She took a step forward, her heart hammering in her chest, before faltering and stopping for a split second as Jordan’s expression slipped away to be replaced by a mask. It was then that Skyla saw the angry scar: red and raw, it ran along his jawline and down his neck. Yet it didn’t ruin his face, it added something to it.
“Hello, Jordan,” Skyla said brightly, trying to keep her voice even. Jordan didn’t answer, he simply turned and looked away, but she could see his Adam’s apple moving; he was swallowing down the emotion that he had expressed in his eyes.
A small seed of hope sprouted inside her heart, and although she cursed herself for being so stupid, she knew she didn’t have the strength to kill it off.
“Hello, Skyla. I’m Dr. Ben.”
“Beth’s husband. Congratulations on your baby, it looks as if you are going to have your hands full very soon. You two are very lucky.” She smiled warmly, and the handsome Dr. Ben smiled back. There must be something in the mountain water around Bear Bluff, because all the men were incredibly good-looking in their own way. And buff.
Even Jordan, lying in his hospital bed, looked strong and toned, his biceps huge. But he had a physical job, or had; now he would have to work out in a gym to maintain his upper body strength. That was a conversation for later, she had read in his files how he had refused to carry on with any exercises, but she’d help him see the need for them.
“We are very lucky, thank you.” Ben smiled and shook her hand. When he dropped it, he moved closer to Beth, his hand twitching to touch her, no doubt to stroke her baby bump and feel the life in there. But he didn’t, the doctor in him making him remain professional.
Her eyes slipped across to the bed where Jordan kept his eyes focused on anything but her. She might be offended, if she hadn’t seen the look in his eyes earlier. His avoidance had the opposite effect. Jordan ignoring her, made her more certain that there was a connection between them.
Dare she hope they were mates? This hope was soon quashed when he suddenly turned and looked at her, and said, “I’ve changed my mind. I don’t need a nursemaid; I can manage on my own. You can go.”
Chapter Two – Jordan
How could he be doing this? Trying to throw her out of his life, trying to rid himself of his mate. It was madness. He knew it was, his bear would tell him it was. If his bear was still there.
An emptiness opened up inside him. It was better this way, to be alone in his suffering. There would be nothing worse than a bear who couldn’t use his back legs; there could be nothing worse than a mate who would be eternally tied to a man in a wheelchair.
But she was a fine woman. Curves in all the right places. Her hair was auburn, shimmering with health, while her hazel eyes lit up when she smiled, making them sparkle as if touched by the moonlight. Too good for him, too good for a man who had watched his friends die and been unable to do anything about it.
“Jordan, we’ve been through this,” Ben said, leaving his wife’s side and coming back to Jordan’s bedside. “If you want to leave the hospital, then you have to have someone in to help you while you adjust.”
“I have adjusted,” Jordan said bitterly. “I have accepted the way things are, and now I’d like to be left in peace.”
“Not happening,” Ben said. “Skyla here is going to live with you while you convalesce, and she is trained to help with your exercises and monitor any improvement.”
Jordan snorted. “We both know there is never going to be any improvement. So, let’s not kid ourselves, shall we?”
“Jordan, you have to leave the hospital. Dylan has been converting the house you bought so you can cope living there in a wheelchair. This has all been arranged.”
“Is that what I have to look forward to? My life being arranged for me, like I was a child.”
“That is up to you,” Skyla said, stepping in to stop short his verbal tirade. “You want to go home. You want to be independent. I understand that. We all do. But we all must take small steps and conquer one task at a time.”
“Baby steps, that’s what you want to say,” Jordan spat, his temper rising. It was one of the many parts of him that were broken. He used to be the most easygoing man alive. Nothing bothered him; nothing was too much trouble. Now he could barely control his temper: it flashed hot and angry, out of his control.
“If you want to behave like a baby, I can treat you like one. Whether you like it or not, this is all about you. You are the center of my world right now. So get used to it.” Skyla came up to the bed and leaned forward, the scent of her hitting his nostrils, making something stir inside him.
But nothing could stir, he was paralyzed from the waist down, he was never going to be able to make love to this firebrand, he was never going to be able to make a child with her—and would never carry her across the threshold on their wedding night. He was useless as a mate.
“I asked you to leave,” he said.
Skyla turned to Ben and Beth. “Would you mind leaving us to get acquainted?” She paused and then looked back at Jordan. “Don’t worry. I can handle him.”
“You can handle me?” Jordan asked, a spark of anger crossing his face. “Why, because I’m a cripple?”
“That’s not how I see you,” she said, nodding at Beth and Ben. They hastily left the room, Ben giving one last glance back at them as he closed the door, and in that glance, Jordan knew he’d figured out what was going on here. Jordan only hoped that doctor-patient confidentiality would mean Ben kept the secret to himself.
“Then how do you see me?” Jordan snapped, using his left hand to pick up his leg and let it fall. “My legs don’t work. That makes me a cripple.”
“Is that all you are?” Skyla countered.
