Here With Me

by Alla Kar

  “Out with some bitch he picked up at the bar.”

  She nods and clutches her book tightly to her chest. “You can come to my room if you want.” Those green eyes move up to meet my gaze.

  “Give me fifteen minutes.”

  “Okay.”

  ***

  I take the quickest shower known to mankind. The mirror is only half- steamed as I climb out and dry off. The sound of silence on the other side of the door makes me smile. Adam is still passed out on the couch when I sneak across the hallway and lock myself in her room.

  She’s lying underneath her covers, which are bunched around her waist, and staring over at me. A soft smile is etched into her face. It’s been there since yesterday. I think I may be the reason for that smile, and it makes it even more special.

  “You’ve missed me?” I ask, slipping onto her bed and crawling to the headboard.

  She nods and relaxes into her pillow. “You know me well.”

  I meet her with my mouth first, demanding she give me what I’ve been dying for all day. Having to pretend like she isn’t sitting beside me is harder than I thought it would be. She opens for me, allowing me inside to explore her sweet taste.

  When I pull back, I nip her chin and then her bottom lip.

  “Did you have fun?” she asks.

  I shrug and push a stray hair from the side of her face. “Not really. We drank a bit, and then your brother got in a fight.”

  She giggles and my dick aches at the sounds. God, can someone’s laugh even be sexy? “He’s such a dumbass.”

  I tap her arm and then run my fingers underneath the covers to find her ribs. “I agree.”

  She jerks and grabs my wrists in her hand. A small smile forms on her face. “Don’t touch there. I’m ticklish.”

  I nod, and she releases my wrists.

  “Where? Here?” I jump on top of her, straddling her small body and pressing my fingers into her sides.

  She rocks against me, struggling to get away. She lets me take her wrists in my hands, and I pull them above her head, trapping her between me and the mattress. Tears pull at her eyes from laughing as she shakes her head. “Please. No more.”

  She relaxes. I slide my hands down her wrists and stop when I feel the mounted scars tracing across her skin. She stills beneath me when she realizes I’ve found them.

  The thought of anyone hurting her made me hurt. To know that she wanted to hurt herself tore me apart. “You cut?” I whisper.

  Both arms relax in my grip and a helpless look haunts her. “I used to cut. In high school.”

  Which was only a few months ago. Carefully, I watch her eyes as they close, and her mouth pulls down at the corners. “Is it because of them?”

  Her head hardly moves as she nods.

  God. I want to erase all that pain on her face, and be the reason it never happens again. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Jaden. We all have our problems.”

  “It was what caused me to lose my car,” she whispers. “I lost my car because I drove to where no one could find me—and cut myself. I planned to die.”

  What? An overwhelming urge to shake her comes over me, but I fight it. She can’t die. She can’t even think about dying. How can she hate herself so much when all I see is this beautiful person? Inside and out. Why can’t she see it?

  “Tell me,” I whisper.

  She drops her head to the side, and I gather her up into my arms and hold her tight. “Tell me, baby. I’ve got you.”

  ***

  Jade

  Cade’s arms are around me, holding me tighter than anyone has ever held me. My eyes drift shut, and I know I’m supposed to be telling him everything, and I want to, but it’s so embarrassing.

  “You can tell me,” he whispers again, running his fingers through my hair. “Tell me, baby.”

  And so I do.

  The toilet paper was covering my car, wheels, and even the side mirrors. “Whore” was spray-painted across my windshield in black paint that bled all the way down to the bottom of the glass.

  But it wasn’t the physical damage that had me crying, it was the emotional toll that had ripped me from the inside out. My heart hammered as I neared my car, and I prayed no one was waiting for me like last time.

  No one was. They couldn’t do anything more to hurt me than they already had. The bullying, the fights, the getting away with slowly murdering me. Nothing is more barbaric than a scorned teenage girl, and Selena played the part well. No matter how many times I apologized for everything, she only came back harder on me. I didn’t know she’d gotten back together with him, but she never listened. She never seemed to care.

