by Jo Ramsey
He couldn’t have figured out what Talia had done. If he had, he wouldn’t have been saying anything good about her. He would have been ranting about her even more than usual. Keeping it from him was wrong, but I didn’t see how telling him would have been any better.
I was too tired and irritated to figure it out. Whatever was going on between Rob and Talia was none of my business as long as they left me out of it. I was stuck in the middle anyway, since I cared about both of them, but at least if they didn’t talk to me about each other, I wouldn’t have to take sides.
“You won’t have to deal with me texting you at midnight for a few days.” Rob started to walk away, then looked over his shoulder. “Come on or we’ll be late.”
“Yeah.” I adjusted my backpack straps and followed him. “Why won’t you be texting me? I mean, I don’t mind it. You know that, right?”
“Yeah. It isn’t about you.” He sighed. “Stupid Reynolds called my parents. Even though she isn’t allowed to. She went behind my back the same as whoever talked to her about me in the first place.” He gave me a piercing look. “You don’t know who did that, do you?”
A direct question. I couldn’t lie or refuse to answer, because Rob would know I was hiding something. Technically I didn’t know for sure Talia had done it, but I was almost positive she had, and now I had to tell Rob what I believed.
Not my problem. She went after I told her not to. She can deal with the consequences. It wasn’t as if I was putting her in danger or anything. I was just answering a question. Rob wouldn’t do anything except be pissed off at her, which would only add her to the list of however many people he already hated.
I took a deep breath. “I don’t a hundred percent know, but I think it was Talia. She was worried about you because of how you acted at lunch. So was I, to be honest. You were kind of scary.”
He narrowed his eyes. “My frigging nose hurt like a bitch, and I was trying to talk to you, but Talia wouldn’t let me. I wasn’t scary. I was pissed. So what did she say?”
I shivered. Maybe I shouldn’t have told him after all. But I hadn’t exactly had a choice. “She wanted me to go to Mrs. Reynolds with her, and I said no. I said I would ask you to talk to Mrs. Reynolds yourself, but I wouldn’t go behind your back.”
“But Talia would.” Fists clenched, he turned away. “Of course she would. Exactly what I thought. Always trying to convince you I’m too messed up to be friends with. Well, thanks to her, I’m grounded. Dad took my phone and said I can’t have it back until Saturday. Two days. I guess I’m lucky it wasn’t longer.”
“I told her not to go,” I said.
“I believe you. You don’t lie to me.” He exhaled and opened his fists. When he faced me again, he looked calm. Not happy, but not furious. “Okay. I’m not going to waste energy on that… on Talia. She isn’t my problem. If you still like her after what she did, I don’t want to know, so keep it out of my face.”
“That’s kind of why I’m not talking to her.”
“Seriously?” He raised his eyebrows. “You’re ignoring her because of me?”
“She went behind both our backs.” I looked down at the sidewalk. “She should have listened when I said I would talk to you. You might not have gone to Mrs. Reynolds if I asked you to, but asking you would have been more honest than what Talia did.”
“I wouldn’t have gone, because I would have figured she’d talk to my parents. Exactly what she did.” He made a low, growling noise. “Well, I guess that proves what I’ve been saying, doesn’t it? Talia doesn’t like me, she doesn’t want us to be friends, and now she’s getting me in trouble with my parents. Still think I’m wrong about her?”
As he spoke, his voice rose. I flinched and reminded myself he wasn’t mad at me. I hadn’t done anything to him. He was just ranting the way he always did. As long as I listened, he would know I cared, and everything would be fine.
“I don’t know,” I said quietly. “She said she was worried about you, not that she didn’t like you or anything.”
“You worry about me too, but you don’t go sneaking around telling people at school something’s wrong with me.” He paused. “Like I said. I don’t want to waste energy on her. She isn’t worth it. Did you break up with her?”
