by Ginny Dye
Moses gazed into the old woman’s face, feeling her pain because he so strongly felt his own.
Sarah forged on. “I didn’t want to live. I figured if I didn’t eat then I could be one of those dey carried out of the bottom in the morning. Dey figured out what I was doin’, though. One of the men brung a shovel with hot coals on it. Another one held me while the hot coals were placed right up to my mouth. My lips blistered right up. Then dat man with the shovel, he tell me dat if I don’t eat I’m going to have to swallow dem coals. I ate. And just kept hoping I would die. The pain all around was more than I could bear. And I kept seeing pictures in my head of my man and chil’un. I thought I would go plum crazy.”
The fire crackling in the cabin was the only sound. Even the frogs had ceased their croaking as if to honor her pain. “That big boat finally crossed the water and dumped us here in Virginia. I was scared bad but firm ground felt mighty good under my feet. If I was goin’ to have to live, I wanted to be off dat boat. Marse Cromwell bought me dat day. Well, Marse Cromwell’s daddy, that is. Along with a whole passel of others. I be the only one left o’ that group.” Sarah sighed and continued. “I worked the tobacco fields along with ever’body else. There weren’t no more beatin’s and we had ‘nuff to eat. After hearing some o’ the stories from surroundin’ plantations, I decided I was pretty good off. Then Marse Cromwell bought a slave named John.” Sarah’s face softened with the memory. “Me and John fell in love lickety-split and got married after just a few months. It wasn’t long after that that Rose came along. I thought I had me a new life. Not like the old one but good just the same. Then......” Sarah breathed in deeply to control her tears. “Rose was a bitty baby when Marse Cromwell sold John at some auction in Richmond. I never even found out where he be sent to. One day he was there - my fine man - the next he was gone. I gave up all hope that day. There didn’t seem to be no end to the bad things waiting to happen in my life. I became a bitter, angry woman. Didn’t see no reason to live.”
Silence stretched into the cabin.
“What happened?” Moses couldn’t keep from asking.
“I remembered that Mama on board the boat. How she had jumped overboard to free her and her’s baby. I waited till late one night, got Rose wrapped up in a blanket, and walked down the road till I found de river. I had waded in up to my waist when God stopped me.” Sarah smiled at the look of disbelief on Moses’ face. “I know. I felt the same way you did. God was a bad man made up by white people to keep us willin’ to be their slaves. I had cursed him over and over. But still, it be Him dat stopped me. I couldn’t walk out no further. It was like a giant hand was holding me back. I tried, but I just couldn’t get no further. Rose was cryin’. I was cursin’. Finally I gave up and turned back around to sit on the shore. It be when I turned around dat de water started glowin’.”
Moses stared at the old woman as her face became radiant with wonder as she relived her experience.
“It was a dark night. But that water begin to glow with a white light. It turned that water into the purttiest blue you ever seen. But just the water right around me! And the water got warm. It was like God was giving me a bath. But the bath wasn’t for my body - it be for my heart. Warm waves of love washed right through my body. I don’t know how long I stood there. I never wanted to leave that river. I wanted to feel dat love washin’ through me forever! Finally, the light began to fade and I walked out o’ dat river a new woman. I knew deep down where no one can’t never take it away, that I had been with God. Not the God the white men talk about – I’d been with the real God. He took all my pain and anger and he traded me back peace for it. He put a light in my heart dat can’t nobody take away.”
Sarah’s voice faded away, swallowed by the deepening shadows in the room. The logs sputtered and hissed. Long minutes passed as the old woman gave Moses time to take in all her words. She wasn’t done, however. “Moses, boy. I hate bein’ a slave. And I hate slavery. But I decided a long time ago that I weren’t gonna hate the people who make me a slave. I’ll do what I can find to change it, but I won’t hate.” Sarah did nothing to hide the vehemence of her words.
Moses looked deeply into her eyes as she continued.
