by K. V. Rose
But maybe Caden is, too.
This hasn’t destroyed us.
It’s brought us closer together.
Tyler looks mad as hell when I finish, and I understand that, because I’d feel the same if this story was one he was telling. But I’m not even mad anymore. I’m just glad it’s over. What I think about Rolland killing Jack…well, once again, I try not to think about it. Not right now.
Tyler reaches across the table and I take his hand in mine.
“Riley,” he whispers, his eyes shining. “I’m so goddamn sorry you felt you couldn’t tell me this.”
I shake my head, swallowing back the lump in my throat. “Don’t, Ty. This wasn’t your fault at all, the secrets. I just…”
He squeezes my hand. “It’s okay, you don’t have to explain to me. But you didn’t have to do that, go through that, on your own. Please don’t keep secrets from me like that ever again.”
I nod, blinking back tears. “I won’t, Ty. I promise.”
He squeezes my fingers again and then let’s go, leaning back in the booth and running a hand through his hair. “Rolland Virani is going to die.”
I take another drink. But before I can set the glass down, someone’s arms are around my shoulders, hauling me from the booth. Rum spills onto the table.
Tyler jumps to his feet, shouting, “What the fuck!”
I whirl around and find Benji. He’s staring down at me like he wants to kill me, and everyone in the restaurant’s eyes are on us.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I demand, trying to pry Benji’s fingers off of my arms, but he won’t move.
“Let her go,” Tyler spits, coming up beside us. Tyler is shorter than Benji, but they’re both equally jacked.
Benji’s green-brown eyes are narrowed on mine, his jaw clenched. He’s breathing hard, and I see sweat on his brow, just below his thick, dark hair.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he growls at me.
From beside me, Tyler curses under his breath. “If you don’t let her go, I swear to fucking God—”
Benji ignores him. “I’ve called you six times. Caden has been looking for you everywhere—”
“What?” I ask, shaking my head. “Why? He was going to his mom’s—”
“And his dad isn’t there. He’s gone.”
“Gone?” Tyler asks. “Did someone kill him?” He sounds hopeful.
Benji glances at Tyler, and his hold on me lightens up, just a little. But he doesn’t let go completely.
“He left. Ms. Virani can’t find him. He’s recovering from a concussion, so it’s fucking stupid of him to go, but…” He shakes his head, his fingers tightening again on my arms. “That doesn’t matter. We were worried sick about you.”
I arch a brow. “I thought you could find anyone, anywhere.”
At this, Benji smiles coldly, his eyes brightening. “You’re in my arms, aren’t you?”
Tyler coughs. “Can you let her go?” It isn’t a polite question.
Benji doesn’t. “No. But I can take her somewhere safe.” He pulls me to him, wraps an arm around my shoulder, takes my drink and sets it on the table. “Sorry, Tyler. But your friend has to get out of here.”
Tyler doesn’t back down, and I dig in my heels.
“Benji, really, I’m fine here. I haven’t had time to talk to Tyler in—”
“No.” Benji’s answer is resolute. He glances at Tyler. “You can come, too, but you can’t stay here. We’re going back to Haven.”
I throw up my hands, and look to Tyler, apologetic. “I’m sorry,” I say, shaking my head. “Come with me?”
Tyler’s eyes flash. I see our waitress storming toward us, looking as if she wants to kill the three of us for this commotion.
“No, no. Go ahead, I’ll pay the bill and call you later. Only if you’re sure you’re okay with this meathead?”
Benji’s answering smile chills my blood, but I answer Tyler before he can.
“I’m okay,” I say quickly. “I’ll call you soon.”
Benji reaches in his wallet and tosses a hundred dollar bill on the table, and then he leads me out.
When we get in his SUV—Range Rover, because of course it is—I turn in my seat to glare at him as he pulls away from the restaurant, dodging in and out of Toronto’s Friday night traffic.
“What the fuck was that all about?”
