by Karen Rock
“Just like a Loveland,” Justin taunted, stalking from behind the DJ table. His eyes glittered. “Coming here and acting like you own the place when you can’t even afford yours.”
“You take that back, you son of a—” Daryl strode forward and then a scuffle broke out, a flurry of shoves followed by swinging fists. It happened so fast, James barely had time to reach the melee, Jack hot on his heels.
Before he arrived, Daryl took an uppercut to the jaw from Justin, stumbled, then crashed into a decorated tree. The tinkling sound of breaking ornaments could just be heard over the shouting and cussing.
Jared ducked to avoid Maverick’s massive fist, then pummeled the Goliath in the stomach. Unaffected, steel-man Maverick put Jared in a headlock and the two twirled around like enraged bulls, knocking over the cookie table. Its contents slid to the floor in a shower of crumbling bits.
Jewel leaped on Maverick’s back. “Let him go!” she shouted, boxing his ears until Maverick crashed to his knees and released her dazed brother. Jewel raised a heavy boot, her face hard-boiled and bright red. Before she could stomp Maverick, Heath Loveland grabbed her from behind and carried her, howling and thrashing, from the violent tussle.
Travis, a county sheriff, brought his phone to his ear as James and Jack waded into the melee.
“Knock it off,” growled Jack, bodily separating Justin and Daryl.
Jewel managed to free herself from Heath, then headbutted her captor hard enough to make him careen into the punch bowl. Glass and red sprayed onto the shocked guests.
“And stay down!” she yelled, bloodthirsty, fist cocked, at a wide-eyed Heath.
James helped a staggering Jared to his feet and was rewarded with a solid hit to the nose from Maverick. Well. At least he spared Jared’s pretty face.
“Jewel! Boys!” His mother waded into the ruckus. “Stop! This is unacceptable.”
“And I’m taking everyone down to the county jail,” Travis shouted as he pocketed his cell phone. A siren sounded in the distance, followed by another, shocking them all into silence.
“I’ll help,” Jack added, grim. As a Denver deputy sheriff and the older brother of a wild bunch of siblings, he didn’t look the least bit ruffled, despite the white beard now dangling from one ear.
Within minutes, officers processed the scene and led most of the Lovelands and Cades out to squad cars. The horrified guests hurried away, thanking a red-faced Joy for an “entertaining” evening. James surveyed the party ruins. A tornado couldn’t have done more damage. Cookie pieces and sticky punch coated the floor. A crystal bowl that’d been in his family for generations lay in glittering shards. Haphazardly leaning or fallen Christmas trees partially blocked the exit.
Everything. Everything he’d worked, striven, sacrificed for—all his efforts to protect his family—had fallen apart at Sofia’s hands tonight. They were humiliated in front of their neighbors and friends. He shouldn’t have trusted Sofia so completely. Had been a fool to believe he could cede control to someone else, especially an outsider.
“I’m sorry, Joy,” he heard Boyd say as he led her outdoors. Javi scampered after them.
A soft hand fell on his arm. “Let them be, James.”
He shook loose. “You had no call to do this.”
“James...” she pleaded but he pivoted and stalked away, fuming.
“We’ll talk when I get back from the station,” he bit out over his shoulder, then exited, nearly bumping into the teenager he’d spied with Sofia earlier.
“Cool party,” the youth observed with an anarchist’s grin.
James didn’t break stride or dignify the cheeky comment. Brushing by Joy and Boyd, he hopped in his truck and gunned it down the long drive.
He needed as far from here—and Sofia—as he could get.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
AN HOUR LATER, Sofia dumped yet another full dustpan into the garbage and blew the hair up off her damp forehead. Her back ached and her head throbbed. At least her feet no longer hurt since replacing her heels with sneakers after tucking Javi into bed. Days and days of careful planning—reduced to rubble in just minutes.
Worse, all the progress she and James had made, the closeness that’d grown between them, had disintegrated along with the punch bowl.
It stung that he’d told Javi the truth about her addiction. Shame filled her every time she’d glimpsed his trusting face tonight. His nature was to rescue others and now he viewed her the same way, the one person he should count on, not worry about.
He deserved a better mother than a former addict, and while she was proud of the work she’d done in NA, she hadn’t wanted him knowing about any of it. Admitting, accepting and facing her past was one thing, but having her son struggle to understand it was another level entirely. Telling him was her choice to make, not James’s, yet once again, he’d seized control and done as he pleased, even if it meant letting Javi think the worst of her.
James doesn’t think you’re a horrible person, though, whispered a voice inside.
Yes, that’d been true, but she could imagine what he thought of her now after the party debacle.
She still believed she was right to invite the Lovelands, though she’d wished for different results. Sadly, Joy had broken things off with Boyd to keep the family peace, despite Sofia’s objections. She vehemently disagreed that Joy’s happiness should take a back burner to her children’s stubborn grudges. If Sofia stayed in Carbondale, she’d do everything she could to reconcile the families.
If she stuck around...
The barn door creaked and a stooped, gray-haired man shuffled inside.
