by Sara Breaker
Up until this point, it was rarely I who initiated anything between us. It had always been Claire. But this time, I couldn’t help myself. I led her away from the party, back towards the staircase, and deftly braced her up against the wall, my lips landing easily on hers.
I kissed her thoroughly, ardently, crushing her body against mine. She still kissed me back, her arms coming up my chest, around my neck, her fingers in my hair. Her touch was commanding, wanting, insistent, as though she wanted to be as close to me as I did to her.
And everything just melted away. There was no wedding rehearsal. There was no Wayne. No Nina. No Marco.
Just Claire. My Claire.
“Oh Alex,” she murmured as I kissed her neck and I shuddered all over again.
It suddenly hit me.
Was in love with Claire?
I loved the way she kissed me, loved the way she looked up at me with those eyes. I absolutely loved the way she ran her fingers through my hair.
Oh shit.
I was in love with Claire?? How in the name of freaking hell did I fall in love with Claire??
And not just with her body. I had fallen in love with her mind, her sprit. I loved…her kindness, her curiosity, her humor, her always spot-on insights. I loved how bravely, if not brazenly, she had dealt with her struggles. I loved how strong and confident she was, but I also loved when she was weak…
I felt as though being with Claire made absolutely no sense, but that at the same time it was the only thing in my life that made any sense at all. I didn’t want to lose her.
I pulled away briefly, heaving, and I met her lustrous gaze with my heavy-lidded ones. She was so goddamn beautiful. I swallowed hard. “Claire…I…” I started to say, my hand still on the nape of her neck.
But then she whispered, “Let’s go upstairs.”
At that, I felt a deep twinge of want in my chest. There were no words to describe how badly I wanted to take her up to my room right then, but I stopped when I realized what it was. This was it. Claire was giving me a send-off.
My chest constricted again. How could it be over already? How could she be ending it? How could I ask her not to? Could I ask her not to? I wondered, almost helplessly. And against everything I’d previously held dear, I shook my head. “I’m—I don’t think we should. Not tonight, I mean, we’ll be very busy tomorrow.”
Her arms were still around my neck, her eyes closed as she brushed her lips against mine once more. “Are you sure…?” she murmured.
I gritted my teeth, trying not to tremble so damn hard. Her closeness was driving me crazy. It was useless to fight it. And even if I said no, her decision had already been made anyway, and it was too late now, I thought dejectedly. The only thing I could do, as usual, was enjoy my big win…and move on.
Marco and Nina’s Wedding
Marco didn’t look at all nervous on the day of his wedding. In fact, Tyler was looking more of a wreck as he paced back and forth, worrying about his best man’s speech. I watched the contrast between the two of them as I sat on the couch in the groom’s room a few hours before the ceremony. I was already dressed and ready. It wasn’t my wedding and I didn’t have to make a speech, so there was absolutely no reason for me to be nervous. Besides, it wasn’t like things were going to get any better for me.
My chest had felt heavy since I woke up this morning alone in bed. Last night with Claire had been beyond amazing, and somehow it had felt more intimate than any time I had ever had with anyone ever before. Given that it was my send-off, I had taken my time. Mostly because I wanted to remember everything about her, but also because I wanted to make it extra special, on the off chance that it was still possible to change her mind about me. Although between Marco, Janice, and Wayne, let’s just say the odds were definitely not stacked in my favor.
Tyler paced anxiously past my nose again. “Ty, seriously man,” I had to speak up, “you weren’t this nervous on your own wedding day, alright? Settle the fuck down.”
Marco chuckled as he adjusted his cufflinks. “He’s right,” he agreed. “Man, does that seem like a long time ago?” he turned to me to ask.
I shrugged nonchalantly. “Three years. Must feel like a lifetime to Ty,” I remarked.
Tyler gave me a wan smile as he stopped by me to thump on my shoulder again. “You’ll understand soon enough,” he said cryptically. “When you find the girl of your dreams, a lifetime is a good thing.”
I didn’t respond.
