by Jillian Neal
“You ok?” Vindico soothed.
“No,” Rainer stated firmly. He didn’t see any point in lying as Henry buried his head in Rainer’s neck and patted his face with his tiny wet hand.
“Hey,” Vindico moved directly in front of Rainer. “That was a hell of a thing you just did. One of the bravest things I’ve ever seen.” He gestured to the smoldering remains of his uncle’s car. “And you did it for her and for them.” He tousled Henry’s hair. “You’re an extremely brave guy, and I’m really proud of you, Lawson.” The squeal of the tires and the roar of the explosion that still detonated in his mind was all that Rainer could hear. Vindico’s words of reassurance and praise sounded distant and distorted by the harrowing shrill of death and of murder.
An Icy Sea of Tears
Rainer sat on the sofa in their house, with the entire Haydenshire family moving around him and staring at him like he’d been placed on suicide watch. Governor Haydenshire had flown back home as soon as he’d landed in Portland and had been told what had happened.
Emily stayed steadfastly beside Rainer. She kept her soothing Receiver’s cast around him. She cried intermittently as she tried to soothe him, but he was unable to lower his shield enough to allow her to access him fully. He just couldn’t seem to let anyone through.
Logan was anguished. He tried desperately to think of a way to soothe Rainer, or at least make him smile, but all Rainer could see was his father’s face before him everywhere he looked.
Trying to look his father in the eye and tell him that he’d killed his father’s only brother was unspeakably horrible, and yet Rainer couldn’t remove the harrowing image from his mind.
Vindico and Garrett had urged him to go out with them for a beer, but Rainer had adamantly refused. He was terrified to leave Emily’s sight. He felt like he was drowning in some kind of abyss. Rainer tried to determine what time it was or what was happening in the house around him. It felt like some sort of horrible dream where he could see everyone, but no one could see him.
He heard a bell and turned the direction of the sound, but was unable to determine that it had been the doorbell, that he himself had installed, until Governor Carrington and Crown Governor Vindico issued through the door. Dan Vindico and Governor Willow followed them. Governor Haydenshire thanked them for coming; though, Rainer wasn’t certain why. The chasm between him and the rest of the world was just too wide.
He forced his gaze to Governor Haydenshire. He still wasn’t really able to see him. He saw the Governor’s head gesture to the empty seat on the couch beside Emily.
Suddenly Logan seated himself next to Emily. He tousled her hair and made a slight smile appear on her beautiful face.
Memories of the day his father had been killed seared through Rainer’s mind in alarming detail. Adults all trying desperately to get him to talk about his feelings or to tell him what a hero his father had been, and just like now, he’d wanted to hear none of it.
All he’d wanted when he was thirteen years old, and all he wanted now, was for everyone but Emily to leave him alone. He wanted to hold her tightly. He desperately needed to feel the healing warmth of her. He wanted the rest of the world to fade away into the hellish abyss that it was. He wanted it all to just leave him be. All he wanted was her.
The sudden realization shook Rainer, and he wrapped both of his arms around Emily. He was able to let his shield down just enough to allow her in. A genuine and instantaneous smile lit her face as she closed her eyes and immediately supplied him with her energy in drowning doses. He reveled in it. He didn’t care at all who was watching or if anyone else realized what had just happened between them.
Mrs. Haydenshire grinned at him adoringly. She wiped away her tears, and he knew that she was aware, though no one else was, that he’d finally shattered through his body’s stubborn will, and that he’d let her in.
He felt his breath return like she’d pulled him from the icy sea that had swallowed him whole. His lungs ached. His heart beat disjointedly. It seemed unable to find rhythm. His nostrils burned, and his face felt wet; though, he didn’t understand why.
Emily reached and ran her thumb over his cheek. It took Rainer another moment to realize he was crying again. He shook himself as awareness seeped slowly back into his being. He refused to cry in front of Vindico and half of the Board of Governors and the former Crown. He chastised himself.
Governor Haydenshire shook his head and seated himself on the ottoman in front of Rainer. He was joined by the ensemble of men he’d called in to help.
