by Karen Rock
Jared spread his hands. “Don’t look at me.”
“He’s a lover, not a fighter.” Jewel elbowed Jared, who gave an exaggerated wince.
“Love is all you need,” Jared declared, rubbing his side.
“Tell that to your brother, please, before he gets himself killed,” pleaded Joy.
“Isn’t that the plan?” huffed Jewel around a mouthful of muffin.
Justin’s defiant expression turned contrite. “Sorry, Ma.” After pouring himself a cup of coffee, he leaned against the door frame as though he needed the house to hold him up. “Won’t do it again.”
“Till next weekend.” Jewel laughed and her brothers joined in, except James, whose eyes, now shadowed and concerned, lingered on his agitated mother.
“Bleh. This tastes like tar.” Justin poured his coffee down the drain. “Must be James made it again.”
Sofia nodded. It’d already been brewing when she’d come downstairs.
“He’s the only one who can drink it that strong,” Jewel filled her in, breaking off another bite of muffin. “The rest of us just have to suffer.”
“Or beat him to the coffee machine,” Justin griped.
“You’d have to get up before dawn to do it,” Jared added.
“How about a Keurig? A catering company I worked for had one,” Sofia offered.
Joy nodded. “I’ve heard of that. Fancy coffees.”
“We’re not fancy,” James protested.
Jewel, Jared and Justin rolled their eyes at each other. “You just don’t like change,” Jewel teased her brother. “We’d still be using horse and buggies if it were up to you.”
“Less pollution,” James said mildly.
“They have all kinds of flavors,” Sofia supplied, warming to her theme. She’d loved that catering job. “Like peppermint stick or caramel vanilla cream.”
“That sounds delicious.” Joy smiled. “And I don’t even like coffee.”
“You’ll like this kind, and best of all...” Sofia paused and met James’s eye. He appeared to be listening closely, not dismissing her. “You can each make your own cup separately.”
“Sounds perfect.” Jewel gave Sofia an approving nod, then turned to James. “What do you say, moneybags?”
“I say it’s time to get Mom to the hospital,” James answered, noncommittal. He helped Joy into her wool coat, and something about the careful way he handed over her matching hat, scarf and purse tugged at Sofia. When was the last time anyone had fussed over her? Taken care of her?
Jesse had almost been like another child, given the constant attention he’d needed. And the workers at juvie hadn’t been nurturing. As for her father, he’d demanded her obedience without giving much in return. She supposed she’d pretty much always had to take care of herself. And Javi. Speaking of whom...
“Wait for me!” Her son jumped from somewhere midway down the stairs, miraculously managed to stay on his feet, then flung his arms around Joy’s legs. “Are you coming back?”
Joy hugged him and closed her eyes briefly. “In a couple of days.”
“Can I visit you in the hospital?”
“If your mama says yes.”
Sofia nodded. She avoided places with tempting medication, but perhaps Jewel could take Javi. He and Joy had grown so attached.
What would happen when she took Javi away for good?
“Javi. I’d like you to go up the stairs, then come down again correctly,” James ordered when Javi and Joy untangled themselves.
Sofia froze at his strict tone. It reminded her of her father. She could hear him as she’d practiced piano for hours:
Start over, Sofia.
No, not that way.
Begin again.
Do it right.
You’re making mistakes on purpose.
Now you’re just trying to make me angry.
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
This is a waste of my time.
Translation: she was a waste of time.
Jared and Jewel exchanged a swift glance behind James’s back. Justin scowled and pushed off the wall.
“Yes, sir!” Javi hustled off before Sofia could call him back.
“One step at a time. Careful. No jumping.”
Exuberant Javi carefully placed one foot after the other until he reached the floor again.
“Better.” One of James’s rare smiles appeared, and he ruffled her son’s hair. Javi beamed up at him, delighted.
