by Christa Wick
“There were things on there I didn’t want you reading.”
“Why,” I repeated, fatigue overtaking my muscles.
How had he worn me down so easily? I was a beta, couldn’t hope to match his stamina, but even the energy and strength to fight had been washed away from me in the shower. He had stolen it from me with the simple act of rejecting me yet again.
“It’s not much of a mystery,” he answered, his grip in my hair loosening. “You probably have an inkling of understanding. Just like I know, at the periphery of things, why you hate me.”
He was wrong. As much as I had tried, as long as I had tried, I didn’t hate him. If I hated him, I would have gotten in my Jeep and fled home that first day. Instead, I had opened up the windows and flaunted the scent of my heat. I ran away hurt and moping when he rejected me.
No—it was time for me to face the facts. I didn’t hate Joshua Reeves. But hell would freeze over before I admitted the truth knowing that the truth meant nothing to him.
“Is this part of the punishment, too?” I snarked. “You talking at me like this?”
I didn’t expect a physical answer. As soon as the last strands of my question away from my idiot mouth, Joshua swiftly lifted the hand on my bottom, flattened it then returned with a stinging smack.
I gasped. My throat constricted with the need to protest.
He smacked my ass again.
And again.
His action, my body’s reaction, were wrong on so many levels. Not once in all my life had someone spanked me, let alone a male while I was in heat. It hurt, damn it, if only for a second. And it humiliated. I was not a child, my punishment shouldn’t be childish.
Nor should it arouse me. That was where the real cruelty of it rested. Reeves knew I couldn’t be positioned like this, naked, with my beta in her naturally submissive state and my heat upon me without being turned on by him.
Another brutal smack landed on my ass, Joshua’s palm lingering against the hot flesh to push his alpha energy at me.
I was too stunned to block the healing waves. The soft golden glow infused my skin, soothing my hurt.
I blinked against the sensation. Except for when Landa had shot me, it had been a long time since I had allowed an alpha’s energy to flow into me. Over the years, I had hid any number of serious injuries for the extra time it took them to heal instead of going to my brother for immediate attention. I had deflected every burst of alpha bossiness from Braeden and Taron since—
#NopeNotGoingThere
Throwing up a shield against Joshua’s energy, I pitched hard on my side in an attempt to roll off his lap. He responded with a jerk on my shoulder and the hardest blow yet to my bare bottom. Another ruthless smack flattened, then vibrated, the flesh like slapping a bowl of jelly.
He was strong enough to injure me with his blows, but he was holding back. Only my pride was damaged. But the hits to my ass hurt just enough to block out the niggling memory that had caused my sudden revolt.
Joshua leaned forward, his palm curling between my butt cheeks so that his fingertips could tap out every syllable of the warning he delivered.
“You either behave and take twenty on your ass, or I roll you over and smack that sweet pussy.”
Gritting my teeth, my entire body a shaky mess, I glared at Reeves with one eye. “Whatever, cat. Just don’t push that alpha bullshit at me again.”
“Did I say twenty? I meant twenty-five.” His mouth curled with a taunt that dared me to correct him.
I said nothing, kept my damn jaws locked tight. His hand came down again, three solid smacks delivered in as many seconds. With my flesh stinging, he tried to saturate the hurt with his golden energy. I kept blocking him as the number of blows delivered climbed to ten, then fifteen, then twenty.
He couldn’t find a way around my shield, not with his energy.
Reeves changed tactics, and tried to soothe my flesh in other ways.
His fingertips ghosted over the throbbing nerve endings, my flesh colored a dark pink with blood from the broken capillaries that healed before my skin had time to bruise. He dragged a knuckle down the crack of my ass, then slowly across my perineum to lodge against the slick hole his abuse had made wet.
