My Today

by HJ Bellus

  My future stood in front of me and I walked fearlessly towards it this time. It wasn’t easy, but I wanted it. No, I deserved it. My pace picked up a little and morphed into a quick jog towards Tripp. Noting my excitement, Tripp sprinted towards me, covering more ground than my short legs could. I jumped up into his arms and wrapped my legs around him. Home sweet home, I thought to myself, as I took in his aroma and melted.

  “I love you, Tripp!”

  “I love you, Princess.”

  I bit down on the lobe of his ear at the mention of princess and then it hit me. I am a princess, god damnit, and not any princess, but his princess. A princess that deserved the world and cussed like a motherfucking trucker and happy in her own skin. I missed being called that stupid ass name.

  “I missed being your Princess,” I whispered into his ear and then nuzzled down into the curve of his neck.

  We didn’t kiss. We just held on to each other for dear life. Tripp set me down and picked up both my wrists and pressed a soft kiss to each of the freshly healed scars that now marred my body. They were the one thing I was nervous about him seeing, but he took care of that obstacle right off the bat.

  “What is this?” he said rubbing my shoulder over my new ink.

  “I decided that I was hopelessly in love with someone and wanted some new ink to show it.”

  It was the outline of a pulse line from a heart monitor running through it and the words “My Today” sprawled across it in cursive.

  “And this?” he asked rubbing his lips over my other shoulder.

  “That one is for the man who owns my entire fucking heart.”

  It was the word “Beast” in a thick gothic font across my other shoulder. Tripp reached down and kissed each one of my shoulders. He then traced the outline of his name with his index finger while silent tears ran down his cheeks. Tripp gently rested his forehead on the top of my shoulder while still holding me in his arms.

  “I thought I lost you, Lace,” he whispered into me.

  “I thought I lost myself,” I replied and craned to kiss his cheek.

  The taste of my Beast lingered on my lips and I instantly wanted more. He was going to be mine forever.

  “I love the tats. You’ve no idea how grateful I am to be here. Thank you. Thank you for giving me another chance.”

  “We have to make it. I need you to breathe. You’re my everything and I don’t care anymore how messed up I am. All I know is that I need you today, and the rest of my todays.”

  Tripp and I went off to our first counseling session together. It started out easy and light, but quickly became dark. It was time to tell Tripp. I climbed up into his lap and the very detailed memory came back to me. Staring into his eyes I recalled every single last biting, horrid part of it.

  I can’t be pregnant. I am only fourteen. My mother died two months ago, leaving me with my father. My heart broke the day I lost her, and now it is completely shattered. I’m pregnant and have never even had a boyfriend or been with a boy. I’m fucking fourteen years old!

  My flesh was still ripped and burning from this morning. I could feel the blood dribbling down the inside of my leg into my blood soaked socks. My body was still unable to endure the brute force of the evil monster that ravages my most private parts whenever he wants. The motherfucker who did this to me was now passed out on the couch. My father has been raping me for the last year, and now I’m pregnant.

  Since momma died he has been raping me two or three times a day. Today would be the last time he ever touched me again.

  I grabbed a gas can from the garage and started spraying gasoline all over the living room. Armed with matches, I picked up my duffle bag and struck the match. I walked away from my childhood.

  I heard sirens as I walked down the sidewalk away from my father’s burning body. He broke me for the last time. He left his only child demolished of all feeling and trust. I lost the only Lacey I knew that day.

  I slept in the park that night. I then hitchhiked into Denver to start a new life and met Jake.

  I gently squeezed my eyes shut and started to tell my story. My heart couldn’t bear to see Tripp’s face while I told him about my past. I didn’t cry or hurt anymore, when I retold the story to Tripp. I owned it and remained on his lap while I divulged all the details. He kept his arms wrapped tightly around me and cried like a baby for two hours while I recounted the pain and memories that the monster created.

