He grinned as he hauled himself into the car. A job: he never imagined something so small would make him feel so much bigger, so much more than the broken body in this wheelchair. Was there a chance his life could one day be complete?
He glanced in the mirror, and watched Skyla lifting the wheelchair inside the trunk. His mood suddenly deflated. She should have the chance to find a whole man, one who could stand at the altar beside her, not one who could never carry her over the threshold of their house on their wedding night, not unless she was sat in his lap.
And children, what happened when they had children? He wouldn’t be able to teach them sports; he would be forever a bystander in everything they did. Wait, even thinking about children was impossible, not unless he regained the use of a very important part of his anatomy.
“Ready to go?” she asked, getting in beside him.
“Yes, once we get back to the hospital, why don’t you take the car and drive into town? I’ll go and talk to Ben.”
“Sure,” Skyla said. “I’ve already begun a mental list of everything we need for tonight. Is there something particular you want for dinner? Anything you want, as long as they sell it in town. I’m not the best cook in the world, I have to warn you.”
“Then I’ll cook.” Jordan nodded his head. “It’s one thing I was good at, that doesn’t need me to use my legs.”
“I like this new Jordan,” Skyla said. “So maybe I’ll get some steaks. It will have to be something that doesn’t take too long to cook, because by the time we get back here it’s going to be pretty late. But if you cook, I can make the beds up, and then tomorrow morning, when we get up, there is a whole new future in front of you.”
The drive back to the hospital was quicker; he was getting used to the car, and the controls were becoming more natural to use. When they pulled up into the parking lot, he waited impatiently while she fetched his wheelchair. He didn’t want to go back into the hospital, but knew that he had to, so he wanted to get it over with as soon as possible. He only hoped Ben was free to discharge him.
“I can manage on my own,” Jordan said to Skyla when she began pushing him towards the hospital. “My hands work properly, my arms are strong, I can push myself in there. Why don’t you go straight into town?”
“I think it would be better if I came into the hospital with you,” Skyla said.
“Don’t you trust me?” Jordan asked.
Skyla smiled, her eyes lighting up. He could tell she was going to tease him. The same warm feeling he had experienced earlier crept through his body. It started in his solar plexus, spiraling around, he guessed it was what people would describe as butterflies in the stomach. He’d never experienced it before, not around a woman. Sure, it was a similar feeling to that which he got when he was about to drop into a dangerous area with his comrades. However, this was different, this was a good feeling, and the best thing about it was it didn’t stay in the solar plexus.
“One thing I’m learning quickly about you Jordan, is that you are a strong man, with a strong will. That will has been asleep for a little while, but now it’s waking up, and I’m not quite sure if I do trust you.” Skyla touched his shoulder. “I get the feeling you’re going to be trouble. The kind of guy who doesn’t always do as he is told.”
“Is that the kind of man you like, the kind that does as he is told?” Jordan asked.
“It makes my job a whole easier, if my patients do as they’re told.”
“But what if I wasn’t your patient?” He wasn’t sure he should be saying this, didn’t know if he wanted to say it. An argument raged in his brain, as to whether or not she was better off with him, or without him. But he needed her. She was bringing him to life, and if she left, it would be a terrible death; he would wither away, alone in his wheelchair. But she would go off and have a fuller future without him. “Do you like your men to do as they are told?”
“My men? How do I like my men?” He saw a tinge of red across her cheeks, and knew he had embarrassed her. It was a wholly inappropriate question to ask the woman who was his caregiver, and whom he had only just met. “I’m going to think about that one, and I’ll tell you over dinner. Deal?”
“Deal.” She stood and watched him as he pushed the wheels of his wheelchair, taking himself back into the hospital. This was his first moment of independence, of doing something alone. Yes, he had driven the car, but Skyla had been at his side, ready to assist him if he needed it. Here he was, crossing a parking lot on his own, hoping his wheels didn’t get stuck in a drain, or that he wouldn’t tip it over. All of these things, such simple things for an able-bodied person, swam in his mind. He let them go, turning his attention back to something more pleasurable, such as the warm feeling in his stomach, which he was sure had spread lower, much lower. He was certain that when Skyla looked him with her eyes dancing, he could feel his toes tingling in excitement.
He made his way into the hospital building, and headed to Reception. “Could you page Dr. Ben for me, please?”
He didn’t recognize the receptionist; she looked down at him and asked, “And who are you?”
“Jordan Williams.”
Jordan had been in this hospital two weeks, but the only people he had seen were Ben and Beth and other nurses he had taken no notice of. He had lived in his own small bubble of self-pity, and as he sat there waiting for Ben, he knew that wasn’t who he was. His life before had been lived with the aim of helping as many people as he could; it was the reason he did the job that he did. Maybe Dylan was right: the best way to try and gain any normality was to get out the world, take up a job and finding a way to carry on helping people.
Maybe if he found that new sense of self-worth, it would make him feel worthy of having a woman like Skyla in his life. Maybe it would take away his fear of letting her down, and not being able to do all the things that an able-bodied person could do.
“You haven’t fired that pretty nurse of yours already, have you?” Ben asked as he walked across the reception area towards Jordan.