I ignored the pleasure, willfully held onto the pain. Pleasure would only serve to refresh the memory of the first time I had deflected an alpha’s energy, that day as indelibly connected to Joshua as the one I was in at that moment. Me at fifteen, coming into heat for the first time. Joshua arguing with Braeden on my front porch while I peeked from the edge of a curtain. My body reacting for the first time to a male shifter. Braeden coming inside after Joshua had driven away. Me confused, freaking out. Braeden offering a gentle push of his alpha energy…
“You said twenty-five,” I growled then sucked in a deep breath that would carry me in silence through the next five smacks.
“It doesn’t have to be like this, catnip.”
I said nothing, just threw Reeves a final hard glance that told him everything and nothing.
Yes, it does.
With the punishment complete, I crawled up the bed and under the covers, my face turned toward the wall and away from the couch. The pain in my bottom quickly healed, so I chewed viciously at my bottom lip, drawing enough blood to coat my tongue. I didn’t want the pain to go away. I needed it to stay focused.
Joshua left the room, returning a few minutes later.
“Your clothes are dry,” he softly informed.
I heard the whisper of fabric as he placed my outfit on the surface of the dresser, then another whisper as he slid out of his borrowed jeans.
I tensed, uncertain why he was undressing. Was it night? I had lost track of time in the windowless room. When I had left the shower, the light coming through the small window above the toilet was a pale gray. It could have been cloudy. It could have been sunset.
I felt a slight shift in the mattress.
My muscles locked tight in response.
The shift turned to the pull of gravity as weight pressed on the opposite side of the cheap bed. My body started to roll toward the center. I grabbed the edge of the mattress as fresh fury whipped up inside me. Reeves had said he was sleeping on the couch.
Had he changed his mind or was it all another trick?
Something cold and wet pressed against my neck. I jerked, one hand flying up to find whiskers and fur. Nosing me again, Joshua purred. He was in his cat state, something that should have terrified me almost as much as his alpha state had. But he was pushing his energy at me, energy that I had already exhausted myself over by deflecting it again and again.
A soft golden glow replaced the room’s gray gloom. Joshua stretched out next to me, the bed jiggling as he pawed at one of his ears.
He sneezed.
Nosed me again.
Chewed on my hair.
I rolled over, my angry expression collapsing in on itself. His entire body glowed with his energy, the waves rolling off him penetrating my every pore. He rested his head on his paws, his eyes closing. Reaching out, I touched his shoulder, felt the vibrations of the deep purr rumbling inside him.
I didn’t understand. His alpha energy was strongest when he was in his cat form. I had never witnessed anything like it.
Acting on its own, my hand stroked down his spine. A shiver raced after my touch and he sneezed again, then pawed at his nose some more.
“Allergic to me?” I asked.
He yawned and rolled closer, his movement shifting the placement of my hand to his belly. I trailed my fingers up to the side of his jaw. I should have been preparing to boot him to the floor or at least yank all his whiskers out. His alpha energy protected him from such treatment, clouding my mind, drugging my fury. I struggled to hold onto the memory of how he had left me alone and needy in the bathroom then spanked me on his return. I tried to hold onto the humiliation of both acts.
He head bumped me, his tongue curling to lick the underside of my nose.
An apo
logy—maybe. Gross regardless.
“Not buying it,” I said, my fingers running through his fur in lazy strokes as I slowly fell asleep.
Chapter 15
Clover
I woke alone in bed. The bathroom door was open, a hint of morning sunlight filtering into the bedroom. I rolled over and looked at the couch. Joshua was back in human form. He had one hand tucked under his head. His torso was bare, the spare blanket covering the rest of him.
I closed my eyes so I didn’t have the image of him fueling my imagination.
Need clicked at the back of my throat, my imagination clearly self-powered. My body didn’t require the visual aid. I wanted him. The fact was inescapable, unimpeachable.
I just didn’t know what he wanted.
“I know you’re awake, catnip.”
I ignored the accusation, puzzling, instead, over how he had returned to calling me “catnip.” Had he made the switch before he had started spanking me? Did the switch or its timing even matter?