Confusion warred inside. She didn’t want Javi chasing after James’s approval the way she’d done with her father. He’d withheld and bestowed his approval arbitrarily, crushing her spirit. Next chance she got, she’d tell James to stop ordering her child around.
He was taking his uncle responsibilities too far.
“Safety first,” Justin mocked and Jared grinned.
“Good one, Evel Knievel, coming from you,” Jewel sputtered.
“Get to work, knuckleheads,” James said, his lips quirking the slightest bit as he pointed to the clock.
Jared slid on his coat and eased open the door. “Better not piss off the boss.”
“Someone grab my time card,” Jared joked.
“Don’t forget to kiss Ma,” James ordered.
“As if we would,” Jewel protested, then bussed her big brother on the cheek first. “Hang in there, James.”
After a flurry of hugs, ending with one from Justin that seemed to squeeze the air right out of Joy, the siblings tumbled outside, leaving the room in silence.
“Thanks again.” Joy squeezed Sofia’s hands. “I can’t tell you how much it means to me. You and Javi... I’m just glad to know you’ll still be here when I get back.”
“Of course.”
“We’re not going nowhere!” Javi proclaimed.
“Anywhere,” James corrected.
“Anywhere,” Javi repeated, stoutly.
“Not for a while,” Sofia amended and regret forked inside at Javi’s downcast expression. Would she be able to give him as warm and supportive a home, a family, as this?
“How long?” Javi’s thumb rose to his downturned mouth.
“Five weeks and four days,” James put in, taking Sofia by surprise. Was he keeping track? He gently lowered Javi’s finger, hugged him, then opened the door and turned. “I’ll call when Ma’s out of surgery.”
“What time?” she asked.
“It’s on the schedule.” He whisked his mother outside.
Of course it is, she thought, sinking into a chair, the paper clasped in her hand.
Where was time on this list for living, though, she wondered. With all his attention spent taking care of everyone and everything, when did James ever have time for himself?
* * *
TWO DAYS LATER, James cupped Sofia’s elbow and steered her away from his snoozing mother’s bed. It’d been a long, anxious forty-eight hours spent traveling back and forth to the hospital. The familiar ache in his jaw from his over-clenching, a childhood habit that had returned after Jesse’s death, throbbed.
“Her pain meds should be wearing off in a couple of hours. When she wakes, give her two of these painkillers and replace her ice pack. She’ll also need her blood pressure medication, and the doctor says we can resume her steroids as well today. It’s all on the instruction list.”
He pointed to the yellow sheet atop a bureau, but Sofia stared only at the bottles.
“I can’t.” Sofia backed up and out of the doorway.
He followed her into the hall. “We need to keep on top of her pain, and I won’t be around to ensure she takes them while on the range.”
“We need to find another way.” Her skin looked bleached beside the full dark hair curling around her heart-shaped face. And h
er eyes. So big and dark and...and...panicked.
“What’s going on, Sofia?”
“It’s just...just...”
Javi appeared at the top of the stairs, flushed, an apple in his hand.
“I got this for Grandmother so the doctor stays away.”
“Good thinking, bud.” He smiled at the kid who seemed to live to help. “But Grandma’s sleeping. Just leave it by her bed.”
“On it!”
James snapped his arm out straight to check Javi’s forward scramble. “Slowly. Quietly.”
Javi nodded and tiptoed forward a couple of paces. “Like this?” he stage-whispered.
James nodded and Sofia frowned as Javi disappeared inside the room.
“I don’t want you ordering him around.”
“I’m giving him direction.”
“You’re controlling him.”
“Maybe he needs a bit more of that...”
Sofia’s eyes glinted, the left one squinting hard the way it did when she got really angry. “I’m his parent.”
“When you’re living in my house, it’s my rules.”
“My child, my rules,” she insisted, her nostrils flaring.
“When you’re in Portland, you’ll call the shots.” An emptiness unfurled inside, dark and cold, as he imagined Cade Ranch without her and Javi.