  I tore the toilet paper from my car, hearing someone yell “ho” my way before snickering into the distance. Each time someone screamed at me, or whispered behind my back, I felt a little part of me slip away, disappearing into oblivion.

  I kept my eyes focused as I drove down a back road to avoid traffic. The leaves had started to fall, but the sunshine streamed through my windshield and soothed my skin. No one’s vehicle was there when I pulled into our driveway. Dad wouldn’t get off until six, and Nancy must have been running late for her scheduled “check on the mentally unstable girl” day.

  I slung my backpack over my shoulder and hurried into our two-story home. A fresh scent of cookies filled the air, and I knew the new housekeeper and cook—I didn’t bother remembering their names because Dad fired them on a monthly basis—probably had cookies set out for me. But I never felt like eating them after school.

  I took the stairs two at a time to get to my room at the end of the ridiculously long hallway. I passed Adam’s old room and then the three extras and pushed my bedroom door open.

  My room was immaculate, the bed made, the floor vacuumed, and a small candle warmer burning against my nightstand. I slipped out of my shoes and then slung my backpack on the bed.

  My stomach growls, reminding me that I didn’t eat today. Or better yet, why I didn’t eat today. Selena and her friends had been sitting at my usual table, waiting for me. I saw her before I even took two steps into the cafeteria and walked the other way.

  Biting my lip, I hurried downstairs and found a plate of chocolate-chip cookies sitting on the island in our kitchen.

  I scooped the plate up and brought them to my room with me. Setting the cookies to the side, I opened my backpack, grabbed the bottom, and dumped my notebooks and books from it. Only—my notebooks and books weren’t the only things that fell onto my bed. A sharp knife fell to my mattress and something was attached to it by a string.

  My heart thumped against my ribs. I couldn’t imagine who would have had access to my backpack. Carefully, I lifted the knife and opened the attached piece of paper.

  The writing was definitely feminine, and I already knew who it was.

  Might as well kill yourself. No one wants you here.

  I stared at the paper for a few minutes, reading the words over and over again. I’d told Selena I was sorry multiple times, through her friends’ fists hitting my face, and even when she tripped me down the bleachers at school. I had actually lost count of how many times I’d said it, but it was obvious she didn’t care. And no one else did either.

  A sadness I couldn’t control swallowed me. Tears blurred my vision until I could hardly see the floor in front of me. No one wants you here. And I believed her. After so long of someone telling you the same damn thing, you start to believe them.

  Terror clogged my throat, giving my scream an impossible taste. My fingers lingered over my phone, but I had no one to call. No one to run to. I was all alone in a house that could fill ten. The truth was that I’d been alone for so long I couldn’t remember how it felt to feel comfort.

  And before I could talk myself out of it, I found my shoes and slipped into them. Dad would be home in thirty minutes, and I needed to be gone by then. Tears slipped down my cheeks as I grabbed my keys and the broken razorblade from my nightstand drawer.

  The thoughts in my h
ead were so—empty. There was nothing, and at least death would be something. The pain was something I could feel—it was real. I didn’t really think as I jumped into my car and starting driving.

  I can’t really explain how you feel when you realize your life isn’t worth living anymore. And I can’t tell you when you’ll reach that breaking point because everyone is different. But I can tell you when you feel that emptiness, that hollow torment take over your soul—that it’s hard to get back from it alone.

  The road led to a cul-de-sac. I listened carefully to the sound of my car running over the gravel. Adam used to take me to this place to fish when we were really young. Dad would always have an excuse as to why he couldn’t come along, but I didn’t mind. Adam was better than no one.

  I parked underneath a large tree that Adam and I would use to help get over the fence. Everything was a huge swirl of madness. Colors and emotions swirled inside of my head until I pressed my cheek against the steering wheel and sobbed. Sweat gathered at my hairline despite the air conditioner blowing at my face.

  And when I felt I couldn’t cry anymore, that there was nothing left of me, I grabbed the razor from the seat and held it to my wrist. My fingers shook as I pressed the sharpened edge to the sensitive skin until blood started to run down my wrist, and then I pressed deeper, sliding it toward my elbow.

