by Misa Rush
“Um…she can see we’re talking. How about you’re teleporting to the Enterprise as we speak? Or perhaps base jumping from the window?”
“Shit! Shit! Shit!”
“Addison, she’s your friend. What’s the problem? You can’t avoid everyone every time you have an issue. Seriously – grow up!” she said in a forced, hushed voice.
“Fine,” Addison said out of pure frustration. She should have known Emily would show up sooner or later. “She has five minutes. You can let her in.”
Emily’s sandy-blond hair was pulled tidily into a sleek ponytail. The days of butterscotch highlights had been lost to diapers and formula. Her make-up, a simple palate of natural browns, gave her an innocent girl next-door appeal, different from the polished, executive look of her friend. As she entered, her face was expressionless.
“I’ve called at least ten times. What the hell, Addison?”
“I’m sorry. I’ve been incredibly busy. You know, Mom’s surgery, the magazine. I hardly have time to eat let alone socialize.”
“Oh, bullshit! You’ve handled more than that and juggled dating three men simultaneously. You’re avoiding me. Better yet – you’re pushing me away. I won’t have it, Addy. You’re my closest friend, and I won’t let you do this.”
“Em, really. I’m busy. I’ll call you later.” Addison looked at Marjorie who was pulling the door shut.
“No. You’ll talk to me now. Good thing you’re the boss so no one can fire you.” She smirked smugly and straightened her light blue hoodie, noticing a dribble of oatmeal lingering from Adelaide’s breakfast. “Fudge!” she muttered, automatically licking a finger and rubbing it over the spot in an attempt to remove it.
The spontaneous, unconscious act of her friend made Addison smile and she paused before responding in her calm, professional tone.
“I’m sorry I didn’t return your calls. With all due respect, I just don’t want to talk about it. Forget I said anything. It was a mistake. I am who I am. End of story.”
“Not end of story. Beginning. Why did you hide this from me for almost twenty years? Don’t you trust me?”
“Emily, it’s no big deal. Can’t you freaking let it go?”
“No! You push everyone away. I’ve seen you do it before and I’m starting to realize there might be a reason why, but you won’t let me in. Addy, I’m on your side. I chose you as Adie’s godmother, for crying out loud. Do you think I care who the hell your parents are?”
Addison stared blankly.
“No! I care about you. Why can’t you see that?” Emily stared at her, waiting for a response.
Addison rested her head in her hands. She pressed her palms firmly against her eyes to think. Actually, to stop any tears. Emily was right. Of course she was right. She didn’t let anyone in. Period. She had been there, done that all throughout college. Superficial friends were only interested in her money and her one serious boyfriend had cheated on her with a sorority sister. Emily had been different. She didn’t care about Addison’s status. She had emerged as her only sincere, true friend. One that in her heart, Addison didn’t want to lose.
The silence of the room was unbearable. Emily grasped Addison’s hands and pulled them down with hers.
“Addy,” she said softly, “I don’t care about your parents. If you don’t want people to know, I certainly won’t tell anyone. But don’t shut me out. It’s not fair to me. It’s not fair to Adie. She misses you.”
Addison continued to sit without saying anything. Thoughts raced through her mind, but no words passed her lips. Emily gave her friend’s hands an affectionate squeeze, then picked up her keys off the desk. She had to get back to Adelaide who she had left coloring with Marjorie. “When you want to talk, call me.” She shut the door quietly behind her.
For several minutes Addison sat with her head down on her desk. She didn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t want to think about it. What good would it do anyway? Maybe she did have a chip on her shoulder, but the only person it was hurting was herself. Why couldn’t everyone just let her be?
8
“Karsen,” Hanna panted as they ran. “Karsen!”
Typically, their conversation flowed continuously, making their usual three-mile loop seem less daunting. Today, Karsen seemed distracted and quiet. Almost three weeks had passed since she returned home from Indiana.
“What is with you today?” Hanna pressed. “I need a story or I’m going to keel over. You’re pushing my pace.”
