by Maisey Yates
But Ferro had shown her that she didn’t need to hide. That she didn’t need to be scared.
That it didn’t matter what anyone else thought of her, because who she was mattered. She was successful because of her focused nature. Because of her enthusiasm. She’d surged ahead of the pack and made success for herself, not in spite of those things about her that had made it hard to make friends, that had made her parents think she was weird, but because of them.
Ferro had helped her see that. He’d helped her reconcile the pain from her past. Helped her put it all where it belonged. She’d thought she’d been over it, because she’d felt strong, but it had been a lie. And she’d gone into hiding, afraid that if she was ever pulled from her cocoon again, she would be hurt again.
And she had been. But she wouldn’t hide. Not again.
She would always be thankful to him for that. Not so much for the salmon that was still in her office, or for the broken heart that still, a week later, hurt like hell.
Her intercom buzzed and Thad’s voice filled the office again. “Julia, he’s on his way in…”
Julia looked up just as Ferro walked into her office.
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
He had a beard. She’d never seen him with a beard. But it looked like he hadn’t bothered to shave at all in the past six days.
“I’ve had news from Barrows.”
“And?”
“They gave the account to Hamlin.”
“Oh.” She honestly couldn’t believe it. Even with Ferro’s display of macho anger, she’d felt like Hamlin had behaved even worse, and his GPS had been inferior. “I can’t even believe they picked him after that cheap family values shot. He’s so transparent and…”
“I threatened the man’s life in front of them, our odds weren’t good.”
“Our GPS was better,” she said, feeling stubborn now. “And I’m not pregnant. I thought I’d throw that in there real quick since we’re getting to end our association now. Really and completely.”
“You aren’t pregnant?” he asked, his expression strange, veiled.
“Nope. Not gestating the heir to your techie empire. Sorry.”
“Julia…”
“And I still can’t believe they picked Hamlin! We won that. We won it. Ours was so much better.”
“It doesn’t matter, they picked him.” He started pacing the length of the office. “This is your fault, you know?”
“My fault? How is this my fault? You’re the one who lost your cookies in the meeting, in front of everyone!”
“Because he insulted you,” Ferro said. “And I could not stop myself. I lost all of my control, and that has never happened to me, not since I learned the importance of it. It’s you. You’re the only thing that’s different. You have changed me. And I cannot, for the life of me figure out how to change back. Six days, Julia, six days and I can’t eat. I can think of nothing but you. I feel like my heart has left my chest and is walking around outside of it. Do you know how terrifying that feeling is?”
“Yes,” she said, “I do because that’s how I feel. Like my heart is walking around outside my body and you, you’re my heart. When you walked away you took that away from me and I…and everything just sucks! I don’t care about the GPS. I don’t care about the deal at all, and it’s the whole reason we got together in the first place. But I don’t even want it anymore, Ferro, I just want you.”
He strode to her desk and rounded it, reaching for her hands and tugging her up into his arms, kissing her, bold, deep, fierce. And when she pulled back and looked into his eyes, she saw him unveiled. Truly. Finally.
Emotion blazed from him, passion. And there was no control. He kissed with everything he’d held back from her for the past few weeks. She had a feeling it was everything he’d held back for the past thirty-four years of his life.
When they parted, neither of them could catch their breath. He brushed his thumb over her cheek, wiped her tears away. Tears she hadn’t realized were falling.
“You were right about me,” he said. “I was a coward. I learned early on in life that the more you need, the more you can have taken. The more you care, the more power you give to other people. I had to force myself to stop feeling when I made the choices I did. I had to stop so I could get through it, and when it was over I was afraid if I started feeling again I would have to face the full horror of who I had become in order to get ahead in life.”
“You make it sound like you did it on a whim. Ferro, you were saving your life. You were doing it for food. For shelter. For things I had given to me, things I’ve taken for granted all my life.”
“I know,” he said. “But it didn’t change the fact that it…broke something in me. The way I saw sex. The way I saw relationships. Not just that I had a hard time connecting sex and emotion, but that it seemed an impossibility. I had worked so hard to separate my body from my own desires, from my emotions, that I didn’t think I could ever unite them again. And I didn’t want to. Because it would hurt too much. Cost too much. But I faced it, Julia. I did. I looked down into the darkest parts of myself and I saw the pain. The destruction.”
