by Brinda Berry
I stand, not sure what she’s doing.
She steps forward and gives me a hug, resting her head against my chest. “God knew to bring you back to me. I wake up every day and think of how special you are.”
We’ve never hugged in the couple of years since I’ve known her. Why start now? Between this and her calling me her boy, my gut prickles with unease.
But she’s always been different.
I pat her awkwardly once on the back, ready for her to end the hug. “You’re special, too.”
“I can’t wait to meet your girlfriend.”
I imagine Ellen asking for coloring pages spelling out FUCK. Or maybe she’ll suggest they become best friends. There’s no way to know.
Trying to second-guess Ellen is more stressful than being head electrician of a nuclear plant. “Let me walk you out.”
The entire day passes by without a word from Josie. I check the time on my cell after the early diners have cleared. A band plays familiar old country tunes with a modern twist and the partiers will make an appearance soon enough. Twelve hour plus workdays aren’t unheard of in the bar business. But Dog Ears Bookstore closes at five, so she’s been home for several hours.
I picture her curled underneath her favorite blanket with a book in one hand and a mug of steaming cocoa in the other. Her feet might be clad in some long fuzzy socks that reach mid-thigh. The two times I saw her in them, I silently groaned in sexual frustration. Then I teased her about dressing like an anime character.
There will be a scented candle burning on the nightstand, making her place smell like a fireplace burning. Her hair will be in a messy bun, a style she never wears out in public and for that I’m grateful. Every man within eyesight would dream of having her in his bed.
Her entire bedtime ritual is the opposite of lace lingerie and spiked heels. And she has no idea that it’s ten times sexier than looking like she spent time preparing for a night of pleasure. Maybe I have a sex addiction when it comes to her. I’ve never been obsessed with any female like I am her. Tracing the bottom of my cell phone with my thumbs, I give in to my urge to send a text.
Me: Hope your day was easier than mine.
I wait with the phone in my hand so I don’t miss her response. The text alert dings within seconds.
Josie: It was okay. Busy. William Walters came in and demanded to know why the store was closed. Someday I am going to lose it with him.
I chuckle under my breath. The networks could make a fortune on a comedy sitcom about William Walters. I picture him hovering over a stack of books and driving her batty.
Me: Can I call you?
It takes a million years for her reply.
Josie: I’m beat. Can we talk later?
She loves a good conversation. So this brushoff disturbs me more than it should.
Me: Sure. But I want you to come with me to my parents’ for dinner tomorrow night. I won’t accept no for an answer. I’m coming to pick you up. I'll be there at five.
Josie: You haven't told them, have you?
Me: Of course not. I wanted us to tell them together. But it doesn’t have to be at dinner if you want to wait.
Josie: No. We should tell them. I respect your parents, and they need to know. I don't want them to find out from someone else. Gotta get some sleep. TTYL.
Me: Night, Josie
Night, babe, I whisper across the empty room and wish I could say it to her face-to-face. Mouth-to-mouth.
I place my cell phone on the dresser and try to shrug off all my thoughts of Josie. It doesn't seem right to have such carnal thoughts of her tonight. She’s not feeling warm toward me. Harper all but called me out on how I treated Josie in the past. But I can’t help the physical feelings she stirs in me.
I undress and stand in the shower, letting the hot water massage my back. My hand drops to stroke myself in an easy rhythm. Memories fuel my fantasy. Josie with her dark hair strewn across my white pillows. The way she looked the morning after we had our night together and the way she blinked lazily at me through sleepy eyes.
My mind skips further back on the playlist of our relationship. Summers at the lake. Josie biting into a slice of pink watermelon and juice dribbling down her chin, dropping to slide between her ample breasts. Falling onto her hot sweet summer skin.
I’m back again to that one night when every fantasy about my best friend came true. The desperation of that night in my apartment when we made our baby. I see something in Josie’s eyes that I've never clearly seen before. A look that tells me I am the center of her world right before I plunge deep inside her.