The mattress moved. I opened my eyes.
Even in the gray light, he was beautiful to look at. I could no longer convince myself otherwise.
“Why did you leave?” I asked. “At Holly’s, I mean.”
“To tell Braeden I intended to claim you.” He thumbed a soft line along the curve of my jaw.
I shook it off. “You’ll see, when my body goes back to normal, that’s not what you want. That has never been what you wanted.”
As soon as the words left me, I felt like I had it all figured out. He was running hot and cold because my heat was messing with his head as much as it messed with mine. As soon as the confused version of him got close to consummating any claim, the real Joshua raised his head and backed off.
“Not true,” he said, moving closer, his naked body above the blanket, my naked body below.
“You’ve always been indifferent.” I was right and I wasn’t letting go of my chain of reasoning. We would both regret it after my heat passed.
He propped himself up on one elbow, leaned toward me and pressed his lips to my shoulder before whispering directly in my ear.
“Never, catnip.”
“Never is right,” I snorted. “As in you NEVER paid me any attention before.”
Growling, he buried his face against my throat and draped an arm across my back. “I’m a cat, damn it. We never look at the spot we’re interested in.”
My chest bounced. Something sounding like a laugh escaped me but my mouth was turned down, nothing about my mood funny or amused. “Nice try. You tried to claim Paisley.”
Joshua pulled away, turned on the bedside lamp then coaxed me onto my back with the weight of his body.
With the blanket still separating us, he straddled me, his torso layered atop mine, just enough space between our faces that I could meet his gaze without going cross-eyed.
“Get it through that beautiful, thick-as-concrete skull, catnip. Not once did I state any intent or interest in courting Paisley. Not once.”
The temptation of throwing his earlier comment about feigned disinterest in his face was almost overwhelming. But I didn’t have to rely on tricks to win the argument. I had facts.
“You seconded Taron’s plan—”
“To keep Paisley from getting slaughtered,” he corrected with a nip along my jaw, the sensation of his mouth on me a distraction that fuzzied up the clean line of arguments I had prepared.
“That old bear on the mountain—Coombs—he spoke on her behalf as well. Are you going to say he wanted to claim her, too?”
“Braeden said—”
A warning rumble sounded in Joshua’s chest. “You know damn well your brother wasn’t thinking with his head at that meeting.”
My mouth puckered like he had just shoved a wedge of lemon in it. This wasn’t about Braeden’s actions, it was about Joshua’s.
“For as long as I can remember, you’ve always been extra nice to her.”
#WhileIgnoringMe
Gaze narrowing, Reeves lifted up onto his haunches, his hands on his hip, everything about his demeanor oblivious to the fact he was naked and erect, the thick staff pointing at the stuccoed ceiling.
“So she would put in a good word for me, you infuriating she-wolf.”
My face screwed as tight as my mouth.
“With you,” he explained, collapsing back on top of me, his hands cupping my face. “Put in a good word with you.”
Unconvinced, I shook away his hands and pushed at his heavy chest. “You showed up at my house after Taron—”
Again, he cut me off. “I told you then why I was there—to check on everyone's well being.”
“That,” I shot back, “was a lie. It was all over your face!”
For half a second, I knew I had humbled Reeves with the truth.
“It was a lie,” he admitted. “I was there to assure myself that you were okay. I had to watch that damn video of you being shot, watch the bullet slam into your shoulder, spin you around, leave you helpless on the ground.”
With a sigh, he buried his face against my neck, his teeth lightly fastening on the meat of my shoulder. His fingers threaded through my hair. I could feel the purr rumbling in his chest against my breasts despite the blanket between us.
“From the first time your nose told you I was a cat,” he whispered, “you were terrified of me and there was nothing I could do.”
He nosed my chin, then kissed the spot. His lips moved up to my ear. “That changed with your first heat. That’s when the eye darts started. That’s when you stopped hiding and started hating. Why, catnip?”
