by Jeremy Asher
Sarah sat beside him and wrapped his left arm in hers. “You okay?”
“Yeah. I was just thinking,” he answered.
“About what?”
He turned to her and watched as the wind blew at her curls like tiny kites. “That every time I leave the willow tree, nothing good happens.”
“Don’t think about that now. Please, can we just not think about that stuff right now.” She looked out at the creek. “I don’t know what tomorrow’s going to bring. But I know one thing. I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt this happy and this safe.”
Jesse wanted to ask her about Kevin, but he knew he wouldn’t like what Sarah would have to say. He’d done his part. His feelings were out there; the ball was in her court now.
“Can I ask you something?” she asked.
“Sure.”
“When Robbie told me to talk you out of helping him, he said that you felt like you owed him. And when I asked him what he was talking about, he got all weird and said that you would have to tell me that.”
Jesse picked up a pebble. Robbie has always had a big mouth. Too big. “He’s my brother. We look after each other.”
“It’s more than that, Jesse.” She shook his arm. “You can tell me.”
Jesse bounced the rock in his hand a few times, debating. Should he tell her the one thing he’d locked inside himself for so long?
He looked at Sarah and felt nothing but love for her. And for the first time, he trusted someone enough to reveal the dark secret from his past. “I told you that we both had it bad growing up.”
Sarah nodded.
“Well, he had it worse than me.” Jesse tossed the rock into the creek and watched it skip a few times before sinking.
“How so?”
“My dad was a drunk. A mean drunk. He was so full of anger all the time. And he enjoyed taking it out on my mom, Robbie, and me. That’s why Mom ran from him. She could handle the beatings he gave her, but when he started hitting Robbie and me, it was more than she could take.” Jesse picked up another rock. “The day he caught up with us, the last time I saw you, he was very drunk and very pissed off. He laid into Robbie, and then turned on my mom when she tried to stop him.” Jesse paused. “I was scared. I didn’t know what to do, so I told him to stop, but it was too late. She was already…”
Sarah rubbed his back. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want.”
Jesse tossed the rock into the creek. “My dad came after me and Robbie stood up and pulled out a knife. I remember the look in Robbie’s eyes. They were dark and hollow, like he no longer felt anything. My dad leapt on him, knocking the knife from his hands. It slid over to my feet. I stared at it, too afraid to pick it up. So I watched as my dad pounded Robbie. I looked over at my mom’s lifeless body on the floor. Her face was full of blood. She looked so…”
He stopped. Tears fell down his cheeks.
“You don’t have to go on.”
But for the first time in ten years he felt the feeling of release. Jesse wiped a few tears from his cheeks and continued. “I grabbed the knife and stood up. I didn’t feel sad or scared, only hatred. Pure hatred shooting through my veins. And in that moment, I could feel the monster that was my dad flowing through my body. I walked over to him. His back was to me. Then my eyes focused on the spider tattoo on the side of his neck.” Jesse wiped his face again. “I hated that stupid tattoo. I remember how much I hated it as I raised the knife. And then without thinking, I shoved it straight into the spider as if trying to kill it.
“My dad grasped at the knife. It was the first time I had seen fear in his eyes. He fell over. And I just sat there and watched as the life left his body.”
Sarah turned to face the creek. “I don’t know what to say. I just…I just don’t know what to say.”
Jesse wiped his eyes. “It’s definitely not your typical childhood story.”
“No. Definitely not. Who else knows about this?”
“Just me, Robbie, and now you,” he replied.
“So not even your aunt and uncle?” Sarah asked. Jesse shook his head. “So for all this time, everyone thought Robbie killed your dad?”
“Before the police showed up, Robbie told me to never tell anyone that I was the one who...”
“Why do you think he did that?”
“I don’t know for sure. I don’t know if he felt like he should have been the one to stop him. Or maybe he wanted to protect me from the people who ended up picking on him.”
“But it was self-defense.”
“Try explaining that to a bunch of kids. They don’t get it. All they see is a target. Someone to bully. It ended up being more than Robbie could take. He started fighting back, but there were too many of them. With every new school there was a new group of kids who found out who he was and went after him. It wasn’t like he had the right, healthy upbringing to help me handle that type of a situation. No one could help him. Not the teachers, not my aunt and uncle, and not me. So he eventually became the man he is today.”
“So this is the debt that Robbie was talking about?”
Jesse looked down at the ground. “For years he had to put up with being the Murdering Malone. That could have been me, Sarah. That could be me sitting in that cell right now. And now his child will be born without their father.”
Sarah wrapped her arms around him.
More tears ran down Jesse’s cheeks. “That should have been me.”
Chapter 36
Jesse
Jesse and Sarah sat underneath the willow tree and watched as the sun finished its ascent. A cool breeze offered some relief from the heat and humidity. The willow tree’s leaves swayed side to side and the sounds of croaking frogs filled the silence.
Sarah reached into Jesse’s lap and held his hand. “We should probably be going soon.”
