His shoulders slumped. “I don’t have a clue.”
“You must have some clue.”
“The only idea I have in my head right now is how I’d like to make love to my mate under the stars.”
“Is that a line from a movie?” she asked.
“No, that line is all mine.” He reached out and put his hand over hers. Caroline tensed and he knew she wanted to pull away. But she didn’t, she stayed put.
“I don’t know that I’m ready,” she said honestly.
“Do I sense I’m not the only one with demons?” he asked.
“I… I lost someone.”
“A lover?”
She shook her head. “No. Not a lover. But someone I loved.” She put her hand on her heart. “I came up here because I wanted to clear my head, put things in perspective.”
“You mean I was just an excuse?”
“Someone had to come.” She looked at him, sadness in her eyes. “We drew straws.”
He chuckled sardonically. “And you lost.”
“I saw it as winning. Four days to put things straight in my head. Since I left the army, I haven’t had that space.” She put her free hand up to her head. “You know?”
“I know.” He didn’t let go of her hand, but held it to give her what comfort he could. “And I screwed it up.”
“No. You complicated things.” She laid her head on his shoulder. “I’m just not ready. I can’t rush headfirst into this.”
“Then you should take your time,” he said, slipping his hand around her shoulder and kissing the top of her head. In his other life, he would have pushed her, talked her into letting go of her fears. But he wasn’t that man. That man was dead. “We have all the time in the world.”
“I used to think that,” she said, nestling against him. “But when Rich and his wife died, I realized that wasn’t true.”
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“Me too.”
They stayed together in silence, watching the stars come out. It would have been incredible to make love to her here under the stars, on his mountain. However, he settled for the simple satisfaction of the warmth of her body against his. To hear her heart beating, to see the rise and fall of her chest. A part of him was waking up, a part of him that had been dormant for so long.
Carter wanted to fight it, to tell it to stay asleep. He didn’t need to feel. He didn’t need to gaze into the deep well of emotions he had hidden away. Carter knew they were there, a dormant volcano waiting to spew out all the guilt and self-loathing he had piled up. No matter how much he wanted Caroline, how much he wanted to believe in a new life with her by his side, if he left the mountain with Caroline, his old life, old self, would wake up too, and he would have to face up to the past he had run from.
He did not want to leave his mountain, but he was not ready to lose Caroline. Not when fate had brought her to him.
His bear stretched and rose up on his haunches. This was the time he would normally let his other side free. On nights when sleep evaded him, he would run wild and free across the mountains. Alone. But not tonight.
“Want to come explore my world?” he asked.
She turned to look at him, her eyes dilated as if she had been dreaming while she gazed at the fire. “Your world?”
“My mountain,” he said. “Run with me.”
“As a bear?” she asked.
“Yes. If you are a bear… I just presumed.”
“Oh, I’m all bear,” she replied. “It’s just been a long time since I’ve let her out for a long run. In new company.”
“Our bears have to get to know each other too.” Carter didn’t admit how nervous he was. Damn, he hoped his bear behaved and didn’t show them up. Up here, they had little interaction with other shifters, only real bears that lived deep in the mountains. This was going to be interesting.
And exciting, his bear said.
Carter got up and offered Caroline his hand. She took it, although he doubted she needed his help at all. He felt blessed to have a woman who was so independent as his mate. He only hoped she wasn’t so independent that she wouldn’t need him. A man had his pride, and while Carter wasn’t chauvinistic, he did want to feel like a man. A real man.
Instead of acting like one, his bear said with a chuckle.
“What’s so funny?” Caroline asked, seeing his smile.
“My bear.” Carter shook his head. “He never saw acting as the kind of profession a real man does.”
“What kind of movies did you make?” Caroline asked.
“Action movies.” Carter’s smile widened. “My bear thought I should do all my own stunts.”
“Oh, and you didn’t?”
“No. My insurance policy didn’t cover stunts.” Carter moved across to the fire and put it out, banking dirt over the embers. It left them in near total darkness. There was no longer a glow from the setting sun, only the twinkling of stars and the light from a sliver of moon that was still too low in the sky to illuminate the forest. “Now I have no insurance, so we do what we want.”
He shifted into his bear and cast one backward glance over his shoulder, watching Caroline shift into her bear, before leading her out of the clearing where his small cabin stood. Knowing exactly where he wanted to take her, Carter joined the trail he had made over the years, which wound through the pine trees, twisting and turning as the mountain slope became steeper. How many times he had followed this trail? He knew it like he knew himself, inside and out, backwards and forwards.
In his time of self-inflicted solitary confinement, he had looked at every facet of himself. It had been difficult at first to pull out each and every one of his flaws and look at them without judging himself. But he’d done it, to learn how he ticked, why he behaved the way he did, all to become a better person to learn how he handled himself. So that if the same situations ever came up, he would handle them differently.
He looked back at the large female grizzly who jogged along behind him. She was fit, well-muscled, with a sleek coat.
