by Paula Kay
“Oh, but nothing. Maybe we’ll go this summer—during Thomas’s summer break. I’ll have to talk to him more about it—once we’re settled—once he’s settled at school and everything.”
“You’d have much better weather if you went in the fall—well, in the north, anyway, it will be lovely. You’ll run into lots of rain in the summer, depending on where you choose to go.”
“Winter is definitely not going to work. Nothing will work, really, until summer, so I guess it’s better to just table the idea for now.” Isabella’s voice sounded strained, even to her own ear, but suddenly she felt like dropping the subject of future travel with her friend.
Nina reached out to take Isabella’s hand, leading her toward a bench off the side of the path. “Let’s sit down and chat for a minute, shall we?”
Isabella sat and tried to control the tears that threatened out of nowhere. She didn’t know why she felt upset exactly, but she knew that she didn’t want Nina to witness her tears—not today anyway.
“Bella, what is it? What has you so upset?”
Isabella took a deep breath and let the tears fall. “Oh, I don’t know. I’m trying to be okay with everything—be supportive of Thomas—but…”
“But what if you want something else? Something different than what Thomas wants right now?”
Isabella nodded her head. “But also, I don’t want to go to Thailand—or anywhere, really—by myself. Nina, I don’t think I’m as brave as you are. I mean, I only just got over my own fear of flying—and that was a pretty big fear.”
“But it is also a big dream of yours, isn’t it? To travel? And from what you’ve said, it sounds like Thomas is supportive of that. Bella, I don’t mean to get in your business. It’s just that I’ve learned so much traveling on my own these last months. I think you’d surprise yourself and I know you could handle it. And what with your writing and what you’ve told me about your future plans—”
“Sorry. I know what you’re saying. It does make sense, but I really can’t imagine it on my own—at least not right now. And things between Thomas and me are so new—well, the status change, that is—not our relationship. But I just feel like we need to get a solid foundation under us, you know?”
Nina was looking at her intently.
“What, Nina?”
“Look, I know it’s none of my business.”
“But?”
“But it sure seems that you and Thomas have a very solid basis for your relationship—one that’s based on true friendship. You can’t ask for more than that, I think.”
“Okay…and?”
“And I’d just hate for you to give up on your own dreams, that’s all.”
“You sound like Thomas.”
“He’s a good man.” Nina winked at her.
“Yes, that he is. Oh, I can’t really think about anything else right now but our upcoming trip to New York. I’m sure everything will be fine and also nothing is set in stone, right? Isn’t that what you told me the other day?” Isabella laughed lightly but truly did want the conversation to end.
“Yes, it’s one of the biggest things I’ve learned while on my travels—and through my divorce, really, although I suppose that’s a pretty negative way to look at marriage. So don’t base your early lovely relationship on any mottos that you’ve learned from me.” It was Nina’s turn to laugh.
Isabella leaned over to hug her friend. “Well, I’m not going to say that I’m sad for you because you seem pretty happy right now, and all this relationship stuff is really new for me. So, I guess I have a lot to learn about love and trust. Well, I’ve always felt that way about Thomas, but you know what I mean. It’s like a whole new level of feelings for me.”
“Yes, Bella. I know. And I know you’re going to figure everything out for yourself, whether you decide to settle down in the city or head back out for new adventures. You’re so young and you’ve obviously got the means to live however you choose to. I envy your youth.” Nina reached out to squeeze Isabella’s hand. “So I guess I’m just trying to give you the advice that I wish someone had given me when I rushed into everything so quickly with my ex. I had plenty of dreams that I just shoved to the side back then—things that I didn’t even let myself think about for the past ten years—and I do regret that lost time.”
“But you’re doing those things now and that’s what matters.”
“Yes, you’re right.” Nina smiled as she stood up. “And now it’s definitely time for me to stay out of your business. But you know I’m only a video chat away if you need to talk at any time.”
Isabella stood up from the bench and reached over to give Nina a hug. “I do know that, and thank you. Meeting you has definitely been one of the highlights of all my travels so far. And I will think about everything that you’ve shared with me. Promise. Now shall we finish our hike so that we can reward ourselves with coffee?”
“Sounds like a plan to me,” said Nina.
Chapter 6
Isabella looked up at Thomas as he burst in the door, threw his backpack down on the sofa, and grabbed a can of Coke from the kitchen fridge, all in what seemed like the same second. He sat down on the sofa as he took a long drink and finally looked over to where Isabella sat on the floor amidst the various pieces of a shelf that she’d been trying unsuccessfully to put together for the past thirty minutes.
“Iz, what are you doing? I told you I’d put that together over the weekend.”
“No, actually that was last week that you said that.” Isabella laughed lightly as she got up to sit beside him on the sofa, leaning over to give him a slight hug as she did so. “I’m just getting kind of tired of looking at all the boxes in here, so I thought I’d give it a shot myself—something I might actually regret now.” She sighed and tucked her legs under her.
Thomas laughed and took one more big swig of soda before setting the empty can down on the coffee table. He looked over at her, then grabbed her hands to pull her to him as he stretched out. “What’s that look for?”
“What look?”
