by R. L. Stine
“I couldn’t figure out the problems, okay?” I blurted out. “I’m not smart enough.”
“Oh, yeah. Right,” Eric shot back. “I’m going to get you, Brains. You can count on it. . . . ”
Wrong, Eric, I thought. I don’t know how to count anymore.
Eric would have gone on and on, but Miss Scott entered the room. She paused by my desk. “Are you feeling better today, Al?”
Huh? Why was she asking me that? She didn’t know about the ooze. Did she?
“You left school early yesterday,” she reminded me when I didn’t answer. “I hope you’re feeling well enough for the Science Bowl this afternoon.”
Oh, yeah, I thought. I did leave early yesterday. “I’m okay,” I mumbled.
Miss Scott continued up to her desk. “You aren’t going to be okay when the lunch bell rings,” Eric whispered. “When I catch up with you, you are going to be very dead meat.”
I didn’t bother trying to follow Miss Scott’s social studies lesson. Or the grammar lesson after that. I just kept my eyes focused on the top of my desk and hoped she wouldn’t call on me.
Eric never let me forget for a second that he was going to get me. He dropped his pencil next to my desk and muttered “meat” when he bent down to pick it up. He threw a tiny note over my shoulder that said “very dead meat.”
The morning crawled by. But finally it was almost lunchtime.
At least I thought it was. The big hand and the little hand of the clock were both straight up.
“Who can tell me what the direct object is in this sentence?” Miss Scott pointed to the chalkboard.
Don’t look at her. Don’t move a muscle, I told myself.
“Al?” Miss Scott called.
“Al?” Miss Scott said again. “The direct object?”
Eric snickered.
I felt my hands start to sweat. My throat tightened up.
Then the intercom crackled. “Will the contestants in this afternoon’s Science Bowl please meet in the library,” the school secretary said over the speaker. “Mr. Emerson would like to have a brief meeting with you before lunch.”
Saved! At least for now. I grabbed my backpack and hurried out of the room with Alix and Toad.
The other Science Bowl kids—Melanie, Tanya, and Geoff—met us in the hall.
Mr. Emerson kept us in the library for only a few minutes. He went over the rules of the Science Bowl and told us we were all winners just for competing.
Tell that to my parents, I thought. Or Michelle.
The six of us trooped down to the cafeteria together. “Let’s sit at the same table,” Alix suggested. We didn’t usually eat with each other, but today everyone seemed to feel like it.
I know I did. Even Eric wouldn’t try to drag me away from five other kids. At least I hoped he wouldn’t.
“I’m too nervous to eat,” Tanya said as she sat down next to me.
What does she have to be nervous about? I thought. She doesn’t have ooze for brains.
“Not me!” Alix insisted. “Al and I are ready. You guys better watch out.”
Yeah, right. Poor Alix. It’s not fair that she’s stuck with me for a partner. Poor Alix.
I pulled out my lunch and opened the plastic container.
“No way you guys are going to win,” Geoff shot back. “Toad and I had a three-day study marathon. Friday, Saturday, Sunday. He slept over and we quizzed each other nonstop.”
“What’s that?” Toad asked me.
“What?” I asked. Then I looked down and gasped. I opened the wrong container. It wasn’t my lunch container. It was the container with the ooze.
And the little spoonful I plopped in this morning had grown. It filled every inch of the container now.
“Let me see,” Alix said.
“No!” I shouted. “No,” I repeated more softly. “I mean it isn’t food. It’s . . . it’s . . . nothing.”
“It looks like something to me,” Alix teased.
I shoved the lid on the container and tried to stuff it in my backpack.
But Alix was too fast.
She lunged across the table.
She grabbed the container right out of my hands, ripped off the lid, and plunged her fingers inside.
12
“Noooo!” I shrieked. “Nooooo!”
“Hey, I’m your partner!” Alix said. “You have to share with me. I love this Super Slime stuff. My sister got some for Christmas.”
I tried to wrestle the ooze from her. But she held it over her head. “I want to play with it, Al. Pleeease.”
She grabbed a handful of the orange gunk.
