by M S C Barnes
He waited for the usual torrent of images — only one came — and what he saw made him want to close his eyes, but since this image was in his mind, he couldn’t shut it off. And now he knew what the ‘specific circumstances’ Aelfric had spoken about were.
“A baby,” he stammered. “A baby.” He fell to his knees as the feelings of this soul overwhelmed his own and all he knew was absolute, blind rage. That emotion overrode everything; there was no control, no awareness of a line not to be crossed, just pure, unrestrained fury. He watched what this soul, when possessed of a physical body, had done to such a small child and he knew he was, himself, screaming — shouting his horror and revulsion into the stormy night.
The event lasted for no more than a minute and then, as if suddenly realising what it had done, this soul’s anger subsided and was instantly replaced with guilt, shame and remorse. Seb was stunned by the strength of those feelings which continued into an abyss of blackness as the image disappeared. All around him now was darkness and for what seemed like hours he hung in that darkness feeling nothing but self-loathing and sorrow. Time stretched on and, all the while, he felt a desperate desire to undo what had been done, and inconsolable sadness. He longed for an end to it. He had no idea whether days, months, years or even centuries had passed — it felt like an eternity. On and on he floated in a hollow place, empty except for the feeling of desolation. Seb knew he was crying.
And just when he thought he could bear the sadness no longer a small light appeared. It was just a pinprick in the void. Entranced, the soul moved towards it. And suddenly things changed. From a world of nothingness, the soul became aware of its surroundings — a rolling sea, an expanse of sky, and it felt the mind of another person — a Custodian. The Custodian made a request for help and service and the soul answered that request gladly. More time passed and the soul listened to directions from the Custodian. It helped bear the weight of a boat, changing course and speed as the Custodian willed. It helped support the feet of the Custodian, knowing instinctively where he was going and what he needed. For numerous years it gave its service, able to reconcile the feeling of remorse with a feeling of humble purpose.
Then, inexplicably and without warning, the directions stopped. The soul was lost, floating in darkness once more. Sadness and desolation swamped it and it sank into despair.
But, suddenly, there was another light, a bright, vivid pink light that called to this soul. It rushed towards it and found itself, once more in the rolling sea; there was a body, a person, thrashing in the water, tossed about by the turbulent waves and caught up in the vicious undercurrents. The soul knew this person needed help and it also knew that this person held the key to its own redemption. It sped to the person, grasped him and lifted him high above the waves and transported him to the nearest shore. And then it felt a jolt of excitement. On the shore it could see two glowing blue lights. These lights would bring it salvation, would set it free. Having let the person go, the soul waited, watching the blue lights until suddenly it was pulled towards one. It felt momentary panic as it was then pulled away, but hope resurrected itself as it tore towards the second blue light.
And now Seb returned to his own reality. He was on his hands and knees, gasping for breath, tears streaming down his face. Aelfric, with Dierne’s help, had staggered over to him. Kneeling, he wrapped his arms around him.
“I would never have let you, Seb. This was not for you to do,” he said, looking devastated. “I would always spare you this. But Seb, he needs you to free him.”
Seb looked up and through his tears he could see the white mist hovering in the air beside him. He lifted his hand and waved it towards the soul.
“Rest,” he said and then buried his face in Aelfric’s chest and sobbed.
Healing
The fire in The Pytt had nearly gone out as the freezing, bedraggled group entered the room. Alice, on Aelfric’s instruction, had carried Seb all the way to the door, and now he took him over to the fire and placed him on a bench seat where Aelfric joined them.
Seb was still sniffling. His heart ached as though he had actually lived all the years of desolation he had experienced through the asrai soul, and even the warmth and glowing embers of the fire couldn’t lift his spirits. His tears continued to fall intermittently.
Aelfric sat beside him and sent Alice to fetch a blanket from one of the bedrooms off the main domed room. As Alice returned, Scarlet planted herself in front of Seb.
“Come on Seb, pull yourself together,” she said, gently. “It can’t have been that bad!”
