by Clare Revell
Dr. Andrews lingered for a moment longer as she wrote up the chart. “OK. You remember what I said, young lady.” She headed back to her office.
Mum looked at Lou. “What did she say?”
“Told me to shut up before I burst a blood vessel,” Lou paraphrased.
“She has a point,” her mother said. She twisted her hands on her lap. “Concerning Jack. Yes, I like him. A lot. As you so crudely put it, I fancy him. But, sweetheart, neither of us are going to compromise our faith by living together in the way you were insinuating. I loved your father, Lou. We were married for seventeen years. That’s almost half my lifetime and a year longer than yours. You don’t just forget that or throw it away without a care or second thought. When he died three years ago, I didn’t think I’d ever love again. You were my whole life.” She paused. “Things change, sometimes when you least expect them. Jack has asked me to stay here with him, instead of going back to England.”
Lou watched her mother carefully. “What about me?”
“Of course you will be there too. Jack’s place is huge. He wants both of us.”
“Are we talking marriage here, or just living together?” Lou kept her voice level this time.
“Right now, we’re dating. I sleep in the guest room. There is nothing untoward going on. I promise. Even if Bill and Di weren’t in the same house, there wouldn’t be.”
Lou picked at the edge of the blanket. She could either prolong the argument and upset her mother further or she could make it look like she’d given in. “I like Jack. I’m not going to object to you seeing him. Just promise me no more secrets.”
Mum hugged her. “I promise. No more secrets.”
Jack came across from Dr. Andrews’s office. “Good morning,” he said.
“Morning, Uncle Jack,” Lou said.
Jack raised an eyebrow. “Uncle Jack?”
“Isn’t that the title you give to the man your mum is going out with?” Lou replied innocently.
He looked at Mum. “You told her then, Nicky?”
“Yeah.”
Jack smiled. “Good. And there’s no need to call me uncle. Just Jack will do fine.”
Lou shrugged. “Weird name choice, but OK, Just Jack.”
Jack rolled his eyes as he sat on Lou’s bed. “Lou, there’s something I want you to know. When I asked your mom to stay here with me, she agreed on two conditions. Nothing would happen between us, and she came as a package with you. I have no intentions of replacing your dad. Now or ever.”
Lou blushed. “You heard that?”
“I think the entire base did.” He took Mum’s hand and looked at Lou. “I love your mother. I have from the moment I met her. I asked her to stay because I don’t want her to go.”
Lou put her hand on top of theirs. “It’s OK, Jack. I don’t mind. So long as you don’t do anything untoward towards her, it’s fine. Have you told Jim and Staci?”
“Bill and Di know, but we haven’t exactly been hiding our relationship. I haven’t said anything to the others yet. I wanted to tell you first,” Mum said.
Dr. Andrews came over. “General Merrick would like to see Lou now, if possible. Then I need to run a few more tests.”
Mum nodded and stood up. “I’ll come back this afty.”
Jack got up too and saluted as General Merrick came over.
General Merrick returned his salute. She waited until they had left the room before sitting next to Lou’s bed. She then gave Lou the same lecture that Lou assumed she had given the others.
Lou sat silently through it, hearing but not listening. She was quite adept at that, having perfected it at school. She nodded in the right places and apologized for wasting so much of everyone’s time.
“Answer me one thing,” General Merrick said. “Back in June, when you ran away, there was an incident at the docks in Southampton. A police boat exploded, killing two officers. Three were saved by a girl from a passing cabin cruiser. She gave her name as Louisa Benson. The name of the boat was Avon, call sign Alpha-Juliet-Tango-Kilo. I assume it was you?”
Lou nodded. “Yeah. Jim didn’t want to help and was furious because I did.”
“You risked your life for total strangers. You also put your whole journey in jeopardy.”
“That’s why Jim was so cross. Seems like a lifetime ago. But it isn’t like I’ll be doing that again any time soon.”
“Why not?”
