by BJ Sheldon
“There’s no way in hell that you’re going anywhere,” said Dorian, pointing his finger at me. “After what happened to you, I don’t want you anywhere near the burial site.”
“I’ll have to go there eventually,” I said with my hands on my hips.
“No. You really don’t.”
“It’s my sword and my responsibility. I’m the Protector, and only the Protector can stop Azazel from raising the Fallen. Isn’t that what the prophecy says? So, yeah, I will need to go back to the site at some point. You know I’m right. And you also know you’re never going to win this argument.”
Dorian begrudgingly admitted defeat, his head rolling back, hands on his face.
He knew I was right. And he knew I wouldn’t cave.
Throwing his arms up and out, he seemed to signal his surrender. “Fine. You win. But I still don’t want you going there tonight. I’d be more comfortable if you stayed here instead. I don’t care if you are an indestructible girl with wings; you nearly died at the hand of your own sword, and you need a bit more time to recover.” Dorian turned to his sister. “Lillith. Take Sam and Sean with you and watch the site tonight.”
Lillith stiffened in her chair, her face immediately turning bright red.
“Why don’t you—”
“You’re not arguing with me. I’m staying here to watch over Skyy, and you’re going to guard the site with the guys. End of discussion,” said Dorian, interrupting his sister before she could finish.
Lillith leapt out of her chair and stared her brother down. He puffed out his chest and squared off with her, the two of them standing toe-to-toe.
“You being alone with her is a bad idea, Dorian,” she said in a low voice.
“And why is that?”
“You know why.”
“And how is that any of your business?” he asked.
“You’re my brother. Your business is my business.”
“Not this time,” he said.
Lillith squinted hard, her forehead creases deepening by the second.
“Are you forgetting that our time here is nearly up? Do you really think it’s a good idea to get involved with someone right now?”
“How I spend my time and whom I spend it with is my concern.”
“This isn’t the time for any of this. You’re just being selfish,” she snapped.
“And you’re being ridiculous.”
“You’re a damn fool.”
“And you’re an enormous bitch. But that’s beside the point.” Dorian stood defiantly. His posture was rigid, his jaw clenched. His chest rose, but as he exhaled his mood seemed to change. “Look. I thought we already covered this. I know you’re not her biggest fan, but this isn’t a competition. You’re my sister. I love you, and nothing about that has changed in over a hundred years. But how I feel about Skyy has nothing to do with you. I need you to let it go.”
They stood and stared at each other for about a minute, each not willing to give up the upper hand. The atmosphere was stifling. Sean and Sam shifted in their seats, clearly uneasy with the squabbling siblings standing just a few feet away. Neither tried to hide the fact that they were arguing about me. Just knowing I was the cause of their immediate rivalry made me uncomfortable. The entire situation was awkward, and I desperately had the urge to crawl up into a ball and disappear.
After what felt like an hour, Lillith finally backed away without incident and opened a portal near the edge of the campsite.
“Come on you guys. Let’s go,” she barked.
She waved Sean and Sam over, waiting impatiently for them to join her through the portal. Sean ran over to the cooler and grabbed some water bottles and beef jerky for the night. He wiggled his fingers at me in a semi-wave goodbye and followed the other two through to the other side.
Dorian didn’t move from where he stood. He remained still, and stared up into the sky. The sun was hidden behind some dark, ominous clouds that had begun to form.
I was at a loss for words. Dorian had expressed his feelings for me out loud in front of everyone. I mean, I wasn’t stupid. I knew he cared. I knew he had feelings for me. But to hear the words spoken in the open in front of others left me taken aback.
Dorian finally turned his attention away from the clouds and quietly made his way to the wood pile where he grabbed one of the logs. He stepped over to the stump, yanking the ax out in one swift move, and placed a log up on its end, balancing it upright on the tree stump. Both hands grasped the ax handle. Then, with a twist of his wrists, he swung it over his head and brought it down full force into the center of the log, splitting it in two like butter. Dorian reached over and grabbed another log and repeated the maneuver.
After a few more logs bit the dust, Dorian plunged the ax back into the stump.
“Can you come over here and help me a minute?” he asked, reaching down for a few pieces of his handiwork. “Just stack it all in my arms.”
I rose out of my chair and strolled over to where he waited, his hands out in front of him. I knelt down, picked up each piece of kindling, and placed them into his outstretched arms. Once the pieces were all off the ground, I followed him over to the fire pit where he dropped his haul.
“Do you think Lillith and the guys will be okay out there?” I asked.
“They’ll be fine. It’s going to take Raja some time to gather his troops. Sending her out there for the night was more of a precaution.”
Dorian crouched down and began stacking the firewood in the pit.
“Well that’s good to hear.”
“Plus, I figured it was a good way to get you alone.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Joker.” I chuckled.
Dorian squinted up at me. “Who’s joking?” he asked.
My posture straightened up quickly, my face suddenly growing warm with embarrassment.
I studied his expression, trying to decide if he was pulling my leg.
Without a smile, he winked and returned to stacking the firewood in the pit, preparing for the chilly night ahead.
“Dorian?”
“Yeah?”
