“Are you almost home?” Nate asks over the phone.
“Yep.” I ran to the store to grab a few things for dinner tonight. It’s our first anniversary and instead of going out, I wanted to cook him a nice meal.
“Okay, hurry. I’ve missed you.”
“You saw me this morning.”
“Feels like forever.”
I giggle at him. He can be so silly sometimes, but I love it. “I’ll be home in five minutes.”
“Alright, see you in a few, my love.”
“Bye.”
I can’t believe a whole year has gone by since we got married. It’s insane how fast it goes. I didn’t think it was possible, but I’m more in love with him now than I was then. As cheesy as it sounds, he completes me. I don’t need anything else in this world as long as I have him.
Pulling into the driveway, I grab the bags out of the trunk and make my way up to the front door. As soon as I walk in, I’m speechless. Red hearts hang from the ceiling of the entry way. I continue to walk through the house, following their path. They stop at the staircase, but resume at the top of the steps. I set the bags down on the floor and run up the stairs.
“Nate?” I yell out for him, but there’s nothing but silence.
The path leads me down the hallway to our bedroom door, which is closed. I open it slowly and gasp as I take in what lays before me. Hearts hang from the ceiling in our room while rose petals cover our bed and tea light candles illuminate the room. But the best part is the handsome man waiting for me with a bouquet of red roses in his hand.
“Happy Anniversary, my love,” he says as he approaches me. My arms go around his neck and I stand on my toes to reach his lips. He molds his mouth to mine in a searing kiss. I swear every time our lips touch I get weak in the knees. Too often you hear about couples who say the flame dies down and there’s little passion in their relationship. That couldn’t be further from the truth for us. If anything, we’re hotter for each other now than we were when we started dating. Hell, the man still gives me butterflies.
Looking around the room, I shake my head in awe. “How long did it take you?”
“A while,” he responds. “Did you notice there’s something written on each one?” I shake my head. “There are three hundred and sixty-five of them. One for each day I’ve loved you as my wife.”
With tears in my eyes, I reach up and pull down a red heart made from construction paper.
#352
I love that we go hiking together.
I read another one.
#355
I love the way you snort when you laugh really hard.
This one makes me giggle.
#361
I love watching you sleep in my arms.
I look down at the bed to find one giant heart on top of the rose petals. I pick it up.
#365
I love that you’re mine.
“I can’t believe you did this. It’s amazing.” Emotion clogs my throat as I’m overcome with the amount of effort he put into this.
“I never want you to forget how much I love you. If I do something to hurt or upset you, and there’s a good chance I might, remember this moment. You are my heart and soul and I’m nothing without you.”
He leans down and takes my lips again, the salty taste a clear indication of the tears running down my face. I don’t know how I got so lucky to find the person I can’t imagine my life without, but I thank God every day that I had to get tickets for that recruit’s family three years ago.
Nate walks me toward the bed, and when the back of my knees hit it, he lays me down. He slips off my heels before sliding up my skirt to reveal my red, lace panties.
“Mmm, sexy,” he says, looking up at me from his kneeling position at the end of the bed. He moves my panties to the side before diving in with his mouth. My back arches and I grab a fistful of his dark brown hair as he swirls and sucks my clit. It doesn’t take long for me to detonate and scream out his name.
When I fall back to reality, he’s climbing up my body, having rid himself of his clothes while I was incoherent. He trails kisses down my neck and I move my head to the side to give him easier access. My hands run over his muscular back and shoulders and his trail up my side.
He pulls back slightly and looks down into my eyes. “Let’s have a baby.” His eyes roam my face, searching for a reaction. To say I’m shocked would be an understatement. We’ve never really talked about when we would try to have children, only that we wanted them someday. He must take my silence for hesitation because he continues, “If you’re not ready, that’s fine. I can wait, but I’d be lying if I said the thought of you being the mother of my child didn’t make me happy as hell.”
A slow smile spreads across my face before I nod. “Yes?” he asks.
“Yes.”
That’s the only word he needs to hear before he ravishes my body and leaves me completely spent. When he’s done with me, I’m out of breath, my voice is hoarse, and I couldn’t get up if the house was on fire.
“Dammit,” I say once my heart rate has had a chance to regulate itself.
“What’s wrong?” Nate draws little circles on my back as I lie on his chest.
“I left all the groceries at the bottom of the stairs when I walked in. Everything’s probably melted and no good now.”
“Let’s get ready and go out then,” he responds.
The thought of moving from this position does not sound appealing. I’m quite comfortable where I am and have no desire to put my clothes back on. “Or . . . we could just order in and eat while we’re naked in bed.”
I look up at him and one side of his mouth quirks up. “Sounds good to me.”
I ended up reading each and every heart he hung up for me that night. I remember being astounded by every one. He wrote about minute details I hardly noticed about myself. The fact he loved all of my nuances and quirks made me fall for him even more that night. Add on top of that we were going to start a family, and I was on cloud nine.
If I do something to hurt or upset you, and there’s a good chance I might, remember this moment.