Marco just grinned, giving each of us a look. “I’m just glad you’re both here,” he said, sounding sincere. “Thanks a lot.”
“Bro, you’ll crush it,” Tyler patted his back encouragingly.
“Ahem,” Bridgette knocked on the door and the three of us looked up. “Best man,” she smiled at Tyler, “and so on,” she threw me a plain look, before beckoning the two of us over. “Time for usher duties.”
“Right,” I stood up and Tyler and I headed for the door.
“We’ll be right back,” Tyler waved at Marco, who mocked a salute at us, before we followed Bridgette out and down the hall towards the wedding chapel.
Guests were beginning to arrive. Tyler headed up towards the front of the aisle right away. I was going to be helping seat the guests from the back. Bridgette shot me a dry look. “It’s starting to rain outside,” she began, “so make sure the guests know where to put their umbrellas and coats.”
I nodded, slightly amused as I watched Bridgette’s expression before she turned to leave. I guessed that Alyssa had already told her what had happened between us the other night, and neither of them was happy about it. But I didn’t care. Any other day, I would have been trying to get them to compete against each other for me, using misinformation and jealousy tactics. Admittedly, it felt kind of strange not to be strategizing for the best way to do a bridesmaid bingo at a wedding. But maybe Marco had been right. Maybe I was done with the food truck park.
Janice came up the aisle just then and she didn’t notice me until I waved in her face. “Janice,” I nodded my greeting briefly.
She stopped, her eyes already popping wide upon seeing me. “Oh, hi…Alex,” she gave me a tentative smile.
I hid my grin. It was all over her face that she was now in possession of some scandalous knowledge about me that she was struggling to keep to herself. “Make sure you have an umbrella if you’re headed outside,” I told her casually. “Bridgette says it’s starting to rain.”
Janice blinked. “Right.” She seemed frozen in her spot.
“Did you even know that it rains in Vegas?” I mused, going on. “It’s not supposed to rain in the desert, especially in summer. Did you know that? I mean, you already know, right? Right, Janice?”
Janice blinked again. “I know nothing!” she put her hands up quickly and took off.
I stifled my laughter, then panned my gaze up across the room to Claire, whom I knew was going to be passing out programmes near the front. And when I saw her my heart began to pound again—but this time not in any sort of anticipation, instead possibly just acute melancholy and frustrated discontent. She was talking to Wayne, and despite her bright pink bridesmaid’s dress, I thought she still looked breathtakingly beautiful. I was almost certain that I was unlikely to find anyone like Claire ever again. I sighed dejectedly, shaking it off. What was done was done. And I still had to get through this wedding. We both did.
I had just finished seating Marco’s great-aunt and was on the way back to the seating chart display, when I felt someone tug on my arm. I almost instantly groaned out loud, assuming that it was either Alyssa again, or one of Nina’s other over-eager sorority sisters, but when she pushed me through to the adjacent other empty wedding hall and turned to shut the door, I blinked, stunned, when I saw who it was. “Claire, what—?” I was short of speechless.
“Come here, gorgeous,” Claire pulled me closer by my suit lapels, smiling mischievously as she slipped her hands inside my jacket to push it off my broad shoulders, already leanin
g up to kiss me.
My forehead creased in confusion. I was expecting a soul crushing termination speech. In fact, I was steeling myself for it. But her kiss felt unexpectedly sweet and fiery, I broke off right away.
She stopped, giving me a strange look. “Hey, what are you doing?” she asked lightly, unaware of my change in demeanor.
“I—I can’t, Claire…” I said, shaking my head slowly.
She let out a slight laugh. “What are you talking about?”
“I can’t—keep doing this with you,” I said, before I turned away. “Not like this. Not if it doesn’t mean anything.”
She creased her forehead. “What?” she asked puzzled. “What on earth are you talking about?”
I pursed my lips, giving her a meaningful look. “Look, I already know, okay?” I told her. “I know you’re going to end it with me. I know you’ve chosen Wayne. And you know what, you’re probably right. Hell, I’m not supposed to care anyway, so just—you don’t have to do this. I get it.”
