by Stacy Finz
Raylene adjusted her seat upright. “It sounds like you’re blaming yourself for her suicide. With all due respect, she didn’t have to marry you if she didn’t want to. She didn’t have to have the baby, or she could’ve put the baby up for adoption, or let you raise it. She had choices. Would it have been better if you’d walked away from her?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “I’ve spent the last fifteen years wondering.”
“Well, stop wondering. You stepped up because you’re a good man. My guess is she was fighting a lot of demons to have swallowed all those pills. You can’t shoulder that kind of responsibility.”
He thought about what she said. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t told himself a dozen times, but the guilt never subsided. Still, it was good to hear the words, to be absolved. Lord knew he hadn’t been able to forgive himself.
“It taught me a valuable lesson,” he said. “I don’t ever want to be responsible for someone’s happiness. Ever.”
“You shouldn’t have to be. Everyone should be responsible for their own. I had to learn that the hard way.”
“Butch was that bad, huh?”
“Butch, my father, you name it. I won’t do it again.”
“What? Get married?”
She let out a mirthless laugh. “Never. But I was talking about getting attached. It’s not worth the pain or the trouble.”
“Hear, hear.” He checked his watch and opened his door. “I’m going to do another sneak and peek.”
He climbed the tower again and peered out over the pastures and trees with his night-vision goggles. Everything remained quiet, though he thought he spotted some movement on the border of the McCreedy spread and Raylene’s land. Gabe took a closer look and suspected it was Nugget PD surveilling the situation from that vantage point. It wasn’t as good as the water tank tower—not as high or as remote—but Gabe was an expert at scouting out prime locations for reconnaissance missions. He’d certainly done it enough times.
He sat on top of the tank for a while, keeping his eyes peeled. The cold was biting, but he needed the air. The inside of the vehicle had gotten a little confining. He wasn’t used to spilling his guts, though Raylene had been a good ear. Not too touchy-feely or pitying, yet comforting in her own way. At least they were simpatico on the commitment thing. Who needed all those emotional complications?
He did another scan of the area, hauled himself up, and scrambled down the ladder.
“It’s freaking cold out there.” He got in the truck and quietly closed the door. Sound traveled at night. “Give me some of that blanket.” Gabe pulled the quilt across his lap. Raylene moved closer so they could both huddle underneath it.
“You didn’t see anything?”
“All quiet on the Western front, as Rhys likes to say. You should hop in back and get some shut-eye.” He turned around and folded down the seat. She could use the other quilt for padding. It wasn’t the ideal bed, but he’d slept in a lot worse.
“I’m okay. Why don’t you go and I’ll keep watch? If I see anything I’ll wake you up.”
“Nah. I don’t want you climbing up on the tank in the dark, and you can’t see much from here.”
He expected her to argue, but she didn’t.
“Why don’t we both stretch out in the back? It’ll be warmer, and we won’t get cramps in our legs for sitting too long.”
It seemed like a good idea to Gabe, since visibility wasn’t any better from the front seat. Not as long as they were behind a water tower. The thing about surveillance in the boondocks is a vehicle parked on a country road stuck out like a sore thumb. Not a lot of places to hide in plain view.
“Crawl back there,” he said. “I’m gonna go through the tailgate.”
While he was out he took another look around, gazing across the field to where he thought he’d seen another vehicle. Nothing. But the night was young, he told himself, and joined Raylene under the covers.
“Did you ever used to go to drive-ins? This reminds me of that.” She snuggled closer to him and he slipped his arm under her head to use as a pillow.
“Nah, I don’t think we had any. We were all about the IMAX.”
“There was one in Reno, and we all used to pile into someone’s truck and go. We’d stretch out with blankets and watch the movie from the bed of a pickup.”
He bet she was something then. Still growing into her looks but turning the boys’ heads. She would’ve turned his, that’s for sure.
“Sounds fun.”
“Sometimes the Lamberts used to hang a sheet in their yard and show movies. We’d build a big fire and roast marshmallows and make s’mores.”
“Country living.” He laughed. They didn’t do shit like that where he was from.
“Did you have a lot of friends back then?”
She shot him a look and he realized how it sounded. “I wasn’t trying to be sarcastic, but…”
“I wasn’t the town pariah, if that’s what you meant. I was the most popular senior girl at Nugget High, I’ll have you know. Homecoming queen, Sweetheart of the Mountains, and Plumas County rodeo queen.”
“Impressive.”
She socked him in the arm. “What were you? JROTC geek of the year?”
“Nope, I was in a band. It was a cross between Bon Jovi and Springsteen.”
“How very New Jersey. Were you any good?”
“God awful. Couldn’t carry a tune to save my life, and played the same two chords over and over again.” He laughed at the memory. “We actually got gigs, though. And groupies.”
“Then you went into the Navy?”
“Yep. Met Logan my first day of BUD/S. We’ve been inseparable ever since.”
“I never did thank you for coming to Denver with him and helping me move out.”
“That was some house.” He whistled, because it was the ugliest house he’d ever seen. “It reminded me of Tara.”