“You didn’t really...”
“What if I did?”
“You shouldn’t have done that.”
“Why not?” he asked. “I only have a matter of days left to live. Whom I choose to spend those days with is my business. And I wasn’t kidding when I said you needed time to recover. So go sit yourself down and look pretty. You’re stuck with me for the rest of the evening.”
“Look pretty? Kinda sexist, isn’t it?”
“Not if it’s true.”
I folded my wings around me and sat down in the lawn chair to wait for Dorian to finish arranging the firewood. It was too early to build a fire, but I knew that as night fell, the temperature would take a severe drop. The skies had grown ominous, eliminating the warmth of the sun.
In fact, the more I thought about it the more I realized the temperature seemed to be far below the average for that time of year. Could the colder weather be a coincidence, or could it be a direct result of the impending battle with Azazel’s army?
“I feel it, too,” said Dorian. He’d lit the fire and stood, facing me. “The weather is changing.”
“Are you reading my thoughts again?” I said, jerking my head in his direction.
“If you’re going to continue to lower your guard, I’m going to take the opportunity to get in your head every time. Fair warning,” he replied, throwing his hands up in defense. “And anyway, I think you’re right. I think Azazel has a lot to do with it. Actually, I think it’s going to continue to get even colder out here. The forecasters in the area are going to have a field day with this. Probably blame global warming.”
Dorian grabbed the chair next to mine and sat down, sliding down into his seat as he rested his arms on his chest, crossing his feet at his ankles.
“So what really happened while you were unconscious?” he asked bluntly.
“What do you mean?”
“Why w
ere you repeating that sentence over and over?”
“I told you. I had a vision.” I wasn’t sure why I’d hesitated telling Dorian about my mother.
“And did this vision have a name?”
“Why are you bugging me about this?” I asked.
“Because that was very specific information. There had to be some kind of divine intervention involved.”
“Can we just change the subject?”
“Fine,” Dorian uttered. “We still have a few hours before sunset. What do you feel like doing?”
“Could you grab my book out of my bag over there?” I asked, pointing toward my canvas tote next to the cooler.
“Sure.” Dorian pushed himself out of his chair, sauntered over to my bag, and pulled out my copy of Beowulf. He made his way back and sat down, holding the book out for me to take. I gripped it in my hand and laid it on my lap.
“Thanks.”
“Kind of a heavy read, don’t you think? Especially with everything going on right now.”
I shrugged and opened up the front cover. It was old and worn. Sean had found it at an antique bookstore and bought it for me for his birthday. He said that since I didn’t really have a birthday of my own to celebrate, he’d share his with me.
It was something he repeated every year. He would find some old, antique-looking book and buy it for me for my pseudo-birthday to add to my already overflowing piles in my trailer. Sean definitely had his moments.
I read all day, getting lost in the words and the story. The monster running amok, the hero coming to the rescue. It all felt a little familiar. Dorian was up and down most of the time. He sharpened weapons, chopped wood, and did about a thousand push-ups in the course of six hours.
The sun had finally begun to set, so Dorian threw more logs on the campfire and grabbed a blanket. He tucked it up under his chin and draped it back over his shoulders.
The chill in the air didn’t bother me, but even I could tell it was far colder than usual. I was tired of sitting, so I grabbed another blanket from Lillith’s tent and laid it out on the ground next to the campfire. I rested on my back so I could stare up at the stars that were peeking out behind the clouds.
My gaze darted from one star to the next, imagining my own constellations in the heavens. The night sky was like a Van Gogh. Connecting one star to another in my mind, I created a trail that would be reminiscent of one of his paintings.
The silence of the night was interrupted by the sounds of nearby crickets. Their chirps were slow in direct correlation with the evening chill. But despite the cold, they continued their instinctive song. I briefly shut my eyes and allowed myself to get lost in their soulful tone, my breathing falling in rhythm with each high-pitched note.
I opened my eyes and again stared at the stars.
“Do you really want to know why I’ve tried to die so many times?” I asked.
“Only if you’re willing to tell me.”
I let out a loud sigh. “Part of it was not knowing why I’d been put on this earth. It’s pretty clear from these things on my back that I wouldn’t fit in with regular people, so it always bothered me why I was even alive. Sometimes it felt like I was the punchline in some bad joke—a freak of nature amongst human normalcy. But after thinking about it, I mean really thinking, I’ve realized that it wasn’t really the loneliness, lack of purpose, or the feeling-sorry-for-myself thing I had going on. What I was looking for was an answer.”
“An answer for what?”
“I wanted an answer from God. Why he created me,” I explained, gesturing at my back. “Why he would place a little girl on this earth with wings and leave her alone without telling her why.”
“Huh.”
“What do you mean ‘huh’?”
“Well, I mean, why did you assume it was God?”
I turned my head and looked at him.
“Why wouldn’t I assume it was God?”
“Look. I get why you would initially think that. But really, if you think about it, I mean really think about it, you’d realize that there’s another alternative.” Dorian joined me on the ground and lay on his side, his head propped up with his hand.
I grew increasingly confused at exactly what Dorian was trying to say. “What alternative?”
