by Jo Ramsey
Ms. Cramer opened the folder again. “I’ll need to write up what we’ve discussed and send a copy to you to sign showing you’ve refused to have Mira escorted to class.”
“Cover your ass, huh?” Dad snorted. “Whatever. Do what you have to do so you don’t get sued, and I’ll do what I have to do to take care of my daughter. Unlike you, my child is my priority. Not paperwork.”
He stood and pulled me to my feet. “I’m taking Mira home for the rest of the day. Send me whatever you need to send me, and I hope you have a wonderful weekend.”
Ms. Cramer looked up at us. Before she could say a word, Dad pulled me out of the office and slammed the door.
Rob’s Journal—September 22, 1:07 p.m.
IT’S BULLSHIT. Complete and utter bullshit.
They sent me home from school because they think I’m unstable. They haven’t seen anything. Acting the way I act when almost everyone at school treats me like shit and my parents think it’s all my fault is probably the sanest thing I’ve ever done.
They think I should be locked up because I had a panic attack when Cramer told me those morons were arrested. What did she expect me to do? Now they and their pals are going to come after me even worse. Of course getting arrested isn’t their fault for smacking me around. It’s my fault for existing to get smacked around.
I wanted to go back to class, but no one would let me. Cramer and Shorey were afraid. I don’t know what of. I’m not the one who’s causing all the problems. I don’t shove people into lockers or call them names. But I’m the one they’re afraid of.
They wanted to put me in the hospital. Even Reynolds showed up to put in her two cents’ worth. She said I have problems that would be best solved with therapy and maybe medication. As if she’s qualified to make that call. She’s a guidance counselor, not a medical professional. All she really knows how to do is help people choose the right frigging college.
Not that it matters what the school wants to do. My father and his wife flat out refused. My father said his son doesn’t have anything wrong except being weak, and there isn’t anything a hospital can do about that. He told his wife to bring me home and make sure I stayed in my room. She even took my phone so I can’t text Mira.
I’d better get my phone back when my father gets home. He can’t keep me from talking to Mira. She’s the only one who understands. That’s why she stayed with me. She even tried to take on Craig.
I don’t know what the hell Talia’s angle was. Probably trying to impress Mira by acting like she’s on our side. Those guys with her always get involved in stuff because they don’t want to be at school anyway, but Talia usually stays out of things. She must have been trying to get back together with Mira. I hope Mira doesn’t fall for it. Mira only needs me, and I only need her. Everyone else can go to hell.
I don’t know if I’m going back to school on Monday. I don’t know what my father and his wife are going to decide over the weekend. They’ll probably make me go back. If they haven’t stopped sending me there yet, they won’t now. Except this is the first time anyone at school has said I need help, so I don’t know.
I don’t care, either. The school shouldn’t even exist if they can’t take care of problems. They punish the victims and treat the criminals like kings and queens.
It’s bullshit.
Chapter Seven
I FIGURED Dad would go back to work after he dropped me off at home. He couldn’t afford to miss a whole day. But he came into the house with me and sat at the kitchen table. “We need to talk about this.”
“Um, okay.” My stomach churned. At first I couldn’t understand why. I was worried about what Dad might say, but I shouldn’t have been worried enough to feel sick. Then I remembered I hadn’t had lunch. “Can I eat something while we talk?”
“Go ahead. Just have a snack. I’ll order us some lunch afterward.”
I did a double take. We pretty much never had takeout food. It cost too much, even when Dad had a full paycheck. Especially if we had it delivered.
It wasn’t up to me, though. Dad told me all the time that worrying about money was his job, not mine.
I got a granola bar and a juice pack and sat down across from him. “What are we talking about?”
“Do you think those boys are actually likely to do something to you?” He rested his forearms on the table. “Ms. Cramer certainly seemed to believe it is.”
I should have known that was what he wanted to discuss. Not a topic I wanted to deal with. I shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, they went after Rob today because they got suspended the other day, and getting arrested is a whole lot worse than suspension. They were suspended for breaking his nose, so they blamed him. As if it’s his fault.”