“Not yet.” I didn’t want to admit I hadn’t completely decided whether I would. Right then, Rob would have thought I was taking Talia’s side if I said I might stay with her. “I didn’t want to talk to her. I’m too pissed off. Especially now. She lied to me about Mrs. Reynolds. She said there was a confidentiality law.”
“There is. Mrs. Reynolds spewed some crap about how I might present a danger to myself or others, and supposedly that nullified the confidentiality thing. It was bullshit. I didn’t threaten anyone, not even myself. I said I wanted to stop the people who give me a hard time. That isn’t a threat.”
“People are morons sometimes,” I muttered. “Of course she would jump to the worst conclusion. It’s her job to make sure no one goes off the deep end or whatever. She was stupid to think you would ever actually do anything, though. You vent. You don’t hurt people.”
“Exactly.” He rolled his eyes. “She told my parents I should get counseling, and they said they wouldn’t waste time or money on it. Same old crap about how I need to stop whining and deal with reality. Mrs. Reynolds wasn’t too impressed, but she couldn’t do anything about it. She was the one who decided to call them, so she had to deal with their BS.”
“Yeah.” I didn’t want to say too much. He was on a roll now. If I interrupted, he might get angrier again.
At least he believed I hadn’t had anything to do with Mrs. Reynolds pulling him out of class. That was good. I felt kind of bad for throwing Talia under the bus, but she could take care of herself. She’d made her choice after I told her not to do it. It was her problem.
“They grounded me,” Rob said. “Until this weekend, anyway. Did I say that already?”
“Sort of. You said your dad took your phone.”
“He did. And he said when I’m home I have to be in my room because he doesn’t want to look at a whine-ass.” He shook his head. “Right. Saying I don’t like having my nose broken in the school hallway is whining. Saying I don’t like all the name-calling and insults. It’s nothing more than whining as far as he’s concerned. I’m not a real man if I don’t fight back. He doesn’t understand if I fought back, I’d end up in the hospital or maybe the morgue.”
“Maybe it was different when he was in high school.” It was a lame thing to say, but nothing else came to mind.
“He was on all the sports teams. He would have been one of the ones shoving kids into lockers, not one of the ones who got shoved. That’s why he doesn’t get it. He was probably one of the bullies.”
“It sounds like he bullies you now,” I said.
“Pretty much. You know how he is. You’ve seen it.”
“Yeah,” I said again.
We’d reached the front of the school. Rob looked up at the building and sighed. “Another day, another injury. And I’m going to have to listen to Reynolds again. She said she was going to talk to me a couple times a week for now. As if I’m going to talk to her. She’ll just tell my parents again.”
“Maybe not.” I scanned the people on the school steps and didn’t see Talia. That was good. I might manage not to see her at all except in class.
“Why wouldn’t she?” Rob asked. “She did yesterday.”
“You said your dad got belligerent with her, so maybe she won’t want to talk to him again,” I said.
“Maybe.” He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, visibly relaxing as he did so. “Okay. I’m ready, I guess. As ready as I’m going to be.”
I patted him on the shoulder. “It’ll be okay.”
“Sure.”
We headed up the steps but stayed back a little from the main crowd. Neither of us wanted to get separated the way we had the day before. Fortunately, we managed to get inside without any pro
blems. I didn’t even hear anyone calling us names the way they usually did.
I walked Rob to his locker, then started down the hall to mine. A few feet away from it, I stopped. Red-eyed, Talia stood directly in front of my locker door.
So much for staying away from her.
I couldn’t avoid her now. I needed my books. Hoping she would move, I walked up to her. She just stood there staring at me like she was waiting for me to say something.
And obviously to get her out of my way, I would have to talk. “I need to get into my locker.”
“Why did you ignore me all day yesterday?” She stepped aside just enough to let me open the door. “You didn’t talk to me at work, you didn’t answer my texts or calls, and you didn’t meet me this morning. What did I do?”
“You don’t know?” I positioned the locker door so it blocked my view of her face.
