instead of lust powering his words and motivation, those deep brown eyes softened and pleaded with me to accept him and comfort him. He never would've shamelessly begged me for attention but it felt as though he was wordlessly pleading with me right there. Seeing me wrapped up in that white dress broke the harsh exterior he showed the world. The boy was practically a puddle right in front of me. Even with all of the hatred I felt for him, his vulnerability weakened the punches I wanted to throw.
“Finn, please. You have to go,” I begged again. When I turned away from him, I just felt his heat coming closer until his arms found my sides again. My intention was to pull his hands off of my body but instead our fingers were soon interlocked against my sides, the both of us unable to untangle.
“Finn,” I whisper-yelled, “Dakota's right outside.”
The hair on my neck stood on end when I got a sense of his plump lips right on the fringe of my ear. “I don't care,” he whispered.
Finn's hands continued to roam all over my body and I was powerless to stop him. I wanted to and then I didn't. My brain and heart were fighting each other as I felt my legs part and invite him in even closer. My bare thighs hidden underneath the flowing, white dress were soon reintroduced to the skin callused by hours of guitar playing. Everything inside of me screamed for more of him and my arms shot out on the dresser in front of me, clutching the corners. I backed my ass further onto him, his hands teasing by flirting along the edges of the skimpy panties I had on. Reason and history played no part in the moment, only one goal raced to the top of my priorities. He had me literally in the palm of his hand, under his control.
The same fingers that danced over guitar strings and hypnotized crowds the world over now traced the shape of my absurdly wet femininity. With great effort I had to bite my lip as not to alert Dakota as to what was going on behind the door. When his hand slid inside of my damp unmentionables, my fingers clutched onto the furniture as goosebumps ran from my core to every edge of my limbs. Eyes closed, head bent down, we worked a rhythm swaying forward and backwards as I was dying for Finn to penetrate me. As the very tip of one of his fingers circled where I was ready for him to go, Finn came close to my ear again.
“Maybe you're right,” he said, “maybe we shouldn't. We could get caught...this is so wrong.”
Words were proving difficult to get out, my whole body was shaking, knowing this was all wrong but needing him to move in me. The back of my head rested on his chest as I guided his hand against the moist flower where we both wanted him to be.
“Just give me what you're good for,” I purred. My words were meant to be what he wanted to hear. This is what I thought would turn him on and encourage him further. Instead I felt him pulling away.
The
tension that had filled the room quickly disappeared, as if someone had opened a window and let cool air to wash out the steam we had created. At first he froze in place and desperation flooded my brain as I felt Finn move away from me. His hands and arms retreated from my body and I was left confused up against the dresser.
“Finn,” I called out, hoping this misunderstanding could be put off for the time being. When he didn't respond, I turned to find him shaking his head, letting me know I was the one who fucked up for once. He didn't say anything and just turned to leave.
I wasn't going to call after him though and I certainly wasn't going to apologize. With shaky legs and clouded head, I lightly pounded my head on the dresser. He got me again.
*****
Chapter Thirty Two
Finn
Maybe it hadn't been her intention but regardless, I couldn't just stand there as Allie made me feel so small. As I walked out of the room in disbelief, a part of me hoped she would appear right behind me, having rushed to catch up and make things better. The last time I checked, she was nowhere near.
Bush League: New Adult Sports Romance Page 25