She shuddered. “What can I say? I had really bad taste back then. And I think part of it was sadistic…I went forty-thousand dollars over budget building that house. It almost gave Butch a coronary.”
Gabe chuckled, though it sounded like Raylene had a significant spending problem, which made him think of her finances. “What happens if you don’t find the gold? Will you be okay financially?”
She blew out a breath. “I don’t think I’ll be able to buy a ranch for my horse farm with only the proceeds from the property, but I’ll survive.”
From the hesitance in her voice, it sounded like she’d still be on shaky ground. “You still planning to give a chunk of change to that women’s shelter?”
“Yep. They’re counting on it.”
She was a contradiction, to be sure. The world thought Raylene was a vain, self-indulgent, spoiled brat. Yet it seemed there was a side of her no one knew—no one but him.
“How long have you been involved with this operation?”
“It’s a battered women’s shelter, not an operation. Since I moved to Santa Monica. I was walking around the neighborhood—yes, people actually walk in LA—and saw it. At first, the big 1920s Mediterranean looked like any of the other stately single-family homes in the area. But on my daily walks I started to notice different women coming in and out. Some of them had toddlers on their hips or a small child’s hand in theirs. And all of them looked hauntingly familiar.” She paused. “Because they looked like me.”
“Butch abused you?”
“My dad, Butch…it’s a pattern, you know?” She turned on her side so he could no longer see her face in the dim moonlight.
“You seem strong to me, Ray, not like someone who would put up with that shit.” It was the wrong thing to say, because she sprang up.
“I am strong, and I didn’t, as you say, put up with that shit. But you try stopping someone twice your size, someone who has the power to cut you like
a knife with a single sentence, someone who holds your financial well-being in his hands, to be nice. He was my father, Gabe. It took a long time to realize that the way he treated me wasn’t normal. My entire childhood I thought the things Ray did and said were simply tough love. Later, I thought if I was a good wife to Butch, who my father handpicked, I’d make Daddy proud and he’d love me more.”
“I shouldn’t have said that.” He gently nudged her back down. “I have no idea what it was like for you…what I said was stupid.” His parents had been the gentlest people on earth. They were big on praise and short on disapproval, unless he or his siblings deserved to be put in their place. He had no concept of what it was like to be in an abusive relationship.
“A lot of people think it’s easy to walk away. I can attest that it’s the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. But I did it, and now I’m helping other women do the same.”
“That’s huge, Ray. You should be really proud of what you’ve accomplished. The booze, too. I was right about you being strong, that part I didn’t get wrong.”
“I am,” she said. “And every day I’m getting stronger.”
He flipped over on his side and brushed away a strand of hair from her face. “I’ll miss you when you leave. Between you and me, you might even be more fun than Logan.”
That made her smile. “You can visit me in LA. I’m sure we can find someone to surveil or shadow.”
He couldn’t help himself. He leaned over and kissed her. All night he’d wanted to, but not more than now. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, returning the kiss with equal fervor. Next thing he knew, he was on top of her, pressed between her thighs. She unzipped his jacket, reached under his thermal shirt, and rested her palms against his chest. Gabe wondered if she could feel the rapid beat of his heart. He ground against her, wishing they didn’t have so many clothes between them.
He sucked in a breath as her hands trailed down his abs to the waistband of his jeans. “We gonna do this in the back of the car?”
“Mm.” She rubbed against the hard bulge in his pants. “May as well.”
He had to laugh at her feigned indifference, because her body told a different story. Even through her jacket he could tell her nipples were hard, and he’d bet his last nickel she was wet. To test the theory, he unbuttoned her jeans and slid his hands inside her panties. Wet didn’t begin to describe it—soaked was more like it. He played for a while, watching her tremble as he dipped a finger inside her. When he used two fingers she whimpered, the sound so arousing it went straight to his groin.
He struggled with her clothes, trying to remove them, but in the cramped quarters nothing seemed to cooperate. She somehow managed to shrug out of her jacket while still kissing him. He got his off and tossed it up front, then went to work on her sweater, dragging it over her head. Her bra was black and lacy and he took a few seconds to admire it—and her breasts. She tore at his shirt and he slapped her hands away, laughing.
“I’ll get it.” He pulled the thermal over his head and began trying to pry her boots off. “You have to be a damned contortionist back here.”
“Don’t worry about those.” She peeled her pants and underwear down and managed to jerk them past her boots. “Yours now.”
Gabe grinned. “I’m not done looking yet.”
He lay beside her, pulled down the straps of her bra, and traced his finger across the tops of her breasts. She shivered as he kissed her, first her mouth, then her cleavage. Her bra had one of those front clasps, and it took him a few seconds for him to figure it out. There were goosebumps on her skin, and he pulled the blanket over both of them.
She reached for his fly and he helped her get his jeans off.
“Hang on a sec.” He grabbed his pants before she tossed them and searched the pockets for his wallet and a condom.
“Hurry.”
“I’m moving as fast as I can.” He hit his head on the roof and muttered a curse. “I’m too old and too big for this.”