Javi emerged and tiptoed back to James’s side. “We can’t go. I have to stay until I make Grandma better.”
Sofia squatted down to her son’s height. “Honey. The grown-ups will take care of Grandma. And you’re not responsible for saving everyone.”
“Superheroes save everybody.”
“I know, but you’re not a—”
“Javi, will you fetch a glass of water for Grandma?” James interrupted. He thought about Jesse. Growing up, he’d been obsessed with Superman. Like Javi, he’d wanted to save everyone and everything—especially animals back when he’d wanted to be a veterinarian—anyone but himself.
Guilt panged in the region of his heart. Was he being tough on Javi as he’d been on Jesse? Maybe he needed to lighten up a bit and spend more time with the boy. “She might wake up later and feel thirsty.”
Sofia raised her chin. “No, Javi.”
He skidded to a stop at the top of the stairs and twisted around, puzzled. “How come?”
“Because I said so.” A pained expression tightened Sofia’s delicate features.
He stared at her, slack-jawed. She’d never used such a harsh tone with Javi before—at least not since arriving at the ranch. Children needed a firm hand, boundaries and rules, yet it didn’t seem right coming from free-spirited Sofia.
“Can I get her juice?” Javi wheedled, sounding just like Jesse when he’d charmed the pants off just about everyone. It went straight to James’s heart. Thawed it, too.
Javi and Jesse had a lot in common, James noticed lately. Even his strictness with Javi echoed the way he’d felt forced to treat his out-of-control younger brother. Jesse, like Javi, liked to cut loose and have fun, something James struggled to do. He’d been harsh with Jesse, but maybe, with Javi, he had a second chance...one he’d be double the fool for missing.
Sofia blew out a breath. “Okay. Juice.”
Javi vanished down the stairs and Sofia studied her feet, which were bare beneath the hem of her full skirt, James noticed, each toenail painted a different color, as if she couldn’t make up her mind and had used them all.
How had he and Sofia descended into a civil war over Javi?
He thrust the pills at her. “Can you manage this while I’m doing my chores?”
Her mouth worked and her eyelashes fluttered, then dropped to her cheeks, obscuring her eyes. “I can’t be around pills. They’re—they’re not good for me.”
He studied her, puzzled. Then it hit him. Pow. Painkillers. Oxys. Jesse had become addicted to them while recuperating from a sports injury. The realization was followed quickly by another understanding, an affirmation of his earlier assessment of Sofia.
As a former addict, she couldn’t be trusted.
No doubt she’d worked hard to turn her life around. And she had plenty of good reasons not to slip again, the most important one being her son. Yet addiction had been more powerful than Jesse’s best intentions. It flared without warning and required vigilance and support to prevent.
And Jesse had had lots of support.
Except from him that one, critical time...
“You said you’ve been clean for six years,” he said, though he knew sobriety was precarious and didn’t obey any laws of time. Six months, six years, six decades. It was always a threat.
“Shhhhhh...” She pulled him farther down the hall and lowered her voice. “I don’t want Javi to hear.”
His gaze darted to the staircase. “He doesn’t know?”
Javi was young, granted, but if no one in Portland knew about Sofia’s addiction, who would spot warning signs if she relapsed? Besides, keeping secrets from family was the closed-off, dark environment that had allowed Jesse’s addiction to fester and return. Over and over.
White appeared all around Sofia’s irises. “No. And he never will. I’m not that person anymore.”
“It’s always who you are. Don’t they tell you that in NA?”
“I don’t go to meetings,” she said, fierce.
He pocketed the bottles and studied her. “None recently?”
“Ever. Once I left rehab, that part of my life ended.”
His concern deepened. “It’s not that easy.”
“Not if you won’t let it go,” she declared, then thumped down the stairs after her son.
So now he was to blame?
Jesse had accused him of the same thing.