“I want some, too!” Geoff grabbed the container from Alix and scooped out some more.
“Give it back, guys,” I begged. “Please give it back!” But no one paid attention to me.
“Hey, don’t forget about the Green Team. Melanie and I want some slime!” Tanya cried.
Geoff tossed the container to Tanya. She shoved both hands into the ooze and made a ball.
“Tanya! Give it to me!” I shouted. “You don’t know what that stuff is!”
“Of course we know what it is,” Melanie declared. “I want some, too.”
Tanya slid the ooze over to Melanie. She pulled out a handful. “Want some, Toad?”
“Yeah!” Toad answered.
“Please. Please. Please. Give it to me!” I wailed.
“Sure,” Geoff said. He threw a wad of the ooze at me. But he missed, and it hit Tanya right in the forehead.
Tanya loaded her plastic spoon with a mound of the stuff. She bent the spoon backward, then let it go—launching a gob at Geoff. Splat! A direct hit.
“This stuff is so cool!” Tanya exclaimed. “And I love the color. I’ve never seen this color before. I bet it glows in the dark.”
“Give it back,” I chanted. “Give it back. Give it back. Give it back.”
Toad gave a huge fake sneeze—and pretended that a big gob of ooze flew out of his nose.
“Gross!” Alix yelled.
“That’s not gross,” Toad said. “This is gross!” He rubbed some of the ooze in Geoff’s hair.
Melanie pointed at Geoff’s hair and started giggling. She giggled so hard she couldn’t talk. Then everyone threw some ooze at Melanie. Everyone except me, of course.
I stared around the table. It was an all-out ooze fight.
Globs of the neon stuff ran down their foreheads and their cheeks. Clumps of it nested in their hair and stuck to their hands.
It was hopeless. Totally hopeless.
They were all going to turn as dumb as I was!
13
“Why won’t anyone talk to me?” I asked Alix.
“Because you made such a big deal about the slime. Next time don’t be so selfish,” Alix said as we headed toward the auditorium. “Then you won’t make anyone mad. It’s as simple as two plus two equals . . . ”
I stopped and faced her. “Equals what?” I asked. “Equals what, Alix?”
I still knew the answer to two plus two. But did Alix? How stupid had the ooze made her?
“Two plus two,” Alix mumbled. She frowned. “Two plus two . . . ”
You can do it, Alix, I thought. Come on. Two plus two equals twenty-two. You know this.
“What is two plus two?” I repeated.
Alix giggled. “I can’t remember. I must be too nervous about the Science Bowl.” She smiled at me. “Don’t worry, partner,” she said. “I’ll be fine once it starts.”
But I knew the truth. Alix wouldn’t be fine. The ooze had definitely drenched her brain.
As we continued down the corridor, I spotted my mom and dad outside the auditorium.
“We wanted to say good luck, honey,” Mom called, “before the Bowl starts.”
I tried to smile as we walked up to my parents, but I was having a hard enough time breathing.
“Good luck, son,” Dad said, slapping me on the shoulder.
“Thanks, Dad,” I said. “Thanks.”
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I peeked into the auditorium. Almost every seat was taken. My throat went dry.
“Let’s go,” Alix urged. “It’s about to begin.”
“I know you won’t let us down,” Mom said.
I waved to my mom and dad and followed Alix into the auditorium. Toad grinned at me as we climbed up onto the stage. “You are going to lose,” he mouthed. But Geoff looked a little nervous.
Alix and I sat down at the empty table. I glanced over at Melanie and Tanya. Neither of them appeared nervous at all.
Melanie was blowing a huge, pink, bubble-gum bubble. Tanya was staring at it as it grew bigger and bigger.
Mr. Emerson stepped out onstage just as Melanie’s bubble popped. He glared at her as she pulled pieces of gum off her face.
“Welcome to the first round of this year’s Science Bowl!” Mr. Emerson announced. “I want to welcome the students, the faculty, the friends, and the families in our audience. I also want to congratulate our contestants in advance. No matter what happens today, they are all winners!”
I doubted Mr. Emerson would still feel that way when the Science Bowl was over. I knew my family wouldn’t.