“No, she’s gone to pick up some supplies.”
“Supplies? What kind of supplies?” Ben asked suspiciously.
“Nothing sinister,” Jordan said. “Supplies, house. Bedding and some food.”
“That means you are planning on moving in?” Ben asked, looking pleased.
“Yes, and sooner than you think. I want you to discharge me now. I want to move into the house tonight.” Jordan said firmly.
“Tonight?” Ben asked surprised. “That’s sudden.”
“I know it’s sudden. But I also know it’s something I need to do. You’ve been badgering me for the last week to get out of this hospital, to try to find some way of moving forward. I found a way, and I need to do it now. I don’t want to risk lying back down in that bed and never leaving it again. I’m asking for your help Ben. I know you’re busy, but I’m asking you to find the time to discharge me now.”
“You’re in luck,” Ben said with a chuckle. “After you left, Beth said that there was something between you two. I wasn’t sure but now I see it. You’ve changed, Jordan, which makes me think that Skyla really is your mate.”
Jordan closed his eyes and took a breath. Was he ready to admit this to anybody? Skyla should be the first person to know, but he didn’t know when he would ever feel right telling her. He had a lot of work to do before he was ready to let her know about his feelings. As for claiming her, that was something that might prove impossible. The stirrings he had felt earlier had given him hope that one day, he might be able to regain enough feeling to make love to her. But at the moment it was a distant dream.
“I am still your patient, so we still have doctor-patient confidentiality, don’t we?” Jordan asked.
“We do. And you don’t have to answer. I think if you’re even asking me about doctor-patient confidentiality, I know that she is your mate. Come on, Beth made me fill out the forms. She said that you wouldn’t be coming back to stay with us. And I must admit, I’m
so glad that she was right.”
Chapter Seven – Skyla
Skyla felt like a contestant on a game show, where you had to throw as much stuff into your shopping cart as you could. As she loaded the bags filled with everything from food to sheets to shampoo, she realized they would struggle to get Jordan’s wheelchair in too, which wouldn’t do. She spent five minutes carefully rearranging everything, until she was satisfied the shopping would not spill everywhere, and she would be able to fit the chair in. Organization was one of her strong points, sometimes verging on OCD, but it was what made her good at her job.
Right, running around like a headless chicken, trying to kit a house out with everything they needed in one hour just smacked of calm organization. So why hadn’t she talked him out of it?
Because he was the patient, and she had to go with what he wanted, within reason. Was his need to move in tonight reasonable? Yes.
When he had turned to look at her as he wheeled himself off across the parking lot, she saw a different man to the one whom she had met earlier. He had hope, he had strength; he was ready to try to be something more than a man in a wheelchair who had decided his life was over.
All she had to do was nurture that new sense of self and allow Jordan to see he was as capable of any other person on this planet. If he could get over his feelings of inadequacy, and see he was not to blame for his comrades dying, he might just be able to trigger his brain into unblocking the connections that were preventing him from using his legs.
If not, he would be OK. The strength in him would carry him through, would make him find a role for himself in this world. Would allow him to tell her she was his mate.
That thought snuck in. Fanciful dreams. He hadn’t really given her a sign she was the woman for him. Now that she was away from him and her head had cleared, she thought back over the looks he had given her, and compared them to what Donnie had described. They were a shadow of that. She had misread the looks, and she had to accept that, and keep everything on a professional level, for both their sakes.
One of the many lessons she had learned in her career was that she couldn’t be anyone’s crutch. Jordan had to learn to stand on his own two feet, literally, if she had her way, and then she would move on, her job to help the next person who had been injured and was in need of her.
A glance up at the mountains told her this would be the hardest job to move on from. Maybe one of these men leaving the store would be the one for her. However, Jordan’s face flashed in front of her eyes and she knew that if he wasn’t the one, she would be moving on, because if she lived here, she would always feel a connection to him.
There she was, back to her fanciful dreaming again.
“OK, time to head back to the hospital and pick up my patient.” She emphasized the word patient in her head; would she ever see Jordan as just her patient?
The hospital was a short drive away. Parking the car, she ran across to the main building, and looked around. No sign of Jordan. Going to the receptionist, she asked, “Hi, I’m looking for Jordan Williams.”
“Oh, yes, he’s with Dr. Ben. One moment.” She picked up the phone and dialed a number, waiting for a moment and then saying, “There is a Skyla Martin here for Jordan Williams.” A pause. “OK, I’ll send her up.”
The receptionist replaced the handset and then said, “They are collecting Jordan’s belongings. Room 6, second floor.”
“Thank you, I know where it is,” Skyla said and took the steps two at a time. She might be a little curvy, but she was fit.
Finding the room, she pushed the door open, to find both Ben and Jordan staring at her. “There you are, Skyla,” Ben said, and she got the feeling they had been talking about her. She glanced at Jordan, but he looked away. Confusion filled her again.
“Ben. Does Jordan have the all-clear to go home?” She could see his few belongings were on the bed, and Jordan was placing them in a paper bag the hospital had provided. Why hadn’t she thought to bring the duffel bag with her?