Jordan hesitated, not knowing what the answer to that question was anymore. He used to know, he used to know exactly where he fit into this world. He had a career, he had friends he trusted with his life, but they were all gone. His life was broken, just like his body.
“Listen, Jordan. I’m here to help you.” She held up her hand when he opened his mouth to protest. “I know you don’t think you need help, but you do, and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you can begin to rebuild your life.”
“What if I want to just lie here in bed?” Jordan asked, the nearness of her beginning to overpower his senses.
“Then I sit here, and we waste away together.” She pointed to the chair by the side of the bed. “I’m being paid to look after you and help you to readjust to your new life. They paid me in advance, and I always honor my contracts, so I have to come to work. And since you are my work, I’ll come and sit with you every day. Unless, of course, you would rather go out there and breathe some fresh air, because I don’t know about you, but hospitals are not my favorite place.”
He looked out of the window, at the blue sky. A stray cloud floated past, while the sun shone as it always had. His life had changed, while the world moved on the same.
Jordan closed his eyes, and tried to remember what it was like to have the wind on his face, to feel the sun warm on his skin, to hold a shovel in his hand and swing it with his powerful muscles. But all he could see were his dead friends, and the warmth of the sun turned to the blazing heat of the burning helicopter in which they perished.
Would he ever find joy again? Would he ever be able to feel again? He didn’t mean his legs; Skyla was right, he could live without those. But his bear, could he live with that part of him gone, severed in one awful moment?
“Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if you don’t like it, that’s OK, because when you wake up, tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life. One thing I can promise you is that if you face it head on, every day will get better.” She came and leaned over the bed, capturing his eyes with hers and smiling, her lips curling up, her eyes sparkling. “I promise you, Jordan, I will face each of those new beginnings with you, until you tell me you don’t need me anymore. Will you let me?”
She didn’t know what she
asked of him. She didn’t know he couldn’t refuse his mate.
Chapter Three – Skyla
“I’ll try.” That was the best she was going to get for now, and that was good enough.
“Great. Let’s get going, then.” She placed a small duffel bag down on the bed and opened it up. “Ben gave me your approximate size and measurements. I hope these fit.” She took out the clothes and laid them on the bed. “They look good.”
“What are they for?” he asked suspiciously.
“To wear.” She raised an eyebrow at him. “That’s what you usually do with clothes.” His mouth twitched at one corner, but he didn’t smile. “Don’t worry, you’ll get used to my sense of humor.”
“You’re not going to be around me long enough for that to happen,” he said.
“Is that a challenge? I like a challenge.” She took out some jeans and a blue T-shirt, laying them on the bed. “OK. Let’s get you dressed.”
“No.” He shook his head. “You are not dressing me like a doll.”
“A doll would be far less trouble,” she said smiling, seeing how uneasy he was. “Listen, I’m a big girl, I’ve done this so many times, I don’t even bother looking.”
“You are not dressing me.” His face was set.
“Have the other nurses dressed you, washed you?” she asked, sure the answer would be yes.
“Of course,” he admitted.
“So it’s just me you don’t like.” A lump threatened to make her voice croak, but she swallowed it back down. It was the first time someone had taken such an instant dislike to her. “Do you want me to fetch one of the other nurses?”
He studied her, a myriad of emotions crossing his face. She tried to make them out, but mostly she just saw sorrow. “No. I can do it myself.”
She let out a breath; he wasn’t sending her away. That was a positive step. Still confused, she took the clothes, setting them down on the chair by the side of the bed. “Are you sure you can do this?”
“Positive.” He shifted his weight, using his strong arms to move his body. The determination on his face was intense, and she caught a glimpse of who this man used to be, and who he could be again, if only he would give himself a chance.
“Then I will leave you to it.” She moved away from the bed, and pulled the curtains around so he could have the privacy he wanted. “Call me if you need me.”
Her last glimpse of his face as the curtains drew together was a look of hunger, and the lump in her throat was from a different emotion. He wanted her, she knew he did, and the faint hope that they were mates blossomed bigger inside her. However, she would never act on it, never mention it, they had a professional relationship, and that had to be the way things stayed until he said otherwise.
Walking towards the door, before turning and pacing back towards the bed, she listened carefully, hearing him groan. Skyla could picture Jordan trying to dress himself, struggling with a body that didn’t cooperate in the same way it used to. It was tough, but she resisted the urge to rush in there and help him.
Skyla waited, hearing movement, several grunts as if he was straining, followed by him saying, “You can come in now.”
She let out her pent-up breath, pulled the curtains open, and looked at the man resting on the bed in front of her. “Those clothes fit really well.” The T-shirt pulled across his upper body, emphasizing his muscles, which had been hidden under the hospital gown and blankets.
“What now?” he asked.
“We get you into the wheelchair and then we go,” she said.
“Where?” he asked, watching her intently as she folded his gown, and generally made sure everything was left tidy.
“I’ve arranged for us to go and visit your new house. It’s ready, so they want to hand the keys over.” She looked at her watch. “We need to hurry if we aren’t going to be late.”