“I shed more tears than I care to remember over your father, Rainer, and over you, son.” He vowed consolingly. “And we’ve all lived through enough hell to understand that tears don’t make you weak, Rainer. They’re the result of courageous acts and of conquering fear.”
“Yeah, and sometimes they’re just because life is just too damn much to deal with.” Vindico vowed as his father slapped his shoulder and gave him a sorrowful gaze.
Rainer offered no response. So, after sharing uncomfortable glances with his gathered team, Governor Haydenshire began again. Emily very discreetly slid her hand up the back of Rainer’s shirt. She touched his back so she could fill him with more of her. The motion felt like she’d poured a soothing balm in his soul. It healed and bound him, and Rainer fought the urge to plead with her to take him to bed and hold him against her with nothing between them.
“It’s all right, Rainer. You sit there and let her heal you, son, because she is absolutely your other half. And she is the only person strong enough to help you through this. And for all of my teasing and irritation, the two of you were made to be and no one would deny you her, but I just want you to listen to us, son.” Governor Haydenshire pled. While offering a slight nod, Rainer tried to force himself to concentrate and to listen. Governor Carrington slid beside Governor Haydenshire.
“Rainer,” he began in his low, smooth intonation. His dark eyes were kind and soothing. “You’ve got us all here, with a few additions that the years have provided.” He nodded to Vindico and to Will and Logan.
At that moment, Henry toddled over and wiggled into Rainer’s lap. Rainer held him with the arm that wasn’t around Emily. He felt Henry instantly. He was trying, in all of his limited capabilities, not even really aware of why he was doing it, to soothe Rainer as well. He laid his head against Rainer’s chest and sucked his thumb. He patted Rainer’s chest with his other hand. Everyone chuckled at the motion as Rainer hugged Henry to him.
“Like I said, the years have provided a few of us with more welcomed additions than others.” Governor Carrington beamed at Henry as he slapped Governor Haydenshire on the back. Henry continued to suck his thumb and pat Rainer. The Governor started again. “So, here we are, the men who knew your father better than anyone else, save maybe you, but Rainer, I need you to understand something, son.” He held Rainer’s gaze with his own. “Your father would’ve done the very same thing that you did today, and I would swear on his life, and on my own, that he’s very proud of your actions.” Governor Carrington stated firmly. He never broke from Rainer’s gaze.
“My father would’ve found some other way to save them.” Rainer spoke the first words he’d uttered since he’d returned home.
“Rainer, man, I was right there.” Garrett vowed adamantly. “There wasn’t anything else you could’ve done. She couldn’t hold the shield that long, not and drive and be scared out of her mind. He was going to shoot her and wreck the car. He wasn’t going to be dissuaded. You saved her life. You saved all of them.” His voice rose in accordance with his fervor.
“He’s right Rainer.” Governor Vindico shook his head. “Sometimes, son, we want so badly for there to be another choice, but the one that presents itself is the choice. Not every action is an option.”
“He’s right Lawson,” Vindico nodded to his father. “Assuming you could’ve just stopped him today, he wasn’t going to quit. Wretchkinsides would’ve just kept upping the ante. That’s how he pl
ays. He pushes until he gets results, and she was always going to be his chosen target. It would’ve always been when she was in her car so she couldn’t feel them coming. Everyone knows what happened to her several years ago with the wreck. He was using the most terrifying moments of her life against her. That’s the kind of evil we’re dealing with. What would’ve happened if you hadn’t been there tonight?”
Rainer’s heart seized. He couldn’t go there. He couldn’t think that way. It was more than he was capable of handling. With sudden, certain assuredness, Rainer knew exactly what he wanted.
He cradled Henry in his arms and turned to give Emily a pleading gaze. Emily smiled instantly. She blinked back tears of her own. She understood Rainer needed an escape. He needed an out, if only for tonight. He needed to be nowhere and everywhere with her. She leaned and whispered in his ear. She asked if what she thought he wanted was correct. He nodded adamantly and she turned not to her father but to Vindico.
“I assume he can have a couple of days off.” She commanded.