“Sorry. I just have a lot on my mind, I guess.” Karsen’s voice lacked its usual energy.
“Talk to me. Pleeeaase – talk, sing, say anything. I can’t run any further without something to pass the time.” Hanna wished she had charged her iPod’s battery, then it wouldn’t have crapped out halfway through their run.
“I found something at my house. Or rather, I didn’t find something,” Karsen began.
“Speak English, girl. You’ve lost me already.”
“You know my necklace. Well, when I was home for the funeral, I put all the pieces together and they all fit. That is, all the pieces except two. Brad says it’s nothing, but if all the pieces were specifically made to fit together, why would there be a gap, like one is missing?”
Hanna knew the history of the Woods’s family tradition. What a cute idea, she had thought when Karsen explained it to her. Her family barely tolerated each other even on holidays.
“Which two didn’t fit?” Hanna gasped, struggling to breathe and pumping her arms harder as Karsen continued to pick up the pace.
“My mom’s and my dad’s. It looks like one piece should go in between the two.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“Precisely my point. And what’s weirder, is that my dad wanted to bury the charm with my mom. When I told him I wanted it, we ended up in a fight.”
“That’s not like your dad. Why didn’t you say anything when you got back? And, Lord K, can you pleeeaaase slow down? You’re killing me!”
“Sorry.” Karsen noticeably eased up. “I don’t know. I guess I’ve just blocked everything out. Things have felt a little off with James lately, Brad has his comedy act he’s working on, and you’ve been busy, too.” Her voice trailed off. “Brad thinks it’s nothing. Maybe he’s right…”
“It is a bit strange. Maybe your mom had a hot, steamy affair,” Hanna said jokingly.
“Right,” Karsen shot her a piercing glance. She knew her mom too well for that. Then again, lately everything in her life seemed to be falling apart.
“I’m sure Brad is right, K.”
Karsen desperately tried to clear her mind as they continued their run. The loop ended in front of the student recreation complex. Already the afternoon temperatures reached well over seventy degrees and it was only late January. Karsen stripped off her fleece-lined running jacket, revealing a pink, spaghetti-strapped tank top. Her broad shoulders gave her a v-shaped, streamlined appearance most guys would be jealous of. She paced, hands on her hips trying to catch her breath.
“Here.” Hanna handed her a crisp, cold bottle of water. Karsen thanked her before she guzzled half the bottle in one long swig.
Wiping her mouth, her gaze fell on the large glass wall of windows fronting the gym. Karsen thought she spotted James inside. She waved but he turned away. Maybe he couldn’t see me through the window, she thought.
“Who were you waving at?” Hanna asked.
“Nobody.” Or maybe it wasn’t him? She was certain it was, though.
“You just wave for the hell of it now?” Hanna joked.
Karsen shook her head. “No, of course not. I thought I saw James in the gym. But, he’s usually in class at this time.” Macro-economics at the W. P. Carey School of Business building to be exact. She knew his schedule as if it were her own. She remembered partly because she was a woman and women remember every miniscule detail when it comes to their boyfriends, and partly perhaps, due to the fact that he droned on and on about the lectures every
time they were together.
“Maybe it just looked like him. Anyway, I’ve got to get home to shower or I’ll be late for Brad’s show tonight.” Hanna discarded her empty bottle into the recycle receptacle. “Seven o’clock, right?”
“Yeah. Brad left the tickets at will call. We’ll meet you out front. I think he goes on third after the girl with the nail salon act. Have you heard her yet? She’s hilarious,” Karsen said.
“Cool.” Hanna nodded and headed toward her sorority house.
Karsen walked through campus toward her apartment. Across from the School of Business building, she realized this was the spot. The exact place when she had received the call from her dad about her mother’s accident. She could picture the scene like an out-of-body experience: The tears recklessly falling down her cheeks. Her books dropping to the ground as Hanna had embraced her. Panic constricted her chest and she exhaled with a gasp. Even two thousand miles away from home, there was nowhere she could go to escape the realization that her mother was gone and would never be back. Clenching her jacket in her hand, she sprinted the rest of the way home.
