“Then why? Six months ago you even asked for it. What’s changed?”
“You offered.” It was as simple and as complicated as that.
“I don’t und–” Evan began.
I lifted my hand from his arm, and lay one finger against his lips to silence him. Then I drew it back and took a deep breath. This was it. He had given himself; it was time for me to give myself. Now I just had to figure out how to explain.
And then suddenly, I knew. It wasn’t about him at all, or about his offer, though I would treasure it always. It was about me.
“Evan, do you love me?”
“Yes. I hope you know that by now.”
“You love me just the way I am?” I pressed.
“Yes.”
“So do I.”
“What?” Confusion filled his eyes, but only for the moment it took me to clarify.
“I love me just the way I am.”
Evan drew me close, putting his arms around me, and pressing my head against his chest. He could just rest his chin on the top of my head, and he did so, holding me as if he wanted to absorb me.
For my part, I didn’t just let him hold me. I returned the embrace, trying to merge with him, become a part of him.
“You have no idea how much I want to kiss you right now,” Evan said.
“I think maybe I do.” I wanted it full force too, nothing held back. I could fight it; he had shown me I could, but I wouldn’t. Not with him. I didn’t want to.
“I should let you go,” Evan said, tightening his hold.
I shook my head. “Did I forget to mention?” I drew in a deep breath, knowing my next words would seal my fate. Knowing they were irrevocable. “I love you too, just the way you are.”
25
HE SUCKED IN HIS BREATH, THEN drew me away to arm’s length so he could look into my eyes. “You sure as hell better have meant that, because I am not letting you take it back.”
“I love you,” I said again. “You’re arrogant, condescending, overprotective, and don’t think I haven’t noticed how often you like to use your gift to get what you want–”
“I thought this was a declaration of love,” Evan said, though he was smiling.
“But I love you anyway,” I concluded.
“I want you.” Evan voice deepened and his smile slipped away. “Here. Tonight.” The passion in his eyes confirmed his words. I had a feeling that the look in my eyes mirrored his.
Wordlessly he drew me up, out of the chair, and led me to stand by his king-size bed. The sheets were mussed from where I had slept and the faint scent of incense lingered in the air, but my attention was fixed on the man looming over me. The man who already possessed my heart and would soon possess my body.
My heart pounded against my ribcage as he bent to kiss me. The kiss fell on my cheek rather than my lips, but I understood that this time, this first time, Evan would not take control from me. It was up to me to surrender myself to him as he had done to me.
I wound my arms around his neck and ran my fingers through his short hair, then along his neck and down his back. When I reached lower he lifted me into his arms as if I weighed nothing at all (which to him I probably didn’t) and laid me down on the bed.
He loomed over me then, just as he had done in my dreams. The flickering light of the nearby fire danced across the smooth skin of his torso, which somehow lay bare to my touch. His clothes had gone as quickly as thought, and I realized, so had mine. His gaze swept over me with hungry appreciation.
“Mine,” he whispered in a reverent tone, as if he were still trying to convince himself.
“Mine,” I replied as I explored his body with hands that trembled ever so slightly as they moved. I wasn’t really nervous, not with Evan. But I had never done this before.
Evan’s touch felt more confident than mine as he explored with hands and lips. His explorations were gentle but frenzied, and it wasn’t long before he rose back over me. His eyes shone with a look of triumph I fleetingly recognized from a dream. Except this time I welcomed it. Surrendered to it.
He kissed me then, at the moment of entry, taking away any pain I might have felt and sweeping me up in a whirlwind of ecstasy. It was a whole new world, the one fulfilled by the promise of his kiss. It felt like a million pieces of shattered perfection. It felt full. Complete. Words couldn’t describe it, but one thing was for certain: It would never be the same again.
* * *
I’m back in one of Evan’s guest bedrooms, but only temporarily. The room is dark, lit by the soft glow of dozens of candles, and I am exhausted. But it’s not time to sleep.
