by Misa Rush
Hanna hugged her tightly. She could see the worry on her face and wished she could take it away. They sat in silence, lost in thought, trying to digest what Karsen’s appointment meant.
The next morning, Karsen sat in the clinic waiting room and filled out the routine medical paperwork. She signed her name on the last form and turned everything in to the receptionist. That was it. In one hour her mistake would be erased. Her emotions were another story.
She sat back down next to Hanna. Neither knew what to say. Karsen’s nerves boiled within her. The medicinal smell irritated her already queasy stomach. She stared blankly over Hanna’s shoulder as she flipped through the issue of Urbane she had brought from Karsen’s apartment.
“Karsen Woods?” the nurse called from the doorway. Hanna looked up toward the nurse then at Karsen, expecting her to get out of her seat. Instead, Karsen’s eyes burst open.
“Wah…wait!” she exclaimed. “Go back!”
Startled, Hanna looked at her concerned. “What?”
“Karsen Woods,” the nurse repeated.
“No, go back!” Karsen reached across Hanna’s arm to flip back the page. She could hardly believe her eyes.
“Karsen, she’s calling you…,” Hanna started.
Karsen impatiently pointed at the page. “Look!”
Hanna looked down again and her jaw dropped when she saw what Karsen was pointing at. There on the editorial page was a photo of Urbane’s CEO Addison Reynolds. Visible in the open neckline of her blouse was a silver puzzle piece charm.
23
Addison held the phone away from her ear. She knew her mother would be upset once she learned about Russell and she was right. Garbled in the background she could hear her rattle on about how she was going to ruin her life and how she needed to beg him to come back. She brought the phone in only to utter a few “Uh huhs” and “Yes, Mom. I understand,” anything to appease her until she felt they could move on. Addison almost felt as if the lack of a date for her mother’s charity event was the greater issue. The appearance of her only daughter still single at thirty-nine must cause undue whispering in her mother’s social circle.
“Yes, Mom, I said I know. Now, I really need to get back to work.” Addison pushed. “I’ll see you soon.” She felt a pang of relief as she hung up the phone. At least the conversation about Russell was over and she hoped that would be the last.
As frustrated as she felt, still, she loved her for the mother she was. Perhaps her parents didn’t fit the picture-perfect model of family, but they did the best they knew how. They’d taken her in and provided her with a lifetime of financial security. She respected them for that. Her loyalty remained to them and a birth mother had no right to find her. Not now. Not almost forty years later.
Jacob entered the office and sat a warm, frothy latte along with a hard copy of the next issue’s proof on her desk.
“Morning, Addison.” His voice was casual. He was becoming more comfortable with his position and with her.
“Good morning,” she replied as she looked up. Perhaps for the first time, she realized how good looking he was. Not in a sexual way – he was fourteen years her junior and she was not about to venture down that road. But, he’d evolved in the short time she’d known him. As his confidence grew, his appearance transformed from boyish to manly. She smiled and nodded as he left.
Her e-mail inbox contained the usual cluttered morning mess. She sipped the latte and relaxed into her chair as she clicked through message after message, methodically and efficiently delegating or deleting each one. Suddenly she froze. She looked twice at the “From” line in the next message. KWOODS. Unexpectedly, she was on the verge of tears. Her memory files from years ago resurfaced. Katherine Woods. She had written it down when she was looking for her mother as a teen. A name she found herself never able to forget. No, no, no. How could she have found her? How dare she contact her? Addison’s memory flashed back to when she had seen her, a loving mother with two kids toddling around the front yard. She had been written out of their family. Hadn’t she just talked to the intermediary and indicated she definitely would not permit it? She did not want to be contacted! No, no, no! She pounded her fist on the desk causing her coffee to splatter. “Shit,” she said, rubbing the sting away. She wanted to scream, but instead she gritted her teeth in frustration. Despite her initial anger and anxiety she felt compelled to open the message. Apprehensively, she scrolled the mouse over the message and clicked.
Dear Ms. Reynolds,
I know you must receive hundreds of unsolicited e-mails. This might sound crazy, but I have reason to believe we may be related. I wouldn’t attempt to contact you, but this is an emergency. Please don’t delete without responding.
Thank you,
Karsen Woods
Addison reread the name. Karsen. Not Katherine. Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe Karsen was just some crazy stalker who was looking for money. Maybe her last name was a weird coincidence. Karsen. Katherine. The names were too alike. In her heart, Addison knew. She knew from the day she’d gone to their home that she had a sister. What kind of emergency warranted contacting a sister you never met? Addison groaned and covered her eyes with her hands. “Urgh!” She grimaced, conflicted about what to do. They couldn’t just expect her to welcome them with open arms…could they?
“I’m sorry,” she said aloud, as she slid her pinkie across the button. DELETE.
Hanna walked into chemistry lab and was relieved to see Karsen at their station.
“Hey, K. Anything new?” Hanna asked. She looked at Karsen hopefully. She had crossed her fingers and said her prayers hoping to hear something finally was going her friend’s way.