“I’m not worried if we are.”
“You should be. The house is wonderful, and you can’t stay here forever, they need the bed.”
“Whatever you say,” he sighed.
Skyla walked over to the hospital wheelchair in the corner of the room. “Can you get into this on your own too?” she asked. Jordan was an independent guy, and she would have to factor that in to everything they did. It was good he wanted that independence, but at the same time, he was going to have to learn that she was there to help him and make life easier. At least until his body adjusted to this new life.
“Yes. I’ve managed it plenty of times, just like I manage the bathroom.” His voice was adamant, and she understood his pride meant he wasn’t going to stand her helping in that department.
“That is good to know. And it’s good that you already have such a sense of independence. My job is to nurture that and to help you do your exercises. The house has a gym, which should be all set up for you in the next few days.”
“As long as you don’t expect me to do those stupid exercises where they just reinforce the fact my legs don’t work,” he said.
“The exercises are for you to try to stimulate your muscles into working again.”
“No point, I can’t feel them, there’s too much damage.” Jordan heaved himself up and over to the wheelchair, which she had set by the side of him, with the brake on.
“You know what your report says, right?” she asked.
“If we are going to have any kind of civil relationship, you can drop that psycho mumbo-jumbo now. I know the scans show there is no damage, but I think the fact I have not been able to feel anything from the waist downwards for the last two months means they are wrong.”
“I’m not arguing with you, Jordan. I simply wanted to make sure they have made you aware of it.”
“Aware of it, yes. Until I came back to Bear Bluff, the doctors tried everything to get me to walk again, not exactly calling me a liar, but the insinuation was there all the same. Being told something is in your head, when it is so obviously not, is unsettling. Do they think I want to be like this?” he asked her, anger simmering just under the surface.
“No. I don’t think they believe that. But our brains do not always work as we expect them to. They short-circuit.”
“Short circuit,” he repeated, as she adjusted the foot rest for him. “I think I blew more than a fuse. You read the report. So, you tell me why I’m here while everyone else died?”
“Do you blame yourself?” she asked, grabbing her purse, and the duffel bag, and heading for the door. Turning around, she backed out of it, and then headed for the elevator, sure she saw Beth disappearing around the corner as they approached. The nurse had probably been waiting to see if Skyla might need assistance, maybe uncertain as to whether Jordan would refuse to leave his bed.
She was probably right to make herself scarce as they left the room. Skyla didn’t want Jordan to have any excuse not to go and visit his new house. Pressing the button, she waited for the elevator, the conversation having stalled after her last question.
However, when they were in the elevator, and the doors had slid shut in front of them, he spoke. “Wouldn’t you?” he asked. “They were there, burning in front of me. If I had been able to get up, I could have tried to drag them away. Instead, I was thrown clear and could only watch them die.”
“That is not your fault,” she said.
“Why isn’t it?” he asked vehemently. “One minute you are saying it’s all in my head, and there is no reason I can’t walk. The next you tell me it’s not my fault I couldn’t get up off the ground and save them.”
“The impact of the crash temporarily bruised your spine. There was swelling; you couldn’t walk then. But that does not mean you cannot walk now, the swelling has gone.” She came around to crouch down in front of him, taking his hand and looking into his face. “If it was one of your friends, one of the men you served with, who was here in this wheelchair, what would you say to them? Would you tell them to get on with their lives, or would you expect them to give up?”
He looked at her, their eye
s locked, and then his gaze dropped to her lips, and she couldn’t help it, her tongue slipped out to moisten them, wanting the kiss his expression promised. But this was not the time for kisses; it was the time for taking back control.
“Please, Jordan. Let me help you. It’s what I do, and I’m good at it.”
“OK.” Then the doors behind her pinged open and they were thrust into the busy world of the hospital ground floor.
“Great, let’s go check this house of yours out. It’s very cool,” she said, and pushed the wheelchair forward.
He was heavy in the wheelchair, but once she got some momentum, she could walk at a normal pace. She watched him looking around, breathing in the fresh air, and turning his head to look at the mountains all around them.
“I can see why you moved back here,” she said. “It’s beautiful.”
He nodded. “It is, I’d forgotten. But all I’ll be able to do is look. The mountains are not for a man who can’t walk, can’t even crawl.”
“What about your other side?” she asked, her voice low as she explored the subject of his inability to shift.
“I don’t have another side.” He turned his head away from the mountains and looked ahead of them. “That’s gone too.”
His words hit her hard, and made sense of his moods. When he told her he had lost everything, he really did mean it. And in that moment, she wanted to help him get it all back. Or at least as much as she possibly could.
A silent promise swirled through her brain. Jordan would have a fulfilling life, even if it wasn’t the one he had planned.
Chapter Four – Jordan
“Why are you handing me the keys?” he asked, as she stopped the wheelchair in front of a brand-new Volkswagen. “I can’t drive, remember?”
“That is what you think,” she said. “This is a specially adapted car. If you can get yourself dressed on your own, you can definitely drive this, no problem.”
“I can’t use my legs.”
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