“I want to be free someday, boy, but I want my heart to be free now!” Kneeling down in front of the hulking giant, Sarah wrapped her arms tightly around him. “They can destroy your body, Moses, but only you can let dem destroy your heart and your soul. Dat be your decision.”
The fire had died down to little more than molten ashes when Rose stood and broke the spell. She didn’t know how long the three of them had sat in silence. She just knew the silence was a good one. Her Mama did that to people. Sarah liked to get people to be silent. Said that was the only time their thoughts could be loud enough to be heard over the daily demands of living. Rose could hear her Mama’s voice echoing in her mind. “You got ta be quiet girl. It be the only way to hear yo’ heart. And yo’ heart be the only thin’ you can trust. God will speak to you in your heart. But ya got to be able to hear it.”
Sarah looked up and nodded at Rose. “I know ya got to go, girl. Hope you get a heap of learnin’ done t’night.”
Rose smiled. “Thanks, Mama.” She looked over to see Moses eyes fastened on her. “Think about what I said Moses. If you decide you’d like to be part of our school, just let my Mama know. You’re welcome anytime.” Moses nodded but she couldn’t read his expression. She gave her Mama a warm hug and turned toward the door.
Moses’ voice was barely audible. “I’ll come tonight if that be okay wid you.”
EIGHT
“Really, Carrie! I don’t know why you didn’t bring your girl. Whoever heard of getting their own self ready for a ball!”
Carrie had to admit that she now doubted the wisdom of her earlier decision to let Rose stay home. Gritting her teeth, she struggled to tame her wild locks into some semblance of the elegant bun Rose could so carelessly create. She was so absorbed in her efforts, she could ignore Louisa’s caustic tone.
“Here, Carrie, let me help you with that.”
Carrie knew Sally was trying to act as a buffer between her and Louisa. Their hostess was in high form tonight. She had been crossed and now her acid tongue was unleashed. Carrie preferred to fight her own battles, but she was grateful for her friend’s help tonight. She had too much on her mind to bother with Louisa. “Thanks, Sally,” she said gratefully. “Just when I think I have it under control, these curls seem to develop a mind of their own!” Carrie’s frustration from Saturday rose up to meet her again. “Oh, if I could just cut it all off!”
Sally’s hand flew to her mouth in an effort to control her alarmed gasp. “You don’t mean it!” Her wide blue eyes widened in shock.
Louisa gave a nasty laugh as she turned and swung from the room. “If you’d seen her earlier today, you’d know she means it well enough!”
Carrie flushed a bright red as she remembered the token she had presented to Robert Borden. She didn’t regret it. She just wished that blasted Louisa hadn’t seen her. She would never hear the end of it.
“Carrie…?” Natalie’s questioning voice broke into her thoughts.
Carrie had absolutely no intention of talking about her impulsive act. She shrugged and said lightly, “Oh, I’ll keep my hair. My poor Mama would drop in her tracks if I were to do such a thing. Sally, I do so appreciate your help. You’re an absolute angel.”
Sally smiled. “Your hair is beautiful. I only wish I had raven locks like you do.”
“But, Sally, your blond hair is so beautiful!”
Carrie allowed the mundane chatter to ebb and flow around her. She could take part without even thinking. Thank goodness! It gave her the freedom to pursue the other thoughts rampaging through her mind. The last rays of sunlight had long ago fled before the advancing tide of night. A soft breeze billowed the curtains and caused the voluminous folds of her ball dress to rustle gently from where it hung on the wardrobe door. Lantern light filled the room
with a soft glow and the first flames of a newly laid fire cast their warmth to all parts of the room. The other girls were ready. Their servants had already been there to prepare them for the ball.
“Where is Rose? Is she ill?”
Carrie shook her head as Sally’s question reached out to bring her thoughts back into the room with her two friends – pulling them from the tournament field. She wanted to hold tight to the picture of Robert winning the tournament on Granite. The sound of his words had rung in her heart all day. “This one’s for you, Carrie!” She could still feel the warmth of his gaze upon her. She could also still feel the coldness of Louisa’s stare when her friend had pushed her way past Carrie to smile up into Robert’s face. She was sure no one had even noticed when she turned and slipped away into the crowd. She pushed the memory away now with effort.