He looked at her and forced a smile. “Yeah,” he sighed, wishing it wasn’t true. He loved the serenity of their place at the willow tree. And sitting beside her, holding her hand, had been the closest to heaven on earth as he’d ever felt. “We accomplished our mission.” It didn’t matter how much he wanted to stay; he knew they had to go. Jesse had a pet shop to open, his aunt to look after, finals to finish studying for, and Robbie to get out of prison. And Sarah, well, she had Kevin to go home to. Just the thought of her with him now made him nauseous.
“What’s on your mind, Jesse?”
“I just don’t want to go back. I don’t want to lose this.” He held up her hand in his.
She rested her chin on his shoulder and looked off at the creek. “I know what you mean.”
For another ten minutes they simply sat, enjoying each other.
Jesse stood up and grabbed the shovel, flashlight, and time capsule while Sarah folded the blankets. “How do you suppose we’ll get to the truck in broad daylight?”
“That’s a good question,” he said, propping the shovel up on his shoulder. “We could make a hot air balloon out of those blankets and fly out of here.” He paused as he looked over to the creek. “Or we could whittle a canoe out of a fallen log and sail away.”
“Or how about we walk out casually and if someone sees us, we run.”
“Sounds like a plan. After you,” he said, pointing with the shovel in the direction away from the creek.
When they reached the end of the woods, Jesse looked around. “The coast looks clear,” he said, taking a few careful steps into the open.
His beat up S10 truck stuck out like a used car in a Mercedes car lot. “At least we didn’t get towed.” He stowed the tools in the back of the truck and opened the door for Sarah.
As they drove, Jesse was awestruck by Whispering Meadows. “These houses are so beautiful,” he said. Sarah said nothing as she stared out the passenger window. Jesse wasn’t even sure if she had heard him. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” she said. “My mind is just wandering right now. I think I’m still really tired.”
“Why don’t you take a nap
? We have a long drive.”
“I’m sure I’ll be asleep in a little while. I’m just enjoying this short trip down memory lane right now.”
Jesse wanted to ask her if memory lane consisted of childhood memories or last night, but he remained quiet and continued taking in the childhood he never had. He thought about his mom and the few trips they had taken here together when she used to deliver dry cleaning. Not a day went by when he didn’t think about her or miss her, but being there now somehow made him feel even closer, as if his memories weren’t quite as old as he had thought them to be.
Before they were out of New Haven, Sarah was asleep. Her hands folded together made the pillow she rested on. Jesse reached over and rubbed her shoulder. She looked like an angel. Her long blond hair lay like silk against her skin. Just the sight of her sleeping brought a smile to his face.
The long drive gave Jesse plenty of time to think about everything. He thought about Robbie and how he was going to get him out of lock-up. He thought about Aunt Sherry and the advice she had given him. Then he thought about Stanley and his life spent stuck in an office, looking out into the world he had longed for. But mostly he thought about Sarah and the unbelievable night they had spent together. He knew without a doubt that he was in love with her, and it scared him. For the first time in ten years he had finally let someone close to him and he knew the potential for disaster she could have on his heart. For the first time in his life he had something worth losing, and that scared him more than anything else, but also felt better than anything he had ever experienced.
“I love you, Sarah.”
*
The bustling city, with its traffic, pedestrian-filled sidewalks and sounds of taxis honking their horns while construction crews tore apart worn-out sections of the highway felt like home to Jesse, even if it did mean losing Sarah now that they were back.
Sarah stirred.
“How did you sleep?”
She looked around. “Are we back already?”
“Yep.”
“I’m so sorry. I guess I’m a terrible wingman,” she said, stretching.
“That’s all right. Your snoring kept me company.” He shot her a teasing smile.
“I don’t snore,” she said, glaring at him.
“Are you sure? Because it sounded like two bears fighting over a salmon from where you were sitting.”
“Very funny.” She ran her hands through her hair, putting it in its proper place. “What time is it?”
“About ten-thirty.”
Sarah placed a hand on her stomach. “I’m starving.”
“It was that salmon talk, wasn’t it?” Jesse let out a playful chuckle. “Did you want to grab a quick bite to eat?”
“No. I’m craving a bath more than food,” she said, examining her hair. “I’ve never been much of a wilderness girl.”
“I think you did just fine,” Jesse said. “You’re more rugged than you give yourself credit for.”
“Rugged? That’s just what every girl hopes a man calls her.”
Jesse laughed. “Do you mind if I stop at the pet shop first? I want to make sure that someone opens it on time.”
“I don’t mind. It’s the least I could do for dragging you down to New Haven and into the dark, scary woods with me.”
“It was my pleasure.”
Another ten minutes passed before Jesse pulled into the back parking lot of the pet shop. His was the only vehicle in the lot. “Just what I was afraid of.”
“What’s the matter?”
“No one is here to open the shop. Aunt Sherry isn’t exactly the most punctual person. And the pet shop has never been her passion in life.” Jesse climbed out of the truck and walked up to the passenger side and opened it for Sarah. “I need to make sure we open in twenty minutes. I hate to ask, but can you wait until Aunt Sherry gets here before I take you home?”
