by Tess Oliver
It amazed me how quickly I’d devised this plan, and yet now, I was terrified of the whole thing. Cash wasn’t some boy I’d gone to school with who had as limited amount of experience as me. I didn’t need to pry into his past to know that Cash had been with plenty of women. His skill and confidence scared the heck out of me. I felt suddenly like a silly, naive school girl. I was certain he’d be disappointed in me. I had to shake away the nerves or call the whole thing off.
I looked in the mirror once more and took a deep breath. “Just be yourself, Esme,”
I walked out to the garage to look for the old sleeping bags we used to use when my brothers and I would camp out at the cove. In his early teens, even Seton was fun to hang out with. Dad would give us money for marshmallows, chocolate and graham crackers, and we’d pack up his portable barbecue and our sleeping bags and scare the shit out of each other with sea monster stories. We’d eat s’mores until we were drunk on sugar and laughter.
I heard the front door open and shut and loud voices filled the front room. My stomach tightened at the sound of Clint’s laugh. Seton was with him, but I didn’t recognize the third voice. I’d hoped to get in and out with my supplies without having to see anyone.
I pulled the small step ladder to the shelves that ran along the inside of the garage. We had accumulated a lot of crap through the years. About the only thing we didn’t have in the garage was a car. My mom had labeled many of the storage boxes with a permanent marker. Back then her writing had been solid and straight and sober. It was almost as if I’d grown up with a completely different woman than the one who now claimed to be my mom.
One box was labeled Esme’s stuffed toys. I pulled it open. My stuffed elephant, Elmer, was right on top where I’d bravely stacked him when Mom had insisted I should put some of my stuffed animals in storage. I’d placed all my loyal friends into a box to be shoved on a shelf in the garage. They’d been far more stalwart and trustworthy than my mom. I pulled Elmer out and pressed him to my face. He smelled of tea party dust and blustery thunderstorms and all the other adventures we’d gone through together. I placed Elmer on the top tier of the step ladder. The next box was heavy, and it had no label. Compared to the other storage boxes on the shelf, it was relatively dust free as if someone had just placed it there. I got up on my tiptoes to look inside, but someone had sealed it shut with duct tape. The box next to it was marked camping supplies. I reached for it.
“Esme!” Seton’s sharp tone startled me. The step ladder wobbled wildly, and Elmer bounced to the cement floor.
I jumped off and landed on my feet but my shoulder smacked the shelf on the way down. Sharp pain shot through my arm. “What the fuck, Seton?” He stood in the doorway. White hot rage flashed from his otherwise bloodshot eyes. He looked at the taped box and then back at me.
“Yeah, what the fuck, Esme? What are you looking for?”
“None of your goddamn business.” His attention kept turning back to the box, and he seemed to be fidgeting nervously about something.
“What’s in the box that has you in such a lather?”
My question unnerved him more, and he stepped into the garage. His jaw was clenched tight. “None of your business, Pita. Just get the fuck out of here.”
Just then, Clint appeared in the doorway. He flashed me a creepy grin. “Well, look who is here.”
Another figure appeared in the doorway. The man stepped into the garage. Seton was built like a tank, but this guy made him look like a ballerina. Even Cash would look less intimidating standing next to him, but his size wasn’t the scariest part. His deep set eyes and prominent jaw made him look as if he’d forgotten to remove his Halloween mask. There was a good chunk missing from his chin and the weathered lines of his face were filled with grit. He looked like the type of man who would stomp on a puppy just for fun.
I looked at my brother questioningly. He shook his head so slightly, I wasn’t completely sure I saw it. I could see by the look on his face that he just wanted me to go. For the first time since I could remember, I saw a glint of fear in my big brother’s eyes.
“Where’s Dad?” I asked.
“Out on the boat.” Seton glanced back at his acquaintances and forced a smile. “It’s all good. She was just getting her old toy.” He made an attempt to usher them back into the house, but Clint pushed right past him.