But I didn’t remember it, did I? In fact, I haven’t thought about that night in forever. Sadness washes over me as the realization hits me that maybe he wasn’t the only selfish one in our marriage. What if I was so worried about his shortcomings I failed to see his effort?
I glance up and catch him watching me. For how long, I don’t know, and that makes me nervous. I was never good at hiding my feelings from him and the last thing I need right now is for him to see the conflict and confusion rolling around in my brain. I’ve got to get out of here.
“Hey, Lydia,” I say as I walk up to her bedside. “I’ve got to get going. I’ll stop by again later, okay?”
As soon as she looks up at me, the smile on her face falls. “Are you okay?”
I give her a weak smile. “Yeah, I’m fine. Congrats again. She’s absolutely perfect.” I lean down and give her a hug before making my way to the door. The moment I exit the room my lungs expand, able to breathe for the first time since Nate showed up.
I walk at a brisk pace down the hall, desperate to get away from him.
“Charlotte, wait up!” I hear Nate say from behind me. I don’t make an effort to slow down, not that it matters because in a few seconds he’s caught up to me.
“What was going on back there?”
I don’t say a word and focus on one task; getting to my car.
“Charlotte,” he snaps at me before grabbing my arm and stopping me.
“What?”
“Why were you crying?”
“I wasn’t.” I can’t even look at him while I lie.
“Bullshit. Look, I just want to know that you’re okay.” When I glance back up at him, his eyes plead with me to open up, but what good would that do? I’m confused enough as it is. There’s no use in adding him to the mix.
“I’m fine, really. You know the whole baby thing is a little hard on me sometimes.”
<
br /> His face softens as does his demeanor. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“Nothing you can do about it.” I stare down at my shoes as a new wave of emotions creeps up my spine.
“Besides that, are you good? I worry about you, you know.”
My eyes come back up to his. “Yeah, I’m fine. You look like you haven’t been eating that well though. You’ve lost a lot of weight since I saw you last.”
He shrugs as he rocks on the balls of his feet. “You know I’m not much of a cook.”
I nod my understanding. “Ah, I forgot; I was your chef.”
His expression turns hard. “No, you were my world.”
My heart drops to the pit of my stomach. I open my mouth to respond, but what is there to say? “I-I better be going.” Without waiting for a response, I spin around and walk out of there as fast as possible.
Why does he say things like that to me? It’s like he can see the internal battle I’m having and is trying to capitalize on it. But I’ve made the best decision for me.
Right?
If that’s true, then why does my mind keep drifting to the past? All it does is make me wonder what would have happened if I had stuck it out a little longer and tried a little harder. Would he have changed and gone back to the man I love?
Looks like I’ll never know now.
SUNDAYS ARE FOR relaxation, but I’m bored out of my mind. Lydia is being discharged from the hospital today, and as much as I want to go see her and the baby, I know they need some time together as a family. Paige and Scarlett have different things going on too, so it’s just me and my apartment. I should get a plant or a fish or something to take care of. On second thought, a plant is probably a bad idea. I have the blackest thumb there ever was and could kill a cactus if I tried.
A knock on my door startles me from my seat on the couch. Glancing down at myself, I have on an oversized shirt, yoga pants, my blonde hair is thrown up in a bun, and I have on no makeup. I’m not in any shape to welcome my unexpected guest and look borderline homeless. When I get to the door, I look out the peephole and am surprised to see Ethan standing on the other side. His hands are shoved deep into his pockets as he rocks on the balls of his feet.
Tucking any stray hairs behind my ears and wiping away any old smudged makeup from under my eyes, I open the door. “Hey.” It’s hard to hide the surprise in my voice.
“Hey! You ready?” he asks, clearly not fazed by my initial reaction.
My eyes narrow as my brow furrows. “Ready for what?”
“Dinner. I told you I’d cook for you one night.” His boyish charm has me grinning like a fool.
Holding my arms out and looking down at my attire, I say, “I’m not exactly dressed for dinner.” Compared to his dark wash jeans and polo shirt, I look like I just rolled out of bed.
“You’re gorgeous. Now are you ready?” He holds his arm out for me to take in a gentlemanly gesture.
I shrug. Why not? “Sure.” I run back in, grab my keys, and loop my arm through his. His other hand rests on top of mine and stays that way as we walk to the building next door.
You know that feeling you get when you first start seeing someone? It’s new and exciting and your insides do jumping jacks when you think about them. That just happened. I haven’t experienced that in years, and thought I might not again, yet here it is. I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face right now if I tried.
“Make yourself at home,” he says to me once we enter.
I’m not sure what I was expecting, but this wasn’t it. It’s a lot cleaner than I thought it’d be for a bachelor. There’s minimal décor, but what he has is bright and airy from his drapery to his throw pillows. What stands out to me most right now is the incredible smell coming from the kitchen.
“Mmmm, it smells delicious in here.” I follow him into the kitchen to see what he’s cooking.
“Thanks. I hope you like steak,” he says as he stirs something on the stove.
“Who doesn’t like steak?” I respond before taking a seat at one of the barstools that faces into the kitchen.
Looking at me over his shoulder, he says, “That’s my girl.”