“Where is she then?”
Sally’s question reminded Carrie she hadn’t answered the first. She shook her head and laughed. “Sorry. Rose...” She forced herself to focus. “Rose isn’t ill. It’s just that Sunday is her day with her Mama down in the Quarters. I decided I could take care of myself.” The only response from her two friends was an uncomprehending stare. The looks weren’t unkind - just blank. Carrie tried again. “I am eighteen you know. If I can’t get myself dressed for a ball I’m pretty sad indeed.”
“But – Carrie --” Sally’s voice trailed off as she shook her head disbelievingly. Natalie lightened the atmosphere by laughing. “You know our Miss Carrie. Anything to provide a stir. I’m sure there is no one else among my circle of friends who would care the least little bit if her slave wanted to have supper with her Mama in the Quarters. Sometimes, Carrie, I’m not sure if you’re kind or just a little slow in the head!”
Carrie laughed along with her. She was thankful for Natalie’s somewhat humorous acceptance of her decision. Louisa had not been so kind.
“All done, Carrie.” Sally stepped away and allowed Carrie to turn her head toward the mirror.
Carrie smiled in delight. “Rose couldn’t have done better. Thank you!” With the help of her two friends, it took just moments for her to slip into her ball gown. Once it was securely fashioned she stepped away and did a graceful curtsey to her reflection in the mirror.
“It’s beautiful!” Sally’s admiration was genuine.
Carrie smiled as she realized with a sudden rush of pleasure that her friend was right. The dress had been a gift from her parents the Christmas before. This was the first chance she’d had to wear it. Fold after fold of ivory satin cascaded to the floor. Heavy emerald green silk outlined the demurely dipping neckline, and lent a touch of elegance to the puffy quarter sleeves. A glistening emerald brooch, one of her father’s many gifts, nestled in the creamy curve of her throat. Her eyes, not to be outdone by the emerald, shone in the soft light.
“Oh, Carrie. You’ll be the perfect Queen of Love and Beauty tonight!”
Carrie whirled around in confusion. “What do you mean?”
Natalie stared at her and then laughed merrily. “What do I mean? Why, any blind person could have seen how Robert Borden was looking at you today.”
Carrie shook her head. “Louisa gave him her token...”
Just then the door opened and Louisa swept in. “You’re right, Carrie. I did give him my token, didn’t I? And who else would Robert choose to be Queen tonight?”
As Louisa laughed in triumph, Carrie was glad she had not been there to hear Natalie’s proclamation. Carrie sincerely hoped she would not be chosen the Queen tonight. She still had to endure Louisa’s hospitality until the following morning. She knew what it would be like if the girl was thwarted. It was enough to know Robert and Granite had won the race.
Robert cleared his throat and looked around the ballroom nervously. Virginia hospitality had mandated that everyone be cordial and pleasant to him, but he still felt like the odd man out in this group of close friends and neighbors. As he looked around, he almost laughed aloud at his nervousness. Some conquering knight he was! It bothered him to admit that Carrie was the source of his nervousness. In an effort to calm himself he deliberately took in every detail of the scene around him. It had been a habit of his since he was just a boy and was expected to act in the composed manner of a wealthy plantation owner’s son.
The rich oak of the ballroom floor was awash with the light of hundreds of candles flickering and throwing light off each other. For this night, lanterns had been put aside. Great armfuls of spring flowers were artfully arranged in vases that lined the walls and rested on tables placed next to silk upholstered chairs. Windows had been left open to allow the warm, spring breeze to drift in, bringing the heavy drapes to life. Even later, when the night grew chilly, the air would be welcomed by the avid dancers.
Robert couldn’t help but wonder... what would happen to this world if the worst happened? What if Thomas Cromwell were right? That secession from the Union would mean war? The confusion of his own thoughts rose to mock him. Surely life as he had known it would never cease to exist.