“Sometimes people see things in a skewed way.” He hesitated. “To be honest, sometimes I wonder if Rob’s perceptions are a little skewed too. I don’t mean about the bullying. I know that’s real. In general, I wonder what’s going through his head. The last few times I’ve seen him, he wasn’t the same as he used to be. He seems a lot angrier and quieter nowadays. And sometimes I worry about you being his friend. What if he gets worse?”
“Rob would never do anything to hurt me.” Even though I’d had the same concern, I couldn’t let Dad’s statement go. He knew Rob almost as well as I did. He shouldn’t have had any doubt at all about Rob and me being friends.
“It’s hard to explain, as I said.” Dad sighed. “All right. This isn’t about Rob right now. It’s about making sure you feel safe at school and around town. How you feel is more important than what your school staff or I think.”
“I don’t know how I feel.” I sipped some juice. “Rob is afraid they’re going to go after him again because of the arrests. I was there when the guys attacked him, but I don’t think anyone’s going to do anything to me. Maybe this time no one will do anything to Rob either. Maybe they’ll let it drop so they won’t get arrested too.”
I doubted they would let it drop. No one in that group was the kind to just drop anything, especially when it came to Rob. They would probably find some way to keep making Rob’s life a living hell because that was what they did. But I could still hope.
“Does the school need to give you an escort?” Dad asked.
I shook my head. “No way. Like you said, it would call attention to me. Everyone would know why someone was walking me to class, and I’d get a lot of crap for it. Ms. Cramer doesn’t think anyone would do or say anything with a staff member right there, but she’s underestimating how subtle people can be. Plus in class, the teachers don’t notice everything, and I wouldn’t have an escort in class.”
“So you’d rather take your chances.” Dad smiled. “That’s my girl. The boys from today won’t be in school anyway, and their friends might get a clue after today. I think you’ll be fine there. What about around town?”
I had to think about it. Craig and Seth probably wouldn’t be put in jail. They wouldn’t even go to court right away, and when that happened they would probably get community service or something. Even if they couldn’t go to school, they would still be walking around town, and so would their friends.
The only place I was guaranteed to be safe was the grocery store, because I could let the managers know what happened. And Talia would have my back. Thinking about Talia being on my side after what she’d done was weird, but she’d kind of made up for it by helping out Rob and me today.
“I think I’ll be okay,” I said slowly. “I mean, yeah, they’d be able to get to me easier on the sidewalk or at the store or something than at school, but there’ll be more people around who might actually stop them. I can tell people at work there might be a problem too. Talia said that happened a few months ago with a girl whose ex-boyfriend was stalking her. She told the managers, and they watched for him.”
“That sounds like a good solution.” Dad pointed at my granola bar. “Are you going to eat that? I thought you were starving.”
“Yeah.” I picked up the bar
and took a huge bite. My stomach growled and I felt a little woozy, but I didn’t really want to eat now. I had way too much on my mind.
“I hope Rob’s all right.” Dad propped his chin on his hands.
“Things weren’t going too well before you picked me up.” I hesitated. I hadn’t had a chance to tell Dad about the hospitalization drama. In the car, I’d been too worried about him missing work to say much of anything. I still didn’t know whether Rob had gone home or to a hospital. Ms. Cramer had said she would tell me what happened to him, but she hadn’t.
Telling Dad the whole story might not be fair to Rob, but I needed to talk about it.
“He got pretty angry,” I said. “He was yelling at everyone in the office. Ms. Cramer and Mr. Shorey told him he should go to the hospital.”
Dad looked confused. “Was he hurt?”
“No. Not the regular hospital.” I took a breath. Being impatient with Dad wasn’t right when I was the one not explaining things well. “They thought he needed mental help. I mean…. Crap. You know what I mean?”
“Someone thought he should be in a psychiatric hospital?”