His fingers fidgeted with the medicine’s childproof cap. He wished all their lives were tamperproof; he now had more questions and concerns about Sofia than ever.
CHAPTER SEVEN
“WHAT ARE YOU two doing?” Sofia asked James and Javi the following night.
Damp hair pulled into a ponytail, body encased in one of Jewel’s T-shirts (Keep Calm and Cowgirl Up) and a pair of yoga pants, Sofia felt clean and comfy following her late shower. For the moment, the nagging thoughts about Joy’s oxycodone, so excruciatingly close she could hardly breathe, receded.
Beneath a circle of light, James and Javi hovered over a folding table. It occupied a living room corner and held four piles of jigsaw puzzle pieces. Several feet away, a fire crackled in the massive two-story fireplace, where a large red stocking with a glittery J now hung.
Had the Cades decided to celebrate the holidays? A rush of pleasure lit her up inside. Javi might have his first real, family Christmas after all. The mellow scent of burning hickory wood wafted through the house and a sense of peace stole through her, fresh and sweet. Another smell, peppermint-fresh, accompanied the faint hiss of pouring water from the kitchen. She peered across the open space and noticed a new machine on the counter.
“Is that a Keurig?”
James continued staring down at the puzzle pieces, red rising in his cheeks. “Salesman said it’s the top of the line.”
“Thank you, James.” She pressed a hand to her heart, touched.
“It was on sale,” he added, gruff, shrugging away her gratitude. Prickly, bristly man. He didn’t fool her. His tough facade had a few cracks.
“We’re building Gotham City and Uncle James hung my stocking!”
James’s hand settled on Javi’s shoulder when he nearly upended the table. She strolled closer and flushed when James’s dark eyes rose and lingered on her face before they dropped again. He’d shaved since dinner, she noticed.
And, sheesh, that fire suddenly felt uncomfortably warm.
“Gotham City?”
“I hope you said thank you.”
“I forgot.”
Sofia cleared her throat. “Then you say...”
“Sorry?”
“No, you say thank...”
“Thank you, Uncle James!” Javi interrupted, then threw his arms around James.
James’s lip quirk drew her gaze like a magnet. “You think this is for you?” he scoffed after Javi collapsed in his seat. “I’m just letting you play with my puzzle.”
“Heeeeyyyyy.” Javi’s protest ended in a giggle. James’s deep chuckle erupted and Sofia’s laugh followed, the moment contagious, as addicting as any drug she’d ever taken. Better. Their mingling laughter felt like water on parched soil. It cascaded over her years of single-parenting, and she blossomed in this small, child-rearing moment shared with another.
Never in a million years would she ever have imagined it would be with—of all people—Jesse’s brother.
“So it’s Batman this week,” Sofia said when they quieted, gazing at James, who’d glued his eyes to the puzzle again. How kind of him to notice Javi liked superheroes and treat him to this gift. “What happened to Superman?”
“He’s on the naughty list.”
A movement on the hearth caught her eye. The family cat, an outrageously fat tabby named Clint, kept trying and failing to roll over on his back to soak up the heat. A vase full of red-and-white-striped candy canes, white-painted pine boughs and artificial red holly berry sprigs graced a rough wooden trestle table in front of massive windows flanked by mismatched chairs. “What’d he do?”
“Crashed his car like Justin!”
She and James swapped another quick smile, and she strolled closer. At this distance, she could smell whatever soap or aftershave James had used tonight, something subtle and spicy, and a hint of fresh outdoors.
“Remember, black pieces on the black pile.”
At James’s instruction, Javi stopped jamming his piece into another and dropped it on a stack of similarly colored ones. “When do we get to make the city?”
“Once we sort it all.”
Sofia picked up a flat chocolate chip cookie from a batch she’d attempted this morning. She’d fudged a bit over the baking soda versus baking powder. But it still tasted good, she thought, taking a bite, savoring the rich, chocolate chips and crispy, slightly burned-tasting edges.