Lou pulled the covers aside and pointed to the remains of her leg. “That’s why not. I made a mistake five months ago and I shall pay for it as long as I live.” She stifled a yawn. She didn’t want to be rude, but she was suddenly very tired.
“I’ll let you get some sleep.” General Merrick stood up. “Is there is anything I can do?”
“I could do with the morphine upped. It’s not touching the pain.”
“I’ll let the doctor know on my way out. Is there anything else?”
“No, General.” She paused. “I’m sorry; pain makes me cranky and not very good company.”
“You’re not alone on that score, as pain makes me cranky, too.” General Merrick nodded and rose.
Lou resumed gazing out of the window. The planes were still taking off and landing frequently. She saw Jack and three others, including a petite blonde, cross the tarmac and climb into a helicopter. It sat with rotors turning and then took off. Lou took a deep breath, wishing she could scratch her toes. They really did itch something chronic.
“Lou?”
She turned her head. “Yes, Dr. Andrews?”
“Time for those tests,” Dr. Andrews said.
“Great.” Lou rolled her eyes.
“That’s what Staci said, with more or less the same expression on her face, too. We ran the same tests on all the others. Sooner we start, the sooner we’re done.” Dr. Andrews put a tray of instruments down and pulled the curtains around the bed. “This is the part Colonel Fitzgerald always refers to as the human pincushion bit. If it’s any consolation, he hates it, as well.”
“OK.” Lou held out her arm, not seeing the point in objecting.
10
It was evening when they wheeled her back to the infirmary from yet another scan.
Mum sat by the bed, waiting for her. “Hi, sweetheart,” she said. “You OK?”
“I guess so.”
“I can get you some dinner if you want.”
Lou shook her head. Just the thought of food made her stomach turn itself in knots. Part of her knew that was down to hunger, but the other part of her wasn’t going to risk eating just in case. “No thanks. I’m more tired than hungry.”
“You need to eat.”
Lou tilted her head. “I’ll be sick if I do, which is kind of a waste of food. I have something for you.” She pointed. “That package next to the unit there.”
Mum picked it up. “This one?”
Lou nodded. Perhaps this would get Mum off the food kick. She watched as Mum opened it. “I made it on the boat on the journey here.”
Mum’s eyes glistened as she gazed at the cross-stitch picture of the white horses on the beach. “Oh, sweetheart…”
“I wanted you to have it.”
“Thank you.” Mum put the picture on the table and hugged her. “I love it. I shall hang it in my room.”
Lou hugged her back and leaned against the pillows as Mum released her from the hug. “Is Jack back yet?”
“No, how did you know he was gone?”
“Window faces the runway. When’s he due back?”
“Tomorrow morning. Why?”
Lou shrugged. “No reason. Just wondered.”
Mum studied her for a moment. Whatever she was working up to saying wasn’t going to be good. “Dr. Andrews wants you to talk to one of the counselors they have here.”
“I already told her no.”
“Lou, she’s worried about you. So am I. I’ve read the logbook you and Jim kept.”
“That’s more than I have.” Lou looked down at the covers. That mea
nt everyone would have read it. Including her backwards entries, because there wasn’t going to be a shortage of mirrors here.
Mum sighed. “You’re like a different person now. You willingly risked your life in June for three people you didn’t know. Your log entries read fluently. You sound happy, full of life and love and vitality. Then after the shark it all changes.”
“That’s because everything did change. Life did a huge U-turn. Nothing was the same after that.”
Mum frowned, as if she wasn’t sure how to broach the subject. “Lou, love, it sounds like you were really sick. Did you really want to stay behind?”
“Yes. If you read the logs, then you know I’m dying. The others didn’t need to see that. And you wouldn’t want me back just to lose me again. It was better for everyone if I stayed behind with Deefer.”
“That’s why you need to talk to someone. Just like all the others have done already. You’ve been through a lot.”
“I don’t need a shrink. How many times do I have to say it?”
“I’m not saying you do, but you need—”
“What I need are painkillers that actually work. I’m tired of the pain. And I wish my leg would stop itching for just five seconds. I just want it to go away. I want everything to go away. I wanna be left alone.”