I nodded. “He was really upset about it. He kept saying things like they wanted to lock up the crazy or whatever. He felt like they were ganging up on him, but I guess Lee-Anne and his dad said he didn’t need to be in any hospital. I don’t know what happened. Ms. Cramer was supposed to tell me, but she probably forgot.” I paused. Talking about Rob didn’t make me feel any better. It only gave me more reason to worry. “I’ve never seen him like that.”
“Hearing you need mental health treatment isn’t easy. Especially if it’s inpatient.” Dad sighed. “Like I said, I’ve been worried about Rob for a while. Some of what you’ve told me and what I’ve overheard when he’s been over here makes me think getting help will be good for him. I’m sorry Ms. Cramer didn’t let you know what happened. Maybe she did forget, or maybe Rob’s parents didn’t want her to say anything.”
I looked down at the table. Dad was seriously pissing me off. Even though I’d had the same thoughts when Rob told me what the administrators were trying to do, I didn’t like hearing anyone else talk about how messed up Rob was. And nothing Rob’s parents wanted mattered. Rob had told Ms. Cramer to fill me in on where he ended up, so she should have.
“I’m not insulting him,” Dad said. “I’m just concerned about some of what I’ve heard.”
“I know.” I took a deep breath. “He’s been having a really rough time lately. His parents keep telling him it’s his fault because he doesn’t try to do anything about the bullying. He doesn’t stick up for himself or whatever, so I guess they think it’s okay for people to do this stuff to him. He gets angry about it. Do you blame him?”
“No, but anger isn’t his only problem.” Dad paused. “I know you care about him, Mira. I like the kid, believe me. It’s just, he used to smile sometimes. Be friendly. Talk to me and Olin when you weren’t around. He doesn’t do any of that anymore. He barely even comes over, and when he does, he acts depressed. I don’t mean sad. I mean actual depression. I’m not a doctor, so I might be wrong, but maybe he does have it.”
“Maybe.” Dad saying Rob might have depression didn’t bother me as much as what he’d said before. Rob seemed depressed to me too, and Rob himself had said he felt that way sometimes. “If he went to the hospital, they’d help him with that, right?”
“Yes.”
“And he would be away from his parents and the bullies.” I took a sip of juice. “I don’t think he needs that much help. I mean, not enough to have to stay in the hospital. Then again, getting away from the crap would probably be good.”
Dad nodded. “Sometimes a break is best.”
“It isn’t fair, though. What I heard at school didn’t sound like they wanted him to get help. From the way he acted, it was like they were punishing him for not being able to handle getting bullied.” Remembering what I’d heard and the sheer panic in Rob’s expression sent my temper back up. I clenched my fists under the table and tried to sound calm. “He had a panic attack because of Craig and Seth. I think that’s why Ms. Cramer and Mr. Shorey talked about putting him in the hospital. Like, if he hadn’t panicked, they wouldn’t have suggested it.”
“At least Craig and Seth are being punished. Do you really feel like Rob is too?”
“Yeah.” If Rob was in the hospital, he wouldn’t be able to leave. He might not be able to talk to anyone except the staff and people who visited him, and his parents and the hospital would have control over who was allowed to see him. It sounded like jail to me, even if being there did help him. Meanwhile, the guys wouldn’t be locked up at all.
I hated every single bit of it. Rob didn’t deserve to be shut away somewhere. He didn’t deserve the bullying or the way his parents treated him. He should have been able to get through high school without constantly going to the nurse because someone had injured him in the hall.
“In a little while, if we don’t hear anything, I’ll call Lee-Anne and see what’s going on,” Dad said. “Hopefully she’ll be in touch to let you know where Rob is.”
“She probably won’t. They think he’s crazy, so why would they do anything he says?” I shoved the rest of the granola bar in my mouth. I might end up puking from eating too fast, since I didn’t even want the stupid thing, but it beat passing out from hunger.
“You know damn well mental illness is not ‘crazy.’” Dad glared at me. “Don’t say things like that, Mira.”
