“My grandmother has excellent taste,” Cooper said, pulling me further into the room by the hand and leading me to a very large sofa.
“Ms. Sophie decorated your house?” Does he read minds too?
“She did. She hired a decorator and together they made the decisions for the décor. If it were left up to me you would have been a lot less impressed,” he said with a smirk.
“I didn’t realize we lived so close.”
“I like knowing you’re close by,” he said without a second thought. “Actually this house used to belong to my grandparents. A few years ago they moved into another house without selling this one. When I moved here after my grandfather died my grandmother insisted I move in here. She had the place completely renovated. I guess she was hoping that I would stay. My intention was to rent an apartment somewhere, but she insisted. I couldn’t tell her no.”
“Does Ms. Sophie live near here?” We’d spoken over the phone, Ms. Sophie and I, and we’d met for lunch a couple of times, but I mostly stayed locked away in my own little world. I hadn’t realized how closed off I’d been.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.” Cooper rubbed my shoulder with a concerned look on his face and I smiled at him. “Yes, I’m fine. I just realized that I’ve never been to Ms. Sophie’s house either.”
“You’ve been dealing with a lot of stuff. But to answer your question, yes, she lives nearby.”
He looked at me with such reverence I stood still while he examined me. I allowed him to take me in, peruse me, like he was cataloguing every part of me down to the finest detail. It didn’t make me feel cheap or dirty. It made me feel like he was in awe of me.
After a moment Cooper cleared his throat. “If you want to change clothes I’ll show you where you can freshen up.” He continued to stare long after he stopped talking.
I looked away like I was searching for my bag. “Yeah, I would like that.”
Cooper grabbed my bag he had set next to the sofa and led me to his bedroom by the tips of his fingers. “You can change in here. There is a bathroom through those doors and if you want to shower first feel free. There’s extra towels and everything you need in there. And maybe later we can watch movies if you want.”
“Thank you,” I said, keenly aware that I was standing in his bedroom. “Sounds perfect.”
“I’ll, uh, I’ll be down the hall if you need anything.”
After Cooper left the room, I decided to take him up on the offer of a shower. I was sure I smelled like the diner, and was anxious to get the burger smell off of me. I was pretty sure I was going to come out smelling like a man, assuming I would find nothing but masculine products in his bathroom. When I entered the rather large bathroom I noticed all the stuff he had laid out for me. Extra towels, washcloths and lavender shampoo. Seeing the shampoo made me smile. Had he gone out and bought that just for me?
I undressed and got into the shower. I took my time and let the water wash over me, erasing away thoughts and activities of the day, relaxing under the calming spray that rained over my body. I closed my eyes, breathing in the fragrance of Cooper’s spicy soap and the scent of the lavender shampoo. I allowed myself a few more minutes of this retreat and then finished up and got out. I brushed out my hair with his hair brush and, not noticing a hair dryer laying out anywhere, I decided to let my hair air dry. I gathered everything up and put my things back in my bag and walked out to find him. He was making us a drink when I walked in the kitchen. I saw something flicker across his face when he saw me and he stood frozen, staring.
“What?” I asked. I looked down at my clothes to make sure I looked okay. I was wearing my faded jeans and a bright green top, and I was barefoot, because why put shoes on to watch movies?
“Um, nothing. It’s just…I never get tired at looking at you. And when I think I’ve seen you at your most beautiful you prove me wrong.”
Was he serious? I was a mess. Wet hair, no makeup of any kind, and as I was putting on my jeans I noticed a spot on them that hadn’t come out in the wash. I was all kinds of frumpy. I laughed. “If you say so.” I proceeded further into the kitchen to accept the drink he was holding out for me.
He put both drinks down and reached for my hands then pulled them up to his chest where I could feel his heart pounding beneath my palms. “Do you feel that?” he asked me, looking directly in my eyes and daring me to look away.
“Yes,” I whispered.
“This is what you do to me. Every time you walk in the room. Any room. This is what you do to me. You make my heart race, which makes my pulse surge, and you make me forget how to breathe. And then when I remember how to breathe it comes out quick and rapid. This is what you do to me. Your hair is wet, and you’re not wearing makeup and yet this is the most beautiful I’ve ever seen you, and I didn’t think you could be more beautiful than yesterday. So, yes, Lily, I say so.”
His eyes remained locked on mine and I fought back the tears that were stinging my eyes. “Cooper,” I said, swallowing the lump that was forming in the back of my throat, “you know that game where you fold your arms in front of you and fall backward and trust that the person behind you catches you?”
“Yes,” he said in a raspy voice.
“You know that feeling you get when you close your eyes and fall back, but right before someone catches you – that split second when you aren’t standing up and you aren’t lying down – you’re in between and all you can do is hope that you didn’t make a mistake and trust the wrong person to catch you, but you know it’s too late because you’ve already fallen?” Cooper nodded. “That’s how you make me feel. Like I’ve already fallen and I’m in the in between. My heart is constantly in my throat and I’m suspended in time, waiting for you to catch me. That’s what you do to me. Every time you walk in the room. Any room. This is what you do to me.”