“He does. Now, you’ve been in close contact with the physical therapist from the hospital?”
“Yes, the equipment is due to be delivered in three days’ time. They’ll set it up and then we can begin. In the meantime, we can improvise.”
“OK, so they’ve talked to you about massage, and the areas to concentrate on.” Ben was reading through a checklist which he held in his hand. “I’ve discussed bathroom access with Jordan. I think you are good to go.”
“I am more than ready,” Jordan said, placing the bag on his lap and turning his wheelchair around.
“Are you sure?” Ben asked, making Skyla frown.
“Is there a problem?” she asked outright, hating that the two men seemed to have a secret she wasn’t aware of. A secret about her?
“No problem.” Ben looked at Jordan, who huffed, which seemed to give Ben permission to speak. “Jordan asked me to take out his catheter. He has some sensations, now he’s up and about. A pressure that tells him when he needs to use the bathroom.”
“I’m back to feeling like a child, whose parents are talking about his bathroom habits in public.”
Skyla laughed. “That is amazing news.”
“That I can pee on my own?” Jordan asked.
“No, that you have some sensation. Any sensation. It’s great news.”
“If you tell me you’re proud of me for being able to pee on the potty on my own, I will be looking for another nurse,” Jordan said grumpily, but she could see he was pleased.
“Good bye, Ben. I am going to take Mr. Grumps here home. I am sure your hospital is going to seem much happier now his own dark cloud is drifting off into the distance.”
“Have fun. Remember what I said, Jordan. And if you need anything, call me. I’ll pop by in a couple of days to see how you are.”
“Thank you for everything, Ben. Thank Beth too.”
“You can thank her yourself, when we stop by.”
“Bye, Ben. It will be good to have you visit. Jordan says he can cook, he can make cookies.”
“It’s not a play date,” Jordan said sarcastically.
“Come on…”
“Don’t call me Mr. Grumps again,” he warned.
She laughed. “I won’t.” Then couldn’t help adding, “Unless you deserve it.”
“You are fully qualified to look after a man in my fragile mental state?” he asked.
“Oh, so you’re going to mess with my qualifications now?” she asked. “Well, too late, buddy, you’re stuck with me.”
“Great, I’m going home alone with a woman who may, or may not, be qualified to look after me.”
“I got most of my training on the job,” she said. “They chose me to look after you, because you have a special quality.”
“A special quality. Other than my unique sense of humor?”
“No, they left that one off your records.” The elevator arrived and she pushed him inside. When the door had closed, she said, “I was talking about the animal side of you.”
She sensed the shift in his mood. “That’s gone too.” He stared straight ahead, and the sadness rolling off him was almost tangible.
“What exactly do you mean by gone?” she asked.
“Not there. Like gone usually means.”
“I don’t know how these things usually work, but can you feel him at all?”
“No. Nothing. When my legs went, so did my bear.” His voice caught in his throat, and her heart squeezed in pain. She wasn’t supposed to get so emotionally attached to her patients, but she couldn’t help it.
“We’ll find him, Jordan.”
“What if he’s dead?” His body trembled as he said the words.
“Is that possible?” she asked.
“I don’t know, but if he’s not dead, why isn’t he with me? Why can’t I feel him inside me anymore?”
Skyla had no answer to that question. But she was determined to find one if she could. Bear Bluff had been a place for bear shifters
for a long time; someone would have an answer, surely. All she had to do was start digging around.
Chapter Eight – Jordan
“Dinner is ready,” Jordan called. He could not believe the enormous feeling of achievement those three words held.
“Coming,” Skyla answered. She was upstairs making up the guest bedroom, which was where she would sleep, while Jordan used the downstairs bedroom. There was a stair lift he could use to get upstairs, so it wasn’t completely out of bounds for him, but sleeping downstairs was the most practical solution. Even if he would rather be sharing a bed with Skyla.
He put a plate down on the table, and turned back to retrieve the second one. He had to stop thinking about her and their relationship. At least until he tested his body to see how much response he could get from it. He smiled wryly, he made it sound as if his body was a machine that simply needed a tune-up or repair, but what was wrong with him went much deeper than that.
“That smells wonderful,” Skyla said, coming in and sitting down at the table, while he drew his wheelchair under at the opposite end. “And I am starving.”
“Good. Eat up. I don’t think I have ever wanted to taste a meal so much in my life. The hospital food was OK, but nothing like a meal you’ve prepared yourself.” He picked up his knife and fork, and began to eat, savoring each mouthful.
“Oh, I nearly forgot.” Skyla got up from the table and went to the fridge. “I thought we could have some wine to celebrate. I checked with Ben to make sure you are allowed alcohol with your meds.”
She opened the bottle and poured the chilled wine into two glass tumblers. “I guess wine glasses are on the list of things to buy tomorrow,” he said, and took a sip of the Sauvignon Blanc. “That tastes good.”
“I’m glad you approve. It doesn’t exactly go with the steak, but I’m not big on red wine.”
He put his glass down and picked up his knife and fork, wanting to eat while the food was still hot. “I served in the Army for six years. Any alcohol goes with any food.”
Return to Bear Bluff Complete Series Page 21