Mum smiled faintly. “That’s my girl, always cranky when she’s hurting. OK, love. I’ll come back and see you tomorrow.” She got up and kissed Lou’s forehead. “Night, love.”
“Night, Mum.”
Mum picked up the picture. She paused at the doorway. “Lou, love, you’re not dying.” She headed out of the room.
“Yes, I am,” Lou whispered. “Mafuso said so and no doctor has said otherwise.” She turned her head to face the wall and closed her eyes. If only her foot would stop itching for a few minutes, it’d help.
11
Jim and Ailsa ate dinner together with Nichola and his parents in the mess. Staci was already asleep in the main infirmary. Jim hoped they could move into Jack’s place the following day. It wasn’t that he didn’t like being here; he just wanted to be alone with his parents and away from the constant supervision of armed guards. Even though he hadn’t done anything wrong, other than sneaking out to see Lou when he’d been told not to, their presence made him feel guilty anyway.
As they finished eating, Nichola looked over at Jim. “Could you do me a favor? Go and see Lou and see if you can talk some sense into her? I can’t seem to say anything right at the moment.”
“I’ll try,” he said.
“Thank you. And tell her you’ve all spoken to the counselor already. She thinks we’re picking on her. Oh, she hasn’t said as much, but I know the way she thinks.”
“I’ll try. See you in a bit.” He stood and headed down to the infirmary, with Sergeant Peterson following.
Lou lay with her eyes closed.
Jim sat next to her bed. “Hi,” he said. “I know you’re awake.”
“I’m asleep,” came the reply. She gave a couple of mock snores. “See, sleeping.”
“When are you going to stop this spoilt-brat act of yours?”
Lou opened her eyes and looked at him. “My what?” she asked.
He noticed the hollow, dead look was back. His stomach churned and he swallowed hard. He thought they’d gotten past this. “It’s time you grew up and stopped acting like a child. We’ve put your mum through enough without you carrying on like this.”
Lou pushed up on her elbows and glared at him. “How dare you talk to me like that?”
“Well, no one else will. I put up with it on the boat and on Agrihan because I had no choice. Plus which, I had Staci to consider. And I cut you some slack after Deefer died, but no more. You want to cut yourself off and sulk like a baby because you can’t have your own way, then feel free. Don’t come crying to me, because you won’t get any sympathy.”
Lou shook her head at him. “I have every right to feel like this. I’m dying.”
“Codswallop,” Jim snapped. “The doctors here worked jolly hard to stop the infection and succeeded, I may add. The antibiotics you’re on are finishing the job.”
Lou scowled. “Fine then. I will never walk again. Oh, they are talking wheelchairs and wooden legs and crutches, but it’s not the same. You don’t know what it’s like, so don’t you dare start on me. It’s like a nightmare, but you can’t tell where the dream stops and reality starts.”
“Which is why you need to talk to someone.”
“Oh, for Pete’s sake. Don’t you start on that as well.”
Jim rolled his eyes. “Actually, they made us all go talk to the counselor. It wasn’t as bad as it sounds. She just sat there and listened.”
“I’m not doing it. I put all my thoughts in the logbook; don’t need to rehash the whole experience again. Just leave me alone.” She turned away and shut her eyes.
Jim got up. “With pleasure.” He left the infirmary and went back to the others. He sat down and shook his head. “I don’t know I did any good. Probably not.”
“Thanks for trying.” Nichola sighed. “The only person who might get through is Jack. He said she opened up a bit on the island. I’ll get him to go see her tomorrow once he gets back.”
****
In the infirmary Lou lay looking up at the ceiling. Was Jim right about her not dying now? Mum had said the same thing. She didn’t understand why the doctor or any of the nurses hadn’t said anything if it were true.
Perhaps Jim was just saying it because he wanted her to stop feeling sorry for herself.