  Blood trailed down my forearm, down to soak into my favorite blue jeans. The pain took over and made me smile. It was the only time I felt anything. I had been on auto-pilot since the night with Justin. A steady pace to follow that would get me through the day without being killed or humiliated. And it slowly became—me.

  I’m not sure how long I laid there bleeding before I passed out. Minutes, hours—I couldn’t tell.

  The blackness welcomed me, and I sunk into it with ease. No fight. I was ready to leave, to be done with the mess I’d created with my life.

  But God had another plan for me. I just didn’t know it yet.

  Cade’s gaze settles on mine, a frustrated look in his eyes. His lips press into a hard straight line to keep his bottom lip from trembling. “I’m so fucking sorry, Jaden.” He trails the pad of his thumb against my lip. “I can’t believe anyone could ever treat you like that. All because of some fucking guy.”

  I try to shrug off the memory, but it’s there now. Cade’s fingertips trail across the scar, and he cusses under his breath. “You’ll never be alone like that again. I swear it.”

  My heart aches—and I don’t know if I believe him—but I let him take me down against my mattress as he kisses the tears from my face and holds me tight. It didn’t feel like it would last forever, but I relaxed into the feeling because I didn’t have the courage to push it aside.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Jaden

  Someone knocking on the door wakes me up. I stretch my toes toward the end of the bed and kick the covers from my body.

  “I was using those.”

  I sit straight up. Cade is lying on his back, an amused smile on his face. “Are you naked again?”

  His brow rises. “Do you want me to be, Princess?”

  I flush and let my hair fall to hide my face. “Maybe later…because someone is banging on my door—oh!”

  Cade grabs my arm and pushes me down toward the mattress, straddling my thighs with his large ones. “I don’t give a fuck who is at that door. I only care about who’s underneath me right now.”

  I smile and watch him devour me with those green eyes.

  Thump. Thump. Thump.

  Cade furrows his brow and looks over his shoulder at my locked door. “You think it’s Adam?” I ask, nerves fluttering under my skin.

  He shrugs. “I don’t know. He’s never up this early.”

  Thump. Thump. Thump.

  “Jaden, open up. It’s Dad.”

  “Shit,” I whisper.

  Cade looks back at me with wide eyes. “Yeah, shit.” He jumps off of me and starts running around the room, grabbing his clothes.

  I smile. “You’re a pro at this.”

  A half-smile. “Pretty much. I’ll be in the closet if you need me.” He smiles and dashes into my walk-in.

  “Hold on,” I say before making Cade’s side of the bed and putting some pajama bottoms on.

  I open the door and Dad’s standing stiff as a board. His suit is crisp—Armani, no doubt—and he looks like a complete douchebag. “Hey, Dad,” I say.

  He gives me a sharp smile and barges into the room. He’s looking for something, but I’m not sure what. “How have you been?”

  I press my lips together and close the door behind me. For some reason I don’t feel like this visit is a pleasant one. He hasn’t looked me in the eyes once. “I’ve been fine.”

  “Have you?” he asks, turning and placing his hands behind his back. The corner of his lip twitches and now I know he’s mad.

  Tugging on the side of my long nightshirt, I nibble on the inside of my lip. “What is it?” I finally ask. “What do you want?”

  “Why did you miss your appointment, Jaden? Did I not make it clear that you’re to continue going?”

  My ears are burning. Not only does this conversation make me furious, but Cade is sitting in the closet hearing all of it. Not like it’s a secret, he knows everything now after last night, but having my dad come and treat me like a little girl sucks.

  “I don’t think I need them anymore. I feel better.”

  Dad laughs, but it’s bitter. “You feel better? Jade—it’s only been a few months. You can’t just declare yourself okay. You’re not a doctor.”

  I grind my teeth. “Neither are you.”