  Janie worked us both through the delicate steps of accepting my past. Tripp visited me every day for the next two weeks. We went to counseling and ate dinner together. This part was like old times. I sat curled up in Tripp’s lap and ate off of his plate. He always brought a tub of Rocky Road ice cream with him.

  Janie had suggested that we refrain from having sex for at least another month while we continued to grow as individuals and as a couple. She wanted us to both be strong before we dove off into the deep end of the pool. Through our journeys, we both found that we were addicted to sex. Each for a different reason, but it was still a fact that we had to face together as a couple.

  The hardest counseling session for me was when Tripp told me what happened the night Jake and Sam took him out. It hurt me to hear how angry and jealous he was about Jake’s arrival and it completely devastated me when he went into detail about the bar and the girls. It hurt and it sucked, but I had to hear him and feel the pain.

  It was finally time to go home. Tripp and I decided we were going to move into the cabin together. Janie was nervous about our decision, but we knew what we needed, and it was each other. We also were going to be seeing a counselor, in our hometown, weekly.

  Tripp and Milly cleaned out my apartment and sold it. Tripp had bought my salon and was currently remodeling it just for me. He claimed that it was way too dumpy for his Princess. He figured that the old bags would just have to get over it if they came back to work for me. He was also building his office in my salon. It would be an extra addition to the building. I was very excited to have Tripp’s office right next to me. I’m sure we would eventually need counseling on staying focused on our jobs, but we would cross that path when we got there.

  Today my family was picking me up. There was a small ceremony that each patient went through when they left the facility. I was ready to be showered in love and take the commitment of always loving myself. My dark days were behind me. I was ready for my sunshine.

  Tripp, Cree, Milly, Willow, and Greyson were my family. They came together to pick me up. Each and every one of them was special to me. Willow and Milly helped me pack up my room and get all hoochified for my ceremony.

  “I want to tell you how much I love you! I know I joke around a lot and do lots of name calling. But listen to me when I tell you that I need you for the rest of my life and I love you,” I said.

  My emotional Milly was bawling and Willow was following suit. The three of us were tangled together in a hug in the middle of my room. It was time to cut this short because I had big plans for Tripp today.

  “Bitches, quit with the tears and let’s blow this popsicle joint.”

  Chapter 14

  A Little Girl’s Dream

  Tripp

  Lacey’s release ceremony was absolutely mind-blowing and simply beautiful. I cried fucking harder than Milly, and it didn’t even make me feel like a pussy. Stuffed in Cree’s truck, Lacey insisted on sitting on my lap and Cree had a complete come apart about her safety. He was always wearing the dad hat.

  “Listen up, creepers, I have something to say. First, thank you to all of you for coming and supporting my healed-up sexy-sexy ass. Second, I want to share something with you that is very personal and private.”

  Lacey started to tear up, so I squeezed her. I have not seen her cry this whole time in rehab.

  “Let it go, Lacey,” I whispered in ear.

  I started rubbing her back and kept my other hand clutched around her. She had me, and could fall on me any time or moment, and I would be there for her. Her tears we
re now flowing in thick hot streams down her pink cheeks.

  “I want to take you guys to my childhood home where I was broken in every which way possible. My little girl hopes and dreams went up in flames there and I need you guys to go back there with me to get closure. The last time I was there, I walked away from my father’s burning body with blood running down my legs from his abuse. I can’t let that memory run my life anymore. Every time I look in the mirror, I see that girl, and every time I look at the scars on my wrists I see her. I don’t want to see that girl anymore.”

  The truck fell silent with the last of Lacey’s words. The devastation and pain this girl has lived through deemed unimaginable.

  “Give me the address,” is all that Cree said.

  The silence was simply deafening. What could a person say in a moment this horrific? As we neared the address, Lacey’s sobs grew louder. Her body shook with horror and all I could do was hold onto her.

  Cree pulled up to a vacant lot with a house that had partially been scorched to the ground. The surrounding houses were vacant and dilapidated. This was the place where all of Lacey’s nightmares began and ended. We all stepped out of the truck. Lacey leaned over the sidewalk and started puking. We stood huddled around her, waiting for her to regain some sort of composure.