He smelled like weed and booze and filth as he stared down at me. He reached for the flouncy skirt of my dress, but I blocked his hand.
His mouth pulled in a tight line. “Getting all prettied up to go see your biker boy? That sonavabitch and I are going to go toe to toe one day. But for now, you go ahead and fuck him.”
My hand flew up, and I slapped him. He caught hold of my wrist and squeezed it so hard, I was sure the bones would break. I blinked back tears and looked to Seton for help.
The monster standing behind him licked his lips. “You’re right.” His voice was hoarse, and it sent a shudder through me. “She’s a feisty bitch. No wonder you want that pussy so badly.”
“Clint,” Seton said sharply, “let her go. We need to get out to the boat.” The defeat in Seton’s voice brought on more tears. Even though he considered me a major pain in the butt, just weeks ago, he would have defended me.
Clint squeezed my wrist harder, and I cried out in pain. He let go. I’d left a handprint on his face, but he’d left one on my wrist. He stared down at me with a look that made me want to run from the garage, but I stayed and glared back at him. He knew how much I despised him, but it only seemed to fuel his in interest in me.
He turned and walked out with his big, ugly sidekick. I released the breath I’d been holding. Seton followed them but looked back at me. He was more wasted and out of it than I’d ever seen him and yet his face looked apologetic…and scared. The brother who’d paddled his boogie board out closer to a shark to get a better look, the brother who could plow right through a defensive line on the football field, the brother who was more likely to sail into a storm than away from it, was scared.
Chapter 11
Esme
Cash was nailing up the last string of lights as I pulled up in the jeep. I’d been excited about our date, but the hideous scene in the garage had taken the wind out of me. I’d gone through the trouble of putting on a dress and I’d found one sleeping bag, but my enthusiasm had dampened. The haunted expression on Seton’s face had left me feeling completely uneasy.
Clint had left a bruise on my wrist. I pulled the sleeve of my sweater down to cover it. I didn’t need Cash to know about the sketch ass stuff happening at my house. But on the drive to pick him up, I’d decided two things. I needed to catch my dad in one of his rare sober moments and confront him about what the hell was going on. And I needed to get into that box.
I stepped out of the jeep as Cash was backing down the ladder. He stared up at his handy work. “Not bad for my first light hanging.” He turned and looked back at me for the first time. “Holy shit.”
I glanced down at my dress. “Like it?”
“Uh, I guess you didn’t notice my eyes pop out of my skull when I looked at you.”
“That is not a pretty visual.” The way he looked at me rekindled some of the excitement I’d been feeling before the garage incident.
He took hold of my hands and held them out to my sides. The hem of my dress slipped up higher on my thighs. He took advantage of the unplanned dress lift and tilted his head to get a better view of my legs. “You’ve got some fucking hot legs, sugar peanut. But I guess I’m not surprised. They go with the rest of you.”
Bentley came out on the porch, stopping the kiss that was coming my way. “Well, well, Esme Drake in a dress. It must be a special day.”
“Hey, Ben, I’ve got the lights up. Esme and I are going to take off for a few hours.”
Ben glanced up at the lights. “Looks festive.” He waved and went back inside.
“Want me to drive?” Cash asked.
“Sounds good. I’ll tell
you where to go. And sometimes it sticks when you go from second to third.”
We climbed in and he watched me as I pulled on the seatbelt. “What are you looking at?” I asked with a smile.
“I’m looking at you, baby. Hope that’s all right.”
I looked at him. “Cash Tremaine, anytime you want to look at me, it’s more than all right.”
He leaned over and kissed me. His nearness and the wild way he was flirting with me nearly wiped away the earlier mess.
“Head in the direction of the cove.”
He pulled away from the curb. “Are we going back to the caves?”
“Nope. Better. I’m taking you to my secret escape from yucky stuff place.”
He wobbled the stick until it slid into third. “That is a long name for a secret place.”
“I’ve never taken anyone here so consider yourself very lucky,” I said.