She is perfect, his bear said. She is ours.
Carter let his bear’s joy soar in his heart, let his newfound enthusiasm invade his head, and let his need for her possess his body. He shut out the fear that came with any thoughts of leaving the mountain. It would work out. It had to: he could not stay here forever, he’d already come to realize that, and Caroline was the catalyst that would propel him toward the next phase of his life.
Whatever that might be. Hiding from the world was over; it was time to face the world. But not tonight, tonight was for them to be on top of the world.
Chapter Five – Caroline
Her bear ran after him as they broke out of the trees. Carter was sure-footed and true as he made his way across an open plateau, despite the darkness all around them. The moon had risen, but was the smallest sliver and cast no real light on the mountain. Caroline pressed on faster, catching up with Carter’s bear and sticking close to his heels, taking comfort in his presence.
Or maybe she just wanted to be near him and needed an excuse. Caroline had, after all, faced much worse than an open plateau.
Carter slowed, and she drew alongside him. They ambled along, like two lovers, comfortable invading each other’s space. Her bear pressed closer; he turned to look at her, and licked her snout. Her bear grinned like a lovesick fool, ready for them to give themselves completely to their mate. However, Caroline was not ready for that. Not yet.
But he is our mate, her bear insisted.
And we have plenty of time, Caroline replied.
We thought we had plenty of time to set our relationship straight with Rich, her bear reminded her.
I know, Caroline answered sadly. But I can’t rush blindly into a relationship with Carter.
Why not?
Because he is hiding here from something. Or someone. And just because we are mates, does not mean I am willing to fall in love with a man who has secrets.
Excuses, her bear accused.
> Maybe her bear was right. She was simply making excuses.
Carter took them through a narrow gully, and she fell back, walking behind him, his bear a dark silhouette in the night. Then they broke out onto a narrow ledge, and he stopped. Caroline stood next to him, and followed his gaze.
There, above their heads, were a billion stars or more. She had never seen so many, even when she was in the remotest part of the world. Looking tentatively over the edge of the ledge, there was nothing below them, only darkness. She hadn’t realized they were so high up.
They stood together in silence. The wonder of the stars above made her eyes prick with tears. When she was a child, she used to think that the stars were candles, held in the hands of all of those who had passed away. Was Rich up there somewhere, with Mary by his side? If he looked down, would he know how bad she felt at not telling him she was happy he had found his mate?
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Carter asked. He had shifted back into his human form and stood looking upward, his fingers buried in her fur, making her shiver.
She nodded, not ready to return to her human form, not ready to talk. Her throat was constricted, a sob waiting to erupt, and she didn’t want him to ask her why. Her love for a dead man somehow made her feel as though she was unfaithful to Carter. Unfaithful to her true mate.
“This is my favorite place,” Carter went on. “I used to come here a lot when I first came to the mountain. I’d sit here at night and just stare at them. It put my life into perspective.”
She could understand why. The more she looked, the more inconsequential she considered herself. This mountain, the stars, they had been there long before man walked the planet, and would be there long after Caroline’s life ended.
Her bear sighed, and let her human side come forth. Moving closer to Carter, Caroline rested her head on his shoulder. “Thank you for bringing me here.”
“My pleasure. If this is to be my last night on the mountain, then I wanted to come here, to say goodbye to the stars.”
She chuckled. “The stars will still be there.”
“But will we remember to look up at them?” he asked.
She understood his meaning. Her thoughts of Rich were enough to remind her of how caught up in everyday life she had been before she set foot on the mountain. “Then we should make a deal, and come back here when we can, and stare at the stars.”
“Deal.” He offered her his hand, and she took it. Carter pulled her close, and she tilted her head back, moistening her lips. “Seal it with a kiss?”
“Yes,” she breathed, her hand going to the back of his neck.
His lips pressed against hers, in a soft, gentle kiss. Caroline slid her tongue along his bottom lip and he shivered at her touch, his hand going to the small of her back and pulling her into him. Their bodies were like one as they stood beneath the stars, lips locked together, lives entwined now they had met and acknowledged their fate.
Carter moved his hand lower, and she arched her back, exposing her neck to him. He planted kisses down her exposed flesh, continuing along her collarbone, then lower, his teeth grazing the hardened bud of her nipple through her clothes. Electricity pulsed through her body as her nerve endings picked up every movement of the air across her skin.
She wanted him. Right now she was willing to sweep everything aside and let him claim her. But so much was uncertain, both inside and outside of their relationship, that she could not abandon reason. Her training had taught her to act on information, not emotion. Pulling back, she stood breathless, her heart racing, her vision fuzzy as she regained her breath.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I got carried away.”
“It’s OK. And I’m sorry too.” She put her hand to her lips. “I’m just going to need some time to get used to the idea of us.”
“Of course.” He smiled ruefully. “I’m going to blame it on my lack of interaction with a female for so long.”
“Lack of interaction,” Caroline repeated.