“It’s about Rob.” She groaned. “I should have known. Do you understand I wasn’t trying to get him in trouble or anything? I wanted to help.”
“I told you I would talk to him about seeing Mrs. Reynolds, and you went behind my back.” I took my time shuffling my books around. Hopefully she would get bored and go away.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“I don’t think I accept your apology.” The first bell rang. I didn’t have time to mess around with the books anymore. I closed the locker and looked Talia in the eyes. “This isn’t a small thing. You deliberately went behind my back and Rob’s. I don’t care why you did it. I said I would talk to him, and you didn’t even give me the chance. So how do you figure ‘sorry’ will make things any better? He got in trouble at home because of you.”
“I didn’t know his parents would even find out. They weren’t supposed to.” She touched the bottom of her eyes with her fingertips. “I really am sorry about that.”
“His parents don’t think the bullying is the problem. They think Rob is.” I probably shouldn’t have told her that, but I was too angry to pay much attention to what I said. “Maybe you should have realized I had a reason for not wanting to go behind Rob’s back. Mrs. Reynolds didn’t do the confidentiality crap. She talked to him for a few minutes and then got right on the phone to his parents.”
“She can’t do that.” Talia looked confused. “It’s against the law.”
“Apparently not if she decides he’s a threat to someone.” She needed to leave me alone before I went off on her. I was trying so hard to hold my temper that I was shaking. I should have walked away, but I had one last thing to say to her. Hearing her attempts to justify what she’d done had made up my mind. We were over. “Don’t talk to me. Don’t look at me. I don’t care if we’re on the same damn register at work. Pretend I’m not there.”
“You’re breaking up with me because of Rob.” Her expression hardened. “I should have known you’d choose him over me sooner or later.”
“You made the choice when you went behind my back. It isn’t about choosing him over you. It’s about you proving I can’t trust you. Have a nice day.” I spun around, barely managing not to drop my books, and walked away fast before she saw that I’d started to cry.
My first girlfriend had lasted a grand total of three months. Not a great beginning to my love life. But it was her own fault. It didn’t matter if she’d believed she was doing the right thing. I couldn’t forgive her.
In first period, I didn’t take my usual seat, because I would have had to spend the entire class beside Talia. Instead, I sat a couple of rows over, behind Rob. The guy who usually sat there wouldn’t mind. If he did, too bad.
Rob looked surprised. “Can’t get enough of my company or something?”
“I broke up with Talia.”
His eyes widened even more. “Seriously? Why? I know you were mad at her about Mrs. Reynolds, and I said I didn’t want to hear about it if you kept being her girlfriend, but you didn’t have to break up with her on my account.”
“I told you I was probably going to. I don’t trust her anymore. That’s enough reason for me.” I pulled my algebra book out of the pile and opened it to the last page we’d worked on.
“Wow. I didn’t think you’d actually do it.” Rob sounded almost happy.
I looked at him. His expression showed only concern, but he probably was glad I’d broken up with Talia. I didn’t blame him. Now that I thought about it, even if she hadn’t treated him as badly as most people did, she’d never really been nice to him. He had good reasons not to like her, so naturally he would be pleased not to have to deal with her anymore.
The morning pretty much sucked. Talia was in every class I had. I had to force myself not to look in her direction to see if she was okay. She probably was. For all I knew, she didn’t even care about breaking up with me. After all the times we’d argued about Rob, she might even be glad she didn’t have to deal with me anymore.
I was glad about it. If I kept telling myself so, eventually I would believe it.
At lunch, I didn’t have to deal with her. She sat with the group she’d hung out with before she and I started dating. Rob and I had our table to ourselves, which was fine with me.
“Are you all right?” Rob asked as we started eating the pizza and chips we’d bought in the a la carte line.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” I picked up my chocolate milk and checked the expiration date. Last spring, the school hadn’t bothered throwing away expired milk, and a few kids had gotten sick, including me. I wasn’t exactly eager for a repeat. Fortunately, the date on the carton was October 1, still a little over a week away.