With a hand shading her eyes, she squinted at the figure. “I’m sorry. The party ended a while ago.”
“Looks like I missed quite a shindig,” drawled the stranger.
It was a voice she had heard before, deep and raspy. It made her bones crack and splinter, made her feel the hard, cold rejection of a childhood long since past but never forgotten.
“Dad?”
He picked his way through the debris and stopped a couple of feet in front of her. Jowls now hung from his jaw. Pouches bagged beneath his sunken eyes. Deep lines carved the skin between the corners of his mouth and chin. His critical gaze, raised eyebrows and a skeptical eye-squint, hadn’t changed, though.
Her heart threw itself backward and clung to the bars of her rib cage.
“Your fella there, James, invited me. Said you were putting together a soiree. Told him I’d have to see it to believe it. My Sofia. Never could finish tying her shoes, let alone something big like this.”
He whistled as he rubbernecked, his square head pivoting. “Some things never change.”
Her hands balled at her sides, his stinging judgment finding its mark as it always had. She pursed her lips to keep from lashing out. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing her lose control. Besides, why waste her breath? He’d made up his mind about her long ago and wasn’t about to change now.
“Why are you here?”
“Heard I have a grandson. James, at least, thought I should know about him.”
She felt herself flush hot. How dare James accuse her of inviting unwanted outsiders when he’d done the same thing...even worse—he’d phoned her estranged parent. James’s actions proved that once again, he thought he knew best and didn’t trust or respect her enough to make her own decisions.
“Yes. He’s five and his name’s Javi.”
Her father scratched his head. “Strange name.”
“I like it.”
He swatted the air, as if batting her words away like buzzing gnats, annoyances of little consequence. Just like her. “Would like to see him.”
Over her father’s shoulder, she noticed Riker, the teenage boy she sat next to in support group, slip inside. Since he w
ore only a T-shirt and jeans, she presumed he’d come back for his coat. She recalled how he’d finally opened up at a recent meeting about his varsity letter jacket. He’d recounted how nothing he did ever pleased his old man, especially when his drug usage got him kicked off the football team—his father nearly booted him from home.
“Javi’s asleep.” She turned and grabbed up her broom.
“That’s it? That’s all you got for your old man? You always were ungrateful—”
She squared her shoulders and whirled to face her father full on, aware of Riker’s watchful gaze. Maybe she would fail to make an impression on her closed-minded parent, but she could set an example for the troubled teenager.
“Ungrateful?” The broom clattered to the ground. She crossed her arms. “What did I ever have to be thankful for? Huh? Those piano lessons you bought so you could yell every time I hit a wrong note? The homework help you never had time to give? You always made room in your schedule for lectures when I got bad grades, though, didn’t you?”
“You needed discipline,” he sputtered, his skin growing mottled. “Structure.”
“I needed love, Dad. Love.”
His mouth opened, then closed, and a muscle jumped in his jaw. They stared at each other for a tense minute and even Riker froze in place.
“I was a single parent,” he protested, his strident voice faltering, dipping.
“So am I,” she pronounced, infusing each syllable with strength and conviction. Righteousness. “And I’ve done the best I can, despite not having a high school degree, resources, family. I haven’t been able to give Javi much, but I’ve always given him love.”
And perhaps that was the greatest thing of all. Much more important than the material things she’d beaten herself up over for not providing. She saw that now. She was a good mother. And an addict. And a high school dropout. And only ever a temporary worker so far, but she had a heart and that just might be the most precious commodity anyone could possess and give to others.
“If I’d known about Javi...”
“What? You wouldn’t have kicked me out? Abandoned me? You decided long ago that I wasn’t good enough, but you know what? You don’t get to decide anymore. I do.” She tapped her chest. “Me. And I think I’m pretty awesome.”
Riker shot her two finger guns and a wink behind her father’s back, grabbed his jacket and eased outside.
“Well, you haven’t gotten a job yet,” her father protested. “A place to live. I told James I could help you with that. Got some business connections in...Portland...was it?”
“You think I need your help now?” A hysterical laugh bubbled up inside her and she strained to hold it back. “I needed it when I was a teenager, let out of juvie with no place to go. Where were you that day, Dad?”
He hung his head. “Teaching you a lesson.”
“Lesson learned.” Her faltering voice dropped for a moment and she drew in a deep breath before continuing. “I can take care of myself just fine—so you can leave and feel good about that.”
“I feel good about nothing.” He shoved his hand in a pocket, yanked out a white handkerchief and dabbed his glistening face. “You think I don’t have regrets?”
She blinked at him. “Do you?”
“Doctor said it’s the baby or your wife,” he mumbled to himself. Suddenly his knees buckled, and he grasped the table edge.
Alarmed, she fetched a chair and held it steady as he sank down.
“What did the doctor say?”
He leaned his elbows on his knees and his back hunched. “Your mother had a complicated pregnancy. Was a miracle she conceived you at all, considering her lupus. In fact, she was advised against it, told to terminate the pregnancy, but she wanted a child more than anything.” He swiped the handkerchief over red-rimmed eyes. “Said she wouldn’t stop one of the Lord’s miracles. Made me promise that if anything ever happened, that I choose you.”