“Push,” says a familiar voice. It’s Linda Eagle, standing at the end of the bed.
I bear down, but this time my efforts are not in vain. Euphoria takes the place of exhaustion, euphoria and an indescribable wonder as I push a brand new life into the world.
“It’s a girl,” Linda says.
* * *
When I opened my eyes Evan was already awake, propped on one elbow so he could look down at me. His free hand caressed my belly, filling me with renewed warmth and desire.
“Good morning,” he said.
“Good morning.” I gave him a sleepy smile before recalling the details of the previous night’s dream. The smile faded, and my hand went to my abdomen, gently pushing Evan’s hand out of the way as I considered the possibility that new life might soon be growing within.
“Is everything okay?” Evan asked.
“Yes.” But the memory of the dream held me spellbound, and I didn’t look him in the eyes.
Evan placed a hand over mine. “We didn’t even think about protection.”
“No.” It hadn’t mattered to me at all last night, but the more important question was: How did I feel about it now? How did Evan?
“How likely is it that you’re pregnant?” he asked.
The way the dreams had been coming true, about 100%. When I considered the date of my last menses and some of the telltale signs my body gave off just before ovulation, I came up with only slightly lower odds. I didn’t say any of that to Evan, but he must have read it on my face.
“I didn’t think about it because I planned to marry you right away,” he said.
“Before I could change my mind?” I asked, with a half-smile.
“I won’t let you change your mind.” His face darkened.
I lifted my free hand to cup his cheek. “I’m not changing my mind.”
“I know.” But his expression softened. “I didn’t mean to rush you into anything else, but it wouldn’t upset me at all.”
“It wouldn’t?”
“No.” He squeezed my hand. “But if you’re not ready yet, we’ll go see Linda Eagle today for some options.”
It was already too late for that and besides, the idea of having Evan’s baby didn’t fill me with a sense of dread. It filled me with a sense of wonder. It was just getting used to the idea that had me so tied up, that and the dreams.
I should tell Evan about the dreams, I thought. I even opened my mouth to do so, but something got caught in my throat–a remnant, perhaps, of the embarrassment I had reported earlier. There had been too many false hopes in my life; this could be one more of those. I couldn’t bear the look of pity I knew I’d see in Evan’s eyes if that was the case. And despite the eerie accuracy of the dreams, I had no idea what I was seeing or why. Remote viewing? Foresight? Intuition? I only saw anything when I had a dream catcher in place, and precious little then.
“What’s wrong?” Evan asked. “Talk to me.”
“I, um, I’m worried about what I’m going to say to my family.” It wasn’t a lie. If anything, it was an understatement. My family was going to go ballistic when I told them I intended to marry Evan, doubly so if I ended up announcing a pregnancy at the same time.
“I’ve been wondering the same thing. I have this optimistic hope that when they get over the shock, everyone will decide it’s for the best and we can finally stop fighting.”<
br />
“Optimistic?” I laughed. “I’d go straight to delusional.”
“Delusional, am I?” Evan arched an eyebrow and then, before I knew what he was about, he started tickling my sides.
“Evan!” I screeched with uncontrollable laughter and tried to push his hands aside, but he would have none of that.
“Where else are you ticklish?”
“Nowhere,” I lied. Not the knees, I thought. Don’t try the knees.
“How about here?” He captured one of my feet and began tickling there. I squirmed and shrieked, but he seemed to know he could do better. “Or here?” This time, he went for the neck, which gave me a moment’s respite since I’m not ticklish there at all. “What about-?”
I never got a chance to find out where else he planned to try, because a frantic pounding on the bedroom door interrupted our game. Startled, I leaped from bed and started scrambling for clothing. The outfit I’d worn the day before lay in ruins, but I found a robe near the foot of the bed.
“Who is it?” Evan called as he ducked into his closet.
“Cassie, are you in there? Are you all right?” It was Madison.
“I’m fine.” My face was scarlet though.
“You need to snap out of it,” Madison said. “He’s put a love spell on you.”