That night, I came so hard it should’ve blinded me. I swear the neurons in my brain exploded into fireworks that left me gasping at the intensity.
My hand pumps my dick in quick shaky movements as I remember how she felt underneath me. Her ecstatic cries that begged for more.
My release is sudden, forcing me to slam one hand against the shower stall. I’m breathing hard, and my heartbeat drums into my head. It takes several minutes to gain my composure. Has a man ever had heart failure from masturbation? Probably not.
I need Josie more than she needs me. Harper said as much.
My heart feels dark and blackened around the edges because I know how selfish I am. I should let Josie find someone else. What if I end up as crazy as Ellen? What if my kid inherits the gene that makes Ellen so unpredictable and erratic?
What if Josie ends up hating me?
Chapter Nine
The Big Announcement
Dane
I arrive at Josie’s a half hour early—a strategy so we can have some time alone before heading to my parents’. As soon as I open my truck door, her face appears in the front window of her house. Then she’s outside before I can even cut the engine.
Josie takes the porch steps like she’s running bleachers, gliding effortlessly down them.
My shoulders tense. I stride toward her and a cold mist lands on my face. “Damn, Josie. It’s slick. Slow down. What if you slip on the steps?”
“I’d bust my ass. And hello to you, too. I’m just excited. It’s been forever since I’ve seen your folks.” Her lips curve in an easy smile.
It’s wrong to be jealous of my own parents. But I am. My gaze moves from her mouth down the length of her so I can take her all in—some makeup, her hair curled in loose waves that fall down her back, gold jewelry, a cream dress and high-heeled sandals. Josie would usually dress in jeans to see my parents. She dressed up for them…or me.
She tugs the belt of her slinky dress and then puts her hands on her hips. “Are you done inspecting my wardrobe?”
“Do I get to inspect the things inside the dress?” This girl melts my butter, revs my engine, floats my boat. Insert any corny cliché and it fits my feelings toward her.
“You lost your chance for that, buddy.” Her light words cut sharper than a north wind. I panic that it might be too late for me. That she’s seriously over any attraction she had for me in the past. “Today is about your parents. Let’s not make it about you and me. Come on now…I’m dying to see them.”
“And they’ll be glad to see you.”
She sails past me to hop into the passenger side and the only thing I’m left with is the delicious scent of her perfume.
Shaking my head, I get into the driver’s side and settle into my seat. “Maybe we should come up with a game plan.”
She closes the passenger door and fastens the seatbelt across her lap. “Plan?”
“You know. Do you want me to do all the talking?” I can’t wait to see the look on their faces when Josie and I tell them about the baby.
“Do they know I’m coming?” She fiddles with a strand of her hair. It’s the only sign that she may be nervous. “You didn’t hint at anything, did you?”
“No. I thought it’d be a nice surprise for them. I didn’t tell my mom to start knitting baby booties or anything.”
“Maybe you should’ve. Do you think they’ll be shocked? Okay.
How do we tell them?” Josie turns her head to look out the window and I start the engine. “I didn’t want a plan. This feels awkward. Do you think they’ll be upset?”
“No. No way in hell. They’ll be ecstatic.”
I drive in the direction of my parents’ home. I can feel Josie’s gaze on me. I glance over and reach across to grab her hand.
“They are going to love this. I thought I would bring it into the conversation naturally. Maybe Mom tells us what we’re having for dinner and I say something like, “Speaking of…Josie’s got a bun warming in her oven. And I’m the chef.”
Josie doesn’t respond for several seconds. I split my attention between her profile and the road ahead. Then she starts to laugh under her breath, a sound that blossoms into a full hysterical belly laughter. A laugh that ends on a snort. “Oh yeah. Keeping it real. Okay, we’ll see how this goes.”
In fifteen minutes, we pull onto my parents’ street. “I hope we can get away early. I want to talk with you later.”
“Okay.”
“Maybe we can go out for coffee. Can pregnant women drink that? Jesus. I really need to buy all those pregnancy books you have at the store.”