“I’m with you, darlin’. I’m feeling way past lucky.” He glanced up into the rearview mirror and then did a double take. I glanced back but there was no one behind us. The run in with Clint was making me feel a little paranoid.
“I was just noticing that there is a sleeping bag on the backseat.” His lip tipped up in that simple smile that I was already nuts about.
“I believe in always being prepared.” I looked over at him. “Which reminds me…”
“Yes, I’m prepared as well.” He grew quiet for a second. “But no pressure, Esme, you know?”
“I know.” Earlier, when I’d suggested this, I’d been more than sure about it. Even knowing he wasn’t the type of guy to stick around anywhere for long, and knowing full well that I would be heartbroken once he left, I was still sure I wanted this. Now my courage of being able to face that heartbreak had faded some. I liked this guy a lot. In fact, I liked him too much. And like everything else in my life it was only going to lead to disappointment. He sensed my sudden change in mood but he misread it.
“Hey.” He took my hand. “Don’t worry about it. I know I don’t exactly look or act like the boy next door. Just know you’re always safe with me.”
I tried to swallow away the dryness in my throat. “I know.”
The late afternoon sun was partially blocked by puffs of gray clouds that hovered low enough to threaten rain. The lighthouse came into view. “Turn here.” The keeper’s cabin could be seen from the road. The bikes were gone and the house looked empty. I wondered briefly if they were all together on my dad’s boat, but I pushed the thoughts from my head. I was thrilled to spend some time with Cash, and I was determined not to let my family spoil it.
I pointed to a flat area behind the lighthouse. “Park the jeep near those railroad ties.” Cash was quiet as he drove toward the ties. He found a flat, clear spot, and turned off the engine before looking at me. I stared shyly down at my hands.
“We can head back, Esme. I feel like this just drove a wedge between us and that’s not what I wanted.”
“It’s not you. It’s not us.” I took a deep breath. “I have several girlfriends in town. Both have gone off to college, something I couldn’t afford to do. And while they’d been the type of friends I could laugh and have a good time with, they’d never been the type of friends I could confide in. And so it’s not something I’m good at.” I faced him. “But the way you look at me— I feel like I have a friend now that I can trust with my darkest and most shameful secrets.” My voice broke, and I hadn’t realized how badly the scene in the garage had left me shaken until now, sitting in the jeep with this guy who seemed to be able to look right into my heart. “After I changed, I went into the garage to find the sleeping bag. There was this taped up box. Seton walked in as I was touching it and he freaked out. There was something inside he didn’t want me to see.” My throat tightened. “Clint was there too.” Cash’s jaw tensed at the mention of his name. “And there was this really awful guy with them. He looked like he’d just escaped a maximum security prison or something.” My eyes clouded with tears, and he took hold of my hand. “My brother Seton— he was scared. I don’t know why but he looked scared.”
He kissed my knuckles. The gesture was so comforting my tears flowed faster. “Where was your dad?”
“Out on the boat with Bodhi, but I need to talk to him and find out what’s going on.”
“If you need me to come along when you talk to him, just say so.”
“Thanks, but if I can catch him sober, I should be able to talk to him without any drama erupting. I was looking so forward to this. I’m going to push it all out of my head for now. Just telling you has helped me feel better.” I wiped the tears from my face and his eyes widened. His face smoothed like stone as he reached for my hand.
He brought my hand closer and pushed the sleeve of my sweater back. The angry bruise had gotten darker. A tiny muscle in the side of his jaw twitched but it was the only outward sign of rage. But it was there, lying beneath that cool, calm exterior he’d perfected. “Who did this, Esme?” he asked quietly.
“It was my fault, I—”
“Esme, who did this?” He asked again, but he already knew the answer.
“Clint said some things and I slapped him. He got mad and grabbed my hand.”
Cash nodded and released my hand, but it was obvious he hadn’t let go of the anger.
“It’s nothing, Cash. Please,” I said as my voice broke, “everything is really ugly and scary and complicated right now. Just leave it, all right? Promise me, you’ll leave it alone.”