At a stoplight, Benji reaches over and does my seatbelt up.
“It was about keeping you safe, little girl.”
I throw up my hands and roll my eyes as Benji straightens in his seat, eyes on the road.
“You think Rolland is going to come into a public place and blow my head off?”
His hazel eyes cut in my direction. “Don’t joke about that.” He guns the engine and we merge onto the highway, headed toward Haven.
“I haven’t seen Tyler, properly seen him, in a long time,” I say quietly, slumping down in my seat, arms crossed as I look at the darkening sky.
Benji sighs. “I know, Riley, I’m sorry. But Caden was…he was panicking. He’s spent too long without you, too long punishing you for something he knows now he never should have, and he’s beating himself up over it. If anything were to happen to you…” He puts his hand on mine, tugging my arm loose, and I let him, but I don’t look at him. “If anything were to happen to you,” he says again, “he’d hate himself more than he already does.”
I fall silent at that. Benji doesn’t move his hand from my own, and I don’t mind it. For a man who I always thought was covered in darkness, I realize, at the heart of it, he’s not so different from me. We’re all just trying to find our way through our worst sins in the best way we can, even if we can never get forgiveness for them.
Even if we can never forgive ourselves for them.
“How did you find me?” I finally ask him.
His lips curve into a smile. “That’s for me to know.”
I roll my eyes, but I don’t argue.
When we get back to Caden’s house—mansion—an older lady with pink hair greets us, and she pulls me into a big hug. I have no idea who she is, but I hug her back anyhow. That is, until Caden storms down the hall and demands to know where the fuck I’ve been.
The woman lets me go, turns around, and pokes her finger to Caden’s chest.
“Watch your fucking language,” she mutters, and then she pushes past him, disappearing into the house, shaking her pink hair.
Caden’s ice-blue eyes haven’t left mine.
“Lay off her, man,” Benji says at my back.
This, apparently, is the wrong thing to say. Caden’s gaze locks on Benji, and a malicious smile forms on his lips. “Or what?” he asks quietly.
I take in Caden’s white t-shirt, his dark jeans, veins bulging in his arms, chest rising up and down rapidly. He’s been punching something or lifting something, worrying about me.
Benji laughs darkly behind me. “Or I’ll have to take her away from you until you can calm the fuck down.”
Anger sparks in Caden’s eyes, and he takes a step toward me, to get to Benji.
I step in between them, one hand on each of their chests.
“Caden,” I say softly. Caden’s eyes find mine again. “I’m here now, okay? I’m sorry I didn’t have my ringer on, but I was with Tyler. I was with Tyler, and we were safe.” I put my hands down, turn to face Caden fully. I take his face in my hands, and he stills under my touch. “You can’t have Benji drag me away from dinner because I don’t answer your calls—”
“Actually, he can.”
It’s Benji who speaks.
I turn to face him, brow furrowed. “Excuse me?”
Benji blows out a breath and slides his hands into his pockets. “I made Caden stay here, in case you came back. But Rolland held a gun to your head, Riley,” he says quietly, looking down at his leather shoes. “He murdered his own son. And we don’t know where he is. Until we do…we have to make sure you’re safe.”
My t
hroat feels dry at his words. At the gravity of the situation. I wish Rolland was dead, and I feel conflicted about that wish, because no matter what he’s done, he’s still Caden’s father.
Caden puts a hand on my shoulder. “I was waiting for you here, and I didn’t think you’d be out so long—”
“I was barely out an hour—”
Caden’s hand on my shoulder tenses. “That was before I knew my father wasn’t home.”
I spin around. “Did you talk to your mom?”
Caden’s hand falls to his side. “Yes.”
“And?” I prod.
He shakes his head, and his face darkens. “And she won’t leave him. I didn’t tell her all of it. About Jack.” He swallows. “But I told her about you. That it was Dad in the video.” He pauses. “She didn’t seem surprised.”