Claire had sucked in her breath, her eyes wide. “How do you know about that?”
I made a face. “I…overheard you and Janice talking last night. Sorry…”
Her jaw had partly dropped, but then she shook her head as if to dismiss it. “Okay…” she started after a pause, “listen, Alex, I—”
I put my hand up. I really didn’t want to hear her say it. “Claire, it’s fine. It’s cool.”
“Alex, listen to me,” Claire spoke again, her tone firm, “I wasn’t going to end it.”
“What?”
She wrinkled her nose. “I’d only made it seem like I had decided to, to shut Janice up.” Then she rolled her eyes, chuckling, “I mean, you know how she gets.”
I felt a smile come to my face as I met her gaze. “So, you’re breaking up with Wayne instead?” I asked, amazed.
But then she tilted her head, looking puzzled again. “What? Why?”
And my smile faded again.
Claire noticed and she gave me a slightly exasperated look. “What is going on, Alex?”
I studied her face for a moment, my chest constricting again. “Claire…” My gaze dropped to her mouth and I raised my hand to stroke her lips slowly, my pulse already racing, before looking into her eyes again, “I can’t stop thinking about you.” I sighed, exasperated myself. “And I know it sounds crazy—I mean, I thought it was crazy, it’s me, but I think—I just—I want—,” I paused, swallowing hard. “I just want to be with you. Just you…Claire,” I declared. “And…I want you to just be with me.”
She was already looking at me with a seriously bewildered look on her face. And I couldn’t even blame her. I probably sounded like a lunatic. But then she started to shake her head. “I don’t understand—,” her gaze distracted back towards the door as the organist from Marco and Nina’s wedding began to warm up.
I sighed frustrated. I didn’t know how else I could make her understand without being shockingly blunt. I dropped my arms, feeling desperate. “I—I—,” I couldn’t quite finish.
She was watching me warily. “Alex, I’m not—quite getting the joke. I think uh…maybe we should just get back to the wedding,” she suggested, turning to leave, heading out the door.
But I was right behind her. “I’m in love with you, Claire,” I burst out.
Claire whirled around, gasping, her eyes wide.
Although Claire’s alarm seemed less about what I had just said, and more about the one-hundred-and-fifty guests all assembled in the wedding chapel for Marco and Nina’s wedding who had all heard, turned to look, and were all now staring at me.
I looked up the front towards the bridal party. Alyssa, Bridgette, Wayne, Tyler, and Janice had all heard me. Janice’s jaw had dropped so far, it was almost comical. Then my gaze moved up—and yes, Marco had heard me too. His eyes were wide in surprise and disbelief.
I swallowed hard before I turned to meet Claire’s gaze again, but she had turned on her heel and bolted down the aisle and out the exit. I turned slowly to give everyone a brief sheepish look. “Uh…so sorry to interrupt,” I bade politely, before I instantly took off after Claire again.
I stopped just outside the doors. Out front was the car park and then immediately The Strip. The light drizzle had already stopped. I looked left and right. Claire was nowhere to be seen. I cursed under my breath, heaving a huge sigh.
“Hey!”
I turned and was surprised to see Marco, looking breathless, coming out the door. “Uh…hey dude…” I said tentatively.
He put his hand on my shoulder to catch his breath. “What just happened back there?” he wanted to know.
I gave him an apologetic look. “Hey, I’m sorry for causing a scene—”
“No, no, forget about that,” Marco dismissed it right away. “Look, did I just hear you say you’re in love with Claire?” he asked, looking taken aback.
I met his gaze warily. “Is…that okay…?”
“Seriously? With Claire?” Marco looked like he was trying very hard to stifle his laughter and I shot him a strange look, but he just thumped on my shoulder. “Of course, man, you know? Claire and I—that was super long ago,” he shrugged. “And hello—I’m getting married today?”
“Really?” I cracked a small smile. And I suddenly realized that the real reason I had been avoiding to ask Marco was because I actually already knew he would be totally fine with it. But I knew if I had his permission, there was nothing holding me back from trying to go after Claire. And the truth was that, deep down, the thought of it actually scared me shitless.