I shook my head, denying that there was any truth to what he had said.
He sighed and I could hear more than the air leaving him. “When Paisley found out about us and Taron put a thirty day moratorium on anyone harming her, all Braeden had to do was claim her. Instead, he pushed her away.”
“You don’t have to tell me,” I mumbled. “I was there.”
“He was head over heals in love with her,” Joshua pressed. “But he had been pushing her away for years and years before she found out. And yet they’re together now, despite your brother’s misguided stupidity.”
“Paisley loves Braeden,” I said, the words carelessly leaving me as I tried to think through what he was saying. “She is always going to love him.”
Above me, Joshua stiffened. I looked up to find the blue eyes turned to mirrors, nothing of his emotions visible in his gaze. All the arguments I had lined up about how he had always been indifferent or worse before I came into heat fell down like dominoes.
“I guess we finally figured out the difference,” he said, his voice as blank as his expression.
Easing forward, he pressed his lips against my forehead, offering one last push of his alpha energy before he rolled away and returned to the couch.
“It wasn’t one sided. She pushed him away, too.” I was floundering, trying to keep the discussion alive long enough to figure out how I felt. I knew I wanted Joshua and would have twice gone as far as he wanted physically. Maybe if we had, I would be deep in the belief that I loved him. But twice he had pushed me away before that last step, rejecting my need.
Rejecting me.
This was too complicated and my brain didn’t belong to me while I was still in heat. Turning onto my side, I watched as he slid into borrowed clothes and stepped into borrowed boots. My hand snuck halfway across the mattress to lightly scratch at the comforter.
“Don’t be mad at me.”
It was lame, but it was all I could get out.
“I’m not.” His tone was soft and convincing, but he didn’t look at me when he spoke.
“Don’t hate me,” I whispered.
He gave me a glance before shaking his head.
“Never.”
Chapter 16
Joshua
Leaving the bedroom, I set about getting breakfast for Clover. I had also snuck a peek at the tags on her clothes before putting them in the washer, then
gave a list of needed items to one of the local chapter Woodsmen. The bikers probably thought I was certifiably nuts because I had insisted that one of their girlfriends or wives get the items and leave it outside the clubhouse. I was also making the guys shower if they wanted to leave.
I couldn’t risk my scent or, more importantly, Clover’s scent circulating in the general population now that I knew about the hyena shifters. Even with the showers and only casual contact, there would still be traces of us on the bikers and anyone they came in contact with, but that was true of the two waitresses at the restaurant, anyone who had sat in the booth after us, the kid I’d grabbed at the back of the building and some of the customers and clerks Clover had passed or stood next to at Walmart. I kept myself from obsessing over those faint traces with the rationale that I would dismiss the same traces as meaningless if I were out hunting the hyenas.
Remembering the depraved giggles I had heard in the forest, the hair along the nape of my neck lifted.
I brushed at the sensation as I walked into the kitchen of the clubhouse.
“Bacon and eggs, boss?” Hex asked as he poured egg batter onto a flat grill already sizzling with thick slabs of meat.
I nodded at the kid. He was potential Woodsman number eight for the Buckley chapter. That meant he waited on the other seven hand and foot and was beyond eager to keep me happy as an officer of the club.
He had the small television in the kitchen playing as he cooked. The news was on, the image capturing my attention as I recognized the mom and pop diner where I’d eaten the day before. Reaching across, I turned the sound up.
“Police have no new leads on the kidnapping of Sherilee Winn, a Buckley mother of four who was dragged from the parking lot as she was leaving her shift at the Rolling Pin restaurant. Witnesses describe the assailants as two males of above average height, thin, dark skinned, and potentially middle eastern.”
“Big news in Buckley,” Hex said with a nod at the television.
“Anyone around here know her?” I asked as they flashed a photo of the woman in question.