He kissed the corner of her mouth. “And then there was you. I thought I could give in to my body’s desire for you and keep my emotions separate. After all, I had done it with women I didn’t want. How hard could it be to take what I wanted for a while and walk away? But I didn’t count on you. You and your joy. Your innocence. Your enthusiasm. You are everything that I had beaten out of me. You bring it back to me. Show me a part of life that I have never gotten to have and I want to hold on to it, to you, forever.”
“You…Ferro you make me proud of who I am. You make me feel like I’m special. Except…except when you left. That hurt me. It broke my heart.”
“It broke mine, Julia, and I didn’t even know I had a heart left in me to break. A shocking discovery. Even more shocking is the fact that you make me want to feel. I thought…I thought I would get to a certain position in life and nothing would touch me. Nothing would hurt. There would be no more shame or fear, but it was always there. Money, things, didn’t fix it. I was to the point where I was a man with billions of dollars, afraid to sleep outside because it might make me cold. Because it might take me back to the places I’d been. But, Julia, you make me not so afraid, you and the feelings I have for you. The answer has never been in money, it’s never been in status. Those things didn’t change me.”
“Any more than my clothes changed me,” she said.
“No. What changed me was you. Loving you. You put the pieces of me back together. You made me whole. And if you can take me…a man who has been where I’ve been, done what I’ve done, if you can take me and love me, then I really can let it go. If you can forgive it, I can, too.”
She kissed him, hard, with everything she had. “There is nothing to forgive. Nothing in your life makes me feel ashamed of you. I am proud. Proud to know you. Proud to love you. Because of you I’m even proud of me.”
“I love you, Julia. I have never felt this emotion before. I’ve never said those words before.”
“I am honored to be your first lover. Your first love,” she said. “Oh, and I have something for you.” She reached down into her desk drawer and pulled out a folder, the folder he’d given her, and handed it to him. “For you. To do whatever you see fit with.”
He turned around and put the file through her industrial shredder. Then turned back to her. “How’s that?”
“I hope you aren’t still planning on not taking me down simply because you’re attempting to pay me back.”
“No. But I’m not ever going to try to take Anfalas down because you fill a space Datasphere doesn’t. The world needs you. Needs your creativity. Your passion. Just like I do.”
“Now that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.”
“You deserved to hear it much sooner.”
“I’m fine with the fact that I heard it first now. That I heard i
t from you. You’re the first person who’s made me feel like being me was enough. The first person who’s ever made me feel like nothing was wrong with me.”
“Your parents…that boy at your school…they wanted you to be a garden variety flower, Julia. To put you in your place. Something they could understand and manipulate with ease. But you are something much more beautiful, much more rare. That they couldn’t see, and that is a commentary on their vision, not on you. They were threatened by you because you’re a force, a beauty that can’t be contained. It is…a crime that those people stole your color. That they made you feel you had to hide it. I believe you were made to shine.”
“See, you say things like that and…and I believe them.”
“I’m so glad you do. Perhaps we can’t make each other see exactly what we see in each other. But we can keep saying it.”
“I have no problem with that.” Julia looked down at the shredder, where the file with all the ill-gotten information about Anfalas had gone. “Hey, Ferro…how would you like to do a little partnering?”
“On what?”
“Have you ever thought of expanding in to the auto industry?”
“The auto industry?”
“Our kick-butt GPS needs some cars to go into. Seems like it might be a pretty cool adventure. and the JulErro page has like…fifty thousand likes at this point, so it seems to me like we could really get some easy buzz going.”
Julia was off and running with her idea and Ferro could only watch in awe as she explained, with grand hand gestures and glittering eyes, how they would make the dream into a reality.
Emotion expanded in Ferro’s chest and he embraced it, allowed himself to feel, wholly and completely, the love he had for the woman in front of him.
Then he pulled her into his arms. “I love it when you get excited about a project.”
“I’m not boring you?”
“Never. You make me feel like life is one big adventure.”
“Who me? I don’t just look like a geek?” He kissed her. “Julia Anderson, you look perfect to me.”
“I may wear an elven robe to our product launch. Since I’m newly liberated and all.”
“I’ll still think you look perfect.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes,” he said. “Because you’re you. And you can never be anything less than perfect to me.”
EPILOGUE
LAUNCHING AN ENTIRELY new line of cars was a pretty huge deal. And considering all the pretty huge deals Julia Anderson had experienced in her life, that was saying something. Computers, phones, tablets, true love…yeah, her life had been pretty full so far.