“The look that says you’ve got something to say.” Thomas laughed and tugged on her hair lightly. “Spill it.”
“Well, for one thing, I thought you were trying to cut back on the soda…”
“Alright, Mom.” Thomas laughed but it seemed slightly strained, and Isabella felt his body tense just a little beside her as he spoke.
“Oh, come on. You’re the one that said you wanted to cut back on your caffeine. So, I’m only thinking of you, my darling.” Isabella kissed him playfully on the nose, hoping it was enough to lighten the slightly uncomfortable mood in the room.
“I know. You’re right. But it’s all I can do to stay awake for my afternoon classes if I don’t get at least one in before noon.”
“Well, if you’d go to bed earlier, then you might not have that problem.” As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she regretted them. She’d been doing that a lot lately and she felt her stomach tense just thinking about it.
“Really, Iz?” Thomas pushed her off him slightly as he sat up. “Look, I think things are going to calm down a bit, but it’s only been two weeks since classes started. Give me a break, would ya?” He laughed lightly, but it sounded forced to Isabella and she felt like she’d been punched in the gut.
“I know. I’m sorry, Thomas. I didn’t mean it.” She tried to hold back the tears as she leaned in to kiss his cheek. “You’re right, and I’m horrible for even bugging you about stuff. You’re doing great and I’m so proud of you.”
Thomas pulled his leg up on the sofa as he grabbed her hands, shifting his body slightly so that they were facing one another. “You’re not horrible.” He leaned in to give her a quick kiss on the lips. “You’re lovely, adorable, and slightly neurotic.” Thomas laughed and Isabella punched him playfully on the arm. “But Iz, you knew that there was going to be an adjustment period here for me. This is what I tried to tell you and also why I wasn’t sure that your coming here was the best i
dea.”
Isabella felt her stomach drop at his words, which were all true. She wasn’t doing a good job supporting him. She knew better than to complain after all the discussions that the two of them had had about how important it was to Thomas to start out on the right foot when it came to his classes and his studies. She’d vowed to be supportive, yet all she seemed to be noticing was the time that Thomas didn’t have for her ever since his classes had started. She tried to force a smile as she looked at him now.
“I know. You’re right. I think I just need to get busier myself. I need more things to occupy my time.”
“Well, on that note, did you see that apartment this morning? The one you were telling me about in SoHo?”
Isabella wrinkled her nose. “No. It’s too far.”
“Iz, it’s not too far. It’s a fifteen-minute cab ride—thirty minutes tops with traffic.” Thomas nudged her lightly in her side. “I think it would be helpful to you to get settled and know where you’re going to be—for your writing, I mean.”
“It would be better for you if I moved out, wouldn’t it?” Isabella held her breath as she waited for him to answer. Why was she making everything so miserable for him? She sounded like a nagging annoying girlfriend, which was the last thing she wanted to be.
Thomas was shaking his head. “That’s not fair. You know that you can live here. But—”
“But what?” Just shut up, Isabella. You’re going to push him away.
“Well, that’s not what you want. Is it? I’m only going by what we’ve talked about before and honestly, Iz, I’m just afraid that my not being around very much is going to continue to bug you. I’m not sure how to make that better—at least for now. I just think that the sooner you can feel settled and get into your own routine, the better. For you, I mean.”
Isabella nodded her head and then stood up from the sofa. “No, you’re right. I’m being ridiculous. I’m sorry, Thomas. I know that you have enough on your mind without having to worry about me too. I’m sure I’ll find a place soon. The realtor e-mailed me with a few other options this morning, actually.”
Thomas stood up and pulled her to him in a hug. “You’re not being ridiculous. We’re just talking things through, right? ’Cuz that’s what healthy couples do.” He winked at her and then walked across the room to where the pieces of shelving still lay strewn about the floor. “So, I have about thirty minutes before I need to leave for my next class. Shall we see if we can get this shelf put together before I go?”
Isabella smiled, feeling much better than she had even a few minutes earlier. “How ’bout if I go fix you some lunch while you get started on that? Maybe a sandwich and a small salad?”
“Yes, please. That would be great.”
“I think that shelf looks great. What do you think?” Thomas took a big bite of his sandwich and looked across the table past Isabella to the shelf that now stood against the wall.
“Perfect. Now I can unpack your last boxes of books for you. We just need to find the table for the dining room and then I think you’ll be all set.”
“Oh, sorry. I meant to tell you. I found one the other day in between classes—at a shop uptown. I gotta double-check but I think they are supposed to be delivering it this afternoon around two. I should have checked with you to make sure you were going to be here, though. Does that work? Or I can call them to arrange another time.”
“This afternoon is fine. I’m also expecting something from Lia. According to the tracking, I should be getting it this afternoon too, so I can hang out here, no problem.”
“Oh yeah? What is Lia sending you?”
Isabella smiled as she thought about her grandmother and the conversation that they’d had the day before. Ever since Isabella had left Tuscany with Thomas after Christmas, they’d done a great job of keeping in touch with one another. And she missed Lia and her grandfather. She missed them all—Jemma, Blu, Gigi, Douglas, and all the kids. Christmas had been really special for Isabella, and she vowed not to go very long in between visits now that this wonderful new extended family existed in her life.