“Let’s start,” Mr. Emerson said. “Remember—when one team misses a question, the other teams get a chance at it. Good luck to all of you.”
He smiled broadly and took a wad of index cards from his pocket. “We’ll start with the Blue Team,” he announced.
Whew! At least my team didn’t get the first question. “With all the talk about genes these days,” Mr. Emerson read, “tell us what the letters in DNA stand for.”
Geoff stared at Toad. Toad stared at Geoff.
“Well, don’t both jump in at once,” Mr. Emerson said, laughing.
How dumb were Toad and Geoff now? Would one of them be able to get the right answer?
“DNA?” Toad asked. “You better take it, Geoff.”
“No,” Geoff whispered. “You take it. You’re always bragging about how smart you are. So prove it.”
Toad shook his head. “It wouldn’t be fair for me to answer all the questions.”
Reluctantly Geoff stood up. “DNA,” he mumbled. “That’s a hard one.”
“I’ll give you a hint,” Mr. Emerson said. “It has to do with genetics.”
Geoff stared at the floor. “It sounds familiar.” He sighed. “I heard about genetics somewhere.”
Why did I have to bring the ooze to school with me? Why? Why? Why? Geoff’s brain was pudding—and it was all my fault!
“I can’t remember,” Geoff finally admitted.
Mr. Emerson turned to Melanie and Tanya. “Anyone on the Green Team want to take a crack at it?” he asked.
Maybe one of them still had enough brainpower to get the right answer. I knew I didn’t.
Melanie pulled a piece of gum off her nose and popped it into her mouth. “I don’t think so,” she said, chewing her gum nervously.
I noticed my parents in the front row. Dad gave me a big thumbs-up. He probably figures I have it made—now that the other teams missed the question, I realized.
“Red Team?” Mr. Emerson asked. He sounded a little worried.
I glanced over at Alix. She was muttering “DNA” over and over—and shaking her head back and forth.
“We don’t know, either,” I told Mr. Emerson.
Someone in the crowd laughed. I thought it was Eric, but I didn’t look. I didn’t want to see anyone in the audience—especially my dad. He wouldn’t be giving me the thumbs-up now.
“Well, maybe we should move on to a different area of scientific investigation,” Mr. Emerson said stiffly.
He pulled another card out of his stack. “This is for the Red Team,” Mr. Emerson announced. “What is the definition of ecology?”
“I know!” Alix cried. She jumped to her feet.
Maybe the ooze hadn’t hurt Alix as much as I thought!
“Wonderful, Alix!” Mr. Emerson exclaimed. “Tell us what ecology is.”
The big smile on Alix’s face turned into a frown.
“Alix?” Mr. Emerson prompted.
“I knew a second ago,” she said, biting her bottom lip.
I could hear people in the audience whispering to each other. And a couple kids laughing.
Alix balled her hands into fists. “I did know the answer. I did! I did!”
“You’ll have another chance, Alix,” Mr. Emerson said. “Science Bowls can be tense, can’t they? Now, would the Blue Team like to answer the question?”
Geoff pointed to Toad.
“What was the question again?” Toad asked.
Mr. Emerson sighed. “What is ecology?” he repeated.
Toad stood up with his shoulders back and his head up. “Ecology is how much money people make and what they spend it on,” Toad said loudly.
“That is incorrect,” Mr. Emerson told him.
“Are you sure?” Toad asked.
“What?” Mr. Emerson asked in disbelief.
“Check the answer!” Toad insisted. “My dad’s an ecologist—so I know I got it right!”
“I’m an economist! An economist!” a man yelled from the back of the auditorium.
“Are you sure, Dad?” Toad began. “I thought—”
“Toad!” Mr. Emerson interrupted. “Please sit down. The answer is incorrect.”
Mr. Emerson turned to Tanya and Melanie. “Girls?” he asked. “Want to give it a try?”
Melanie twisted her charm bracelet around her wrist. “Isn’t Ecology the name of that bear who says ‘Only you can prevent forest fires’?”
“No, it is not,” Mr. Emerson said. I could see sweat shining on his face. “It is not even close.”