Goose bumps broke out over Sofia’s entire body and her head spun. She’d always thought of herself as her mother’s killer, her father’s widow-maker. Never had she considered that they might have wanted it that way.
That she might have been wanted.
“Your mother was bleeding heavy and unconscious. Her blood pressure was skyrocketing. Then we lost your heartbeat,” her father continued, his voice broken and raw. “The doctor said it was her or you.” He cleared his throat and his mouth worked silently. Then, “And I chose you, just like she wanted.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Her poor father. Her poor mother. What a horrifying sacrifice they’d made for their child. For her. An unparalleled act of love. Her heart thundered in her chest as she grieved for this incredible mother she’d never known and the deep, shattering pain her father had endured.
“Didn’t want you blaming yourself. Still. I blamed myself. Every time I looked at you, I saw myself letting her go. She has a place here inside of me.” He laid a hand over his heart. “Where I carried her, same as she carried you. When she left, that place became nothing but a big, empty wound.”
“She wanted you to make that choice, Dad.”
He swiped his fingers along his eye bags, head falling back, and loosed a long breath. “What she wanted was for you to grow up perfect and I failed her in that. Failed you. I’m sorry, Sofia. That’s why I really came, I guess. To tell you that. You deserved two parents and I couldn’t even give you one. Not a decent one, anyways, though I thought I was doing my best. No matter how hard I pushed, you pulled away. Did things your own way.”
Her mind reeled at an apology she’d never imagined receiving. “I never was any good at being controlled.”
He laughed briefly, but there was a stretched sound to it, like it was straining against the solid weight of pain dragging downward. “Didn’t figure that out until after you disappeared and it was too late. Always knew I’d be no good as a parent. Wish it’d been me that’d died that day. Not Cora.”
His head dipped and his shoulders shook. Tears dripped unchecked down Sofia’s face.
“Oh. Dad. No.” And in an instant, she knelt on the floor before him, her arms thrown around his neck. “Someone once told me that despite terrible tragedies, life has a greater plan, an unknowable one. But everything happens for a reason and it’s up to us to determine what that reason is.”
“I wish I’d told you I loved you.”
“You just did.”
She dropped her head on his shoulder and she felt his arms come around her and his mouth press against the crown of her head.
“I’m glad you came.”
And she was. Despite the pain and suffering he’d put her through, it was Christmas, a time to let go of grudges and forgive. Besides, hadn’t she just witnessed what happened when people refused to make peace? She couldn’t accuse the Cades and Lovelands of hanging on to hate if she did the same. NA had taught her that forgiveness was the only way to let go of her pain and find peace.
“Thanks for that, darlin’,” he said softly, but not weakly.
She stood, extended a hand and helped him to his feet. “How long are you staying?”
“Actually, I’m in the middle of a business trip. My flight leaves tomorrow morning. If I can, I’d appreciate the chance to meet Javi before I go.”
Her smile wobbled. Forgiving him was one thing. She could do that and move on. However, letting him back into her life, having a relationship, even a small one, filled her with trepidation.
What if he hadn’t really changed? He’d been critical of the party and her life just moments ago. She didn’t want that around Javi.
“I’m not sure—”
“Please, Sofia. Give me a chance to prove I can be different, a good grandfather to Javi and maybe a father to you again, if you’ll let me.”
Her nostrils flared as she drew in a de
ep breath, considering. Maybe she could call a temporary truce for Javi’s sake to see if her father had really changed. Maybe they could heal the hurt between them.
“Okay.”
“Thank you, Sofia.”
She ducked her head, overwhelmed and a bit off balance at the rushing countercurrents of emotions swirling inside her.
“You look good, honey.”
Her hand flew to her lopsided hair, then felt the sticky mascara streaks on her cheeks. It was the first compliment he’d ever given her. “Thanks, Dad. See you tomorrow, then. Javi will be happy to meet you.”
After donning his hat, he tipped the brim and sauntered outside, leaving her to continue picking up the pieces of the party, and her life.
It must have been close to midnight when the sound of wheels on snow roused Sofia from her seat by the kitchen window. Her heart thumped as she glimpsed James hop from his truck and slam the door shut.
She snatched the door open and frigid air clawed at her face. “Where are the rest?” she called.
He raised weary eyes, then clomped up the porch stairs, stomping snow off his boots. He entered the house without a word.
“Are they getting a ride with someone else?”
Pulling open the fridge, he bent slightly and peered inside. “Nope. Travis decided to teach them all a lesson and keep them overnight.”
“Oh.” She slumped against the counter. “In the same cell?”
James turned with a soda in hand. “Travis and Jack agreed that if everyone could make it until morning without killing each other, they might let them go.”
“Sounds like Travis and Jack are getting along.”
He popped the tab and raised the can for a long swig. After a moment, he lowered it and studied her with dark, serious eyes, a bitter wrench to one side of his mouth. “They’re tolerating each other because they’re forced to.”
“Kind of like the way you forced me and my father together?”