“No, he hasn’t.” I cringed inwardly. If this was Madison’s reaction, I shuddered to think about Nicolas’s.
He’d never forgive me. The dire prediction gave me a moment’s pause as I wondered what I had done. Had I traded my entire family for Evan?
Before I had a chance to dwell on the consequences of my actions, I heard Madison’s voice rising in song. It took me a few seconds to recognize what she was doing, and a few more to recognize what she was singing. The tune was a recent country song by Sara Evans, “A Little Bit Stronger.”
As usual, Madison sang it beautifully and powerfully. I felt the message she wanted to deliver, the influence she tried to bring to bear, so much more than the words of the song. The words empowered healing and strength, a day at a time, but behind them came Madison’s true feelings–she wanted Evan and me to split.
I opened the door to the bedroom. “Stop it, Madison.”
She looked at me, but didn’t stop.
“Stop!” This time, I lifted a hand and sent it flying across her cheek, landing a stinging blow.
She stopped, rubbing her reddened cheek. The look she sent my way could have curdled milk, but at the moment I felt the exact same way.
Evan strode up behind me, clad in his green silk pajamas, putting his arms around me and tucking me in close as if to make sure I was still his. I melted into him, giving him the assurance he needed.
“You’ve lost your mind,” Madison said, still rubbing her cheek. “He’s manipulating you.”
“Like you tried to do?” I asked.
She looked away.
“I can fight off mind magic, Madison,” I said, trying to sound a little bit more understanding. Trying to be a little bit more understanding. She wanted to protect me, in her own way, and she had made a brave effort.
“Y-you can?” She glared at Evan over my shoulder. “Then what are you doing with him? Your families are at war.”
“Yes, that’s going to be a problem,” Evan said.
“His father killed yours,” Madison went on.
“It was actually–” Evan began.
“He’s your father, too,” I said at the same time.
Madison clearly hadn’t accepted the idea, because she shuddered.
“And as it turns out,” I added, since Evan had brought it up, “someone else slipped my dad a potion to keep him from being able to defend himself.”
Her mouth fell open slightly.
“Any other problems?” I asked, and if my voice sounded a little cold, it was nothing compared to how I felt just then. It wasn’t just her, it was the avalanche that would surely follow.
“Why?” she asked.
“Because I love him. I always have. I was just too angry to see it for a while.”
Madison’s eyes softened a little bit. Her lip trembled, and then her eyes began to fill with tears. She shut them, as if trying to keep them from falling, but several escaped through her lashes before she wiped them away.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t have… I’m sorry.” Then she turned on her heel and disappeared down the hall into her guest bedroom.
“Go talk to her,” I said.
“Now?” Evan asked. “Are you sure?”
“No.”
“That’s reassuring.”
“I’m not a seer–” I stopped, thinking of my dreams. “I just have a feeling.”
Evan studied me for a minute. “All right, I’ll trust your feeling. But you and I need to talk as soon as I’m done.”
“Yeah.”
I walked with him down the hall until I reached my own guest bedroom, which I had a feeling I wouldn’t be using anymore. Still, my things were there, including my dream journal. I had another dream to record, and I also had a lot of thinking to do.
* * *
After I recorded my dream, I found myself calling Nicolas. I’m not sure I meant to do it, not even when I saw the three missed calls from him, but I needed to hear his voice. No, it was more than that. I needed to feel his love, because I wasn’t sure how long it would last after I told him about Evan.
“Where are you?” Nicolas asked as soon as he answered the call. “I went by your house last night and you weren’t there.”
“I’ve been recovering from an injury.” That was safe enough. I had to tell him about Tyler, anyway.
“What injury? Who hurt you? If Evan–”
“Tyler Lake tried to kill me.”
That shut him up.
“I’ve been looking into Dad’s death,” I said. “There were a few things that didn’t add up, most especially: Why didn’t he do a better job of defending himself?”