As a medic passed, Lou asked for an envelope and some notepaper. The medic gave her some along with a pen. Lou chewed on the pen lid for a moment, then began to write. It took several attempts until she was sure it was right. She shoved it in the envelope and wrote Colonel Jack Fitzgerald on the front. She put it on the bedside table, then destroyed the other attempts. She put the notebook on top of the letter and closed her eyes.
She heard someone come in, but pretended she was asleep. She didn’t want another lecture. There had been way too many of them for one day.
****
The following morning, Lou once again refused breakfast. Just the smell of the food on the tray the doctor held turned her stomach. “I’m not hungry.”
Dr. Andrews rolled her eyes. “Then you need to drink something. Otherwise, you can’t have more painkillers.”
Lou huffed. “Fine. Tea, white with two sugars.”
The doctor just stood there. “And what’s the magic word?”
Lou shook her head. “You sound just like my mother. Please.”
Dr. Andrews smiled. “Sure. And my mother did the same thing to me. It must be a universal parental tactic to make us say please.” She disappeared, taking the tray with her. She soon returned with a cup. “Here you go.”
“Thank you.” Lou wrapped her hands around the cup, relishing the warmth.
“On a scale of one to ten, one being no pain and ten being pretty bad, how’s your leg this morning?”
“Not there,” she replied flatly.
Dr. Andrews raised an eyebrow. “Really?”
Lou sipped the tea. “Yeah, really. Even I can see that my leg is no longer there and I’m just a kid, not a doctor.”
The doctor smiled. “OK, let me rephrase the question. How is your pain level?”
“Nine.” She swallowed. “Can I ask you something?”
The doctor perched on the edge of the bed. “Sure, if I can ask something in return.”
“OK.” She figured she’d probably regret agreeing to that, but oh well. “Am I still dying?”
“Dying? What makes you think that?”
“I heard you talking several times when I was sleeping. About me not making it. And besides, Mafuso said the same thing. That my leg was too bad and the infection would kill me.”
Dr. Andrews nodded. “It would have done if you hadn’t been rescued when you were, and yes, you were pretty sick. You crashed about three or fo
ur times, and it was touch and go for a few hours when you first got here, but you’re doing fine now.”
“Really?” she whispered.
“Yeah, really. There’s no sign of infection and the meds I’m giving you will get rid of what bugs are left in your system. There’s no reason why you won’t live to be ninety or so.”
Lou looked at her. She wasn’t sure if she were relieved or not. “OK. You wanted to ask something in return.”
Dr. Andrews pulled out her notebook. “What did you use for pain meds on the island?”
“Ailsa made something with a plant. She called it mytona. It was brilliant stuff. At least to start with, ’cause it numbed the pain for hours. It tasted disgusting though. You’ll have to ask her what plant it was. Mafuso did the same.”
“You mentioned him just now. He was the medic in the village?”
Lou took a deep drink of the tea. The only problem now her stomach had something in it, it wanted more. But it couldn’t have it. Her stubborn streak kicked in hard. She’d said no to breakfast, so that was the end of it. “Yeah, he was.” She set the cup down. “One of the good guys.”
“You liked him?”
“He’s married, so it’s irrelevant.”
“I didn’t mean like him, like him.” Dr. Andrews grinned. “But it makes it easier to respond to people when you get along with them.”
Lou nodded slightly.
“I had this boss once…not on this base, but another one. He was an ogre.”
“Really?” An image of a green monster in uniform floated through Lou’s mind.
“Oh, yeah. Annoy him and he’d have you cleaning things with a toothbrush.”
“I didn’t think they could do that.” Lou glanced up. “What kind of things?”
“Floors, sinks, even toilets.”
Lou scrunched up her nose. “Yuck.”
Dr. Andrews nodded. “Definitely. I haven’t had to make any of my staff do that yet. A couple of patients got threatened with it, mind you.” She lowered her voice. “Colonel Fitzgerald for one.”
“Really?” Lou tried not to appear too interested, but she was. And part of her was enjoying the conversation now they weren’t talking about her.