Yet he could almost feel it; storm clouds were gathering in the distance - storm clouds that most wanted to turn away from. The very blackness of those clouds made men everywhere - both North and South - turn away in denial. It would never happen in their country. But while they shook their heads; were the clouds growing darker and more menacing?
Robert shook his head to clear away the disturbing thoughts, glancing around to see if anyone had noticed how troubled he was. This was a night for fun – he was determined to push the foreboding thoughts aside.
Couples had been filtering into the ballroom, announced by the Blackwell house servants. Music began to fill the room as band members coaxed notes from their instruments. A sudden flash of color drew Robert’s attention, and when he turned his gaze toward the ballroom entrance, he saw Carrie move into the room. He took a quick, deep breath and locked his eyes on her. Never had he seen someone so alive! So beautiful.
Carrie was mesmerized by the activity surrounding her. Wordlessly, she gazed around, taking it all in. She may not want to spend the rest of her days on a plantation - but she could definitely spend the rest of her life dancing! She loved all of it, from the formal ballroom waltzes, to the rousing Virginia Reel. Her heart pumped harder as she envisioned it all. She looked for her parents, smiling proudly when she spotted them. They were quite the elegant couple tonight. Her father looked dashing, and her mother was the perfect southern belle in her light blue gown. The whole room had transformed into a shimmering sea of satins and silks.
Her father looked up and caught her eye. His expression told her she looked lovely. She smiled back brilliantly and started toward them.
Just then, Alfred Blackwell, accompanied by Colonel Benton, moved to the center of the ballroom and held up his hand to gain attention. Everyone ceased talking and turned their eyes to him. Suddenly, Carrie noticed Louisa making her way toward Robert. Louisa stopped along with everyone else, but glared daggers at her father. What was she doing?
“Welcome to the annual Blackwell Ball!” Alfred Blackwell shouted. He waited for the clapping to die down and then continued. “As usual, we are blessed to have so many of our friends and neighbors here tonight. It’s a privilege to have each one of you. Before we get started there is a special ceremony yet to be performed. Our ball does not yet have its Queen of Beauty and Love, or its Court of Ladies in Waiting. Our Colonel Benton here is going to take care of that for us.”
“Not me, Blackwell,” Colonel Benton protested. “There is a young man here who rode his heart out to earn that honor tonight.” He smiled over at Robert. “Robert Borden. Please join me here, sir.”
Carrie watched with pride as he strode confidently to the center of the room.
“You have broken a long-held Blackwell tradition today,” Colonel Benton proclaimed solemnly, his eyes twinkling. “I’d say it was about time Nathan Blackwell was dethroned!”
Nathan joined in the good-natured laughter filling the r
oom. “You got me this time, Borden. It won’t be so easy next time!”
Robert smiled at his new friend. Then he turned back to Colonel Benton just as the older man handed him a beautiful crown formed of wisteria and dogwood intricately woven together. The room grew completely silent as he accepted the crown. Then, raising his arms high, he held the crown aloft for the whole room to see.
Carrie, watching from her post next to the door felt a thrill course through her body. Robert had ridden so magnificently today. He deserved to be the conquering knight. Then her gaze swung to Louisa. Of course she would be crowned the Queen. She had given Robert the first token and she expected to reign with him tonight.
Robert allowed his gaze to scan the entire room as he let the suspense build. “I am honored to be the Conquering Knight of the Blackwell Tournament. The competition was stiff. Admiration runs deep for my worthy opponents.” He paused. “The honor of choosing the Queen of Love and Beauty is not one to be taken lightly. It is at best, a very difficult decision. So many beautiful young ladies - all worthy of the honor. Most of you do not know that I did not attend with the intention of riding in the Tournament. Because of extended travel plans I was not able to bring my horse. Carrie Cromwell was kind enough to remedy that situation for me. It was her horse, Granite, that carried me to victory today...”