“Were you at the gym earlier?” Karsen asked James as she climbed into his car that night. She inhaled the fresh, new car scent. James had wasted no time purchasing the BMW – whether or not he realistically could afford it. It was only a three series - the least expensive model – but nonetheless, it was still a BMW. A BMW intended to scream, “I’ve arrived.”
“Nah, why would you ask that? You know my schedule. I had econ.” He started the engine and fiddled with the navigation system even though there was no need for directions to where they were going. They both knew the streets of Tempe inside and out, yet the pride he felt for his extravagant purchase trumped common sense and he mapped the address anyway.
“No reason really... It’s just that Hanna and I finished our run through campus and I thought I saw you. It obviously wasn’t, but from far away, the guy really looked like you though.”
“Well, it wasn’t me,” James said dismissively.
“So, where do you want to eat?” Karsen asked, knowing they would get dinner before the show.
“How about Caffé Boa? You liked it before.” James adjusted the rear view mirror more to admire himself than for driving safety. Karsen didn’t recall noticing his displays of vanity until recently. Stop being critical, she told herself.
“Café what?”
“Caffé Boa.”
“I’ve never been there,” Karsen said quizzically.
“Sure you have. It’s right there on the corner of Fourth and Mill.”
“Still don’t remember.”
“We sat on the patio. Don’t you remember how quaint it was with the vines and lights? You hogged the fresh buffalo mozzarella appetizer, remember? I can still taste the fettuccine bianca. Mmmm. I think I’ll order it again tonight. That recipe has to come straight from heaven.” James’s voice sounded so convincing that even Karsen questioned her own memory.
“Hun, I know I’ve never been there. I remember everything we do. Mind of an elephant.” She pointed to her forehead. “You must have gone there with your other girlfriend,” she joked.
“No, K.” James took her hand. It had been so long since he’d held her hand in the car that her mind relaxed. “You were there,” he reiterated. “I can’t believe you don’t remember, but regardless you’ll love it.” He squeezed her hand tighter.
Karsen closed her eyes. Two years. Over two years they’d been dating. Every bone in her body told her he was the one, no matter how much her mother had questioned her relationship. She pictured their future together and in her dreams it felt real. She always thought she’d have the time to prove her mother wrong.
They covered the short distance to the restaurant quickly and James maneuvered the BMW into a rare street-side parking spot. Karsen smoothed her dress – a fitted, brown-striped halter that hugged her waist – as she climbed out of the car. The strappy brown sandals tied at her ankles drew attention to her sleek, striated calves.
“Come on.” James, who had once opened her door for her, had jumped out on his side and now stood impatiently at the curb.
“What’s your rush? We have an hour and a half before the Improv’s doors open.” Karsen folded her sweater over her arm and closed the car door. She always felt funny having a sweater at hand, but even in the peak of Arizona’s summer the air conditioning in most restaurants chilled her. She watched as James pushed the button on the black key fob then heard the locks click twice behind her.
The two ate politely but Karsen noticed an awkward disconnect in their conversation. She wondered if they were simply maturing, or if their relationship was growing stale. Their conversation used to be playful, a continual mix of flirting and serendipitous getting-to-know-you banter. No matter how hard she tried this evening, they just couldn’t seem to connect.
“Hanna and I have Chemistry together this term. Our lab instructor gave us a quiz…”
“That’s nice.” He cut her off before she could continue. “Did I tell you about the telecom account I landed? My boss had been trying to close them for over six months. I was able to meet with the director of purchasing today, and he signed the contract right then and there.”
“Wow.” Karsen replied. “That’s great, honey.”
James droned on about his work and finance classes. Karsen tried to seem interested, but being a communications major, net present value and balance sheets really weren’t her thing.
“You want to split a tiramisu?” Karsen asked.