“Scarlet,” Aelfric, wrapping the blanket around Seb, sounded sorrowful, “It can.” With one hand on Cue’s back, he put his other arm around Seb’s shoulders.
Seb just stared into the fire, which Trudy was now stoking and bringing back to life. He felt raw and downhearted. His view of life, never an optimistic one to start with, had been drowned in shadows.
“Seb,” Aelfric turned to him. Seb couldn’t look at him. “It hurts beyond description, I know. If it helps at all — you have released one soul from that pain, allowing him to rest peacefully.” Now Seb did turn and look at Aelfric, who smiled kindly. As another tear fell from Seb’s eye, he tightened his grip around his shoulders and then he lifted his hand and waved towards the wall, revealing the door. It opened and Nat, looking distraught, ran in and straight to Seb, flinging her arms around him as Scarlet stepped away and Aelfric stood up. The instant she embraced him, Seb felt the cloud of depression splinter and, whilst it didn’t disappear, he could feel light through the darkness. Nat’s body was cold and, fleetingly, he wondered where she had been all this time.
“Can I get one of those?” Zach, who had helped a shaking Aiden to the fireside, asked. “I mean, I nearly drowned out there.”
“And you got a hug!” Scarlet crossed her arms.
“So you were jealous,” he laughed, patting and rubbing Aiden on the back to get his circulation going even though he was still violently shaking himself.
As The Caretaker and Dom entered through the doorway, Aelfric walked towards the back of the room, Dierne supporting him.
“Greg,” he called. Greg didn’t answer. He had taken himself to the far side of the fire, where he sat, staring into the fresh flames, alone with his own thoughts. Aelfric didn’t call again.
“Greg!” Trudy said, looking up from the fire. When Greg also ignored her, she stomped around to her brother. “Go and help Aelfric!” she ordered.
Greg, gazing up at her, sounded bewildered.
“I caused this.” He shook his head and looked back into the flames, mumbling, “I can’t help anyone.” Trudy stood over him, looking cross until Aelfric called to her.
“Trudy, I think Greg needs some time. Dom,” his voice sounded croaky, “can you come with me please.” Stern-faced, Dom joined him and, with Dierne, helped him into the bedroom. Nat watched and, letting go of Seb, began to follow but Alice stopped her.
“Dierne says to help Seb,” he said. Looking torn, she eventually nodded and sat down.
Scarlet drifted over to Zach and Aiden and the three of them sat, warming themselves by the now roaring fire. Trudy decided to leave Greg be, as Aelfric had asked, and joined The Caretaker preparing hot drinks for everyone.
Now Nat took Seb’s hands in hers. She spoke quietly to him as Alice hovered in mid-air in front of them.
“I know it hurts, Seb. But can you find something positive from it, and hold onto that?”
Her hands, though cold, were warmer than his and he looked at them, shaking his head, trying to stop fresh tears from falling. All he could think of were the years of depression. And as he remembered them, he felt himself being sucked back down into a mood so bleak and melancholy he believed he would never rise out of it.”
“There will be something Seb. It is seldom all darkness,” Nat said. She pulled the blanket further around his shoulders and then held his hands again.
“She is right, Seb,” Alice urged. “If you se
nt that soul to rest, there must have been something positive?”
Seb felt so downcast and didn’t want to relive the memories again but they kept resurfacing anyway. He flinched as the sights of the horrendous act this soul had committed flashed back and then he was reliving the dark time, the time where the soul experienced nothing but overwhelming grief and regret. And then he remembered the pinprick of light, and the hope and excitement the asrai soul had felt on seeing it. In the midst of the darkness, this soul had seen and then followed that light and had been rewarded with years of purpose in serving a Custodian. It had found respite in that service. The Custodian, Seb knew, was Aelfric. And suddenly he understood why Aelfric chose to live at sea and to use the asrais the way he did. He gave them hope, purpose and a chance of freedom from their tortured existence. And there it was — the positive thing he could hold on to. All these agonised souls, floating in an abyss of sadness and despair, and Aelfric giving them a beacon which guided them to some degree of solace. Above all, he gave them a means to make recompense and earn their release.