“Yeah that’s protocol. He needs to stay out of the office until Monday at least.” Vindico assured her. Everyone stared at him. No one had understood but her, Rainer thought, but he was once again mistaken.
“Hey, you go on, and if we can get Friday off we’ll meet you down there tomorrow night.” Logan urged.
“Can we use a jet, daddy?” Emily pled. “Please.”
“Of course, baby girl.” Governor Haydenshire agreed though he was still giving them curious stares.
“Emily, why don’t you go get yourselves packed, sweetheart. I’ll get you some food together.” Mrs. Haydenshire directed. She looked relieved that there was something Rainer wanted that she could help supply.
“Ok, I know I’m exhausted, and well, completely fried, but where are you going?” Governor Haydenshire quizzed.
“The beach house,” Emily called as she moved quickly to she and Rainer’s room. She began throwing clothes into suitcases with rapidity.
“That’s a really good idea.” Vindico seemed pleased as well. Governor Haydenshire pulled his cell phone from his pocket.
He arranged a small commuter flight and a car to meet them at the tiny Virginia Beach airport.
“Now,” he addressed the room at large. “No one but the people in this room knows where they’re going. Let’s try and keep it that way.” Everyone nodded adamantly and promised to keep Rainer’s hideaway quiet. For a brief moment, Rainer felt something he hadn’t felt since the horrific evening had begun. He felt hope.
It was no longer vacation season. There would be very few people at the beach. There wouldn’t even be a car in the driveway, and all he wanted was to lay in bed with Emily and stare out at the endless ocean. He needed to let it wash away his troubles and to cling to the only thing that ever truly brought him peace.
Mrs. Haydenshire was in her element as she began handing out instructions. She sent Brooke and Will back to the farmhouse to get pints of frozen crab soup and the corn bread she’d fixed earlier to pack in the cooler she was preparing.
Garrett’s Highlander and Rainer’s Mustang had been towed to Sam’s to fix the damage they’d done sideswiping the Jag and rear-ending the Charger, but Levi instantly volunteered to take Rainer and Emily to the Senate building.
Rainer felt bad that everyone was preparing to help him escape reality, while he sat on the couch and watched them work. He slid forward to offer to help, but Henry had fallen asleep against his chest. He raised his eyebrows to Governor Haydenshire and offered him Henry.
“He looks pretty comfortable. You just sit back and let him sleep.” Governor Haydenshire urged.
In all of the years he’d known, and been madly in love with, Emily Haydenshire, Rainer had never known her to pack as quickly as she packed for their impromptu beach trip. All of the men in their home were impressed when Emily emerged from their bedroom with a suitcase, two duffle bags, and a toiletry bag.
“Yeah, well trust me, she only moves that fast for Rainer.” Will quipped, and everyone chuckled.
“Here, I got it, Em.” Levi moved instantly to load their luggage in his car.
“Ok,” Mrs. Haydenshire casted and loaded two very large Styrofoam coolers, full to bursting, with food which Will and Patrick added to the luggage in Levi’s car.
“Here,” Logan and Adeline issued through the kitchen door. They were carrying a bag from the gas station they always stopped at on their way to the beach. The bag contained several chilled Dr. Peppers.
“I even got her cinnamon candy for you.” Logan chided.
“Thanks man.” Rainer choked. He still wasn’t certain why he couldn’t seem to get a handle on his emotions.
“We’ll see you tomorrow night, ok?” Logan urged.
“Yeah, that’d be good.” Rainer truthfully wasn’t certain that he wanted Logan and Adeline to come. All he knew in that endless moment of hell was that he wanted just one night alone with Emily where no one knew where to find them.
“Hey, Em, come here a minute.” Garrett ordered.
“What?” She huffed clearly irritated at the slight delay.
“Would you just come here? You need to hear this.” Garrett pointed back into she and Rainer’s bedroom. He closed the door behind them as soon as she’d entered.
Just a little over an hour later, Rainer took the bags from the driver and tipped him as Emily unlocked the door to the Haydenshire’s beach house.