Sarah grabbed the time capsule and then got out of the truck. Jesse searched for the shop key and then went to slide it into the lock. “What the?” He noticed that the door was open about an inch and gave it a slow push inward. He looked at the lock, but nothing seemed tampered with or broken.
“Did you forget to lock it last night?”
Jesse thought back to last night. Had he locked the door? “I don’t know. I guess I forgot.”
“Does anything look missing?”
“Wait right here,” he said, taking a few steps inside.
He scanned the downstairs desk, but nothing seemed disturbed. Then he walked down the aisle with the puppies and kittens. They bounced excitably. “Just a minute, guys. I’ll feed you.”
Nothing seemed to be taken or vandalized. He got lucky this time.
Jesse waved Sarah inside. The sound of puppies yelping must have reminded her of her own, because she said, “I can’t wait to get home and cuddle with Willow. I bet he was scared sleeping at Rachael’s last night.”
“He’s used to sleeping in a cage by himself. But I’m sure you’ll have him spoiled in no time.”
“That’s the plan,” she said. “Jesse, I think I’m going to just take a cab.”
“Are you sure? Because I’m sure Aunt Sherry will be by soon and I’ll be able to drive you home.”
She nodded. “I’m sure. You have work to do and it’s not like I live that far from here.”
Jesse forced a smile. The pit in his stomach grew with each step they took toward the front door. When he placed his hand on the doorknob, his aunt’s advice flooded his mind and he knew he would spend the rest of his life living in regret for not telling her how he felt about her. “There’s something that I have to tell you, Sarah.”
She looked into his eyes and waited.
“I have never felt what I feel for you with any other woman. The day I lost you ten years ago did something to me. It left me with a hole that, until now, I thought was impossible to fill. Ever since you walked through these doors a few weeks ago my life has been completely turned upside-down, and I know that somehow I will never be the same. Then last night happened and I woke up this morning, beneath the willow tree, with your head on my shoulder and…” He paused and ran a hand through his hair. “And all I can think about is how much I love you, Sarah.”
Sarah’s eyes brimmed with tears. “I love you, Jesse.”
Just hearing those three little words lifted the pit from his stomach and turned it into butterflies. He wanted nothing more than to scoop her up into his arms and carry her upstairs to his bedroom and spend the rest of the day in her arms, but something caught his eye. Maybe it was the way she looked at him, or the way she looked down for a fleeting moment, but suddenly the pit in his stomach returned. “It’s Kevin, isn’t it?”
She shook her head. The first of the tears rolled down her cheek. “I’m sorry, Jesse. But I love him, too.”
And there it was: Love always came with a consequence. The motto he had lived by for so long. And now he was about to have his heart shattered into a million pieces. He turned to walk away, but Sarah grabbed his arm. “Jesse, wait!”
“For what? For you to walk down the aisle with Kevin? No thanks.”
“That’s not fair,” she said.
“You know what’s not fair, Sarah? For me to lose the only girl I ever loved, only to find her ten years later, just to have her ripped from his arms again.” He threw his hands up in the air. “I can’t do it again, Sarah. I just can’t.”
“Please, just listen to me. I never meant for anyone to get hurt. And I do love you. I just don’t know what to do.” She wiped her cheeks. “It’s not like you didn’t know that I was engaged.”
As much as Jesse hated to admit it, she was right. He knew. He knew the score all along and he knew that there was a possibility of losing her. He wrapped his arms around her and whispered, “I’m sorry. I just don’t want to lose you.”
“And I don’t want to lose you either, Jesse.”
“This is quite the mess we’ve found ourselves in, isn’t it?”
Sa
rah nodded. “Yes, it is.”
He looked her in the eyes and asked the only question he could. “So what do we do now?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. Kevin’s a good man. And he’s been so good to me over the years. But when I’m with you, I feel so…different. And I just don’t know what to do.”
“Shhh.” Jesse pulled her into his chest. “Everything’s going to be okay.”
As they stood in each other’s arms, Jesse struggled to find a solution. But it was useless. You couldn’t possibly love two people.
“Listen. I have an idea.” He pushed a few strands from her face. “I want you to go home tonight and think about everything. Tomorrow at noon I will be at Caffeine Corner. And if you’re there, then I know that you want to be with me. And if not…” Sarah eyes filled with tears again. “Don’t cry. It’s going to be okay. Just know one thing. If you’re not there tomorrow, I promise that I won’t be mad. I will respect your decision and want nothing but the best for you.”
Another tear rolled down her cheek. “I love you, Jesse.”
He pulled her into his arms. “And I will always love you.”
Chapter 37
Jesse
After the cab pulled away, Sarah turned around and waved goodbye, just as Jesse had done from the back of a police car ten years ago. Letting her go was the only way to find out if they could be together, but it was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do.
Jesse decided to take a quick shower before opening up. The pups would have to wait another twenty minutes. He opened the door and saw his bed, looking as inviting as ever, especially after a night of sleeping on the ground, but he resisted the urge to nap and headed into the bathroom. He turned on the shower and was about to take off his shirt when he heard a knock at his door. Frowning, he turned the shower off. Maybe Sarah had changed her mind and decided she didn’t need a day to think about it.