“Sex,” Carter admitted. “I haven’t been near a woman for years. I just wanted you to know that.”
“OK…”
“That still didn’t come out properly.” He took a deep breath and tried again. “Even before I decided to become a recluse. I realized people, not just women… That they wanted a piece of Carter Eden. Not the man. The movie star.”
“One thing you can be sure of, is that I only want the man,” Caroline stated. “Oh, and the bear. But the movie star… I am probably your worst fan, since I have never seen one of your movies.”
“I like that,” Carter said. “But other people will still want a part of me when I walk down off this mountain.”
“Are you sure you aren’t a washed-up has-been who just doesn’t know it yet?” Caroline asked.
Carter chuckled and nodded. “I wish.” Then he shrugged. “You may have a point. Everyone might have forgotten all about me.”
“You know, there are not many people who want to be forgotten,” Caroline said.
“I am most definitely one of them. I have enough money to live off for the rest of my life. Maybe I can live under the radar. People will think I’m still that crazy man who lives on top of a mountain.”
“Maybe they will,” Caroline agreed. “Especially when you flash them that scowl.”
“I don’t scowl,” Carter insisted.
“How did you ever act if you don’t know what your facial expressions are doing?” Caroline grinned at the confusion on his face.
“I can’t tell if you are joking.”
“That is because you have hidden yourself up here for too long. You are going to have to relearn how to deal with people, and technology.”
“Or I could just put a big wall up around my big house,” Carter suggested.
“Or you could let people in.” Caroline stroked his cheek and pressed her lips to his.
Carter groaned and pulled away. “Come on, let’s go back to the cabin, before I throw you to the ground and kiss you into submission.”
“I’m not that much of a pushover,” Caroline insisted, but deep down, she knew it would not take much for her to let him claim her. Or maybe she would claim him. She was all for equality.
He took her hand and they walked together in their human forms, back along through the gully, and out across the plateau. Then they shifted into their bears and meandered back down the trail, until they reached Carter’s cabin.
Caroline still marveled that he knew which trails to take, even in the dark. She would never have found her way back to the place her mate called home on her own. The trees all blended in together, the rocks and boulders all looked the same. She knew which direction was east and west and had some knowledge of navigating by the stars, but they were mostly hidden by the trees above their heads.
But Carter knew the way. Sure-footed and steadfast. Was that how her relationship with her mate would be? She would not know, until they found out what waited for them at the bottom of the mountain.
They reached the clearing where his small cabin stood, a dark hulking shadow against the trees. Carter shifted into his human form and mounted the steps, opening the door of the cabin for her. Caroline shifted too, and slipped past him into the cabin.
“Will you miss this place?”
“I will,” he answered honestly. “The cabin itself was here when I arrived, but it was empty, parts of it rotted. I spent the first few weeks camped out under a tarp. Then slowly I rebuilt it, made it watertight, added the furniture one stick at a time.” He pointed to the chairs. “You should have seen my first attempts.”
“Well, if it’s any consolation, when you get down off this mountain, you have a house to fix up,” Caroline told him as she stood, arms folded across her chest.
“That bad?” he asked.
“The house still has four walls and a roof,” she offered.
“That’s a start,” Carter said.
“Speaking of starts. Tomorrow we need to be up early, it’s a long walk down th
e mountain. So we really ought to get a good night’s sleep.” Caroline wasn’t sure what the sleeping arrangements were. Did he expect her to share his bed?
“We’re leaving tomorrow?” he asked.
“That was my plan.”
“I am going to need some time to get everything packed away.” He looked around. “I’m going to need a couple of days.”
“I’ll help you,” Caroline offered. “That means we can get it done in one day. Then we have a two-day hike down the mountain…” She caught the look on his face. “Unless you’ve changed your mind.”
“I want you,” he admitted, fiercely. “But this is where I belong. I came here for a reason…”
“You can keep telling yourself that, or you can come with me.” She took a step away from him. “I have to leave. I have responsibilities. I don’t expect you to understand, and no, I’m not trying to blackmail you into coming with me. I said we needed to compromise… And so here it is.” She took a deep, shuddering breath, suddenly weary. “If you choose to stay up here, I will split my time. Half here, half in Bear Creek.”
He closed his eyes, and shook his head. “Not enough,” he ground out.
What did he mean? Was he going to keep her here? Shut her away so she could never leave his mountain?
“What then?” she asked cautiously, ready to make a run for it, although Caroline knew she would not get far. He knew this mountain too well.
“I’ll come with you. We are meant to be together, not for half a life, but for a whole life.”
“And if you hate it?” She could not bear the thought of Carter being unhappy.
“Then we both split our time, half here, half in Bear Creek.” He reached for her and pulled her close. “Until I can persuade you the mountain life is all we need.”
“Won’t happen. I have family, friends who need me. And when we have kids…” She placed her hand on his cheek. “They will need other children.”
Mountain Bear (Return to Bear Creek Book 2) Page 3