Rainer inhaled deeply. He allowed the memories to sweep through him. The scent of suntan lotion, frying bacon, the salty ocean air, and painted, plank wood decking relaxed Rainer’s tightly cinched muscles for the first time in hours. He felt his jaw unhinge slightly as Emily took his hand and lead him into the house. She turned and locked the door immediately to keep the rest of the world at bay.
“Thank you for coming with me.” He hushed as he pulled Emily close and wrapped his arms over her body. He clung to her tightly. Emily shook her head and brushed a kiss across his jaw.
“You always take such good care of me. You take care of everyone. I’m thrilled to get to take care of you for a little while.” She whispered sweetly. “We don’t even have to leave the house for the next few days, if you don’t want. We have plenty of food, and we can just lay around and just be us. We can let it all go for a while ok.” Rainer felt his face form a smile. It was an odd sensation; he realized suddenly.
“That sounds perfect.” His voice was rough and gravelly from his horrific day.
“I’m going to unpack the food. Do you want to come with me, or do you want to go on to bed?” She quizzed softly.
“I want to stay with you.” He was well aware that he sounded like he was six years old. Emily smiled and took his hand again. She led him to the kitchen and turned on just one light over the sink. She kept the house swathed in soothing darkness.
Rainer sank down on one of the stools at the counter bar, and Emily pulled a beer from one of the coolers, popped it open, and set it in front of him. She began loading food into the refrigerator and pantry. When she finished, she turned and smiled at him. She came to stand between his bent knees, wrapped her arms around his chest, and laid her head on his shoulder.
“You know, when I was driving, and the boys were crying, I was so scared.” She admitted hesitantly. Rainer squeezed her tighter into his arms. “But I knew that I just had to listen to Chloe tell me what you wanted me to do. I knew that you would never let anything happen to me. I knew I was safe because you were there.” She pulled her head away and gazed deeply into his tear filled eyes. He couldn’t seem to find his voice, and he didn’t know what to say as he held her closely. He never wanted to let her go. “Let’s go to bed, ok?” Emily soothed as Rainer nodded. He wasn’t certain he could sleep, but he wanted desperately to be wrapped up in her soothing embrace.
He followed her to the bedroom they’d used the last time they’d been in the house all alone, and she leaned up on her tiptoes, kissed his cheek, and moved to the closet.
She pulled out fresh sheets and blankets and several quilts.
“I love you.” He murmured. The emotion of everything he felt at that moment was overwhelming. His voice was ragged and low.
“I love you too, Rainer, and I know how much you love me. I know it’s not something I’ll ever deserve, but it’s also something I could never live without.” She touched his face tenderly as he let his eyes close focused on nothing but her.
She summoned as she moved away from him and sealed heat into the fibers of the sheets. She spread them on the bed and then did the same for the blankets and quilt as she added them. Rainer watched the warm pink glow in her hand darken to a soft blue as she fluffed several pillows and added the cooled cases and then placed them on the bed. As she moved back to him she summoned once again and pulled the light from all but the smallest lamp in the room.
…And His Receiver
“Come to bed with me.” She whispered. As he watched her, with all of the love he felt for her filling him, restoring him, and fortifying him, she began removing her clothes. Rainer swallowed down the tenuous emotion that had overwhelmed him all night.
“Can I please kiss you?” His voice shook violently as he blinked back more tears. She drew a steadying breath and gave him a heart broken gaze.
“Baby, of course. Why wouldn’t you be able to kiss me?” She didn’t understand. He shook his head unable to say the word murderer. “Rainer…” She blinked back tears of her own. His body sought hers without his awareness. She angled her head and gazed up at him. Her eyes heavy with anguish as he leaned down and kissed her sweetly, tenderly without expectation that there would be anything more than the kiss.
He held her face in his hands and caressed her sweetly as she wrapped her arms around his back and melded their bodies together. He began to braid his fingers through her long, auburn, tresses still guiding her mouth with his other hand. He wanted to get lost in her. If she didn't want to do anything but kiss him for hours he was fine with that. As long as she was beside him, as long as the world would stay safely outside their bedroom door, and they could exist alone in this time and space, he could survive.