He took a deep breath and stared out at the ocean for a long silent moment. The placid, seemingly unaffected, way he dealt with rage was far more frightening than a man who showed true anger with a red face and heated tension. “I’m not going to promise that, but for now, I just want to think about you.” He leaned forward and peered up to the top of the house through the windshield. “Are we going inside?”
“There’s no better view anywhere.” We got out of the jeep. Instantly my dress popped up in the ocean breeze. I made a futile attempt to hold it down. “And this is why jeans are the only practical attire here in the village, the hazard of flashing my panties all over town. Not to mention it’s way colder than I thought.
He plucked the sleeping bag out of the backseat. “I’m surprised they leave this place open. Seems like it would get destroyed by people hanging out inside.”
“It’s not open. Or at least that’s what the city council thinks.” I walked up to the padlock on the door of the lighthouse and gave it a yank. I smiled back at Cash. “It hasn’t worked for years. I just happened to notice it one day. As far as I know, I’m the only person who knows that the lock doesn’t actually lock. Making it the perfect secret hiding place.”
I looked around to make sure we were alone. “It’s almost impossible to do this during the summer months when tourists are swarming the village. Even though it’s not open, the lighthouse is a big attraction.” I pointed to the red railing along the front side of the lighthouse platform. “People stand there for hours and take pictures.” The door squeaked on its rusty hinges as I pushed it open. The usual smell of rust and stale ocean air greeted us. “The air is fresher at the top.”
The base of the lighthouse had a cement floor and two tiny windows that were so covered in years of sand and rain, they were opaque. A small, old desk sat against one wall next to a wood burning stove. At one point, the desk had held the leather bound ledger and scrawls of the lighthouse keeper, noting the time of evening that the beacon was on and off. The chair that went with the desk sat pushed beneath it, untouched for all these years. Grit and bits of trash covered the floor.
Cash stood at the base of the endless spiral staircase and looked up. “Shit, that’s a lot of steps.”
“Two hundred and eighteen.” I glanced pointedly at the sleeping bag. “You’re going to need one hand to hold onto the railing. Even if you’re not afraid of heights—” I stopped. “Are you?”
“Not that I know of, but then again—” He peered back up to the t
op.
“Either way, about halfway up it gets kind of intimidating because the walls start closing in and the floor starts getting farther away and it’s just as scary too look up as down.”
He nodded. “Let’s do this.” He grinned down at my legs. “And I think you and that panties flashing dress of yours should go in front of me. It will help keep me focused on the climb…and your panties.”
“Well, that’s certainly not going to throw off my concentration,” I said. “I guess it’s a good thing I’ve done this before. By the way, a few steps are wobbly, but they haven’t given way on me yet.”
He raised a brow at me. “I guess if they’re going to give way, it’ll be when I put my big foot on them.”
“We’ll find out. Now I’m glad I’m going up ahead of you.” I grabbed the railing with my free hand and started the climb. “It’s worth the effort.” My voice echoed off the walls. His feet thumped each metal step below me.
The air thinned and grew colder as I reached the last few steps. Clouds had shaded the sky, and the light streaming in through the sand glazed windows was muted. I stepped onto the top floor where the empty cement platform sat lonely and bored. The bolts that had held down the beacon had rusted away to reddish-brown nubs.
Cash stepped onto the top floor and sucked in a breath. “That’s one hell of a workout. Those lighthouse keepers must have been a bunch of badasses.” He looked at the empty platform. “No light?”
“It’s displayed in city hall along with the keeper’s ledger.”
Cash placed the sleeping bag down and walked to one of the windows. “Damn, we are high up. It almost makes me dizzy to look down.”
“You’ll get used to it.” I walked up next to him. “You can see along the coast up through the next three towns. The clouds actually help give a better view. In full sun, it’s almost blinding to be up here. And the light reflects off so many metallic things down below, it’s hard to focus. But you can see all the rooftops of beach houses and shops for miles.”