“Next question. For the Green Team. What year was Louis Pasteur born?”
“Who?” Tanya asked.
“Huh?” Melanie said.
“Red Team?” Mr. Emerson pulled out a handkerchief and wiped off his forehead while he waited for me and Alix.
Alix shook her head. She brushed the back of her hand across her eyes.
I felt my stomach knot. Was Alix crying? She never cried.
“I’m letting everyone down, aren’t I?” Alix exclaimed. “I shouldn’t be in the Science Bowl. I’m not smart enough.”
“Neither is Geoff,” Toad interrupted. “He lost us the DNA question.”
“You didn’t know the answer, either!” Geoff yelled.
“Did, too!” Toad shot back.
“Did not!” Geoff answered. “And you thought your dad was an ecologist!”
“He is an ecologist!” Toad said.
“Is not!” Geoff growled.
“That is enough!” Mr. Emerson snapped.
“Is, too,” I heard Toad whisper.
Melanie and Tanya weren’t paying any attention to Toad and Geoff or Alix or Mr. Emerson. Melanie had another huge bubble going. And Tanya started braiding her hair.
“I don’t even know what two plus two is!” Alix suddenly cried out. “Something’s wrong with me! I let you down, Al! I’m sorry!” Then she ran off the stage.
I leaped up and started after her. “Stop, Alix!” I shouted. “It’s not your fault. It’s my—”
Mr. Emerson grabbed my arm. “One of the teachers will see to Alix,” he told me. “Sit down!”
I sat.
“Let’s try another question,” Mr. Emerson said in a shaky voice. “This is for the Blue Team. Who discovered that the earth revolves around the sun?”
The sun. That reminded me of something. Breakfast—Michelle quizzing me.
“Toad? Geoff? Do either of you know the answer?”
“I don’t want to be on his team anymore!” Geoff blurted out.
“Well, I don’t want you on my team!” Toad answered.
“Stop!” Mr. Emerson shouted. He closed his eyes for a long moment. “Stop,” he said more quietly. “Would the Green Team like to answer?”
Melanie raised her hand.
“Yes, Melanie!” Mr. Emerson sounded so happy.
“Can I get some more gum? I think better when I’m chewing gum, and I just swallowed mine,” Melanie said.
Everyone in the audience laughed. I couldn’t wait to get off the stage. I couldn’t wait for the Science Bowl to end.
“No, you may not have more gum,” Mr. Emerson said firmly. I could see a little muscle twitching near his left eye.
“Then I can’t answer the question,” Melanie replied.
“Tanya?” Mr. Emerson said.
Tanya jerked her head up. “Huh?”
Mr. Emerson shook his head. “Anyone? Can anyone tell me who discovered that the earth rotates around the sun?”
I glanced out into the auditorium. My parents were both nodding and smiling at me.
Wait. Wait. I knew this.
I pressed my hands against the sides of my head. If I pressed hard enough, maybe the answer would come out of my mouth.
Something about my dad? No, something about a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
“Galileo!” I exclaimed.
A big smile broke out on Mr. Emerson’s face. The audience burst into applause. My mom and dad clapped the hardest.
I scored the first point in the Science Bowl!
14
Unfortunately, it was also the last point anyone scored in the Science Bowl.
Mr. Emerson asked three more questions—and no one even tried to answer them.
Geoff and Toad got into a shouting match over who was stupider. All Melanie would talk about was gum. And Tanya kept trying out new hairstyles.
Finally Mr. Emerson threw his stack of questions on the floor. “I don’t know what’s wrong with you!” he cried. “We have always had outstanding students in the Science Bowl! You are all bright kids. Just what kind of stunt are you trying to pull?”
“I studied,” Toad protested. “Every night. I knew all this stuff before lunch!”
But Mr. Emerson wouldn’t listen. I had never seen him so angry. “The Science Bowl is over,” he declared. “This school will not hold another one until the students are able to convince me that they are mature enough to take part.”
Most of the kids and teachers and parents filed out of the auditorium quickly and quietly. But my parents waited for me at the edge of the stage.