“Really?” James balked at her suggestion for dessert with his ‘you don’t need to be eating that’ tone. Instead, he signaled the waiter for their bill.
“Guess not.” Her spirits dampened, Karsen excused herself and made her way to freshen up in the ladies’ room. A few minutes later, she returned to the table where she once again joined James. She grabbed her purse from beside her chair and then they headed out to the car together.
Cars moved like snails down Mill Avenue. Saturday nights were known to draw a crowd and traffic was always slow. She sensed James’s frustration and wondered whether it was her or the chocked-full street of vehicles and jaywalking pedestrians that was irritating him. They turned down University Boulevard and pulled into the parking lot behind the Improv.
“Are you all right, honey?” Karsen asked. What she really wanted to ask was “are we all right?” but couldn’t. Her insecurity wouldn’t let her.
“Yeah. I’m sorry. I’m just stressed out.”
“Is it work?”
“Yeah, of course. What else would it be?” He grabbed her hand again.
“Hey, there’s Brad’s truck. Let’s park over there,” Karsen suggested, thinking they could all leave together that way. James didn’t argue. He pulled into an open spot in the next row that had enough room so as not to scratch the doors when they opened them. They both got out of the car and headed toward the club.
“Hanna!” Karsen shouted, spotting her friend in front of the entrance. “Wait up!” Hanna turned and allowed James and Karsen to join her.
“Hi, James. Nice ride.” Hanna played into his already pompous ego.
“Thanks. I’d let you drive it, but you know what they say about women drivers?”
Hanna rolled her eyes. “Danica Patrick could run circles around your sorry ass.”
“How about we leave the comedy routine to the comics inside, shall we?” Karsen could see the conversation roller-coastering downhill fast. Hanna loved pushing James’s buttons.
James led the way to will call and they picked up the tickets that Brad had arranged for them. Inside, the lights were dim. The group stopped at the bar for drinks. An usher then led them to a four-top at the front left of the stage. The show appeared to have a full house; the balcony seats were even filled. Not bad for amateur night, Karsen thought. She filled with pride knowing Brad had a real shot at pursuing his dream career.
Looking toward the stage, Karsen spotted
Brad waiting in the corner wing. She waved and she saw him smile back at her, clearly trying to maintain his concentration. His quirky smile filled Karsen with a welcome familiarity. Karsen grew up at the butt of his jokes. She certainly appreciated that his new material excluded her. His skits were tame compared to those of most comedians, focusing in mostly on childhood mishaps. Clean, relatively curse-word free. Karsen beamed with delight every time she watched him perform. She wondered if their mom could see him, too.
Karsen sipped her apple martini, which was usually her drink of choice. Tonight her stomach felt unsettled and while the others were well into their second drink, her first one sat barely touched.
At eight o’clock, Brad took the stage. Even though she’d heard him rehearse, Karsen’s belly hurt from laughing. She thought about their childhood joke after joke.
“Dad had a phrase, no matter what the injury. Sympathetic, he was not. Stub a toe – ‘It’ll feel better when it quits hurting.’ Break a leg – ‘It’ll feel better when it quits hurting.’ Cut your arm off with a chainsaw – ‘It’ll feel better when it quits hurting.’”
Karsen wiped the inside corner of her eye. She laughed so hard that she was crying. Hanna leaned into her and whispered in her ear, “Hey, K, I think I might have a thing for your brother.” Before she could respond, Hanna’s attention veered back to Brad’s act.
For a moment, the thought caught Karsen off guard. Hanna’s flawless looks with Brad? Not that he was bad looking; he was related to her so their features were similar. His nose had a slight bump and he wasn’t built like the guys she’d seen Hanna date. Looks aside, though, this might not be a bad thing, Karsen thought. At least she knew Hanna liked her, which was more than she could say for Brad’s last girlfriend.
Karsen poked Hanna in the ribs. “You think what?”
“You heard me right. I think I’m interested in Brad.” Hanna’s cheeks turned a pinkish-red.
“You’ve known him for years…what prompted this?”