A beat of silence between us.
“They’ve been married for a long—”
“I don’t give a damn,” Caden snarls, interrupting me. “I won’t have anything to do with her while she takes his side. Not after what he did to you. To Jack. To me.”
I nod. I can understand that, although I hate it. I know how close he is to his mother. Or…how close he was.
“I thought she was stronger than that. But she doesn’t want to believe it.”
“Maybe she will. Eventually. Maybe you should tell her, about Jack,” I say.
It’s Benji who speaks next. “They aren’t filing charges against Rolland. It’s our word against his, and they aren’t filing any against Caden either, so…he’s free to go.”
I still at his words.
Caden puts his hands around my waist. “Do you see?” he asks softly. “I need you near me.”
I don’t respond. I just lay my head against his chest, and stand there a long, long time, just like that, Benji at my back. There’s something comforting being here, between the two of them. Two boys who hated me just a few days ago, that now would do anything to protect me.
I never want to be apart from them.
Thirty-Nine
Present
When I come downstairs Saturday morning and see Riley and Benji sitting by the pool in their swimsuits, legs dangling in the water, part of me wants to send Benji home, and part of me wants to thank him for watching out for my girl.
Last night, Riley and I went to bed late after I came in her more than once, and I know she’s going to get tired of taking Plan B, and she doesn’t want to get on birth control because she’s paranoid like that, about side effects. Too bad the side effect of nothing is getting fucking pregnant, so we’ll have to make another trip to the pharmacy today and then figure out a better solution later.
I wouldn’t mind so much, her having my children.
In fact, I’d fucking love it.
But I have to remind myself that she’s only 21, and besides that…I’m not ready to share her.
I slide open the glass door and let myself out into the sun, still in my boxers.
She looks over her shoulder at me, and her face breaks out into the biggest fucking smile. It takes everything in me to casually walk over to her and not run to her and pick her up and spin her in the air.
But I don’t have to do that.
Because she gets up and runs to me.
Even though I don’t think things will ever be easy between us, and even though I still don’t think I deserve her, I hope she always runs to me.
I nod a Good morning to Benji over her shoulder, and press her to me, my hands skimming down her back, over her bikini. She laughs against my bare chest, and I want to bottle it up and keep it forever.
And this, what I’m going to do now, that’s the first step to doing just that.
I clear my throat and she pulls back, looking up at me, chewing on her bottom lip.
I let go of her, bring my hands down by my sides. She frowns, and I want to kiss her all over again, run my fingers through her hair, lay her down right here in front of Benji and the goddamn sun shining overhead.
But I don’t.
Besides, I don’t want Benji to get any more ideas. He’s already too fond of her.
“Riley,” I say, and she tilts her head. Fuck, I love when she does that. “Monday we’re going back. To your apartment. And I want you to start school again. And you can quit your fucking job if you want to.”
She arches a brow, and I know she’s probably thinking, Don’t tell me what to do, but she doesn’t say anything, only waits.
“And then…” I take a breath. “When you’re done, next year, when you graduate…would you move in with me? There’s way too many fucking rooms here anyway, so your mom can take one, or we can get her a place nearby, or…” I trail off as I watch her frown.
My heart feels like it might beat out of my chest. If she doesn’t want this, if she doesn’t want me…and God forbid, if she wants motherfucking Benji…
“What about in between then? I don’t want to be apart for a whole year. I know your company is here. I can…” she shakes her head. “I can transfer school here or…”
I look at Benji, over her shoulder, and he winks at me.
The bastard.
He knows what I’m about to say, because we already discussed it, although now I’m not so sure it’s the best plan. But I refuse to leave her unprotected.
“No,” I say, shaking my head. “No. You’re going to finish school where you are. You’ve already come so far. You’re going to finish, and you and your mom are going to move places because it’s not safe anymore, but you’re going to finish.”
“You can’t tell me what to do.” She doesn’t want a new apartment. But I don’t trust my father not to come looking for her again.