The tears broke loose at that moment and my face became wet and salty, and I closed my eyes hoping that I hadn’t just admitted too much. And I was angry at myself for crying.
Damn it, why am I crying?
“Lily,” Cooper said, almost whispering, “look at me.” He lifted my chin up to his face. He wiped tears away with his thumb and looked deeply into my eyes. Then he kissed me. Tenderly. Passionately. He was telling me what he wanted to say with his kiss and I understood. There was the same electricity I had felt the day we met sparking between us now. It had always been there. That same familiarity I always felt was also in the air. His kiss was a slow burn and I could feel Cooper holding back; restraining himself. His body shuddered around me as he trailed his nose along my jaw, down my neck, stopping at my ear.
“Fall,” he whispered. “I’ll catch you, Lily. You can trust me. I promise.”
Twelve
Second Chances
Cooper continued to hold me in his arms for a long time. I could tell there was something on his mind. He had said that there were things he wanted to tell me, and I figured I was about to learn them whether I was ready to hear it or not. He finally took my hand and led me to the couch. “We need to talk.” He blew out a breath, trying to get his thoughts together. “I need you to sit down.”
“Okay,” I said softly.
His voice sounded serious. It unnerved me. Then his features softened and he took both of my hands in his before speaking again.
“Five years ago I was here visiting my grandparents. I had been working a lot and was desperate for a break. I decided to go for a run to clear my head. It was getting late in the day and the sun was going down. I don’t know how long I had been running when I heard screams coming from somewhere. I stopped dead in my tracks, listening so I could determine where they were coming from. There was an open field between neighborhoods and I ran toward it. When I got there I saw something that to this day completely enrages me. A man was beating a girl. She was so small and fighting back as hard as she could. Before I could get to her he hit her one final time and I saw her body fall to the ground. I thought he’d killed her. She
didn’t move after that. The screams… they stopped. I was running toward them and the man took off. I never saw his face. I wanted to chase after him and beat the shit out of him. No, I wanted to murder him, but I couldn’t leave that girl there. I took her pulse and she was still alive. I scooped her up in my arms and carried her, yelling for someone to help. I don’t know how far I had to run before a man stepped off his porch and ran toward me. I knew he must be the girl’s father. He had been waiting for her to come home, I guess. I told him we needed to get her to the hospital and I remember being in the back seat of his car with this girl in my lap, her body all broken. Her face was forever etched in my memory. I’ll never forget what she looked like.”
Cooper kept his head down, not once looking up at me, and I saw a tear fall down his cheek.
“I waited around in the emergency room. I had to know if that girl was going to live or if I had gotten to her too late. Her father was pacing and crying and he would stop every now and then to pray. He talked to me about his daughter, how she was the light in his world and how she was all he had. She was a beautiful twenty year old girl with her whole life ahead of her. All I could do was listen and offer him a shoulder to cry on because he needed somebody. I felt completely helpless. I couldn’t help his daughter, and I couldn’t take away his pain. All we could do was wait. The waiting was unbearable. After several hours of waiting, praying, and hoping, we finally got the news that she was going to be okay. I watched her dad fall to his knees thanking God for saving her.
“I told the police everything I saw. I wasn’t much help, though. I couldn’t give a good description of the man since I never saw his face or got close enough to him to identify him in any way other than he was wearing a blue shirt and jeans. I stayed as long as I could and talked to the police several times, but then I had to get back to South Carolina.
“Every so often, I would think about that girl. I thought about her a lot, actually. She was on my mind constantly. I called her dad a couple of times to see how she was doing. He told me that she had no memory of what happened, and that they never found the animal that beat her. I felt partly responsible. I should have gotten a better look at him.”
Cooper let out a breath and clenched his fists in his lap.
“Her dad told me that she was trying to cope, knowing something bad had happened to her but having no memory of it, that she needed time. I wanted to come back to see her. I felt this unexplainable connection to her and…” Cooper blew out a breath. “I finally showed up at her house one day. After months of thinking about her I just had to. When I walked up on the porch her dad came out. He told me she wasn’t home, and that she had moved away. I knew I missed my chance to get to know her. I remember her dad’s words. He said, ‘I’m sorry, son. Maybe your paths will cross again someday.’ I left there that day thinking I would never see her again. And for five years that girl has been on my mind and forgetting her doesn’t work. I’ve tried.”
Cooper’s expression changed. He turned toward me and held my face in the palms of his hands. “And then I saw her again… at the airport, standing beside my grandmother. It was you. Your face was etched into my memory. I knew who you were before my grandmother even told me. And when she said you were back because your father died my heart broke for you. I wanted to take away your pain all over again. I knew you were going to need time to grieve. So I stayed away. Again. Until my grandmother intervened.”
“Cooper…I—”
“Shhh,” he said, placing one finger over my lips. “Don’t say anything yet. Let me finish.”