“People make mistakes in the heat of battle,” Nicolas said.
“They do, but he didn’t. Tyler slipped him a potion to interfere with his ability to use magical shields. Probably knew he’d be in a fight in the next twenty-four hours, after what he’d done to Abigail.”
“How can you be so sure?” Nicolas asked.
“Besides the fact that he tried to kill me?”
“Uh-yes. Why, though?”
That was the question, wasn’t it? I knew that Matthew and Evan suspected Alexander, and Tyler was one of his men, but the connection still felt weak to me, especially after talking to Alexander. He hadn’t exactly put up much of a fuss when I refused to marry him again, and he had left town, as promised. Maybe Alexander was the right man, but we hadn’t correctly guessed his motive?
“Cassie?” Nicolas said.
“I don’t know. I’m still working on that, but I have to find him first. Evan’s family is looking, but he’s probably run back to Alexander’s compound.”
“And you think Alexander is involved,” Nicolas said.
“It’s a definite possibility.” One I couldn’t ignore, even if I had my doubts.
“You’ve been to his compound? What would it take to break in?”
“An army.”
“I see.”
“You know,” I said, hoping I sounded casual but doubting it, “Evan’s family is looking into this, too. If we could find a way to make peace….”
“Make peace?” Nicolas roared. “Victor killed our father, Cassie, or did you forget? I don’t care if Tyler is partly to blame; Victor is the one who killed him. Have you forgiven him?”
“No.” I put every ounce of my steely resolve into my voice. That was yet another thing Evan and I needed to work out. Last night, while living in a romantic fantasy, love conquered all. In the light of day, things weren’t that simple. I hated his father. My family hated him. I wasn’t clear on how he felt about my family, but I could guess.
Worst of all, I couldn’t bring myself to tell Nicolas the tru
th about agreeing to marry Evan. Not yet.
Somehow I managed to end our conversation without letting him know, but afterward I felt sick inside. Though I tried to deny it, I felt as if I had chosen Evan over my family.
It wasn’t fair that I had to make such a choice. I loved them both, and I felt trapped in the middle. Clutching the phone even after ending the call, I curled up in the middle of the bed and stared at the ceiling, trying to fight back tears. I was even successful… for a minute or two.
26
I WANTED NOTHING MORE THAN TO SPEND the day basking in the newfound glow of my love for Evan. We had only begun to learn one another’s bodies, but more importantly, we had only just accepted the permanence of the other in our lives. We could have used time to adjust to our new reality and to keep certain other realities at bay.
It wasn’t meant to be.
By the time I dried my eyes, dressed for the day, and made my way downstairs, Evan and Madison had finished their talk. Madison looked different. I have no idea what they talked about–it wasn’t my business and I never asked–but they had clearly come to an understanding.
“I won’t tell anyone about the two of you,” Madison promised me.
“You won’t?” I looked between her and Evan, who nodded as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
“I’m not letting anyone know until it’s too late,” he said. “If it weren’t Sunday, we’d already be filling out paperwork. As it is, we’ll have to wait until Wednesday to get married, with the waiting period.”
“We’re not telling anyone until after we’re married?” My heart twisted at the thought, and at the death of a dream. In my mind, my wedding took place on a lovely Spring day, out of doors. I would wear a simple but beautiful white gown accented with ribbons of every color of the rainbow. Fresh flowers would adorn my hair, creating a natural crown more beautiful than anything money could buy.
But most of all, I would be surrounded by family and friends. Juliana would be my maid of honor, which hopefully wouldn’t hurt Kaitlin’s feelings too much. Kaitlin, Madison, and Elena would all stand with me, though, and Christina would drop flower petals in front. My bridesmaids would make a rainbow of colors as well, each wearing the color best suited to her. Kaitlin’s pale skin would be the most difficult, so I would put her in lavender. Madison would look lovely in the right shade of pink, Juliana could pull off almost any color, but I saw her most clearly in a pale green, and Elena would don yellow, like a bright little flower.
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