She turned her attention back to Thomas, who was giving her a little kick under the table. “Oh, sorry. I don’t know exactly what Lia sent me. She said that a few days ago she was clearing out some boxes in the attic and she ran across something of Arianna’s that was meant for me.”
“Ooh, that sounds exciting.” Thomas grinned.
“It does, doesn’t it?”
Isabella had actually been pretty consumed thinking about what the item might be. She kept everything of her birth mother’s in a box that now resided inside Thomas’s closet. The pictures, journals, locket and, of course, the map. She would put it up again just as soon as she was settled. Thinking about the map reminded her of her birth mother’s ashes, also kept in a small urn within the leather box. She’d gotten a good start at spreading them, but she knew the map would taunt her until the ashes were all gone.
“Well, text me a picture when it arrives—your surprise, I mean—not the table.” Thomas stood up from the table and walked over to get his backpack from the sofa. “I gotta run. Thanks for lunch, Iz.”
Isabella got up too and made her way to where he stood so that she could give him a hug goodbye. “So, are you coming home before dinner or will you be meeting us at the restaurant tonight?”
Thomas looked like a deer caught in headlights. “Uh—sorry, what’s tonight?”
“Thomas—my parents. Remember? Please tell me you didn’t forget. They’re only here one more night.”
“Oh man. I’m sorry, Iz. I did forget, and I do have an important study group tonight—for that big test I have tomorrow. Do you think your parents will understand?”
For what felt like the hundredth time that day, Isabella tried to hold back sudden tears that threatened. Her parents would understand but Thomas’s forgetfulness wasn’t making her feel any better about things.
She followed him to the door and attempted a smile as he kissed her on the cheek. “Yeah, I’m sure they will. Don’t worry about it.”
“Well, text me the address and I’ll do my best to be there for dessert, okay?” He leaned forward to kiss her on the forehead. “And I am sorry that I forgot.”
“It’s okay. You better get going. Have a good afternoon.”
“You’re the best. Love you, babe.”
“I love you too.”
Isabella shut the door and then burst into tears.
Chapter 7
Isabella sat at the new dining table holding the small package in her hands. She turned the box over to read her grandmother’s careful handwriting on the outside, before peeling back the closure to reveal the contents. She reached her hand in to first pull out a beautiful homemade card with a picture of her grandparents’ vineyard on the outside.
Isabella smiled as she admired the colors of the sunrise and noticed that she’d memorized the details of the landscape where they lived. She’d always been taken with the idea of visiting Italy. It had been at the top of a list that had seemed nearly impossible back when she’d had an intense fear of flying. Yet, by some crazy miracle, Tuscany was where she’d landed. And Tuscany, along with her family that she’d met there, had been magical.
And it was where Thomas had told her that he loved her for the first time—where he’d told Isabella that he was in love with her.
She opened the card to find the letter from Lia inside.
Dearest Isabella,
I still miss you every day that you’re not here but your grandfather and I are thankful for every day that we have the chance to get to know you more. I hope that you will come back soon, and please do bring that lovely boyfriend of yours around again. You are both always welcome here.
While I was sorting through some boxes in the attic the other day, I came upon this journal of your mother’s. Somehow it got separated from the rest of Arianna’s things and I wanted you to have it right away. I’ve not read it. Just as I’d saved the others she�
�d set aside for you, this one also is for your eyes only.
As always, I hope that the contents will help you to know her that much more.
We hope that you are feeling settled and happy in New York City.
We love you, Bella.
Lia and Antonio
Isabella grinned as she read the words from her grandmother. She could hear her voice—with the lovely slight Italian accent—as she read the words, and it instantly took her back to Italy in her mind.
How easy would it be for her to pack up and head back there to spend time at the vineyard? Isabella shocked herself as the thought struck her. No. They’d decided—she and Thomas—that she was going to give New York a try. She wouldn’t go back to Tuscany until Thomas could join her during the summer. And summer in Tuscany would be beautiful.
She tipped the box slightly to allow the journal to fall out lightly on the table. It was unlike most of the others, in that it was a lovely leather journal, mustard yellow in color and only slightly worn at its edges. There had been a few nicer journals from the latter years of Arianna’s life, but many of the ones that Isabella now possessed were spiral-bound notebooks that her birth mother had kept as diaries throughout her younger years—writing down her thoughts long before she knew that her life would be cut so short.
Isabella had loved reading them all, getting to know her mother through her words on the worn pages. Through reading Arianna’s journals, Isabella had come to know a young girl who’d had many of the same fears and insecurities that she herself had experienced during those same critical years in her life. She loved all the journals, but the ones that were written after Arianna had become pregnant with her were the ones that Isabella had spent hours poring over.
It meant everything to her to know every detail that Arianna had written about her daughter growing inside her. The anger and the angst that made Isabella weep only made her feel more connected to a mother that she’d never had the chance to know. Arianna had wanted her. Every doubt that Isabella had ever had in regards to the imagined circumstances of her birth was erased the moment that she’d read those journals.