  We walked around the house with her while she sifted through some of the rubble and junk left behind. I noticed an old broken pink rocking chair. I remembered Lacey telling me about it one night, and that her mother had built it for her. I mindlessly picked it up, and then we all went into the garage together. The empty gas can still sat on the shelf. Lacey ran over to the shelf and knocked everything off it, then she started throwing things and screaming. We all stood back and watched as all of her fury exited her body.

  “I fucking hate you. I hate what you did to me and how you made me feel. I hate that you made me kill a baby! I. Fucking. Hate. You.”

  We continued to stand there and watch Lacey release all of her demons. All of us had tears streaming down our cheeks because we couldn’t help her now. We could only be here for her.

  “You no longer hold any power over me. Do you hear me, dad? I did what I did to survive. I have a new family. You are finally dead to me.”

  With those final words, Lacey collapsed on the floor of the filthy garage and I instantly picked her up and cradled her in my arms like a newborn baby.

  “I’m ready to go, Tripp,” she whispered into my ear.

  I took her to the truck and motioned for Greyson to pick up the old rocking chair I had been packing and a little dusty tricycle that sat in the corner.

  I settled back into the truck with Lacey bundled up in my arms. Her tears were gone and her body was starting to slowly return to a normal state.

  She lifted her head and whispered into my ear, “Marry me today, Tripp.”

  “What did you just say, baby?”

  “You heard me. Marry me. Marry me today. I want to be your wife and put this day behind me forever.”

  She then slipped a sliver band around my finger. The little shit just proposed to me, stealing all my thunder. I wouldn’t expect anything less of my Princess. I pulled out her diamond ring from my pocket, slipped it on her finger and simply winked at her.

  “Hey cuz, take us to the nearest courthouse please.”

  She turned around in my lap, facing me with her arms hooked around my neck. To say she looked shocked would be the understatement of the fucking century.

  “I wanted to ask you tonight. I bought the ring the day I left rehab, after Milly told me everything that had happened. It had been my little piece of hope that I’ve carried around in my pocket since that day.”

  “I love you, Tripp.”

  “Wait until you see the cabin, Lace. I went balls to the wall to make it perfect for my proposal.”

  “I guess I know where we are going for our honeymoon then,” Lacey whispered into my mouth as she placed a kiss on my lips.

  Lacey

  We stopped at a little boutique in Fort Collins to buy me a dress. I didn’t want to get a dress, but my damn mushy friends insisted. Tripp sent us in with his debit card. I tried to refuse it, claiming that the bride’s family was supposed to pay for everything and he reminded me that he didn’t give a fuck about suppose “to’s”!

  I found a perfect little black dress. It was simple with lace and very short. Just my style! The sleeveless design accented every one of my tattoos, especially the new ones on my shoulders. A perfect pair of red cowboy boots caught my attention and I knew immediately they had been made just for me. Complete destiny.

  We found a fast food joint where we ate lunch and changed in the bathroom. Who would have thought that my dream wedding consisted of getting ready in a fast food bathroom? I pulled my hair up into a messy bun. Milly found a red hair flower in the truck that she nestled into my hair. Then I brushed a little glitter dazzle over my cleavage. The dress accented all my lady parts perfectly.

  Before I exited the bathroom, I grasped onto my clothes that had dirt and grime on them from the floor of the old garage. Even though my father was a horrible person I had always yearned for a positive memory to cherish. Every little girl deserves a loving, doting father in her life to protect her. I ran my fingers over the dirt trying to remember the good in my father, wanting just one memory to cling onto forever. Nothing came, so I decided then and there to only remember my mother. I threw the clothes in the trashcan as I walked out.

  We walked out of the bathroom to find our men. Tripp stood up to throw our tray of food away and spotted me. The big goofy beast started crying. Oh, this man had it bad for me.

  “Take me to the chapel, baby!”