My girl.
I freeze, glad he can’t see the stunned expression on my face. His comment could be innocent and have no real meaning behind it, but the way he constantly looks at me has me believing different. This sends my emotions ping ponging around inside me and I’m not sure how I feel about this. The part of me desperate to move on wants to like it, but the other part is uncomfortable. To keep from getting trapped in my own head and second guessing everything again, I lock these thoughts away in the back of my mind to revisit later.
“Would you like some wine?”
“That would be great, thanks.”
He places a glass in front of me before pouring in some red liquid that will settle my nerves. “Dinner is ready, so if you want to have a seat at the table, I’ll bring it in.”
Feeling useless, I ask, “Do you need help with anything?”
“Nope, I got it.” He winks and I bite my lip to suppress the sappy smile that threatens to overtake my face. I wait patiently, and true to his word, he’s carrying in two plates a few minutes later.
I look down at my plate and say, “Yum.”
“I made steak with rosemary garlic butter, mashed potatoes and green beans.”
“It looks delicious.” I cut into my steak and put it in my mouth. A moan vibrates in my throat as I savor the taste. “This is amazing, Ethan,” I say around a mouth full of food. He gives me a shy smile before cutting into his own.
After a few minutes of silence, Ethan asks, “So, did you go get your mail from your ex?”
“Yeah, I picked it up after we had coffee last week.”
“Did you see him?”
I glance up at him to gauge his facial expression, but he’s looking down at his plate. My head tilts to the side curious as to why he’s coming off a little pushy. “No . . .”
“Good.”
Maybe I’m reading too much into this small exchange, but it’s a little off to me. Given how much I’ve been overanalyzing everything lately though, I dismiss it and move to change the topic.
“I know you said your family still lives in California, do you get to see them often?”
He adjusts himself in his chair before looking up at me. “No,” he responds in a clipped tone.
“Why not?”
“Because they’re dead.” His face is void of emotion and I’m the biggest asshole for pushing the topic.
“Oh, God. I’m so sorry. I didn’t—”
“It’s okay,” he interrupts. “It was a long time ago.” He resumes eating, but at least the tension in his shoulders seems to be gone.
“Do you have any other family, or is it just you?” I should probably shut up, but I want to get to know him more. I want him to open up to me and share things about his life like I do mine.
“I have a sister, but it’s been years since I’ve seen her. With no living relatives when our parents were killed in an accident, we ended up in the state’s custody. Eventually, we were sent to different foster homes and I haven’t been able to find her since.”
I reach across the small table and grab his hand, giving it a little squeeze. His eyes meet mine and there’s a silent exchange. One of understanding and compassion, but also gratitude and relief.
“I haven’t told many people about my past, so it’s hard to talk about. Thanks for listening though.” He gives me a tight smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
“I’m glad you trust me enough to open up, and I’m here anytime you need me.”
“I’ll hold you to that.”
My attention turns back to my food as I savor each bite. We eat in a comfortable silence until he speaks. “What’s one thing you did in your past you wish you could undo?” he asks.
“That’s random,” I reply with amusement in my voice.
He shrugs with a grin on his face. “I just want to ge
t to know you a little better.”
His effort makes a smile form of my own. “Anything from my past . . .” I look up at the ceiling as I think about which event I’d like to erase.
“You have to think that hard? I thought that was an easy one for you to answer.” My brow furrows as I look at him in confusion, so he says, “Nate.”
My face falls, all emotion draining right out of it. I don’t know why, but I hate the way he says Nate’s name. More than anything, I’m offended he feels he can make a huge assumption regarding the last eight years of my life when he doesn’t know me that well. Then it hits me that he’s not only making assumptions about me, but about Nate as well, and that turns my shock into anger.
Nate is a good man; he just wasn’t capable of giving me what I needed anymore. Do I regret marrying him? Absolutely not. My only regret is I didn’t recognize when we started drifting apart sooner. If I had, maybe we could have saved our relationship.
My thoughts must be written all over my face, because Ethan says, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, I just—”
“No, I don’t regret marrying Nate,” I answer as I cut him off. “If things hadn’t changed, I’d still be happily married to him. I am kind of wishing we could undo this conversation though.” I really just want to leave.
“I’m so sorry. I had no right to say that and I apologize for it. Sometimes I say things before I think it through and my attempt at making a joke didn’t translate. Honestly, I meant nothing by it.” His green eyes plead with me, and while the majority of me wants to let it go, there’s a small part telling me something is off.
Giving him a tight smile, I say, “It’s okay, but I really should be going.” I push my half-eaten plate of food away having lost my appetite.
“Look, if you’re upset about my comment, I get it, but you don’t—”
“No, it’s not that,” I explain. “You apologized and that’s the end of it, but it is getting a little late and I need to get back.”
Although he seems disappointed, he stands and says, “Okay, let me walk you back.”
After I stand, he holds his arm out to me like earlier with a lopsided grin on his face. It helps ease the obvious tension between us, and I’m thankful for that. Looping my arm through his, he walks me back to my place.
Risk and Reward Page 6