She looked out at the crowd, thousands of people filling the auditorium, and millions watching online, and took a deep breath, ready to get started unveiling the new line of Julerro automobiles. Julia had nearly gagged on that name, but when you said it fast, it really did work.
She sneaked a glance at her reflection in the monitors. Strange to be in color, bright pink in fact, for a presentation, but…she didn’t need to avoid any colors anymore. She didn’t need to try to blend in.
“Thank you for coming today to the product launch of what, I believe to be the biggest and best endeavor for both Datasphere and Anfalas.”
The screen behind her flickered, and rather than the new logo for the company, Ferro’s face appeared.
She turned and put her hands on her hips. “Um…excuse me, I seem to be getting interrupted. Mr. Calvaresi, you’re aware that this is a product launch you have a stake in, aren’t you?”
Ferro had elected to have her do the speaking for the launch, since she was more experienced in “spectacle.” She should have been suspicious at his willingness to share the spotlight.
Really, she should have been. She knew him well enough by now to know that she couldn’t trust the man worth a darn. Except when it came to the important things like love, faithfulness and accepting her for who she was. On that score she could trust him perfectly.
“I am completely aware of that, Ms. Anderson. I’m not here to interrupt the launch. Much.” He stood from wherever he was and disappeared from the screen, leaving only an empty chair and a black background.
“My partner,” she said to the crowd, “seems to be acquiring some of my flair for the dramatic. Who knew he had it in him?”
Then she heard footsteps and looked to the left, to see Ferro walking out from behind the curtain. He was immaculate and perfect in a suit and tie—black, of course, her favorite color.
“I got an idea in my head last night and I just couldn’t shake it,” he said.
“It’s too late to make any changes to the car.”
The audience laughed and she was sure they thought it was scripted.
“That’s not it. I have a question I need to ask and it can’t wait, not for another moment.”
“All right then, Calvaresi,” she said, starting to tremble, “you better ask before the nice people get bored.”
Ferro lowered himself to one knee in front of her, taking her hand in his. “Julia, I have spent my life alone. But this past year with you has erased all of it. I can’t remember what it’s like to be cold at night. All I know is what it feels like to go to sleep with your arms wrapped around me. I can’t remember ever feeling detached, because with you, I feel everything. I want to be with you, always. You have blotted out my past, made me feel new. Clean. You have made my present happy, beautiful. Now I’m asking you to be my future, always. Julia will you marry me, and make me the happiest man alive?”
Julia sank down to her knees, too, not caring that there was a massive audience looking on. Nothing mattered but him, but this. “You know, you’ve pulled some pretty crazy stunts, but this…this wins.”
“It only wins if you say yes.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring box. She couldn’t even be bothered to look at the jewelry. She was too busy looking at his eyes, shining with so much emotion, so much love, it warmed her everywhere.
“Then yes. Yes, because…because where else am I going to find a man who will stay up all night with me and play video games? Where else am I going to find a man who loves me just like I am?”
He pulled her in close and kissed her. The entire auditorium filled with the roar of the crowd cheering them on.
“Any other reason?” he asked.
“Well, yes, the most compelling reason being that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“Money didn’t bring me happiness. It didn’t bring me peace. You did, Julia. And I can never thank you enough.”
“I don’t need you to thank me. Just love me. And kiss me.”
And he did.
All the characters in this book have no existence outside the imagination of the author, and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all the incidents are pure invention.
All Rights Reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. This edition is published by arrangement with Harlequin Enterprises II BV/S.à.r.l. The text of this publication or any part thereof may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, storage in an information retrieval system, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.
This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out or otherwise circulated without the prior consent of the publisher in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
® and TM are trademarks owned and used by the trademark owner and/or its licensee. Trademarks marked with ® are registered with the United Kingdom Patent Office and/or the Office for Harmonisation in the Internal Market and in other countries.
First published in Great Britain 2013 by Mi
lls & Boon, an imprint of Harlequin (UK) Limited.
Harlequin (UK) Limited, Eton House, 18-24 Paradise Road,
Richmond, Surrey TW9 1SR
© Maisey Yates 2013
eISBN: 978-1-472-00219-8
Table of Contents
Excerpt
About the Author
Title Page
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Epilogue
Copyright