“I don’t think He created you. But I do think He allowed you to happen. The fact that your mother was a Hybrid, who never should have been able to conceive you in the first place, tells me that your birth was a miracle that He allowed. And why would He allow it? What possible motive could He have? Here’s what I think. I think He knew you would be the key in the end, the one person that could stop Azazel. That mankind would survive because of you.”
I’d been unknowingly holding my breath while Dorian spoke. I forced the air from my lungs and again stared up at the stars. “Maybe,” I said.
“You know I’m right.”
“I know you’re a pain in my ass.”
“For as long as we both shall live.”
I knew he was trying to relieve the tension, but all he’d done was remind me that his time was coming to an end. Something stirred in my chest. I couldn’t be sure, but I was fairly certain the feeling was what heartbreak felt like.
Dorian rolled onto his back and tucked the blanket up under his arms. I felt his hand creep over, his fingers intertwining with mine.
The crickets continued to chirp in the distance, distracting me from my star gazing. I again closed my eyes and listened closely. My breathing slowed and began to keep pace with the rhythmic song of their chirping. I shut everything out, concentrating only on the sounds of nature.
Minutes passed in silence.
“Skyy?” whispered Dorian.
“Sshhh. Listen,” I said quietly.
“What exactly am I listening for?” he whispered.
“You can’t hear that? The crickets? Listen.”
“They’re chirping. So what?”
I opened my eyes and turned toward Dorian. “You can’t feel that?”
“Feel what?”
“Their rhythm, their place in this world. They’re always there calling out to one another, making sure the others know they’re alive. Have you ever noticed that no matter how hard you try, you can never truly pinpoint exactly where they are? They could be a few feet directly in front of you, but they sound like they’re ten feet behind you. Their songs are nature itself. If you close your eyes and listen, just listen—shut out everything else around you—they become a part of you. I mean, don’t get me wrong. There’s the sound of owls hooting in the trees. Cattle mooing in the pastures. Dogs barking in the distance. But there’s nothing like the song of a cricket. I feel them in my soul, like they’re a part of my own heartbeat. When I hear them on a night like this, it gives me peace like nothing else.”
Dorian’s stared at me, his eyes studying every part of my expression. He flashed me a quick grin and closed his eyes. He lay there for a few moments and then smiled again.
“Huh. You’re right. I can almost feel them.” Dorian opened his eyes. “You surprise me sometimes.”
“Why?” I asked.
“You come across like this badass with wings. A chip on your shoulder. A bit sarcastic, keeping people at arm’s length. But you’re so much more than that. You have a lot more depth than you realize. You’re like an onion; I just keep peeling back all the layers and finding more to you than was there before.”
“Keep your hands off my layers, buddy,” I said with a laugh.
“See? Who knew you had a sense of humor?” he joked.
I leaned over and playfully smacked him on the arm.
Time passed and my mind wandered. I imagined the earth beneath me when the world was young, when the angels fell. Things had changed over the centuries, but wars fought in the name of a higher power hadn’t changed at all. Both man and angel continued to battle for what they thought was divine authority. They continued to look ahead to their futures, hopeful and determined in their fight.
&nb
sp; It made me wonder about my own future.
“Have you had any visions lately?” I asked.
“Nope.”
“Can you force them? Or do they just come to you?”
“Are you fishing for something in particular?” he asked.
I pursed my lips, searching for what I wanted to say.
“Do you know what happens to me? What happens to Sean?”
Dorian rolled his head back and stared up the sky. He remained like that for a while, with a blank look on his face.
“Dorian?”
He cleared his throat.
“I haven’t seen anything since that vision I had of Sean.”
“Which was wrong,” I said boldly.
“So it seems,” he replied.
“Nothing about me then? No idea whether we win or lose this thing?”
“It doesn’t work like that. And I typically can’t see too far into the future. Usually it’s only minutes…or a matter of days.”
“And how often are you wrong?”
“Up until now?” he asked. “Never.”
Those words made me uneasy. But I was glad that if he was going to be wrong about anything, it was that.
“Skyy. I need to tell you something.” Dorian rolled back over onto his side, letting go of my hand. His eyes danced as they looked at me, mischievously studying every inch of my face.
I turned to my side and met his gaze. “Okay?”
“I want you to know that no matter what happens, I’m glad I met you. No regrets.”
My lips curved up impulsively before I could I stop myself. I was afraid that he’d think I was desperate for his attention.
But the truth was I enjoyed hearing that he cared. I wondered if—no I knew—it would be the only time in my life that I heard those words. I found it difficult to believe that I would ever allow anyone to get that close to me again.
“I know you don’t easily get attached to people. You keep your distance, and I get that,” he said. “But I need to know if you feel the same way.”
I swallowed hard and could only muster a few nervous blinks.
“Feel free to lie,” he chuckled anxiously. “I’m okay with that.”
My mouth opened, but nothing came out. I wanted to tell him that I’d never felt like that before. That he’d somehow gotten past my armored exterior and softened my heart. I wanted to tell him how I’d fallen for him, and I didn’t know how I was going to continue on after he was gone.