“You okay Seb?” Alice asked, looking worried.
Seb’s tears had stopped and he looked up and stared at the bedroom door, which had closed quietly. He jumped as Dierne suddenly appeared beside him.
Looking intently at him, Dierne spoke so quietly only Seb, Nat an Alice could hear.
“I want to thank you, Seb, for what you did.” Seb looked puzzled. “Taking the asrai soul from Aelfric,” Dierne said. “I know you have suffered badly as a result, but if you had not done that, Aelfric … he couldn’t have…” Dierne shook his head, then stood more erect. “I am eternally grateful to you and I will do all I can to help you, whenever you need me.” He said nothing more but dissolved in a flash of green, returning to Aelfric.
“Something positive?” Nat smiled at Seb. He couldn’t raise a smile but in return gave a small nod.
“You did so well Seb,” Alice said, proudly.
Seb sat, gazing across the fire, as Nat snuggled up next to him. His eyes fell on Greg. He had still not moved. Riddled with guilt, Seb guessed, the normally cheerful man was unable to come to terms with what his actions had caused. He stared into the flames, looking lost. Seb felt for him. Dierne had cast judgement from the outset and Greg must, surely, be agreeing with that judgement now. But Seb knew Greg had acted out of the best intentions and must be mystified as to how everything had gone so horribly wrong. Aelfric, Trudy and Zach had all nearly died; Aelfric’s yacht — his home — had been wrecked and Seb had been reduced to a pathetic, sobbing wreck himself. And, after all that, Aelfric’s body had not been healed. The time Greg had thought he was buying him, to recuperate, was wasted time. The wolves had been unable to help against the injuries. It seemed that, since sympathetic influence had been used to inflict them, they needed Aelfric to be active in using their power to heal himself.
Seb mulled that over. The wolves provided power for the Custodians; power to deal with trespassers and other errant souls if it was needed, and power to heal. He remembered back to a moment, months before, when he had healed Cue himself. The wolf had been badly injured by Heath, possibly with Braddock’s help; Seb had used the other eight wolves in the pack and himself as a channel for their power, and had healed Cue.
He stood abruptly. The blanket around his shoulders fell to the floor. I can help Aelfric!
Nat looked up alarmed.
“I can help him,” he said. “Two wolves aren’t enough. He needs them all.” Letting go of her hands, he gave her a weak smile and walked to the bedroom door, Alice accompanying him.
“What ya doin’ oh sniffling one?” Zach asked. He had left Aiden and Scarlet by the fire and started stripping his clothes off, much to Scarlet’s horror.
“Zach!” she yelled. “Not here.” He simply shrugged and grinned at her.
“I won’t be long,” Seb said, reaching the door and knocking gently. Dierne zoomed through the wall and appeared beside him.
“Seb, Dom is dressing his wounds. Please give them a minute.”
Seb felt so certain he could help, he shook his head.
“I can make the wounds better,” he said. Dierne raised his acorn-lined eyebrows. “You saw me help Cue,” Seb continued. “Aelfric drawing power from just Cue and Pace isn’t enough. I can focus all the wolves’ strength into one and make him better, instantly.”
Dierne thought about his words for a moment, then Seb realised he was probably relaying his suggestion to Aelfric; and now the door opened and Dom looked down sadly at him.
“Aelfric says it is too dangerous,” he said.
Seb couldn’t see why. He would simply channel all the power of the wolves in one bolt, straight into Aelfric.
“I don’t understand why,” Seb shouted past Dom. “I think I can do it.”
“Seb, come in,” Aelfric sounded in pain as he called to him.
Entering the room Seb was stunned at how awful Aelfric looked. He perched on the edge of a large bed, and at his feet were his blood-soaked shirt and several towels, also covered in his blood, beside a basin full of red-tinted water. Dom had wrapped a fresh bandage around his torso but the blood was already seeping through from his side. Cue and Pace sat either side of him and he had a hand on each of their backs. Though flamers filled the room with warm, rosy light, Aelfric looked ghostly pale. He unsuccessfully tried to hide the pain he was feeling as he indicated for Seb to sit in a small wing-back chair next to the bed.