He reached for both of my hands again and he placed them in his lap. “I never knew if this was something I needed to bring up. You never mentioned any of this to me, so I figured this was something you wanted to bury. And your heart was so broken. But the reason I’m finally telling you is because I need you to know that I understand where you’re coming from. I know what happened to you. It’s why I’ve insisted on taking things slow. For you. If you don’t think I see how overwhelmed you are when you’re around me, you would be wrong. I do see it. I see so much of you. I see how beautiful your long brown hair is…how it reminds me of caramel and how you use it as a curtain sometimes when you want to hide your face. And did you know that your brown eyes have flecks of gold in them? It’s true. I see that sometimes you chew your bottom lip and how your cheeks flush whenever I get close to you. How you sometimes bite your nails when you get nervous. I see how big your heart is…your amazing sense of humor. And I see a girl who gets scared sometimes, and I want that girl to know that I understand why. I want that girl to know that I’m willing to give her whatever she needs. I want that girl to trust me.”
Cooper reached in his front pocket and pulled out something shiny and then wrapped it around my wrist. “I got this bracelet for you, to remind you who you are.”
Engraved on the bracelet was: Delicate, Bold, & Beautiful
I traced the words with my finger as my brain rushed to catch up with everything.
“Like the flower, Lily,” he said. “That’s how I see you.”
“I don’t know what to say,” I whispered. “Thank you. You’ve been like my guardian angel and…” A tear fell onto the bracelet. “All this time, and I never knew it was you who saved me.”
My mind tracked back to that day on the plane when Ms. Sophie was convinced we were meant to meet that day and asked me if I believed in fate. I had no idea how fate was working in my life until now.
Thirteen
Fallen
I don’t know how long I sat there staring down at the bracelet that was now wrapped around my wrist, promising myself that I would never take it off. The cold metal was warming on my skin as I continued to trace the words slowly. I’d spent the last five years in a hazy fog, shutting out most of the world around me. I moved through life simply going through the motions, never realizing that I had pushed pause on my life and was afraid of actually living.
Cooper had been carrying around the events of that awful day as long as I had, only he was cursed with remembering it all, while I was lucky enough to not remember. Funny isn’t it? Thinking how lucky I was. I never considered myself lucky until right now, this very moment. Watching Cooper struggle to tell me what he saw, what he endured, how he recalled in painful detail the anguish my daddy went through. I can’t imagine being in that room not knowing if someone I loved and cared about was going to live or die. Cooper chose to stay and endure the torment with my father, and then actually take on the burden of blame. Hearing Cooper blame himself felt like shards of glass penetrating my heart. How could he take on that kind of guilt? He saved me.
I looked up at him, and he was watching me with a deep concentration, trying to read my thoughts, I guess. He seemed scared almost, or maybe it was just sadness I was seeing, but looking at him looking at me like that felt like my heart was being squeezed in a vise. I reached for Cooper, placing both hands on his face, and looked into the windows of his soul with an intensity so potent that any lingering doubt or insecurity should have melted away. I wanted him to know what he meant to me. I needed him to understand that he had the power to break my heart with just a look and the power to heal it with another. I knew there weren’t words that could explain the emotions that he managed to stir inside of me.
“Cooper Hudson, in all my life I’ll never be able to thank God enough for you. You have taken the pieces of me that were broken and began fixing them one by one, and you did it with just your smile. That magical weapon you possess that’s so powerful yet so subtle that I never even realized you did it until now, this moment. You tore down the walls from the emotional prison that I built around myself and unlocked the door to hope. And it’s because of you that…”
There was more that I wanted to say. So much more, but I choked on my tears, rendering me incapable of saying any more words. Cooper remained fixed on my gaze and remained still, waiting for me to finish. Something inside me erupted and I was suddenly desperate to make Cooper un
derstand. Without another thought I kissed him hard on the lips and wrapped my arms around him as tightly as I could. Up until then, Cooper had been the one to kiss me, and now I wanted to be the one to kiss him.
In my head I was willing him to understand. Feel that, Cooper. Please feel what it is I’m trying to say.
I felt Cooper’s hands reach my face and he reciprocated the kiss with a degree of emotion that made me feel like I was skydiving without a parachute. And as sure as I was sitting there I knew that when I eventually came down from this freefall that he’d be there to catch me. Right now, I enjoyed the peacefulness he brought me while simultaneously giving me a rush of adrenaline I’d never before experienced. We were communicating without the hindrance of words. He gently rolled me onto my back until I was looking up at him. He hovered over me, allowing his arms to hold up his upper body, never completely resting the full weight of his body on mine. His kisses had slowed and the urgency that we both felt before had subsided, leaving only the need to touch and be close. He continued to kiss me, slowly bringing me back to the ground. I felt completely safe and cared for with him, and I made a soft landing.
I opened my eyes to find Cooper’s. His eyes had taken on a darker shade of chocolate. He brushed the hair away from my face with light touches of his fingers and then his eyes traced the outline of my eyes, nose, lips, and chin. The way he looked at me when he did that made me feel cherished; like he was taking precious time to study me – all of me. He leaned in close to my ear and whispered so sweetly, “I caught you.”
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