She smirks. “You are such a worrier. You realize your mom will know something is wrong the minute we walk in the door.”
“Or else she’s going to think something is right.”
My statement elicits a smile and I take her hand as we walk toward the front door. Her fingers are warm and small, but her palm fits perfectly into the hollow of mine. Funny how this is the first time we’ve held hands.
I’ve held her naked body, but we skipped past all the nice little things couples do.
I don’t knock but go right on inside since they’re expecting us. Smells from Mom’s kitchen greet us in the front room. Mom always makes a big deal of Sunday dinners even though it’s usually just the three of us. I can hear a conversation between her and Dad from deeper within the house.
“Mom. Dad,” I call out. “We’re here.”
“Don’t be nervous,” Josie whispers.
I squeeze her hand. “I’m not.”
“I was talking to myself.”
I chuckle and we round the corner into the kitchen. Dad pulls a large roasting pan from the oven. Mom wipes her hands on a dish towel. “Josie Jenkins,” she says in a mock scolding tone. “I was beginning to wonder how long it would be before we would get to see you again. You know you don’t have to wait for him. You come visit anytime.”
She rushes over and folds Josie into a warm hug. “How is your brother?”
“He’s fine and busy and ridiculously happy. He got another book contract from his publisher.” Josie pulls back and steps over to hug my dad.
Mom rubs Josie’s back familiarly like she’s one of her own. “It’s almost ready. If I’d known you would be here, I would’ve made your favorite pound cake with strawberries. But you’ll have to settle for blackberry cobbler today.”
I lead Josie to the table and pull out a chair for her. She gives me a funny look because I normally don’t do this.
“So what’s going on in your life?” my mom asks her. “Are you seeing anyone special?”
She obviously didn’t notice that we came in holding hands. And since we didn’t date in the past, it’s a natural question from my mom. But I swear her eyes grow wide.
Josie plays with the silverware at the place setting before her. She shrugs. “Oh I’m busy. No time for a love life.”
I still her restless hand. “Actually,” I say evenly, “Josie and I have spent some time together recently.”
“Oh good.” Mom brings the basket of bread rolls to the table. Dad puts the fourth place setting at the table.
“Josie,” Mom begins, with a tentative lilt to her voice. “I realize you're still young. But you can’t hide yourself in that bookstore. I’m sure Dane knows someone…some nice young guy who is perfect for you.”
She gives a short laugh. “I don't need Dane fixing me up with someone.”
Dad stands at the opposite side of the table watching us, a silent observer but one with a knowing twinkle in his eye.
Mom and Dad take their usual places opposite each other at the table, so I’m forced to sit opposite Josie. Her seat seems so far away. Mom busies herself doting over Josie—making sure she has all her favorite foods and talking about her book club read.
I spread butter on a bread roll and lick my lips. “Mom, there’s something we can’t wait to tell you guys.”
She ignores me, enraptured with having Josie at her table. “When is your brother going to ask that girl to marry him?” Mom asks. “Haven't they been seeing each other for a while?"
Josie grins at me and finishes her bite of potato. “I think they plan on getting married someday. But you know how Leo is. I swear Harper should just ask him to marry her. It’s the twenty-first century.”
“She’s a very sweet girl. And she’s been married before?” Like a magician, Mom makes another roll appear on my plate.
“Mom,” I say trying to steer the conversation away from Leo and Harper. “Josie and I have something to tell you.”
Dad nods his head slowly. It’s like he knows. I can see it in his eyes. “Go ahead,” he says.
Mom looks from me to Josie, a wrinkle forming along her forehead. She tilts her head to one side as if she’s guessing that maybe it’s about the two of us. Or maybe not.
I take a deep breath. “Well, Josie and I have been friends for a long time. And sometimes in life, unexpected things –”
“I’m pregnant,” Josie blurts out. Mom drops her fork, the metal clattering along the edge of her plate. “With a baby.”
Silence.
“We didn’t suppose you’d be pregnant with anything else.” Dad’s grin extends from one ear to the other.