“No,” Karsen responded. With Hanna’s notes and a bit of leniency from her professors, she managed to at least maintain passing grades but the prospect of producing her usual stellar GPA was looking grim. “I tried to e-mail Addison, but I didn’t get a response.”
Karsen opened her notebook, the tear sheet from the magazine was taped to the inside cover. “I know it’s her. She even looks like us.”
“What if it was a shock to her? Maybe she didn’t know she was adopted,” Hanna reasoned noticing the similarities in the photo.
“Maybe? I don’t know.”
“Did you try calling? The e-mail could’ve been blocked by the spam filter, or maybe she has an assistant filter her account and they just think you’re some whacko.”
“I don’t have a number.”
“Oh, gimme a break. When has that stopped you before? You found the e-mail.”
“I don’t know, Han. I’m just too tired. She obviously doesn’t want to be contacted. I’ll just reschedule my appointment. This is all just prolonging the inevitable anyway.”
“Call the magazine. She owns that damn thing. I bet someone there knows who she is. You CAN’T give up now, Karsen,” Hanna urged her.
Following class, Karsen and Hanna found a bench on campus. Karsen dialed the number listed on the editorial contact page. Her heart raced as she waited with Hanna standing supportively by her side.
“Urbane magazine. How may I direct your call?”
“Yes, ma’am. I’m trying to reach Addison Reynolds,” Karsen said, trying to sound as sophisticated as possible.
“One moment, please.”
Her heart continued to pound as she listened momentarily to music on hold as her call was put through.
“Hello, thank you for calling Urbane. This is Marjorie.” Her routine answer sounded rushed as if twenty calls arrived at once and she had only a moment to attend to each, which wasn’t much of an exaggeration.
“Yes, um…may I speak to Addison Reynolds, please?”
“Who’s calling, please?”
“Karsen Woods.”
“Is she expecting your call?”
“Yes,” Karsen lied with confidence.
“One moment, please.” Marjorie punched the hold button and clicked Addison’s line to announce the call. Another call beeped in
simultaneously on line two, so she hit transfer, putting Karsen through before Addison knew who it was.
“This is Addison.”
Karsen froze.
“Hi. Yes, this is Karsen Woods,” she said hesitantly. “I don’t know if you received my e-mail…”
Furious at being caught off guard, Addison cut her off.
“Ms. Woods, I’m not sure who you think I am, but I’m certain I’m not that person. I wish you the best, but I have to go now.”
“But, wait. Please give me a moment to explain...”
“I’m sorry. Now, I…”
“Please!” Karsen pleaded.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t help you.”
“But… you don’t know that. You have a choice and you’re choosing not to listen. Choices are made every day. Some bear no consequence. Others have life-altering results. I should know. My mother made a choice. She kept a secret. Her intentions were pure. With every beat of my heart, I believe she thought keeping her secret was in everyone’s best interest. She thought the secret would be buried with her, never to be revealed. She thought wrong.”
“Unless I’m mistaken, you’re breaking the law by contacting me.”
Karsen gasped with relief.
“It is you!”
Addison said hurriedly, “Please don’t call again,” and abruptly hung up. Tears flooded her eyes. Her intention certainly was not to hurt anyone. She simply wanted to be left alone.
Karsen’s heart and mind raced. She couldn’t understand why her sister would push her away. Wasn’t she at all curious about her? About their mother? Didn’t she care at all? Was Addison really that cold? Karsen was simply a bystander. It was her mother that chose adoption. Not her.
“What did she say?” pressed Hanna.
“She said I was breaking the law. She said I was breaking the law by contacting her. She knew. Hanna, it’s her. Addison Reynolds is my sister.”
“Holy Shit, Karsen!” Hanna said excitedly. “What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to meet her.”
Emily arrived at Addison’s office and smiled at Marjorie who waved her on without hesitation. Emily knocked gently before opening Addison’s closed office door. She peered in through the crack before entering. “Who was that?” Emily asked, witnessing the end of the one-sided conversation which clearly had upset Addy.
“No one. Just business.”
“She called you, didn’t she?” Emily knew Addison would never handle a business call in that manner. She’d only seen Addison cry a handful of times and never over business.
“Who?”
“Your biological mother.”
“No, not my mother.”
“Then who, Addy?”
“Karsen, my sister,” Addison said. She didn’t care what Emily knew anymore. She was tired. Tired of feeling abandoned. Tired of hiding the truth.
“You have a sister?”
“Apparently, yes.”
“Any other Jerry Springer news I should know about?”
“I have a brother, too.”
“And you’ve known this?”
“Yes.”
“For how long?”
“Since I was fourteen. I basically ran away from boarding school to try to find my biological mother, except when I got there she looked like her family was complete. So I turned around and went home.”
“You aren’t even curious about them?”
“Why should I be? I was the one discarded, remember?”
“Aren’t you even interested in finding out why?”
Addison shook her head. She grabbed a tissue to dry her eyes.
Emily thought about what she would do if she were in her friend’s position. A part of her understood Addison’s hesitation, but she’d rather know the truth. And to get to the truth meant speaking to the source.