But I knew those words were coming. I grin at her. “And I’m going to stay there, too, three weeks at a time. I can take three weeks of every month away from the company. One week, I’ll have to come back here for meetings and bullshit, but three weeks out of every four, I’ll be there, with you, working from home.”
Benji arches a brow at the edge of the pool.
I sigh. “And the week I’m gone, Benji will stay near you. Not with you,” I grit out, glaring at Benji, “but at your new apartment complex. We already got two units.”
Riley looks from me to Benji with her mouth open.
I open her hand and put something in it.
She looks down, confused, taking in the white-gold band and the big, black diamond sparkling beneath the sun. She’s always had a thing for black. It’s just…her.
She gasps.
“This is…” she looks up at me, holding up the ring as if it might bite her.
“I would ask you to marry me, but that’s not really how we do things, is it? Instead…” I smile at her, and pull her to me, the ring buried between us in her hand. “Instead, I’ll just tell you. You’re going to marry me, Riley Larson, and there’s not a damn thing you can say to change my mind. As soon as you’re done with school, we’ll have a proper wedding.”
“And I’ll be the best man,” Benji says behind us, joining us.
I roll my eyes. “Only if you keep your hands to yourself.”
Riley throws her arms around me, wraps her legs around my waist. I see Benji move in to hug her, too, but I remember how we started that sex the three of us had, with her in the middle like this, and I glare at him.
He backs off, and I wrap my hands along Riley’s legs, tugging her into me.
“I love you,” she breathes into my ear.
I kiss her neck and she shivers. I can feel her nipples harden against me, beneath her swimsuit. I make a note to get her a less revealing one for when she swims with Benji.
“I love you too, baby,” I say.
And for one of the first times in my life, I can’t stop smiling.
Forty
Present
The ring is gorgeous, and me, and I can’t stop looking at it, but it isn’t really what matters.
As the three of us—Benji, Caden, and me—walk to Jack’s grave,
beneath the bright noon sun, a gentle breeze on the air, I know what matters most.
It’s this.
It’s us.
Caden’s jaw is clenched when we stand before the statue of an angel, Jack Scott Virani etched in elegant script at the base of the tombstone. I see his eyes shining, and he pulls his sunglasses down from his head over his eyes.
I squeeze his hand, and Benji stands a little way behind us, respectful and quiet.
Gently, Caden pulls his fingers from mine, and then he sinks to his knees. He has one hand planted on the angel’s feet, the other over his own face. I see his shoulders shaking, silent tears streaming down his nose, over his lips.
I make to reach for him, but Benji’s warm hand on my bare shoulder stops me. I let him, understanding that whatever Caden is feeling, whatever he’s thinking, he might want to keep it between him and Jack.
He’s already told me he’s sorry more than a dozen times. Last night he kissed me, all over, as if he was trying to atone for his sins. And even though Jack was a shit sometimes, and I was a shit right back, he never deserved this.
Caden starts to speak.
“I’m so sorry, Jack,” he says, his words hoarse. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you.” The hand against the angel turns into a fist. “And I hope this is okay. God, I hope this is okay.” I hear his breathing, uneven and heartbreaking. “I will make this up to you, I swear to fucking God.”
Benji wraps his arm around my shoulder, and then together, the two of us flank Caden’s side. He turns his head, burying his face in the crook of my neck and my shoulder, and we hold each other for a long, long moment, Caden’s sobs the only sound between us.
Then he gets to his feet, with Benji’s help, and pulls me into his arms, his own wrapping tightly around me.
“I love you so fucking much,” he says, his mouth moving against my hair. “I love you so fucking much.”
Before I can reply, I hear Benji at our side: “Aw, I love you too, bro.”
Caden’s arms tense around me and he turns his head to glare at Benji. “That week I’m gone every month, you better keep your fucking hands to yourself, or I’ll break them.”