“Josie? You're going to have a baby? And the father is…” Mom still looks dumbfounded.
Did I not make it clear? Wait. I started with Josie and I have been friends. I think I should’ve planned this speech better.
Josie reaches across and grabs Mom’s hand. “Cece. You’re going to be a grandmother. And I hope that's okay.”
Mom's eyes fill instantly. “Are you kidding? A baby?” She rises from her chair shakily and moves three feet to throw her arms around Josie. “This is everything I’ve wished for my whole life. For my son to find a woman he loves. For you to find someone too. You’re already like the daughter I never had. I want to pinch myself. You’ve made me the happiest person on earth. And I will help plan the wedding. Don’t worry about it. You keep your mind on the baby and I’ll keep mine on the wedding.”
Now this time, I drop my fork and all three look at me.
We could get married. That would solve everything. Why am I such an idiot? Why haven’t I thought of this. “I haven't actually had a chance to ask –”
Josie raises one eyebrow and shakes her head. “There’s not going to be a wedding. We’re not getting married. We are going to have a baby together. Yes. And you’re going to be a grandmother in every sense of the word. But that's it. There’s no wedding. Dane doesn’t feel that way about me.”
“What do you mean he doesn’t feel that way?” Mom glares at me. “We…um…of course will be happy to be part of grand-parenting. I just…I love you. We love you.” She gives me a hotter glare, one that could melt the sun.
Dad walks around to the opposite side of the table to hug Josie. “Honey. We are so happy. Cece got a little ahead of herself. She doesn't mean to be pushy. I'm sure you kids will do what’s right for the two of you.”
My mother won’t meet my gaze. She’s clearly upset and I’ll be hearing about this later. “Have you even asked her to marry you?” Mom whispers, as if speaking louder is impossible due to taut vocal cords.
I examine the picture of my parents hovering over Josie and making her uncomfortable if her flushed face is any indication. “I appreciate that you guys are excited. But could you please stop crowding Josie? Ma
ybe we could finish this meal and talk about it.”
Mom’s mouth tips down at the corner. She looks like I’ve asked her to watch me kick some puppies. “Sorry. I know I overstepped.”
“No, no. That’s not what I meant. It’s just…this has happened pretty fast for me and Josie. We’ll figure it all out. I only want what she wants.”
Mom wipes her knuckle under her eyes and I realize she’s crying. She smiles at me, but her eyebrows knit together in a worried line. Dad calmly walks back to his seat and Mom resumes her chair next to Josie.
“Cece, I’m not much of a cook, but I think I’m going to have to ask for this recipe. I need to learn how to make this, right?” Josie waits for my mom’s response.
“I don’t think you're going to divert their attention that quickly.” I take a chunk of the roll and force it down my dry throat.
“All right,” Josie says. “Dane and I have been best friends a long time. But we’re not a couple. We’re going to remain friends no matter what happens–and you guys are going to have a great time helping us babysit.” She throws my mother a bright smile.
Mom has switched her focus from Josie to me. “You are not a couple,” she repeats.
Now why did Josie have to go into that territory. We weren’t a couple. But that’s going to change. “Mom, I think Josie and I can work that out in private. You know how much I care about her. The pregnancy was accidental…”
Mom rarely argues with me. Sure I got in trouble as a teenager, but she gives me the fiercest look I've ever seen on her face. Her eyes blaze.
“Accidental. That’s funny Dane. I clearly remember your father giving you the sex talk when you were discovering your own body at ten or eleven years old. I think you know exactly what happens when part A goes into part B.”
Josie’s lips smash together in barely contained laughter. She’s been around my parents all her life. I guess it doesn't matter how old I am. Mom will speak her mind.
Cece turns to Josie. “As a soon to be Grandma—or can I be Nana? Is that okay? I have some advice. Having a baby is serious business. And if I’m upset, it’s only because two people I love are bringing a little one into the world who deserves to be more than ‘accidental.’ I will support you both in every way, but please don’t call this baby an accident. I believe it’s happened for a reason.”