by Cali MacKay
I put the kettle to boil for tea when it occurred to me that Slater was probably more of a coffee drinker, especially given the fact that we were in Seattle, where coffee reigned supreme and had been perfected to an art form. “I’m putting on a pot of tea, though I have coffee if you prefer. And I’m not sure what you usually have for breakfast but I can make us some eggs and sausages. Might even manage a bit of toast.”
He slipped his arm around my waist and pulled me close, tilting my chin up so he could kiss me. “Sounds perfect. How about I make the coffee and tea while you cook?”
It all felt very domestic with me standing at the stove, while he played around with the coffee pot and kettle, though he made sure to distract me with teasing kisses while we worked, building more than one sort of appetite. Luckily I had the food plated up in no time at all, and by the time we sat down at the breakfast bar in my kitchen, not only was I starving, but anxious to see what the rest of the day held for us.
“I was thinking I might skip going into the lab today.” Especially since work hadn’t even popped up on my radar until just now. And with breakfast out of the way, what I was really hoping for was that Slater would drag me back to bed and would be willing to teach me a few more things.
“I’m glad you’re not going in to work this morning, since I have plans for you, baby girl.” He shifted in his seat to face me, turning me toward him as he bent his head to mine, nuzzling me as he brushed his lips against mine, even as his hands slipped up my thighs with a firm touch that felt so good.
I moaned as I deepened our kiss, especially when he ran his thumb over my clit, my sweatpants dulling the sensation just enough to have me squirming, desperate for more. “Slater…”
“I love the need in your voice, but you must still be sore.” His words were spoken as he trailed kisses and bites down my neck and slipped his hands under my flannel shirt, gliding them over my skin. “Probably best we wait. Maybe go for a ride up the coast? Or we could head into the city?”
“Or head back to bed and get naked—or go for a dip in the hot tub?” It seemed like a lazy way to spend the day, but I was seldom lazy, and if I wanted to make the most of my day off—though it then occurred to me that Slater might have to work, or at the very least check in, especially now that I no longer had Blackthorn Security watching over me. “Unless you have some other client to protect.”
“I have no one to protect but you. And you, baby girl, are no longer a client, which means I will be fucking you again, soon enough.” Yet before I could take him up on his offer, his phone was ringing. “Sorry, love… I have to get this. It’s my brother.”
I waved him off. “No worries. I’ll be right here.”
Chapter Nineteen
Slater
“Ash…what’s going on?” I wandered out onto the back deck so I’d have a little privacy. It’s not that I didn’t feel comfortable talking in front of Izzy, but if my oldest brother was calling, then something was up.
“I just got off the phone with Emerson.” Ash let out a weary sigh, though my muscles were already tense with frustration, my anger brewing as I felt a lecture coming. “He’s worried about you—and I can’t say I blame him, given the circumstances. And before you get bent out of shape and defensive, I know this is none of my damn business. Except that you’re my little brother, even if you’re not so little anymore.”
“There’s nothing to worry about. And quite frankly, I don’t know why he’s making such a big deal of this. Izzy’s no longer a client—and even if she was, so what? We’re both adults. And if we want to be together, then I don’t see how that’s anyone’s business but ours.” It’s not like my brothers and cousins played by the rules anyway. So why they were suddenly getting all high and mighty was beyond me.
“Have you told her about us? About the family business? Because I’m betting you haven’t, and if you’re sleeping with her—and if you really like her—then she needs to know.”
I knew Ash wasn’t trying to be an ass, but it still pissed me off that he was putting a damper on the way I’d been feeling now that I had Izzy all to myself.
“I don’t see how telling her about the distillery is going to make any difference in my relationship with her.” I knew he was referring instead to our family’s illegal activities, rather than Blackthorn Whiskey, but I didn’t care. We were no longer involved in any criminal activity, and I just wanted to leave our past where it belonged.
Ash growled at my response, clearly losing his patience with me. “That’s not what I’m talking about and you fucking well know it, Slater. This girl…she comes from a world that’s completely different than ours—one that we don’t belong in, given our past and the trouble that seems to want to keep following us. She’s way out of your league, and you’re going to get your heart broken when she finally finds out who we really are and the things we’ve done—even if that’s not who we are now. Not to mention, there’s a good chance you might be putting her in danger.”
“I’m not putting her in danger.” I growled out the words between gritted teeth. And it didn’t matter that Izzy was crazy rich and came from old money. I knew that under normal circumstances, this thing between us would never work, since anyone with that sort of background would likely look down their nose at me and my family, even though we were wealthy enough. But that wasn’t Izzy. She wasn’t like the rest of them. “As for the world she lives in, I can tell you right now that she doesn’t care about any of that. She’s not like that, Ash.”
“Really? So she’d be fine with you and your family being fixers? And she’d be fine knowing that trouble follows us around no matter how hard we try to avoid it? Especially when she’s already lost her mother to violence?” He let out a weary sigh even as his words and the weight of them sank in. “I’m not saying she’s not a nice person. But we’ve been less than nice in the past, and maybe because she is such a nice person, our past will be even more horrific to her.”