“I didn’t mean mental illness.” I’d pushed one of his berserk buttons, because I’d forgotten about Aunt Shelly again. It was hard to remember a family member who only existed as a name in my mind.
Dad’s younger sister had committed suicide right after Dad married Mom. Shelly had bipolar disorder, and according to Dad she’d stopped taking her medication because the prescription ran out while she was away at college. She’d been in a manic phase and decided she didn’t need the meds anyway. But a week or so later, she hit a depression low and was gone.
Any time Dad heard or saw anyone saying negative crap about people with mental illnesses, he got pissed off. As he put it, no one blames someone with cancer for having cancer, so no one should blame people with mental illnesses for being mentally ill.
If Rob had depression, he was mentally ill like Aunt Shelly. Which meant he could take medication and be the old Rob again, if his parents let him. He would have to tell his doctor what was going on, but every time he had an appointment, Lee-Anne insisted on going into the exam room with him. She only left when the doctor did a physical exam, and even then she told Rob to watch what he said while she wasn’t there.
Maybe the dimwits at school weren’t the only bullies in Rob’s life. I’d never thought about it like that before, but his parents pushed him around and even called him names too. I didn’t like the things he told me about how they treated him, but I’d always thought it was just parents being stupid. They acted a whole lot like the bullies at school, though.
If he went to a hospital, maybe his parents would have to talk to the doctors there. And Rob would have a chance to talk without his parents finding out what he said. Someone might do something about the way they treated him. Maybe Rob and his parents would have family therapy or something, and his home life would get better.
Then again, for family therapy to work, Rob’s father and Lee-Anne would have to admit they didn’t handle things right, and I couldn’t see them ever doing that.
“What did you mean, then?” Dad snapped.
“I was repeating what he said.” I paused. “He told me they wanted to lock up the crazy so the school wouldn’t have to deal with it. I said that before, didn’t I? I’m not putting him or anyone else down either. Just quoting him.”
“Okay.” Dad stood. His face was kind of crumpled. He only ever looked like that when he talked about Mom or Shelly. “You know what? I think I need to stop talking about this for now. Give me about half an hour, and then we’ll g
et something to eat, okay?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it.” He gave me a faint smile. “Finish your snack and let me know if you hear anything about Rob. If you don’t, I’ll call his stepmother after we order lunch.”
“Sure.”
He left the room, and I stared at my juice pack. My stomach was churning more than before. The granola bar hadn’t done me any favors. I wasn’t lightheaded anymore, but the nausea was worse. Hopefully everything would calm down.
I picked up my phone. No messages. No missed calls. If I texted Rob, maybe he would answer, but probably not. If he’d gone to the hospital, they probably wouldn’t have let him keep his cell phone. If he’d gone back to class, he wouldn’t have had his phone where he could see or hear it, and if he’d gone home, Lee-Anne might have taken his phone as punishment for causing trouble again.
But if I didn’t text, I wouldn’t have any chance of finding out anything, so I decided to take the chance. At least I could try, and if he saw the text, he would know I cared. That might help him.
Hey. I’m just checking in. Are you okay?
I put down the phone so I wouldn’t keep watching for a response and took a sip of my juice. Not knowing anything really sucked.
After a few minutes, my text tone dinged. I picked up the phone and found an answer to my text, but it wasn’t from Rob.
Rob won’t be able to speak to you for now. His father and I haven’t decided how long he’ll be grounded. When he has his phone back, he’ll be in touch, I’m sure.
Apparently Lee-Anne had Rob’s phone, which sucked. I hoped she hadn’t read any of the other messages he and I had exchanged. If she saw the things he said, she and his dad might realize something actually was wrong. Unfortunately, they might decide it was something wrong with me instead of Rob.
Maybe he’d been smart enough to delete everything. He probably had. He wouldn’t have wanted to risk anyone seeing the things he said to me. Those were a whole lot more upsetting than anything I’d said in response.