“Addy, maybe you’re being too harsh,” Emily said tentatively.
“Harsh? She gave me away, Em. I made peace with it a long time ago. I know I may look like an ice queen, but what do they think? That we’ll meet and hug and live happily ever after? It’s been thirty-nine years.”
“Wow, you’re almost forty,” Emily poked.
“Shut up.”
“What if you got pregnant as a teenager, Addy? What would you have done?”
Addison raised her hands to cover her face. “I don’t know.”
“Put yourself in someone else’s shoes for a change. Maybe, just maybe, it was the best choice your mother had at the time. Lots of women put babies up for adoption. Not everyone is perfect, but at least you’re here.”
“Understood, Em. What would you have me do?” Addison demanded.
“Talk to them.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?” Emily said, exasperated.
“It would tear apart my parents. I mean Mom and Dad. The only parents I know. Not to mention what would happen if the media got a hold of this. I can only imagine the headlines. And…and what would people think about me running this magazine?”
“That you’re capable?”
“No, that my adoptive father gave it to me out of pity.” “Addison, you are completely crazy. I swear. I’ve never seen you act this irrationally.”
Then Emily saw a side of her friend even she’d never seen.
“How can a mother give up a child, Em? How could she give me away?” Tears flowed down Addison’s cheeks as she broke down completely. Emily wrapped her arms around and rocked her.
After several minutes, Addison pulled away.
“I didn’t ask for this,” she said, wiping her eyes, struggling to regain her composure.
“I know you didn’t.” Emily paused. “Addy, you probably don’t want to hear this and I’m certainly not a shrink, but I think the only way you’re going to get past this is to face it head on. You’ve let the past affect all of your attempts at relationships. But it doesn’t have too. Not anymore.”
Addison thought of Russell and every other man in her past. “I can’t.”
“Yes, you can. You run a billion dollar business. You have a strength within you that I could never have. You can.”
Emily stood and kissed the top of her head. “I’m here for you. Whatever you need. You know that.”
Addison wiped her eyes trying to erase the smudges of eyeliner. She hated letting anyone see her cry. But for once, she didn’t care. The embarrassment, the weakness, whatever it was that she conjured in her mind no longer mattered. She knew what she needed to do.
24
Karsen threw a mismatch of clothing into her suitcase. Her flight left in two hours. The last minute fair maxed out her credit card, but she couldn’t worry about that now. She tried calling Brad. No answer. She left a voice mail letting him know her intentions. Hanna, she knew, would fill him in on her conversation with Addison.
She hustled through security with little time to spare. Her flight was boarding the last section of seating. Breathlessly, she handed her boarding pass to the attendant and stepped onto the breezeway.
Her Blackberry vibrated inside her bag. She fumbled for it while she walked. Brad. “Hello?” she answered, against her better judgment and in no mood for an argument.
“Karsen, what the hell are you doing now?” he yelled through the phone.
“I have to see her, Brad. I have to talk to her.”
“She doesn’t want to talk to us. You need to accept that. You can’t fly to New York on a whim. Damn it, Karsen, she already made it clear. She’s not interested.”
“If I see her in person, she might change her mind.”
“Karsen. Get a grip. She could have you arrested.”
“I don’t care.” Tears welled in her eyes. “I have to go.”
“Karsen!”
“I’ll call you when I get there.”
Addison apologized to Emily for cutting their afternoon plans short, and headed for her parents’ house. When she arrived, her mother looked surprised to see her. She waved her in with her
free hand; the other was holding a notepad with the phone tucked awkwardly under her chin. The color in her face once again looked normal and she was scurrying around finalizing details for the charity ball.
Addison brewed a pot of tea in the kitchen while her mother finished her call. Her nerves swelled. She hadn’t remembered being this anxious since leading the first board meeting following her dad’s retirement.
“Honey, hello. This is an unexpected visit.” Mrs. Reynolds kissed her daughter’s cheek.
“Hey, Mom. Sorry about just dropping in. You look like your old self again.”
“Thanks, but is the word ‘old’ necessary?” her mother smiled.
“You know what I mean.” Addison handed her a mug. “Here, I made you some tea.” They each took a seat around the kitchen table.
“Thanks. Are you okay? The stars have to align in order for members of this family to tear themselves away from that magazine. Lord knows your father never left early.”
“Where is Dad?”
“Golfing. Where else?”
“Figures.” Addison thought about whether to wait for them both to be present, but rationalized that would probably never happen.
“Mom, someone, I mean…they contacted me.”
“Who contacted you, dear?”
“My biological family.”
“Oh.” Her mother’s hand shook as she set down her tea. She sat silently her eyes gazing downward.
“I told them I didn’t have any interest in meeting them.”
“I see. And do you?” Her face shifted. Addison had never witnessed an expression like this on her mother’s face. She appeared sad, but there was something else. Fear?
“Not so much an interest, but a need. I need to know why.”
Her mother didn’t respond. She got up and walked out of the room leaving Addison sitting alone at the table not knowing what to do next. A few moments later, her mother returned. She held out a simple white, sealed envelope.