“Fucking hell. Why do you have to be a pain in the ass, when I really like her?” Far more than was wise. And yet…I hated that Ash might be right. Izzy might be sweet and open-minded—but that would only make what my family and I had done all the worse for her.
“I wouldn’t care, normally. But…this is different, Slater. Just cut your losses while this thing is still young, before it gets serious. Walk away and don’t look back. If not for your sake, then do it for her. You don’t want her to have to endure what Wren went through simply because some asshole was trying to get to me.” His words were like a punch to the gut, and it felt like the ground was falling out from under me. “This can only go down one way, Slater. And I’m really sorry for it. It’s clear you really like this girl. But this is for the best.”
The last thing I wanted was to put Izzy in harm’s way, especially when her own threat had only just been eliminated. And though there wasn’t currently anyone who wanted to hurt me or my family, it always felt like it was just a matter of time. We’d lost my father to that sort of violence, my parents’ house had been set on fire, we’d been threatened, blackmailed—and even worse, I knew for a fact that nearly every woman now married or engaged to one of my brothers had been on the receiving end of some scary stuff, and even some brutal violence.
And that was the last thing I wanted for Izzy.
I cursed Ash out under my breath and hung up with him, though I already knew what I had to do. Feeling disheartened, I headed back inside where Izzy was sitting on the sofa, playing with Lola and Winston. “Sorry about that. There was some family stuff that needed to get sorted.”
I sat down by her side, and as she took me in, her brow furrowed. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah…it’s fine. Just my brother being a bit of a pain in the ass.” At least I wasn’t lying to her outright. Not yet anyway. And suddenly it felt like the clock was ticking and my time with Izzy was rapidly counting down. Not that I was ready to give up just yet. There was just no way I could simply walk away just yet, even if I s
hould. Because my last day with her was looming on the horizon, and I fucking hated it. “Maybe you’re right…maybe we should just stay here today. Laze about naked in bed, making love, and then hop into the hot tub when we need a bit of a breather.”
“I think I like the sound of that.” Suddenly bold, she straddled my lap and slipped her arms around my neck, nuzzling me as I grabbed her hips.
Yet I couldn’t help but feel that she might have a completely different attitude toward me if she knew the truth behind my family and who we really were. Given that I’d been working for a security company as a bodyguard and most companies would have done background checks, she had probably assumed that I was a law-abiding citizen who had never done anything wrong. But that couldn’t be further from the truth, even though I’d avoided getting my hands dirty for the most part. It still didn’t change where I’d come from, and I had no doubt she’d be none too happy if she knew the truth.
And that made me feel like a complete shit for wanting to drag her back to her bed, given that I’d yet to be honest with her.
What the hell was I doing?
Ash was right. I needed to walk away before both of us got in way too deep, which would only make things a million times worse when I was finally forced to tell her.
I really should go.
Yet, I didn’t think I could.
Not yet anyway.
But I’d tell her soon—or break things off. One or the other.
Too bad both options sucked, and I wasn’t ready for either them.
Chapter Twenty
Isabelle
Something felt off about Slater after his brother’s phone call. He seemed preoccupied and far more serious, like his playful side had gone into hiding and there was something weighing heavily on his mind.
It made me want to distract him from his troubles. Except that I didn’t quite know what to do next, making me feel like I was stumbling my way through this. Yet I knew that I’d become more confident as I gained more experience. Not that I was there yet. Not even close.
Lucky for me, Slater was still happy to take control—and maybe for now, he, too, figured he needed a distraction. He sank his fingers into my hair and pulled me to him, my face cupped in his hands as he kissed me like I was his everything.
At least that was how it felt to me.
And I loved the feeling.
It was as if I truly mattered—and the truth was, I hadn’t felt that way in a very long time.
Maybe that was why I was falling for him, fast as lightning. And though I knew it was stupid to get attached to him, my heart had other plans, even if I was attempting to write this off as no more than a crush, since I knew I was lying to myself.
Yet Slater made me feel bold for once in my life—just like the feisty heroines in all the stories I loved to read. I’d always been drawn to them because I could live vicariously through the characters on the pages. But now, I didn’t have to—I could experience things firsthand, and though I may be greener than spring grass when it came to lack of experience, I wanted to try it all.
Feeling emboldened, I slipped off Slater’s lap and sank down to my knees, undoing the button and zipper of his jeans. I honestly didn’t have a clue as to what I was doing when it came to technique, but I figured the concept was simple enough, and I had no doubt Slater would help me figure things out if I started to stray off course. Yet as I started to free his long, thick cock, he took my hand in his, stopping me and making me second-guess myself.
“Izzy…” Slater let out a weary sigh, which made my heart sink, a fierce blush heating my cheeks. “What are you doing, love?”
“I wanted to…” I didn’t think I could be any more embarrassed.
He pulled me back up unto the sofa, quickly doing up his jeans before turning to me, his mood somber. “I’m sorry but…I think I’ve made a mistake. I never should have gone down this road with you. It wasn’t right—and for that, I’m sorry, Izzy. I’m sorry for dragging you into this.”