  He sighs, working his hand into his perfectly greased hair. “I want you to come home. You’re not doing what you’re supposed to be doing, and you’re not taking your medicine. Do you want to feel that way again? I have to protect you from this. You need to come home. Now. Today.”

  “No!” I yell. “I’m fine here. I’m happy, Daddy. I’ll start going back to my appointments, but I don’t want to go home.”

  He shakes his head. “You’re not okay to be by yourself. You’ve shown me that you can’t be trusted. Have you been taking your pills?”

  My mouth is dry. I’m so angry that I’m shaking. Dad makes his way over to the dresser where he pours my pills out into his hand and counts them. My fingernails draw blood against my palms.

  “Jaden, you better be taking your pills. If there is one extra pill in here I’m going to—”

  A scream rips from my throat, and I take two steps forward and knock the pills from my dad’s palm. “Get out! I can’t take it! Get out! I’m trying to get better! I’ve been taking my pills! I just want you out of here! I’m not going the fuck home with you!”

  Dad’s eyes widen and before I know it, he backhands me. I gasp, grabbing my face and staring down at the floor. Just as I try to take a step to run, I hear my closet door open, and Cade rushes out toward my dad.

  “Don’t you fucking touch her again. I don’t give a damn if you’re her father, I’ll whoop your old ass right here and now, motherfucker.”

  Dads face pales, but he tries to hide it. “So now you’re sleeping with trash, Jaden. That’s just great. Let’s add that to your list of problems.”

  A burn aches in my chest. I’ve always thought I was a burden to Dad, but he’d never confirmed it. Cade’s body is blocking half my view of my father, but I can see his jaw clenched tight. Dad’s a man who makes people pay with money, somehow, someway, but doesn’t have the balls to talk to people face-to-face. “I suggest you leave before I lose what little self-control I have left, man.”

  Dad lets out a shaky snort. “Son, I pay for her share of this apartment; I have every right to be here.”

  “She has a job. She can pay for it herself. Plus, if she couldn’t, I would. Get out.”

  Dad laughs again. “I told you I don’t have to leave!”

  Oh, God.

  “What’s going on?” Adam asks from the door, and bile r
ises in my throat.

  I beg Dad not to do it with my eyes, but he isn’t looking at me anymore. He’s staring at Adam, who is staring directly at Cade standing half-naked in my bedroom.

  “It looks like your sister needs to come home. She hasn’t been going to her appointments, she’s picked up a vulgar mouth already, and she’s sleeping with this fine gentleman who’s been cussing me out for the last five minutes. So, she’s coming home with me.”

  Adam’s face reddens. “You’re fucking my little sister? What the…” He stops and places his hands on his head. “You’re fucking my sister!” he yells, tossing his hands in the air.

  “Get your things, Jaden. We’re leaving,” Dad says, completely ignoring Adam’s meltdown.

  “I’m not going,” I say, shaking my head. “Cade’s right. I don’t need you.”

  “Jaden.” He steps forward. “I’m not going to ask you again. Get your things together and let’s go.”

  “And I told you,” I snap. “I’m not going.”

  Dad turns to stand right in front of me. “Jaden, if you don’t leave with me now, you’re cut off. You’re not getting another chance to come home. Either come now, or don’t come back.”

  Wow. That hurt so much more than I thought it would. An ache bone deep sets in and I give him a shrug. “I’m sorry. But you need to leave.”

  Dad stares down at me, his gaze cold as ice. “Okay then.”

  He pushes his way through Cade and Adam. I wait silently until I hear the front door slam shut and his heavy footsteps down the hallway.

  Adam is saying something now. It’s loud and rude, but I can’t make out the words. I sit on the edge of my bed in a zombie-state while Cade and Adam bite each other’s head off. And I stay like that until Cade bends down in front of me, placing his large palms on my thighs.

  “Jaden,” he whispers, and I focus on his mouth. He’s saying my name, isn’t he?

  “Baby,” he says, louder this time, shaking my shoulders. “Are you okay? Can you hear me?”

  I fight the numbness trying to take over and rub my fists over my eyes. “Where’s Adam?”