“Sure, but—it’s Claire,” Marco said, with a tone of ridicule. “I just didn’t think someone like you would be into someone like her.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, giving him a puzzled look.
He shrugged again pointedly. “You know,” he said, “I always thought women needed to be a certain level of dumb or dirty to get your attention.” He grinned, “I just never thought Claire was both.”
My eyebrows furrowed in offense as he struck a nerve, but before I could respond, Marco said more stuff.
“Then again,” he elbowed me, teasing, “no doubt, a man of your talents would certainly be able to bring the whore out of anyone, am I right?” he chuckled.
I gritted my teeth, and before I could stop to think, I reared back to punch Marco in the face.
“Alex!”
I heard Claire exclaim in shock and when I looked over, she was already standing right behind us, though it wasn’t clear how much she had seen or heard.
I blinked, also a bit shocked myself, but when I looked over where Marco had fallen down, sprawled on the ground, I noticed, to my great relief, that I had actually missed him. Marco had managed to weave quickly away before I landed my punch.
Claire ran up and crouched down beside Marco, looking concerned. “A-are you okay?” she asked him.
“What the fuck, man? I was just joking,” Marco shot me a look of angry disbelief.
I was still heaving. I swallowed hard, trying to rein in my control. I wanted to digest the knowledge that, however in bad taste the joke may have been, Marco had in fact only been joking, but my gaze was pinned on Claire, as she was still bent down beside Marco, holding on to his arm. And if anything, my anger intensified.
After everything that had happened, it was gut-wrenching to realize that my biggest rival wasn’t even Wayne after all. It was still, and was always going to be, my best friend. Marco truly was her one weakness. I gritted my teeth again, my chest constricting sharply.
Tyler came out of the doors just in time to see Claire helping Marco get up, dusting off his pants. “What the hell are you guys doing out here?” he prompted, giving each of us a look, except none of us responded. Tyler just shook his head to himself, before gesturing behind him. “Well, there’s about to be a wedding in here,” he went on, dryly. “And we seem to be missing a few crucial people—the groom for instance?” he prompted, looking at Marco.
Marco s
ighed, shaking his head at me. “Dude, you need to calm down.” He brushed off his suit some more. “Take five, or take a walk or something, and sort out your shit,” he ordered. “This is supposed to be the happiest day of my life.”
Tyler directed Marco back into the wedding hall, and I could only watch as he walked in, Claire still on his arm, Tyler following suit. I turned my back, squeezing my eyes shut in exasperation. How the fuck did I get here? I blew out my breath, raking my fingers through my hair. I had almost ruined Marco’s wedding. I had lost Claire. I never had Claire… I told myself, cursing under my breath again. Shit. I seriously needed to calm down.
I was stalking moodily across the parking lot, headed towards the street to take a walk to clear my head, when I heard footsteps right behind me.
“You’re a complete psycho, do you know that?” Claire declared out loud, her breathing laboured.
I stopped, standing with my back to her, a deep frown creasing my forehead again. Honestly, if I heard another word about how awesome Marco was compared to me and how she couldn’t manage to get over him, I was seriously going to walk in front of a bus. I had to roll my eyes. “I’m sorry!” I barked loudly.
“Alex, look at me. We need to talk.”
I didn’t turn around, but Claire started anyway.
“Look, I’m not sure what’s going on with you,” she said. “And I don’t understand why you suddenly seem to be taking Marco’s wedding worse than I am, but…if you want to take back what you said to me—back there, I—”
“I don’t,” I cut in brusquely.
I heard her sigh out loud. “Then I really don’t understand,” she dropped her hands resignedly. “I thought we were both just having fun. I thought—I thought—”
“What do you want me to say?” I threw up my hands exasperatedly, still not looking at her. “That the last few weeks with you have been perfect? That I’ve never had so much fun with anyone else in my entire life? That I know it sounds ridiculous, but I want you to give me a chance?”
She paused. “Is that what you want to say?”