His words were like a knife to my heart.
What the hell had just happened?
“I don’t understand. Did I do something wrong?” Or was I just so horrible in bed, he couldn’t stand to go through that again?
“I swear, it’s not you. This is completely on me. I made a mistake by letting myself fall for you, when I never should have crossed that line.” He gave my hand a squeeze, no doubt trying to reassure and comfort me, but I couldn’t bear his touch now.
“Don’t, Slater.” I shook my head, my eyes stinging with tears. “So…that’s it then? I was just a one-night stand, and you’re now going to just walk away?”
I was such a fool. How could I have been so stupid?
“I swear, it wasn’t like that, even if the end result is the same.” Slater got to his feet, clearly looking to get as far away from me as possible. “I should go.”
“Well, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.” I couldn’t believe this was happening. And here I thought I’d picked the perfect guy to give my virginity to—and my heart. Instead, he was walking out on me, not even twelve hours later. Not even a full day.
Yet he lingered, though I couldn’t bring myself to look at him as the tears slipped down my cheeks.
“I really am sorry, Izzy.”
Yet that didn’t make things any better. Not that I believed him anyway.
I heard the door close as he left, and the moment I knew I was alone, I could no longer hold back my flood of tears. I had no idea a broken heart could hurt this much—even after all I’d been through. Or maybe that only made things that much more worse, since my heart had already taken a beating.
I’d thought I could trust Slater. And I had. With everything. With my life even.
But I now knew I’d been a fool.
At least I was no longer alone. Lola bumped my hand, looking worried about me, while Winston hopped up onto the back of the sofa, as if wanting me to know that he, too, was there, should I need him. And though I wrapped my arms around Lola’s neck and wept into her fur, it wasn’t enough. Not when Slater had broken my heart.
Was it me? Did I read more into our one night together than I should have? Or…was it the phone call he’d got?
Had it actually been his brother?
Or was it his girlfriend?
What were the chances that someone as smart and gorgeous as Slater would actually be single? I had figured that maybe, given his long hours, he didn’t really have time for a relationship… But now? I wasn’t so sure.
I wasn’t sure of anything.
Nothing except for my broken heart.
Chapter Twenty-One
Slater
I was such a fucking asshole. Emerson had been right. I should have never started down this road, since it not only felt like my heart had been stomped on, but it was also clear that I’d truly hurt Izzy, and that was the last thing I ever wanted.
I thought I could ignore my past and who I was—who my family were—when it came to Izzy. But the more Ash’s words had rattled around in my head, the more I’d realized that things would only be infinitely worse if I dragged Izzy into my life.
Not that what I’d just done was any better.
I’d slept with her—taken her virginity, no less—and then simply walked out without an explanation.
That had to make me the world’s largest ass.
I stood at my car, still parked in her driveway, ignoring the bitter wind and threatening rain, debating whether or not to go back to her and try to give her a more honest explanation as to why this thing between us should have never have happened in the first place. Yet what would that really accomplish, other than prolonging our pain and misery?
Except that there was a good chance she was somehow blaming herself and overanalyzing what happened—and I hated that I was putting her through more heartbreak when she’d already had her fair share. And the truth was, I was walking away because I was scared I might get my heart broken if I stuck around and let things
get more serious, only to be rejected when I could no longer avoid my past and had to come clean with her.
Fuck. I couldn’t leave things like this, even though I may only be making things worse for both of us.
I spent a few more minutes debating whether or not to go back and try to explain myself to her, but then reminded myself that there was a reason I’d walked out of there to begin with.
She was better off without me in her life, if for no other reason than my family still had far too many enemies who wouldn’t think twice about going after her for leverage, manipulation, or revenge.
Yet I still found myself walking back to the house and pounding on her front door, even as I cursed myself to a thousand hells. This was so fucking wrong, and yet I didn’t have a clue as to what was right.
Should I simply walk away and leave her upset, without any real explanation as to why I was leaving, knowing that she’d likely internalize it? Or should I explain to her why I had to walk away, and hope for the best?
One way or the other, I was likely losing her anyway, so I might as well spare her from thinking it was in any way her fault when I was the only one to blame.
I waited there at the door, pounding some more, but she didn’t answer—and I couldn’t blame her.
It seemed like fate was making the decision for me.
So in the end, I walked back to my car and drove away from Izzy, my heart shattered.
“I’m telling you, Slater. You need to move on and let her go. It’s been a month since you walked away from her, and you’ve been nothing but miserable—and if you think no one’s noticed, you can guess again. You look like someone stole your puppy.” Colton teased me as we stood outside our newest client’s door.
I grumbled, not wanting to get into it with him. I knew that my dour mood didn’t exactly make the time we were working together fly by, but there was nothing to be done for it. I’d tried to move on and forget about Izzy, but it clearly wasn’t working. “What the hell do you want me to do about it? Even if I could pursue her—which clearly I can’t—it’s not like she wants anything to do with me anyway.”