by Elle Park
"You'll get more than a scratch if..."
Lei is growling out words, but I stop listening when I feel a firm grip on my wrist trying to tug me backwards—which, thanks to Nolan acting as my human shield, no one seems to have noticed. I don't have to look behind me, though, to know who it is that has taken a hold of me.
Toshiro.
Stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place—which actually feels quite literal at the moment—both my mind and body are going into overdrive. The instinct of fight or flight is warring within me, and at the rate my heart is pounding, I'll die of natural causes before even a maevon can get to me.
And I think my brain just blew a fuse, because it's as if time itself has stopped completely.
No one is asking questions or hurling accusations. In fact, no one is doing anything at all. They have gone still, and they have gone silent. It's like I'm back in the flooded room of Striker's Lane—except, unlike those statues, these ones aren't blinking.
The only thing that tells me that the world hasn't stopped is the hand now wrapped around my own, yanking so hard that my arm might soon be pulled out of its socket. Even as I'm forced to the middle of the threshold, I dig the fingers of my free hand into the wall beside me, refusing to budge.
What am I supposed to do—stay or go? Where would I even be going? I have no idea where this door leads to—it might be equivalent to walking off a plank, for all I know. So, it's either that, or chaining myself to an anchor and diving into the ocean myself.
But would that be so bad?
Although I didn't like knowing the details of my impending death, years of pent up emotions finally boiled over, and I allowed myself to properly feel them for once. I grieved for both the unfortunate start to life I had, as well as the unfortunate end to life I would have. And I did what I thought I would never do for anyone, let alone for myself.
I mourned.
I've accepted my fate, haven't I?
But then, what if I haven't? What if I want to hold on to whatever life I can get? What if I decide to stay? Nolan would be my only hope, and though he might be able to fetch me a bone, I know a bone is the most he'll be able to get.
And that won't do for those out for blood.
Shit, shit, shit.
What do I do? What should I do? What will I do?
I need to decide if I can extinguish my will to live, because although I don't have a particular desire to die, I can't keep worrying if I'll make it out alive. But to make a decision, I need to think, and if I want to think, I need more time—and while that seems to be something I have a sudden, infinite supply of, I get the feeling I'm dangerously close to running out.
I wonder if it's the human in me that makes me loosen my grip—to finally let go and fall into wherever it is I'm destined to end up, even as I ponder just how I'm supposed to hide from those who own the world.
But I'll have to do it. I'll have to find a way.
Because now, come hell or high water, I'm swimming with the sharks.