“Because of you-know-who.” Rob glanced over at Talia’s table. “Have you talked to her at all today?”
“Not since this morning. I don’t have anything to say to her.” I shrugged. “She did what she did. If I can’t trust her, I don’t want to date her. That’s how it works.”
“I know, but you look sad.”
“It is what it is.” I opened the milk and took a long drink. Even though it wasn’t expired, it tasted seriously nasty. I closed the carton and put it down. “I should buy bottled water.”
“It’s probably safer than school milk.” Rob hesitated. “Even though I don’t really get along with Talia, I didn’t want you to break up with her. She was trying to come between you and me, but I didn’t want to come between you and her.”
“You didn’t. She did.” It was time to change the subject. “How are you doing today?”
“I’m fine. It’s like yesterday. No one’s really saying much to me. It’s making me kind of nervous, actually.” He chuckled. “You would think I’d be happy they’re leaving me alone, but it makes me wonder if someone’s plotting something.”
“I understand.”
“I know I’m being paranoid, but can you blame me? Every time I think things are going to get better, they don’t.” He opened his chips. “I’m going to stop talking about it now before I piss myself off. I have to see Mrs. Reynolds after I finish eating, and I don’t want to be all angry and stuff when I talk to her. She’ll probably see it as a threat again or something.”
“They should see the bullying as a threat and leave you alone.” I took a bite of my pizza, which naturally was cold.
“That would mean actually caring about their students.” He rolled his eyes. “Anyway, let’s not talk about this anymore. Just so you know, if you and Talia get back together, I’ll be happy for you. I don’t like her taking up so much of your time, but I want you to be happy.”
I stared at him. He sounded like the Rob I’d started hanging out with in ninth grade. The one who hadn’t had to put up with two years of insults and physical violence at school. The one with the sense of humor, who cared about his friends even if he didn’t have many.
I should have been relieved to hear him talking that way after so many months of ranting and complaining, but I couldn’t believe it. Like his positive comments about Talia earlier, this change was too sudden to be real.
“Thanks,” I said. “I want
you to be happy too.”
“I guess that’s what friends do.” He smiled. “Let’s stop talking about this now. It’s not worth the time, and I want to actually finish lunch before the bell for a change.”
“Okay.” I looked at him for a couple more seconds while he picked up his pizza and started chowing down.
He said he was fine. I had to try to believe him. Even if talking to Mrs. Reynolds had gotten him in trouble with his parents, maybe it had helped in other ways. Maybe he really would go back to being the Rob I used to know.
I had to try to believe it.
Rob’s Journal—September 20, 2:00 p.m.
I TALKED Mrs. Reynolds into not sending me back to class. School gets out in fifteen minutes, so what would be the point in going back? I would just be watching everyone pack up to go home. She bought it and said I could stay here. Which is good. I wanted to write this.
Mira and Talia broke up. I’m glad. Now I have Mira to myself again. I acted sorry for her, but I’m not. She shouldn’t have gone out with Talia in the first place. Relationships are nothing more than an excuse for someone to hurt you. Plus Mira was barely talking to me, and that wasn’t cool.
Now it’s her and me again the way it should have been all along. I can count on her again. She doesn’t have anyone distracting her or telling her she shouldn’t be my friend. I’ll play supportive and tell her I want her to be happy. That’s true, actually. I do want her to be happy as long as it doesn’t mean someone else taking her away from me.
I’m not sure she believed me at lunch, though. Maybe I came on too strong. I’m going to have to watch how I act. If she starts worrying about me, she might tell Mrs. Reynolds. I don’t want to think Mira would betray me, but you never know.
Today Mrs. Reynolds talked to me about anger management. I’m not the one who needs to manage my anger. If people didn’t treat me like shit, I wouldn’t have anything to be angry about. She said I need to watch my words. Say I’m angry instead of saying I want to do things to the people who made me angry. She said if I say things like that, someone might think I mean it.