Her lips curved up in a teasing smile. “Want to stop?”
“Hell no.” He rolled on top of her and she encircled his hips with her legs. He rolled the condom down his length and entered her in one powerful thrust, grunting as her heat enveloped him. “You feel good.”
She moved under him, her hips rocking back and forth. Gabe repositioned himself, pulled out, and plunged back in, going deeper than before. Then, with long, even strokes, he brought her to climax, feeling her come apart in his arms.
Raylene arched up and kissed him. “Your turn,” she said, and nudged him onto his back, straddled his lap, and rode him.
Watching her like that, her breasts bouncing, her body swaying, those turquoise boots…it was the ultimate turn-on. And something more. Something that made his breath hitch and his emotions do somersaults, like he was under a spell. He held her hips and directed her to move harder and faster while he surged into her, letting her feel every inch of him.
“This is so good.” She tipped her head back and he kissed her throat while fondling her breasts.
He was so close, but he wanted it to last. For her and for him. “Slow down just a little.”
She decreased the pace, draping herself over his chest. He rubbed his hands up and down her back and combed his fingers through her hair. The windows had fogged, and he mentally kicked himself for dropping the ball. He should be paying attention, watching for the trespassers to reappear. But this would probably be their last time together, and he wanted to savor every minute of it.
Her too. Because she sat up, her eyes filled with a tenderness and longing he’d never seen before, and in a barely audible whisper said, “Oh, Gabe.”
His breath caught, and she started undulating, finding a rhythm that suited them both. He slipped his hand between her legs and rubbed her center with his finger, touching her slick folds. She cried out and he pumped harder until he felt his body quake, filling a need in him so powerful he hadn’t been aware he had it. He captured her mouth with his and held her against him, afraid to let her go, afraid to end this perfect moment. For a while she just lay on top of him while he stroked her hair.
“You cold?” He readjusted the blanket to make sure it covered her back.
“No, are you?”
He couldn’t feel his arms or legs, let alone the temperature. “I’m good.” But he wasn’t. He was conflicted, and he didn’t understand why. Good sex had never done that to him before.
“I should go outside and check on things. You okay for a little while?”
“Of course.” She felt around the bed of the SUV for her clothes.
He pulled on his shirt and jeans and tugged on his jacket as he opened the tailgate to climb out. It was at least ten degrees colder and felt like snow. He climbed the water tower, got into position with his night-vision goggles, and scanned the countryside. Other than the wind howling through the trees and the call of a lonesome owl, the land was still. Not even a car on the highway. He gazed out over McCreedy Ranch and spotted a flicker of light so faint anyone else would’ve missed it. A cellphone, perhaps.
He fished the Stingray out of his pocket and turned it on. The device worked as a high-powered cellular tower. Because cell phones were programmed to connect to a tower with the best signal, he could use it to intercept calls, locate devices in the vicinity, and collect personal data. The military and cops used them all the time, but they were highly controversial. Big Brother and all that. It took him only a few minutes to determine that the only cell phones in the immediate area were his, Raylene’s, and Rhys’.
Bingo.
He raised his Stingray in a salute to Rhys, who was likely the source of the movement he’d spied earlier. Rhys probably couldn’t see Gabe sitting up on the water tank, but the police chief undoubtedly knew he was out here somewhere.
Gabe checked his watch. It was approaching one in the mo
rning, but he was getting the feeling their gold diggers would be no-shows. Too damned cold. And too damned dark, he thought as he looked up at the sky. Not even a sliver of moon tonight.
He should go back to his SUV and get warm. But he continued to sit there, letting the cold lash his face and bite through his jeans while he tried to clear his head. This thing between him and Raylene had taken on a life of its own. He hadn’t prepared for that, but when she left, she would surely take a piece of him with her.
Chapter 19
Raylene woke up cold, with a crick in her neck and her hair tangled on a piece of loose carpeting next to Gabe’s wheel well. She’d fallen asleep sometime during the night and couldn’t recall Gabe ever coming back after he’d gone outside for watch duty. The space next to her was empty.
She extended her arm and felt around, thinking he might’ve rolled closer to the other side. Of course, that was ridiculous, because the back of his SUV was about the width of a twin-size bed.
It took her a while to unhook her hair. When she finished, she sat up and tried to get her bearings. Everything was a little hazy—except the amazing sex. Sex that changed something between them. It had suddenly gone from recreational to deeply meaningful. Perhaps it had been happening all along, but last night she’d felt a definite shift in the universe. She’d like to say she’d been down this road before, but she hadn’t. As much as she’d cared for Lucky, their relationship had been puppy love, fraught with complications and her ultimate betrayal. Butch had always been her father’s pick, not hers. And all the lousy choices in between had been her desperate attempt to fill the gaping hole in her heart.
Gabe was different. She, on her own, had begun to heal that hollow place in her soul a little at a time, and she’d planned to keep at it until she was completely whole. She had herself for that. But Gabe had a way of filling everything else. He made her laugh, he made her feel beautiful, he made her feel clever. But most of all, he made her yearn for tomorrow and all the adventures it could bring.