  Off we went to the courthouse. The six of us misfits, together as one big family, walked down the sidewalk happy as could be. I had dreamed of this day when I was a little girl, and not one of my dreams compared to how perfect my wedding actually was, and it was all because of the man that I asked to marry me.

  June 6th will always be my favorite day of the year because I was freed from my personal hell with the help and unwavering love of my family. I now walk free without being weighed down by any scars. My scars are beautiful today, and today I’m Mrs. Lacey Fitzpatrick.

  Chapter 15

  Coach’s Wife

  Lacey

  “Tripp, I need rubbed down again,” I hollered, sprawled across our bed in only my panties.

  I was very capable of putting ointment on my fresh tattoo, but I wanted Tripp’s hands on me. We have been following Janie’s advice, abstaining from doing the dirty, which meant I made him touch everywhere else possible, and I always rubbed on him when I got the chance.

  Our honeymoon was perfect. Tripp had the little cabin all tricked out with roses, candles, junk food and candy. It was beautiful. He bought a bunch of old school movies for us to watch as we cuddled and stuffed our faces for hours. Sex didn’t even cross our minds that night because we were in each other’s arms as man and wife. As time had passed, it had become hard as hell not to jump the damn man.

  Last night, we went into Fort Collins to get new ink. Tripp was very insistent that he had to get three new tattoos to catch up to me, and he did. My favorite one was my name tatted down the inside of his arm. I wanted Fitzpatrick tattooed down my rib cage, but Tripp said he didn’t like it because it represented too much of his dad. I had a very sore rib cage, and the beautiful name “Tripp” flowing down my side.

  Tripp dashed over to the bed with the ointment and started rubbing it up and down my side. I pushed my ass back to grind up on his crotch as he soothed my torn flesh. Tripp was definitely the strong one while abstaining. I reached back with my hand and accidentally brushed over the crotch of his jeans. Oh my, he was already hard.

  “Babe, we need to hurry. We have t-ball practice in twenty minutes.”

  “But...” I point to his erection.

  “Pretty girl, I have had one of these since the day I married you.”

  “So, do you take
care of yourself or what?”

  “Jesus! Quit asking questions and get your ass dressed.”

  “You do! Do you like, flog your log? Shuck your bubba? Hone your bone? Jiggle the jewelry? Hold your sausage hostage?”

  I was laughing so hard, I couldn’t catch my breath. I was providing very descriptive hand movements to match my comments. At first, Tripp looked ashamed, but now he was laughing too. He hovered above me on the bed. Our parts were so close to being connected in the way they both longed for. Tripp started doing his signature push-ups above me, stopping to kiss me each time.

  “I love you Lacey, but I want to wait. We need to wait until July 4th .”

  “Are you fucking insane? It’s only June 18th right now, and I don’t have a chicken I can stroke!”

  “We are waiting. End of discussion. Now, get your perky little tits out of this bed and come help me.”

  “No.”

  “Every coach needs an assistant.”

  “No!”

  “Hun, I need someone to wipe noses and tie shoes.”

  “No. Little kids creep me out. I only like Annie and Mac. All others seem…well, just disgusting. Take Milly!”

  30 Minutes Later

  “I am telling you for the last time, you little rodent, quit licking my leg!”

  Tripp and Milly were getting a good laugh at watching me try to herd the damn chickens. I was in charge of making the little creatures sit on a piece of carpet while they waited their turn to bat.

  I was ready to take a bat and shove it up Tripp’s ass for making me help him. I wanted to be the hot coach’s wife on the sideline, tanning. I altered my t-shirt at home, so it was much sexier and exposed all my tattoos, and I even wore my push-up bra that showed off my tatas real nice.

  We were at the Hogan ballpark. There were five fields filled with varying ages of kids playing ball. Tripp told me during one counseling session that the ballpark had always felt like his true home. He found love and support from his coaches. He also mentioned that his dad never attended one of his games, from when he played t-ball all the way to the pros. He would go to Grant’s games, but make Tripp sit in the car. I knew that Tripp wanted to give back to these little kids the same way his coaches gave to him.