“I’ll go and get some goldenseal root powder, for the bleeding,” Dom said and, looking hopefully at Seb, left the room.
Dierne and Alice each hovered next to their Custodians. Other than the sound of Aelfric’s laboured breathing, the room was silent.
“I can help you,” Seb mumbled. “I helped Cue before.” Cue whined as Seb said his name and Aelfric patted the beast.
“I know, Seb. And what you did was astounding. But this is a very different set of circumstances. Please trust me, I will be fine. In time, these two,” he indicated the wolves, “will heal my body.”
“But you don’t give yourself time,” Seb protested. “You don’t ever stop. Because I wasn’t pulling my weight, you were already exhausted — and that was before you —” He paused then mumbled, “Before you took the injuries that were meant for me. And now you are hurt,” he glanced at the towels at their feet, “and you can’t heal because you keep dealing with the trespassers. Let me use the wolves to make you better.”
Neither Dierne nor Alice spoke but they both watched Aelfric keenly. As Aelfric shook his head, Dierne visibly slumped.
“Seb,” Aelfric sighed. “You need to stop blaming yourself. You are such a young soul in such a young body and it was never to be expected that you would be able to take on this role from the outset. When I first became a Custodian, I was helpless and hopeless — Ask Dierne.” He looked up at his twin. Dierne just frowned, not wanting to accept that Aelfric had ever been anything other than perfect. “And you have come to this so much younger than I did. You have had no life experience to prepare you for the dreadful deeds you witness. Because of that, those things draw your attention more than the emotions behind them. That is natural, and it will take time for you to learn to ignore the sights and focus on the emotions. So I need you to stop believing you have failed or aren’t ‘pulling your weight’ and realise that the things you have done in three short months have been amazing.” He stopped and, breathing heavily, lowered his head.
“You can’t even talk for long without struggling,” Seb said, quietly. “You need to let me help you.”
Dierne moved forward slightly but Aelfric raised a hand. He looked up and tried to smile. “Seb, I have been told, by Dierne and the others, what you did for Cue. The like of that has not been seen before. But to do the same for me is not possible.”
“Why?” Seb couldn’t see the problem. “It will work, I know it will.”
When he spoke, Aelfric’s voice was almost a whisper. “The sympathetic wounds will
transfer elsewhere, Seb.” He looked sadly at him. “The injuries already exist. They have to be healed or removed.”
Seb looked puzzled. “I don’t understand. Why is that a problem?” he said. “I can use the wolves to heal you.”
“When you were attacked the first time, I was too slow; I didn’t realise what we were dealing with,” Aelfric explained. “I thought that using my aura to protect you would stop the attack and that would be enough. But it wasn’t. The blade had already pierced your chest — You had already suffered an actual, physical injury.
“I didn’t know what had caused it and I tried to use the power of the wolves to heal you, Seb. But they recognised the dark source and nature of the wound and saw it as a contamination. To them, that contamination needed to be removed by the quickest means possible. That wasn’t by healing you, but by drawing the injury from you and transferring it onto someone else — someone who isn’t a Custodian. The wolves must save the Custodians; they are not equipped to concern themselves with the morality or consequences of their actions in doing so. They would not mean to hurt another, but their instinct to save us would force them to. Alice was the closest living body to you at the time and so he was the one who would have received the transferred injury.” He glanced at Alice who just looked shocked.
Struggling to talk now, Aelfric turned on the bed and, wincing with pain, leant back against the headboard. It was a few moments before he could speak again.
“When I understood what the wolves intended, I had no alternative. I couldn’t see you — or any of our friends — suffer or even die. So I tried to pull the influence, and the injury onto me, intending afterwards, to use the wolves to heal myself more slowly. They, however, were now caught in a dilemma; they needed to save you but were unwilling to allow harm to me. The whole pack resisted me; battling to transfer the injury away from us both. It took almost all my strength and willpower to stop them.” He paused to catch his breath.